VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Spider-Woman, Agent of S.W.O.R.D. (2009) [Marvel Knights]

Clint: 3.2/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 5.9/10 IMDB (not available on Netflix).

Only 51 minutes; a compilation of 5 motion comics that were about 10 minutes each.

Carolyn thought the dialog was a bit stilted and annoying, but this is really meant to be in the same vein as a comic book, not a movie… So I don’t hold it against it as much.

The artwork was good — Spider-Woman was modeled after Jolynn Carpenter. Did a google image search on her afterward. Yup! Spider-Woman!

The voice acting wasn’t as good.

A motion comic is a really low budget thing… I celebrate additional low-grade stuff vs having nothing.

I could see this as being done as an animated series akin to the Men In Black animated series. I’d watch it.

The conclusion seemed kind of rushed. Like, “Whoa, it’s suddenly over?” I thought more was going to happen but then it suddenly felt like The End.


COMICS: The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Book History |

Ha!   I read about the Emma Frost / Cyclops / Jean Grey thing in wikipedia recently and was like “jesus fucking christ”.. but Batman/Superman crying after watching tentacle sex, Green Lantern sleeping with a 13 year old, Wolverine trying to sleep with a 15 year old Mary Jane, and Nightcrawler knowingly banging his sister despite being Catholic? Wowie…


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Why would they do this? Oh yeah, I forgot: Every time DC or Marvel make a live-action comic-based movie, they do an animated one a year or two in advance — to drum up interest. This is the Silver Age revival Green Lantern (sci-fi), not the original kitschy Golden Age Green Lantern (magic).

PEOPLE: From the director of the recent animated movies Superman Doomsday and Wonder Woman, comes another feature-length superhero slugfest.

Starring Christopher Meloni (in 38 episodes of Oz, 12 Monkeys, was the KKK leader in Harold & Kumar 1, and had onetime appearances in Wonder Showzen, Michael & Michael Have Issues) as The Green Lantern/Hal Jordan. Victor Garber (Milk, Legally Blonde, Titanic) as Sinestro.

Also with Kurtwood Smith (Red Foreman from That 70’s Show, Deep Impact, Star Trek 6, 24, Eek!Stravaganza‘s The Terrible ThunderLizards [he was the dinosaur military commander], the Grim Reaper’s Dad in the 2 episodes he appeared in Grim & Evil, Agent Bennet from The Zeta Project and Batman Beyond), John Larroquette (Night Court, Star Trek 3), Michael Madsen (Scary Movie 4, Sin City, Kill Bill, Choke, Donnie Brasco, Mr. Blonde from Reservoir Dogs, Thelma & Louise, The Doors, WarGames). Tricia Helfer (Number Six in Battlestar Galactica, The Black Cat in The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon). Olivia d’Abo (the Wonder Years older sister Karen Arnold, TAK from Invader Zim, Star Sapphire from Justice League, Melanie from Batman Beyond, and also in Wayne’s World 2 and Conan The Destroyer). William Schallert.

QUIRKS: Based on a comic book. Space and aliens. Seedy alien bars. Abuse of authority. Liberal vs conservative politics. Betrayal. Sacrifice. Superhero origin. They managed to pack a lot into a relatively short movie, with room to spare. They didn’t dwell on things too much, leaving plenty of room for hot pursuit and epic moon-shattering battles. Nothing less than the fate of the whole universe hangs in the balance of the plot of this movie.

This is also the only time I’ve ever been exposed to The Green Lantern‘s origin! A lifetime of superhero cartoons, and none that I had ever watched had really touched on that!

VISUALS: Great animation, as to be expected from any modern BluRay big budget animated film. NOT cgi.

MORALS: Sometimes questioning authority is good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes the bad guy is the good guy, and the good guy is the bad guy. Beware of complacency.

BAD STUFF: People are put off by cartoons. (This “bad stuff” applies more to the human race than to this movie, heh heh.)

