VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.7/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.7/10 IMDB.

Oh joy: Corey Feldman returns as Donatello.  He had a lot of lines, this time.  Maybe he was all fucked up during the first movie and they had to throw away a lot of his lines?  It seemed like in TMNT1, Donatello was almost totally ignored *BECAUSE* he was Corey Feldman.  Not so, this time.

So anyway, this was a completely different kind of plot that did not involve The Shredder.  It was kind of a one-off plot that had nothing to do with the standard TMNT plot. TIME TRAVEL?  Unnecessary. But since they go to feudal Japan, it is at least relevant and not totally contrived.

It was mostly entertaining though, and definitely not as cheesy or corny as the second movie. And with more fights. So it’s one of those rare threequels that’s better than the sequel.

Except the suits. The turtle suits on the actors were inferior and looked stupider. Can’t win them all.

Written & directed by Stuart Gillard (directed 20 eps of the new 90210, writer of 1 ep of Mork & Mindy, 1 ep of Three’s Company).


All three movies:
Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
From the second movie only:
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff.

From the first movie:
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.

New people:
Tim Kelleher (Independence Day, The Birdcage, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of 24, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Raphael (voice).
Stuart Wilson (Hot Fuzz, Lethal Weapon 3) as Walker.
Sab Shimono (Uncle in Jackie Chan Adventures, Gung Ho, Waterworld, The Shadow, 6 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 3 eps of Samurai Jack, 2 eps of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, 1 ep of The Boondocks, 1 ep of Max Headroom) as Lord Norinaga.
Vivian Wu (1 ep of Tales From The Crypt) as Mitsu.
Matt Hill (Soarin’ in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Havok in X-Men: Evolution, SheZow, Ed in Ed, Edd, n Eddy) as Raphael.
Jim Raposa as Donatello.
David Fraser (11 eps of Sailor Moon) as Michaelangelo.
James Murray (Susan The Monster in Greg The Bunny, The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars, uncredited student puppeteer in Being John Malkovich, 3 eps of Life With Louie) as Splinter.
Eidan Hanzei (Crank 2, 1 ep of Heroes, 1 ep of Sherman Oaks) as Kenshin.
John Aylward (Armageddon, 2 eps of Carnivale, 2 eps of Third Rock From The Sun, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Niles.
Tad Horino (The Kentucky Fried Movie, Mulholland Dr., Bill & Ted‘s Bogus Journey) as Grandfather.


VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: I was thinking this was pretty good, and would end up 4/5 stars like I rated the last one… And maybe 7/10 like the last one. But no. God no. Things really took a drastic turn for the worse when vanilla ice appeared and shit got ultra-corny.

Also, I find the whole idea of a caged rat learning martial arts a bit ridiculous – Even in a world where teenage mutant ninja turtles exist, it is still utterly fucking implausible that a rat in a cage learned kung fu by watching and imitating his master. And he’s always on their case about being teenagers… But rats only live 4 years. So he’s at most 23 himself.

But anyway… When you end with a song and a dance, you know you’ve lost that loving feeling.  Apparently Frank Oz or someone complained that TMNT 1 was too violent, so this one was more family friendly.

At least it wasn’t horrible.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Donatello was much more fleshed out in this one. At one point, I asked Claire, “See how many lines Donatello has now?” The difference is definitely noticeable. This one definitely was more cheesy and corny than the first one. (I think they tried to tone down the violence since Jim Henson was apparently upset about how violent the first one was.) Definitely jumped the shark when they had a Vanilla Ice rap.

Directed by Michael Pressman (2 eps of Weeds).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).


From the first movie:

Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
Michelan Sisti as Michaelangelo / Soho Man.
Leif Tilden as Donatello / Foot #3.
Toshishiro Obata as Tatsu.
Raymond Serra as Chief Sterns.

Someone who was in the first movie, but as a different character:

Kenn Scott (Talkative Foot #2 in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1) as Raphael (as Kenn Troum). WHAT A PROMOTION!

