Cartoons


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Immortal (Ad Vitam) (2004)

Claire: 2.4/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Evan: 2.7/5 stars, 5.5/10.
Native ratings: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

I GOT A NEW TV! And this was the first thing watched on it– A weird animation/live-action mix sci-fi flick taking place in 2095 and dealing with gods, aliens, possession, being raped by a person possessed by a god….. All based on a trilogy of French comic books.

Carolyn: This didn’t live up to our expectations. It was nice to see as the first 3-D movie on our new TV, but it was hard to follow the story. It had a lot going on: Egyptian gods, aliens, genetically altered humans and mutants, escaped prisoners who are being tracked down… It was a lot to keep track of, especially while visually enjoying the 3-D. There was potential, but it didn’t quite get there.

Claire: I didn’t like the movie that much. Visually, it was very awesome, but I still didn’t really like it — Which made it a good choice for my first non-anaglyph 3-D home movie viewing. When you get a new tech setup, you don’t want to dive right in and watch/do your favorite/most-important thing first, because you still want to do system tuning. I’m very glad that the first 3-D movie I watched was NOT one that I enjoyed, because it turns out my TV wasn’t 100% setup correctly (had to turn sharpness down) anyway. I’d much rather have a setup error affect a 2-star movie than a 5-star movie :)

But yea. It was confusing. I wasn’t really sure what the fuck was going on a lot of the time. I didn’t really understand how the side-plots really fit together with the main plot. It was great eye candy, and I sort of digested it that way. The eyes of some of the CGI characters were so 3-dimensionally sunken into their head that it was creepy as fuck! Definitely interesting, and I’m glad I finally watched it, but yeah… Missed potential is the name of the game here.

Evan: I’d agree that it had potential, but their effects needed a lot more polish before I would really consider it any good. If they had made the whole movie animation [instead of a mix of animation and live-action], it might have gotten a better score.

Directed by Enki Bilal. Written by Enki Bilal (comic books “La Foire Aux Immortels” and “La Femme Pie`ge”), Serge Lehman.

Starring Linda Hardy as Jill Bioskop.
Thomas Kretschmann (Hostel 3, 2 eps of 24) as Alcide Nikopol.
Charlotte Rampling (12 eps of Dexter) as Dr. Elma Turner.
Yann Collette as Froebe.
Fre’de’ric Pierrot as John.
Thomas M. Pollard as Horus.
Joe Sheridan as Allgood.
Corinne Jaber as Lily Liang.
Olivier Achard as Checker.
Jerry Di Giacomo as Jack Turner.
Paul Bandey as Dayaks (voice).
Coralie Seyrig as Bastet (voice).
Goran Vejvoda as Anubis (voice).
Barbara Scaff (Heavy Rain) as Jill (voice).
Dominic Gould as John (voice).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314063/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (2013)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8.6/10. “I am a chick and I like cartoons, so I am allowed to love My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.” (Notice how she leaves me in the lurch there?)
Jesse: 3/5 stars, 7/10. “OK, I actually enjoyed that. It was actually constructed in such a way as to be philosophically relevant.”
Native ratings: 4.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.3/10 IMDB.

My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic decided to make a movie about Twilight Sparkle becoming human in a parallel pony world. This actually happened specifically because of bronies, yet they were the ones who backlashed the hardest. Bronies be like, “WTF is this shit!?”, and other bronies be like, “Calm down, maybe it won’t be that bad….” and “Trust the writers…” We were somewhat skeptical ourselves.

Then it comes out, and brace yourself…memes are coming! So many unending memes. We finally got to see it, so now the madness will make sense again. Plus we wanted to be caught up on everything prior to attending Bronycon 2013 (with 8407 other bronies).

Anyway, it was pretty entertaining. I didn’t like how the fighting scenes basically had no fighting in them, relying on deus ex machina tropes to resolve things. I didn’t like how super-convenient the plot was with these kinds of things. But I also accept that this was supposed to be a warm piece about friendship and magic, and that if I’d wanted long and gratuitous fight scenes, I should be watching one of the many animated superhero cartoons I regularly watch. It was a neat exploration of “what if non-human characters became human”, a trope that every non-human animated series should explore for at least one episode. Only this time, we got a whole movie out of it.