CONCLUSION: DC (and Marvel) both keep releasing solid feature-length superhero-based animated movies (and series) — and they’re more polished than ever. Even though I considered them both to be the leader of cool 1990’s superhero-based animation, they’ve been at a consistently better level of quality in the 2000s. And this movie was no exception. I never really knew the whole background of the Green Lantern, despite being familiar with the black Green Lantern in the most recent (and most awesome) post-2000 Justice League cartoon. Seeing this will definitely enhance the forthcoming live-action movie.

RATINGS: IMDB: 8/10 (Carolyn says 8, I was thinking more like 7.5). Netflix: 4/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: A live-action movie starring Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins:Wolverine, Just Friends, The Amityville Horror 2005, Van Wilder 1, Dick) is slated for 2011 release. It might be a good idea to brush up on the myth with this movie before proceeding into the live-action adaptation. Contrary to some of my philosophy with other movies, I think it’s generally a good idea to get as much background as possible with comic book-based characters. The Green Lantern is no motherfucking Flash, but he’s still pretty damn cool.

MOVIE QUOTE: Hal Jordan: Listen, buddy, I didn’t ask for this ring. You want it back, because I’ve had just enough of this crap. (more…)

I'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Wikipedia link] Such a shame things like this are so obscure most people don’t know they exist! Another cartoon based on comics – not dumbed down for kids at all.

PLOT SUMMARY: Black Panther finally finds out who killed his father, the previous Black Panther, as a threat to the entire country of Wakanda (as well as his mother) must be thwarted.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Protectionist isolationists hoard resources, thwart rest of the world from sharing in their wealth, refuse to cure the dying people of the world.

PEOPLE: Written by the writer of… House Party 1-3?!?! Huh??! (I guess it’s a good thing the stories were already written in comic form.)

Directed by the storyboard artist and 5-episode-director of Metalocalypse.

Black Panther is played by Djimon Hounsou (Push, The Island, Gladiator, Stargate). He was also slated to play Thulsa Doom (character played by James Earl Jones in Conan The Barbarian) in a Thulsa Doom movie, but it sounds like, given this person’s explanation, that maybe it’s a good thing the Thulsa Doom project probably isn’t happening.

Klaw is played by Stephen Stanton (Blob from Wolverine & The X-Men, some guest voices in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Archer, Robot Chicken, King Of The Hill, Family Guy, tons of video game voice acting, and various visual effects credits for well-known movies).

Storm (the other X-Men are in it very briefly) is played by Jill Scott.

QUIRKS: Based on comic books. NOT dumbed down for kids. Violence, blood, death.

They referenced I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!!! Twice, I believe… Though they said “punk” at least 1 of the times. Still: An obvious, awesome reference to the internet meme!

VISUALS: The animation is most definitely comic-influenced. If you’d never heard of Black Panther, you might assume this was based on comics simply by the way things look. It’s NOT a motion comic, but it does look kind of like an “advanced motion comic”. It’s definitely a real cartoon, though.

Not a screenshot from a show, but they're both in it!

SOUNDTRACK: The theme song is a bit grating at first. But it’s actually somewhat appropriate: A strange ‘African-sounding but techno-sounding’ mix. Still gets on my nerves a bit.

MORALS: Don’t kill people! haha.

POLITICS: Ohhhh, they say a lot of things about American politics here. I really thought this didn’t come out of America. I was truly surprised to see this was an American production, after the negative [and accurate] anti-American sentiment expressed here.

BAD STUFF: Only 6 episodes! Actual comic books go on forever. I could watch 60 episodes of this easily. It’s very “talky”, following typical comic book narrative style more than typical cartoon narrative style. Thus, a good 2 out of 6 of the episodes are full-episode flashback backstories. This might annoy some people. (Not me!)

CONCLUSION: Pretty good animated superhero offering from Marvel, as usual!

Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.4/10, but hey, any adaptation gets lots of hate!

RECOMMENDATION: Comic book and cartoon superhero lovers should check this out.

SIMILAR CARTOONS: There are a slew of Marvel superhero cartoons. Their quality keeps improving each decade. Take your pick!