New people:
Laurie Faso (The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, 18 eps of The Transformers, 1 ep of Jesse) as Raphael (voice).
Adam Carl (1 ep of Batman-TAS, 3 eps of Designing Women, 3 eps of Who’s The Boss?) as Donatello (voice). Corey Feldman is out.
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil. This is the movie of the 3 movies that she is the hottest in, though the red hair is missed.
David Warner (Archmage in Gargoyles, Ra’s Al Ghul in Batman, In The Mouth Of Madness, Lord Downey in Hogfather, Sweeney Todd, Avatar, Black Death, 9 eps of Men In Black: The Series) as Professor Jordon Perry.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff. He’ll be back in TMNT 3.
Ernie Reyes Jr. (Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Rush Hour 2) as Keno.
François Chau (Lethal Weapon 4, 11 eps of G.I. Joe (1980s), 2 eps of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of 24) as Shredder (as Francois Chau).
Mark Ginther (Iron Man 3, 1 ep of Buffy The Vampire Slayer) as Rahzar.
Kurt Bryant (1 ep of Titus) as Tokka.
Kevin Nash (he’s a wrestler, Grandma’s Boy) as Super Shredder.
and of course, Frank Welker as Rahzar / Tokka (voice).


VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: Netflix sucks, 6.7/10 IMDB.

I am in a unique position of having never been exposed to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until 2013. I’d not read one comic book (not even one panel), nor seen even one animated second of any TMNT cartoon.  When the new CGI animated series came out in 2013, I decided to give it a shot to see what I’d been missing…. And we both love it. It’s nice to have a lighthearted superhero cartoon to go with all our slightly-more-serious Marvel/DC-type superhero cartoons.

SO I’M FINALLY SEEING SOMETHING TMNT FROM THE 20TH CENTURY by watching all 3 movies this week. About goddamn time.

And y’know what? The new cartoon is better.  I probably wouldn’t have liked this nearly as much without priming up with the new version. And now I’m ready for the Michael Bay version. Bring it on, Michael. There’s nothing you can do to me that you haven’t done before. My body is ready.

Carolyn’s thoughts: I had watched the original animated series when it was on back in the 80’s, but when the movies came out, I wasn’t interested. Nowadays, I don’t remember that much from the original series, but we’ve been watching the new animated series. The new animated series is actually really good. Back to this movie, some of the jokes fell flat. It might have been better if I watched this when I was younger, because maybe it just didn’t live up to the test of time. I don’t remember much of the original series, but now that I’m comparing it to the new series, maybe that is why I didn’t enjoy it as much.

I don’t remember how Donatello was in the original series, but he really seemed like a throwaway character in this movie. I noticed that they barely touched Donatello’s character in this movie, and he just came across as really really lame. And then I found out Corey Feldman did his voice, and it was the worst voice. Poor Corey Feldman. It’s almost like he sucked so bad that they didn’t give him very many lines, or maybe he said a lot more originally and they cut it all out. I don’t know.

Directed by Steve Barron (Coneheads, The Adventures Of Pinocchio).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).

Judith Hoag (Salt, Armageddon, 1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Mad About You) as April O’Neil.
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Josh Pais (Michael & Michael Have Issues, Adventureland, Synecdoche New York, Scream 3, 1 ep of The Sopranos) as Raphael (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.
Sam Rockwell (Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (2005), Iron Man 2, Galaxy Quest, Seven Psychopaths, A Case Of You, Heist) as Head Thug.
Kenn Scott (Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2) as Talkative Foot #2.
Robbie Rist (Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
James Saito (Life Of Pi, The Devil’s Advocate, Die Hard 2) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki.


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Iron Man 3 (2013)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.9/5 stars Netflix, 7.4/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: Man… That movie was a bit hazy for me. I enjoyed myself, but I often didn’t have a clue what the plot was. Alcohol is a hell of a drug!

Carolyn’s thoughts: This one didn’t seem to have the same Iron Man charm as the first and second movies, but it was still good overall.  I don’t think it had as much of the comedic elements as the other Iron Man movies, and the Avengers movie.  Oh, this one was directed by someone else, and not Jon Favreau, so that probably explains the different feel.

Claire: It seems as comedic if you’re drunk! But then it’s hard to know what’s going on.

Well anyway… At least this was another Iron Man movie. I’d watch 100 of these. The end.

Directed by Shane Black (writer of the Lethal Weapon movies).
Written by Drew Pearce and Shane Black.

Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark.
Gwyneth Paltrow (Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow, The Royal Tenenbaums, Se7en, Contagion) as Pepper Potts.
Don Cheadle (Ocean’s Eleven movies, Hotel Rwanda) as Colonel James Rhodes.
Guy Pearce (Memento, Prometheus, The Count Of Monte Cristo, The Time Machine (2002), L.A. Confidential, The Hurt Locker) as Aldrich Killian.
Rebecca Hall (Vicky in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Dorian Gray) as Maya Hansen.
Jon Favreau as Happy Hogan.
Ben Kingsley (Ender’s Game, The Dictator, Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time, The Wackness, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, Sneakers) as Trevor Slattery.
James Badge Dale (World War Z, 24) as Savin.
Stephanie Szostak (R.I.P.D., Dinner For Schmucks, 1 ep of The Sopranos) as Brandt.
Paul Bettany (The Da Vinci Code) as Jarvis.
William Sadler (Machete Kills, The Shawshank Redemption, Freaked, Bill & Ted‘s Bogus Journey, Die Hard 2) as President Ellis.


VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: EVIEW: Iron Man: Rise Of Technovore (2013)

Claire: 3.6/5 stars, 7.4/10.
Carolyn: 3.4/5 stars, 7.4/10.
Jesse: ??
Native ratings: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.2/10 IMDB.

An animated Iron Man movie is something to look forward to. Unfortunately, this was very anime-ish, which meant storytelling flaws — like most anime. Things seemed to happen a little too conveniently, with so much of a lack of an explanation for why a situation-solving event would happen that it may as well be a deus ex machina.

You’re probably better off watching the Avengers and Iron Man cartoon series than this… However, this has some blood and death, and is a full length movie, and is starring one of the Walking Dead cast members as The Punisher, who plays a fairly prominent role in this movie. These are some of the good aspects. The first act is the strongest, and the movie gets weaker through the deus ex machina-ish ending.

There is still value in this movie, though.

Directed by Hiroshi Hamazaki. Written by Kengo Kaji.

Starring Norman Reedus (Daryl from The Walking Dead, Boondock Saints movies, Pandorum, Mimic) as Frank Castle / The Punisher.
Matthew Mercer (Tygra in the new Thundercats, Resident Evil: Damnation, some video games such as Soul Calibur 5, Call of Duty, Mortal Kombat 9) as Tony Stark / Iron Man.
Eric Bauza (Lord Stingray in Superjail!, Stimpy in Ren & Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon, 4 eps of Adventure Time, 3 eps of Gravity Falls, 1 ep of Ultimate Spider-Man, 1 ep of Iron Man: Armored Adventures, 1 ep of Black Dynamite-TAS) as Ezekiel Stane / Technovore.
Kate Higgins (Scarlet Witch in Wolverine And The X-Men, Yukio in the Wolverine anime, 1 ep of The Legend Of Korra, Barbie in Barbie: Life In The Dreamhouse) as Pepper Potts.
John Eric Bentley (Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 3 eps of Tron: Uprising) as Nick Fury.
James C. Mathis III (Black Panther in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, 4 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes / War Machine.
Kari Wahlgren (Gladys in The Life & Times Of Tim, Milan in Good Vibes, 14 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, 5 eps of Gravity Falls, 2 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Tigress in Kung Fu Panda: Legends Of Awesomeness, 5 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan) as Maria Hill.
Clare Grant (5 eps of Mad, 4 eps of Robot Chicken, 3 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1 ep of Warren The Ape) as Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow.
Troy Baker (Hawkeye in Marvel’s Avengers Assemble, Yellowjacket in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Loki and Hawkeye in Ultimate Spider-Man, 6 eps of the X-Men anime, and 1 ep of the Wolverine anime) as Clint Barton / Hawkeye / J.A.R.V.I.S..
JB Blanc (Barry Goodman in Breaking Bad, 8 eps of the Wolverine anime, 2 eps of the Iron Man anime, 3 eps of Black Panther, 5 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes) as Obadiah Stane.



4/5 stars, 8/10 from both of us.

This was pretty good. It was more action than comedy, but the comedy was there. Not quite a 100%-serious movie. John Malkovich’s character was the comic relief. Imagine that.

That DC Comics had its name attached to the credits surprised us. We didn’t know this was a comic book movie. That really added to things. And helped explain the feel. Retired CIA operative being forced to go rogue. Respect for your elders. It works, and makes a fun movie. Nothing unique, but fun nonetheless. I’ll watch the sequels.

Directed by Robert Schwentke (The Time Traveler’s Wife).
written by Jon Hoeber (we haven’t seen his other movies) & Erich Hoeber (we haven’t seen his other movies).

Starring Bruce Willis as Frank Moses.
Morgan Freeman as Joe Matheson.
John Malkovich as Marvin Boggs. Originally it was gonna be John C. Reilly!!!
Mary-Louise Parker (Nancy Botwin from Weeds, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Fried Green Tomatoes) as Sarah Ross.
Also Julian McMahon (Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck, Dr. Doom in the Fantastic 4 movies) as vice president Robert Stanton.