Carolyn: It turned out that it wasn’t so bad. It was actually pretty fun. I really enjoyed it.

Directed by Jayson Thiessen.

With the standard My Little Pony crew:

Written by Meghan McCarthy.
Starring Tara Strong (Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls, Toot in Drawn Together, Mary Jane Watson in Ultimate Spider-Man, Sym-Bionic Titan, Wolverine And The X-Men, 20 eps of Family Guy, 4 eps of Clerks-TAS, 4 eps of Gravity Falls) as Twilight Sparkle.
Ashleigh Ball (Allura in Voltron Force, Iron Man: Armored Adventures) as Applejack / Rainbow Dash.
Andrea Libman (1 ep of X-Men: Evolution, a bunch of My Little Pony and Care-Bear stuff) as Pinkie Pie / Fluttershy.
Tabitha St. Germain (12 eps of Aaagh! It’s the Mr. Hell Show!, Olive Oyl in Popeye‘s Voyage: The Quest For Pappy, 7 eps of Iron Man: Armored Adventures, 5 eps of Voltron Force, 8 eps of DragonBall Z, The Legend of Zelda-TAS, The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, ALF-TAS, 1 ep of X-Men: Evolution, other My Little Pony stuff) as Rarity / Princess Luna / Vice Principal Luna / Cup Cake.
Cathy Weseluck (Thor: Tales of Asgard, 2 eps of X-Men: Evolution, DragonBall Z, 1 ep of Aaagh! It’s the Mr. Hell Show!) as Spike.
Rebecca Shoichet (3 eps of Iron Man: Armored Adventures) as Sunset Shimmer / Twilight Sparkle – singing.
Lee Tockar (3 eps of Iron Man: Armored Adventures, 3 eps of Beast Wars, 2 eps of X-Men: Evolution, 1 ep of Wonder Showzen, 1 ep of 2 Stupid Dogs) as Snips.
Nicole Oliver (9 eps of X-Men: Evolution, 9 eps of Aaagh! It’s the Mr. Hell Show!, The Vision of Escaflowne) as Princess Celestia / Principal Celestia / Cheerilee.
Vincent Tong (Daniel in Voltron Force, Iron Man: Armored Adventures) as Flash Sentry.
Britt McKillip (other My Little Pony stuff) as Princess Cadance.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2908228/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: EVIEW: Iron Man: Rise Of Technovore (2013)

Claire: 3.6/5 stars, 7.4/10.
Carolyn: 3.4/5 stars, 7.4/10.
Jesse: ??
Native ratings: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.2/10 IMDB.

An animated Iron Man movie is something to look forward to. Unfortunately, this was very anime-ish, which meant storytelling flaws — like most anime. Things seemed to happen a little too conveniently, with so much of a lack of an explanation for why a situation-solving event would happen that it may as well be a deus ex machina.

You’re probably better off watching the Avengers and Iron Man cartoon series than this… However, this has some blood and death, and is a full length movie, and is starring one of the Walking Dead cast members as The Punisher, who plays a fairly prominent role in this movie. These are some of the good aspects. The first act is the strongest, and the movie gets weaker through the deus ex machina-ish ending.

There is still value in this movie, though.

Directed by Hiroshi Hamazaki. Written by Kengo Kaji.

Starring Norman Reedus (Daryl from The Walking Dead, Boondock Saints movies, Pandorum, Mimic) as Frank Castle / The Punisher.
Matthew Mercer (Tygra in the new Thundercats, Resident Evil: Damnation, some video games such as Soul Calibur 5, Call of Duty, Mortal Kombat 9) as Tony Stark / Iron Man.
Eric Bauza (Lord Stingray in Superjail!, Stimpy in Ren & Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon, 4 eps of Adventure Time, 3 eps of Gravity Falls, 1 ep of Ultimate Spider-Man, 1 ep of Iron Man: Armored Adventures, 1 ep of Black Dynamite-TAS) as Ezekiel Stane / Technovore.
Kate Higgins (Scarlet Witch in Wolverine And The X-Men, Yukio in the Wolverine anime, 1 ep of The Legend Of Korra, Barbie in Barbie: Life In The Dreamhouse) as Pepper Potts.
John Eric Bentley (Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, 3 eps of Tron: Uprising) as Nick Fury.
James C. Mathis III (Black Panther in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, 4 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes / War Machine.
Kari Wahlgren (Gladys in The Life & Times Of Tim, Milan in Good Vibes, 14 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, 5 eps of Gravity Falls, 2 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Tigress in Kung Fu Panda: Legends Of Awesomeness, 5 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan) as Maria Hill.
Clare Grant (5 eps of Mad, 4 eps of Robot Chicken, 3 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 1 ep of Warren The Ape) as Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow.
Troy Baker (Hawkeye in Marvel’s Avengers Assemble, Yellowjacket in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Loki and Hawkeye in Ultimate Spider-Man, 6 eps of the X-Men anime, and 1 ep of the Wolverine anime) as Clint Barton / Hawkeye / J.A.R.V.I.S..
JB Blanc (Barry Goodman in Breaking Bad, 8 eps of the Wolverine anime, 2 eps of the Iron Man anime, 3 eps of Black Panther, 5 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes) as Obadiah Stane.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2654124/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Superman: Unbound (2013)