This guy was on a big rant about Stan Lee being a fraud, and race issues. He might have had some damn good points, but he lost me with his all-caps sentence at the end of the first paragraph:


Wow. You’ve got problems dude. I couldn’t help but respond to him:

Actually, you calling most white people racists like that — is racist.

If I need a hero, I’d gladly be saved by a morbidly obese gay pierced tattooed transvestite albino HIV-positive vomiting Jewish pot-smoking fecal-porn-loving midget … I don’t care who you are if you’re saving my life! JEEEZE!

And no offense to the groups I named in my example. I simply tried to pick downtrodden groups to make my example.

Just wanted to share. (more…)

I kept fondly remembering the crazy sounds I had running on my Windows 95 back in college, such as Butt-head saying, “You dumbass” in place of the windows beep. Finally, I decided to go find some of my old WAV files, and create my own “theme”. I simply named the files after the windows event, and went into settings->control panel->sounds and audio devices, went to the “sounds” tab, clicked on the sound I wanted to replace, and replaced it with the WAV file of my choice.

I zipped up the whole pack for download HERE:

As a sample, here are mp3 versions of the sounds that will play within this blogpost:

For asterisk, which comes up a lot [like when you search for text and it reaches the end of a file], I use a quick ‘laser’ noise. This is also a good audio effect for when people complete a download from you (for whatever reason):

20030926 - Simpsons - Homer Simpson - Rubik's Homer - box - side - Homer - blurry - 100-0043“Default Beep”, by, er, default, is originally the same sound as the asterisk sound. It’s much better to have 2 different sounds. A beep is worse than an asterisk, and it should sound worse. The logical choice? Homer Simpson’s famous “Doh”:

For a critical stop — much worse than a beep — the best sound I can think of is Pac Man dying:

Although I rarely connect USB devices, audio events are very useful. Often I’m at the back of my computer hooking something up, and not looking at the screen to see “device connected”. Being a huge fan of Gargoyles, I chose the sound of the Gargoyles awakening. This is also a great sound for when people upload files to you (however they may do that). It is akin to a new file “awakening” on your harddrive:

For power-down, I use the “magic depletion sound effect” from Gargoyles. I’d love to get a cleaner sample of this, but usually it’s happening in an action scene with other audio going on. Maybe Greg Weisman has a better version… But for now, this will do: best Wolverine voice was always the Wolverine from the 1990s X-Men animated series. When leaving windows, it’s great to hear Wolverine say “I go… where I want to go! <SNIKT>”:

Similarly, when windows boots up, I like to hear Goliath from Gargoyles say, “I am Goliath”. I consider my computer a Goliath anyway… They are also good for when people log on to your server:

Crossovers - Some things only make sense when you're drunk (Simpsons, Futurama)

Again, I zipped up the whole pack for download HERE: Leave a note if you ended up using these.

I got the Marvel “1602” graphic novel for Christmas this year. It is Neil Gaiman’s first comic series in a while. He was just about to start a project, then 911 happened. He didn’t want any planes, skyscrapers, or guns. So he moved all the Marvel characters to England/Europe in 1602.

The result is very interesting. Nick Fury, Dr. Strange, Dr. Doom, The X-Men (headed by Carlos Javier), The Fantastic Four, Spider-Man (who has no powers as Peter Parquagh), even Uatu The Watcher is featured in this. And The Watchers interfere, for once! It’s rare, but when all of creation is threatened, they interfere so that they still have something for watch.

It’s 8 comic books converted into a hardback grahpic novel. Excellent artwork — I really think digital painting has vastly improved the quality of comics, though purists will always disagree. I’m sorry, but old comics look amateur compared to today. Digital painting, gradients, and such, vastly improve how cool everything looks.

The story is decent. I read the first of 8 parts one night, then read all 7 parts in a row when my prescription kept me up all night. It took about 5 hours to read it all.

Good stuff. My comic reading has been on hold for years. A nice side-effect of pneumonia is not being able to sleep, getting bored, and wanting something light to read that wont give you a headache.

This was just what the doctor ordered. (more…)

batman-my-parents-are-dead (more…)

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