Karl Urban (Judge Dredd from Dredd, Bones in the Star Trek reboots, Eomer in the Lord Of The Rings movies, Julius Caesar in Xena: Warrior Princess, 2 eps of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Ghost Ship, The Chronicles Of Riddick, The Bourne Supremacy) as William Cooper, the CIA operative ordered to bring in Frank Moses.
Ernest Borgnine (doorman in The Single Guy, Gattaca, BASEketball, Renegade aka Blueberry, Mermaid Man in Spongebob Squarepants) as Henry, The Records Keeper.
Chris Owens (The Incredible Hulk (2008), 13 eps of The X-Files, additional voices in Saw 6 and Saw 7) as Hanged Man.
Jaqueline Fleming (Harriet Tubman in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) as Marna.
Jefferson Brown (Silent Hill: Revelation 3D) as Fred.
Audrey Wasilewski (3 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan, 3 eps of Family Guy, Rosie O’Donnell in Queer Duck: The Movie) as Businesswoman.
James Remar (Harry Morgan in Dexter, Django Unchained, Narrator in The FP. X-Men: First Class, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Pineapple Express, Ratatouille, 4 eps of Justice League, The Girl Next Door) as Gabriel Singer.
Brian Cox (Captain O’Hagan in Super Troopers, The Campaign, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, X-Men 2: X2, Adaptation, Fantastic Mr. Fox, narrator in The Color Of Magic, The Bourne Identity movies, Troy) as Ivan Simonov.
Helen Mirren (Deep Thought in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Georgina Spica in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover, National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, 1 ep of French & Saunders) as Victoria.
Richard Dreyfuss (4 eps of Weeds, Jaws, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, James And The Giant Peach) as Alexander Dunning.
Rebecca Pidgeon (we haven’t seen her stuff) as Cynthia Wilkes, the CIA boss.


VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Superman: Unbound (2013)

Claire: 4.4/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB.

This one was still good, but it didn’t seem as good as the last movies. This wasn’t Bruce Timm’s work.

But it’s still pretty damn good, because we love us some superhero cartoons! Especially ones not made for TV.

That being said… How many times do we have to watch Superman fight off Braniac? It seems to have happened like 5 times now. I’m getting a bit tired of it.

This was still pretty solid, though.

Directed by James Tucker (5 eps of Batman Beyond, 5 eps of Static Shock, 4 eps of Legion Of Super Heroes).
Written by Bob Goodman (Batman: The Dark Knight Returns 1&2, 51 eps of Batman Beyond, 51 eps of Superman, 2 eps of The Batman, 4 eps of Justice League, 8 eps of The Zeta Project)

Matt Bomer (In Time) as Superman / Clark Kent.
Stana Katic (3 eps of 24, 2 eps of Heroes) as Lois Lane.
John Noble (The Dragon Spirit in The Last Airbender movie, 100 eps of Fringe, 3 eps of Transformers Prime, 3 eps of 24) as Brainiac.
Molly C. Quinn (105 eps of Castle, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story) as Supergirl / Kara Zor-El.
Diedrich Bader (Batman in Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Guy Gardner in The Green Lantern-TAS, Kraven The Hunter in Ultimate Spider-Man, 2 eps of Gravity Falls, 3 eps of King Of The Hill) as Steve Lombard.
Jason Beghe (X-Men: First Class, Thelma & Louise, Maid To Order) as Terrorist Leader.
Frances Conroy (the mom from Six Feet Under, The Wicker Man remake) as Ma Kent.
Melissa Disney (Blade in Batman Beyond) as Thara.
Alexander Gould (Shane Botwin from Weeds, 1 ep of The Life & Times Of Tim) as Jimmy Olsen.
Sirena Irwin (Persephone in Striperella, 3 eps of Adventure Time, 80 eps of Spongebob Squarepants, 3 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold) as Alura.
Andrea Romano (voice actress casting director) as News Anchor #2 / Superman‘s Ship.
Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive in King Of The Hill, Office Space, NewsRadio, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Penguin in Batman: The Brave And The Bold, 4 eps of Gravity Falls, 2 eps of The Legend Of Korra, 1 ep of the new Thundercats) as Zor-El.
Wade Williams (Harvey Dent in Batman: The Dark Knight Returns – Part 1, Black Mask in Batman: Under The Red Hood, The Dark Knight Rises) as Perry White.
Michael-Leon Wooley (Twayne Boneraper in Ugly Americans, 2 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold, 1 ep of Delocated) as Ron Troupe.



Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 6.2/10 IMDB.

That was pretty awesome. (For a documentary.)

Pretty goddamn motherfucking awesome. I don’t usually mention stuff I watch during dinner…. This documentary probably took us about 10 meals.

Real life super heroes! I knew they were around, but I’d never had such an insightful glimpse into the phenomenon

Carolyn’s reluctance at believing this was real astounded me, and was a hilarious source of entertainment to me. She had to look it up on HBO and such. I had thought the RLSH (real life super hero) movement had been around long enough to at least have become common knowledge in the circles I run in. Like, the spousal circle, at the very least :D

And police Lieutenant Andra Brown: What a fucking bitch! She sits on her ass in an office and complains about the people actually doing something, all too often in situations where the cops can’t even bother to show up, as was demonstrated in the movie and experienced by myself and others.

Her responses may as well have been written by a robot. Was that really the best the police could do, when confronted with people more heroic than themselves? Throw a bunch of FUD* into the equation? Pathetic.

*(Fear, uncertainty, and doubt.)



Clint: 4/5 stars, 8.4/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.4/5 stars Netflix, 6.5/10 IMDB.

Did I mention this was written by Joss Whedon?

Very interesting animation… It looks like it’s going to be motion-comic-style with hardly any real movement and no lip-moving, but then it turns out to be almost fully animated. Still more “comic-book-y” than any “real” animation… But I think this really meets the halfway point between the two, in a way that I’ve never seen done better in my life. However, the strange warping they did to simulate 3D-ness kind of wigged me out. But I get it: This is a motion comic, they take shortcuts, lower budget means higher ability for more releases. Works for me. You just gotta accept it.

My one problem with this was that there was no steadfast conclusion to all the various stories spinning up (and down). In that respect, yes, it was very comic-book-y. Almost too much! Though… If something like this came out once a month for the rest of my life, it’d be frickin’ awesome.

Also, the voices weren’t top-notch… Beast’s voice especially threw me off as being so different from what I’m accustomed to that it was actually distracting. But again, that’s kind of something you have to accept when doing with motion-comic type releases (Even though this is the most motion-y motion comic I’ve ever seen.)

But other than that? That was pretty fucking awesome. It took place in the current chronology: The Legacy Virus is long gone… Beast had his secondary cat mutation… Colossus is dead…Jean is long dead [again, but this time for real]… Cyclops is dating Emma Frost The White Queen now….  [Which, if you read the wiki on Jean… Her spirit actually basically rose from her grave to tell Scott it was okay to hook up with Emma…]

WAIT WAIT WAIT.. THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST OF FOUR “MOVIES” (some call them seasons, but they are analagous to Whedon’s graphic novels)?!?! WTF!!! WELP.. I’M OFF TO GET THE REST! CYA!


VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Spider-Woman, Agent of S.W.O.R.D. (2009) [Marvel Knights]

Clint: 3.2/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 5.9/10 IMDB (not available on Netflix).

Only 51 minutes; a compilation of 5 motion comics that were about 10 minutes each.

Carolyn thought the dialog was a bit stilted and annoying, but this is really meant to be in the same vein as a comic book, not a movie… So I don’t hold it against it as much.

The artwork was good — Spider-Woman was modeled after Jolynn Carpenter. Did a google image search on her afterward. Yup! Spider-Woman!

The voice acting wasn’t as good.

A motion comic is a really low budget thing… I celebrate additional low-grade stuff vs having nothing.

I could see this as being done as an animated series akin to the Men In Black animated series. I’d watch it.

The conclusion seemed kind of rushed. Like, “Whoa, it’s suddenly over?” I thought more was going to happen but then it suddenly felt like The End.


COMICS: The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Book History |

Ha!   I read about the Emma Frost / Cyclops / Jean Grey thing in wikipedia recently and was like “jesus fucking christ”.. but Batman/Superman crying after watching tentacle sex, Green Lantern sleeping with a 13 year old, Wolverine trying to sleep with a 15 year old Mary Jane, and Nightcrawler knowingly banging his sister despite being Catholic? Wowie…


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Why would they do this? Oh yeah, I forgot: Every time DC or Marvel make a live-action comic-based movie, they do an animated one a year or two in advance — to drum up interest. This is the Silver Age revival Green Lantern (sci-fi), not the original kitschy Golden Age Green Lantern (magic).

PEOPLE: From the director of the recent animated movies Superman Doomsday and Wonder Woman, comes another feature-length superhero slugfest.

Starring Christopher Meloni (in 38 episodes of Oz, 12 Monkeys, was the KKK leader in Harold & Kumar 1, and had onetime appearances in Wonder Showzen, Michael & Michael Have Issues) as The Green Lantern/Hal Jordan. Victor Garber (Milk, Legally Blonde, Titanic) as Sinestro.

Also with Kurtwood Smith (Red Foreman from That 70’s Show, Deep Impact, Star Trek 6, 24, Eek!Stravaganza‘s The Terrible ThunderLizards [he was the dinosaur military commander], the Grim Reaper’s Dad in the 2 episodes he appeared in Grim & Evil, Agent Bennet from The Zeta Project and Batman Beyond), John Larroquette (Night Court, Star Trek 3), Michael Madsen (Scary Movie 4, Sin City, Kill Bill, Choke, Donnie Brasco, Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs, Thelma & Louise, The Doors, WarGames). Tricia Helfer (Number Six in Battlestar Galactica, The Black Cat in The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon). Olivia d’Abo (the Wonder Years older sister Karen Arnold, TAK from Invader Zim, Star Sapphire from Justice League, Melanie from Batman Beyond, and also in Wayne’s World 2 and Conan The Destroyer). William Schallert.

QUIRKS: Based on a comic book. Space and aliens. Seedy alien bars. Abuse of authority. Liberal vs conservative politics. Betrayal. Sacrifice. Superhero origin. They managed to pack a lot into a relatively short movie, with room to spare. They didn’t dwell on things too much, leaving plenty of room for hot pursuit and epic moon-shattering battles. Nothing less than the fate of the whole universe hangs in the balance of the plot of this movie.

This is also the only time I’ve ever been exposed to The Green Lantern‘s origin! A lifetime of superhero cartoons, and none that I had ever watched had really touched on that!

VISUALS: Great animation, as to be expected from any modern BluRay big budget animated film. NOT cgi.

MORALS: Sometimes questioning authority is good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes the bad guy is the good guy, and the good guy is the bad guy. Beware of complacency.

BAD STUFF: People are put off by cartoons. (This “bad stuff” applies more to the human race than to this movie, heh heh.)

CONCLUSION: DC (and Marvel) both keep releasing solid feature-length superhero-based animated movies (and series) — and they’re more polished than ever. Even though I considered them both to be the leader of cool 1990’s superhero-based animation, they’ve been at a consistently better level of quality in the 2000s. And this movie was no exception. I never really knew the whole background of the Green Lantern, despite being familiar with the black Green Lantern in the most recent (and most awesome) post-2000 Justice League cartoon. Seeing this will definitely enhance the forthcoming live-action movie.

RATINGS: IMDB: 8/10 (Carolyn says 8, I was thinking more like 7.5). Netflix: 4/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: A live-action movie starring Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins:Wolverine, Just Friends, The Amityville Horror 2005, Van Wilder 1, Dick) is slated for 2011 release. It might be a good idea to brush up on the myth with this movie before proceeding into the live-action adaptation. Contrary to some of my philosophy with other movies, I think it’s generally a good idea to get as much background as possible with comic book-based characters. The Green Lantern is no motherfucking Flash, but he’s still pretty damn cool.

MOVIE QUOTE: Hal Jordan: Listen, buddy, I didn’t ask for this ring. You want it back, because I’ve had just enough of this crap. (more…)

I'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Wikipedia link] Such a shame things like this are so obscure most people don’t know they exist! Another cartoon based on comics – not dumbed down for kids at all.

PLOT SUMMARY: Black Panther finally finds out who killed his father, the previous Black Panther, as a threat to the entire country of Wakanda (as well as his mother) must be thwarted.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Protectionist isolationists hoard resources, thwart rest of the world from sharing in their wealth, refuse to cure the dying people of the world.

PEOPLE: Written by the writer of… House Party 1-3?!?! Huh??! (I guess it’s a good thing the stories were already written in comic form.)

Directed by the storyboard artist and 5-episode-director of Metalocalypse.

Black Panther is played by Djimon Hounsou (Push, The Island, Gladiator, Stargate). He was also slated to play Thulsa Doom (character played by James Earl Jones in Conan The Barbarian) in a Thulsa Doom movie, but it sounds like, given this person’s explanation, that maybe it’s a good thing the Thulsa Doom project probably isn’t happening.

Klaw is played by Stephen Stanton (Blob from Wolverine & The X-Men, some guest voices in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Archer, Robot Chicken, King Of The Hill, Family Guy, tons of video game voice acting, and various visual effects credits for well-known movies).

Storm (the other X-Men are in it very briefly) is played by Jill Scott.

QUIRKS: Based on comic books. NOT dumbed down for kids. Violence, blood, death.

They referenced I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!!! Twice, I believe… Though they said “punk” at least 1 of the times. Still: An obvious, awesome reference to the internet meme!

VISUALS: The animation is most definitely comic-influenced. If you’d never heard of Black Panther, you might assume this was based on comics simply by the way things look. It’s NOT a motion comic, but it does look kind of like an “advanced motion comic”. It’s definitely a real cartoon, though.

Not a screenshot from a show, but they're both in it!

SOUNDTRACK: The theme song is a bit grating at first. But it’s actually somewhat appropriate: A strange ‘African-sounding but techno-sounding’ mix. Still gets on my nerves a bit.

MORALS: Don’t kill people! haha.

POLITICS: Ohhhh, they say a lot of things about American politics here. I really thought this didn’t come out of America. I was truly surprised to see this was an American production, after the negative [and accurate] anti-American sentiment expressed here.

BAD STUFF: Only 6 episodes! Actual comic books go on forever. I could watch 60 episodes of this easily. It’s very “talky”, following typical comic book narrative style more than typical cartoon narrative style. Thus, a good 2 out of 6 of the episodes are full-episode flashback backstories. This might annoy some people. (Not me!)

CONCLUSION: Pretty good animated superhero offering from Marvel, as usual!

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.4/10, but hey, any adaptation gets lots of hate!

RECOMMENDATION: Comic book and cartoon superhero lovers should check this out.

SIMILAR CARTOONS: There are a slew of Marvel superhero cartoons. Their quality keeps improving each decade. Take your pick!


This guy was on a big rant about Stan Lee being a fraud, and race issues. He might have had some damn good points, but he lost me with his all-caps sentence at the end of the first paragraph:


Wow. You’ve got problems dude. I couldn’t help but respond to him:

Actually, you calling most white people racists like that — is racist.

If I need a hero, I’d gladly be saved by a morbidly obese gay pierced tattooed transvestite albino HIV-positive vomiting Jewish pot-smoking fecal-porn-loving midget … I don’t care who you are if you’re saving my life! JEEEZE!

And no offense to the groups I named in my example. I simply tried to pick downtrodden groups to make my example.

Just wanted to share. (more…)

I kept fondly remembering the crazy sounds I had running on my Windows 95 back in college, such as Butt-head saying, “You dumbass” in place of the windows beep. Finally, I decided to go find some of my old WAV files, and create my own “theme”. I simply named the files after the windows event, and went into settings->control panel->sounds and audio devices, went to the “sounds” tab, clicked on the sound I wanted to replace, and replaced it with the WAV file of my choice.

I zipped up the whole pack for download HERE:

As a sample, here are mp3 versions of the sounds that will play within this blogpost:

For asterisk, which comes up a lot [like when you search for text and it reaches the end of a file], I use a quick ‘laser’ noise. This is also a good audio effect for when people complete a download from you (for whatever reason):

20030926 - Simpsons - Homer Simpson - Rubik's Homer - box - side - Homer - blurry - 100-0043“Default Beep”, by, er, default, is originally the same sound as the asterisk sound. It’s much better to have 2 different sounds. A beep is worse than an asterisk, and it should sound worse. The logical choice? Homer Simpson’s famous “Doh”:

For a critical stop — much worse than a beep — the best sound I can think of is Pac Man dying:

Although I rarely connect USB devices, audio events are very useful. Often I’m at the back of my computer hooking something up, and not looking at the screen to see “device connected”. Being a huge fan of Gargoyles, I chose the sound of the Gargoyles awakening. This is also a great sound for when people upload files to you (however they may do that). It is akin to a new file “awakening” on your harddrive:

For power-down, I use the “magic depletion sound effect” from Gargoyles. I’d love to get a cleaner sample of this, but usually it’s happening in an action scene with other audio going on. Maybe Greg Weisman has a better version… But for now, this will do: best Wolverine voice was always the Wolverine from the 1990s X-Men animated series. When leaving windows, it’s great to hear Wolverine say “I go… where I want to go! <SNIKT>”:

Similarly, when windows boots up, I like to hear Goliath from Gargoyles say, “I am Goliath”. I consider my computer a Goliath anyway… They are also good for when people log on to your server:

Crossovers - Some things only make sense when you're drunk (Simpsons, Futurama)

Again, I zipped up the whole pack for download HERE: Leave a note if you ended up using these.

I got the Marvel “1602” graphic novel for Christmas this year. It is Neil Gaiman’s first comic series in a while. He was just about to start a project, then 911 happened. He didn’t want any planes, skyscrapers, or guns. So he moved all the Marvel characters to England/Europe in 1602.

The result is very interesting. Nick Fury, Dr. Strange, Dr. Doom, The X-Men (headed by Carlos Javier), The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man (who has no powers as Peter Parquagh), even Uatu The Watcher is featured in this. And The Watchers interfere, for once! It’s rare, but when all of creation is threatened, they interfere so that they still have something for watch.

It’s 8 comic books converted into a hardback grahpic novel. Excellent artwork — I really think digital painting has vastly improved the quality of comics, though purists will always disagree. I’m sorry, but old comics look amateur compared to today. Digital painting, gradients, and such, vastly improve how cool everything looks.

The story is decent. I read the first of 8 parts one night, then read all 7 parts in a row when my prescription kept me up all night. It took about 5 hours to read it all.

Good stuff. My comic reading has been on hold for years. A nice side-effect of pneumonia is not being able to sleep, getting bored, and wanting something light to read that wont give you a headache.

This was just what the doctor ordered. (more…)

batman-my-parents-are-dead (more…)

Literature Vs. Film
People often repeat the fallacy that “film is a passive medium”. The statement is usually elaborated like this: “When I read a story in a book, I have to use my imagination to conjure up what the characters look like, the sound of their voices, the appearance of their surroundings, the house, the landscape. When I see a movie, those things are all nailed down for me, so I don’t feel as involved.” What the person is describing are the most obvious aspects of a given story, that is, its physical properties. They are, in fact, the least interesting and least important components of a story. I do not read books in order to imagine the physical appearance of things.

Conversely, there are things which are typically spelled out in a book, but which must be imagined in a film. These are the intangibles, the important stuff; what are the characters thinking and feeling? Novelists have the advantage of being very explicit about the internal experience, and they indulge it, often to the detriment of the reader’s power to infer. Good writers are the ones who maneuver around this pitfall. A book’s ability to describe thoughts and feelings is a liability, not an advantage, if used to declaim its themes rather than evoke the desired consciousness in the reader.”
-Peter Chung, The State of Visual Narrative In Film And Comics (which I linked to before) (more…)

(more…) peer-reviewed journal research article behind the news stories about antidepressants working no better than a placebo. This link was going to disappear from New Scientist story (New Scientist wants a subscription), so I needed to save it. Speaking of mental health, apparently if you take Garfield out of Garfield, you get a comic strip about Jon Arbuckle: A deranged schizophrenic man who talks to himself. It’s twistedly funny. Check out this comedy gold: Garfield minus Garfield. And also speaking of crazy — you know the RIAA lawsuits against the very fans who fund them? These were for the artists, right? WRONG! No artist has seen a penny. Just like the karaoke licensing scam, the artists don’t actually get any of this money, so it’s foolish to support such licensing under the guise of “protecting the artists”. So here’s the article: RIAA Keeps Settlement Money, Artists May Sue., the RIAA isn’t as bad as Asshole Officers James Bryant and Chris Webley of Coquille — some guy broke a windshield, so, during the arrest, they broke his neck. He is now on a respirator for life. Of course the police think this is totally acceptable — after all, the guy swung at them! (Or so they say.) What this article doesn’t mention is that it’s more dangerous to be a fisherman, taxi driver, or garbage man, than it is to be a cop. They hurt people not out of self-defense, but unjustified paranoia. Douchebags!

Nancy ‘voice of Bart Simpson’ Cartwright gives $10 million to Scientology. This sucks. Guess it’s good I only rented those dvds.. Marvel Comics revives Capt. America (spoilers past the jump). MySpace deletes huge Atheist group — MySpace is Christian, you see, sine it’s owned by Rupert Murdoch. Athiests are even reporting that their profile has been edited in some cases. LOCAL: Army psychologist awarded $450K after idiot pig Barbara R. Johnson-Rauf rear-ends him and then has HIM arrested for reckless driving (acquitted!). Don’t you love getting into accidents with cops? By the way, I got a gun pointed at my face once for daring to stop to ask for directions. (more…)

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