Claire: 4.4/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB.

This one was still good, but it didn’t seem as good as the last movies. This wasn’t Bruce Timm’s work.

But it’s still pretty damn good, because we love us some superhero cartoons! Especially ones not made for TV.

That being said… How many times do we have to watch Superman fight off Braniac? It seems to have happened like 5 times now. I’m getting a bit tired of it.

This was still pretty solid, though.

Directed by James Tucker (5 eps of Batman Beyond, 5 eps of Static Shock, 4 eps of Legion Of Super Heroes).
Written by Bob Goodman (Batman: The Dark Knight Returns 1&2, 51 eps of Batman Beyond, 51 eps of Superman, 2 eps of The Batman, 4 eps of Justice League, 8 eps of The Zeta Project)

Matt Bomer (In Time) as Superman / Clark Kent.
Stana Katic (3 eps of 24, 2 eps of Heroes) as Lois Lane.
John Noble (The Dragon Spirit in The Last Airbender movie, 100 eps of Fringe, 3 eps of Transformers Prime, 3 eps of 24) as Brainiac.
Molly C. Quinn (105 eps of Castle, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story) as Supergirl / Kara Zor-El.
Diedrich Bader (Batman in Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Guy Gardner in The Green Lantern-TAS, Kraven The Hunter in Ultimate Spider-Man, 2 eps of Gravity Falls, 3 eps of King Of The Hill) as Steve Lombard.
Jason Beghe (X-Men: First Class, Thelma & Louise, Maid To Order) as Terrorist Leader.
Frances Conroy (the mom from Six Feet Under, The Wicker Man remake) as Ma Kent.
Melissa Disney (Blade in Batman Beyond) as Thara.
Alexander Gould (Shane Botwin from Weeds, 1 ep of The Life & Times Of Tim) as Jimmy Olsen.
Sirena Irwin (Persephone in Striperella, 3 eps of Adventure Time, 80 eps of Spongebob Squarepants, 3 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold) as Alura.
Andrea Romano (voice actress casting director) as News Anchor #2 / Superman‘s Ship.
Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive in King Of The Hill, Office Space, NewsRadio, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Penguin in Batman: The Brave And The Bold, 4 eps of Gravity Falls, 2 eps of The Legend Of Korra, 1 ep of the new Thundercats) as Zor-El.
Wade Williams (Harvey Dent in Batman: The Dark Knight Returns – Part 1, Black Mask in Batman: Under The Red Hood, The Dark Knight Rises) as Perry White.
Michael-Leon Wooley (Twayne Boneraper in Ugly Americans, 2 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold, 1 ep of Delocated) as Ron Troupe.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2617456/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: SHOWS: REVIEW: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

Clio: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 5.6/10 IMDB.

We forgot to watch the pilot movie to The Clone Wars cartoon series! For the uninformed, Clone Wars is the the CGI animated TV series that’s been airing since 2008. It chronicles the period of time between Episode 2 and Episode 3 of the Star Wars movies. We recently finished the last season of Clone Wars, and decided to go ahead and watch the introductory movie — since apparently we are doing things backwards. (And no, we haven’t seen the Clone Wars animated shorts by Dexter’s Lab/Samurai Jack animator Genndy Tartakovsky, which precede this movie that precedes the series we watched. Maybe we’ll do that next.)

This was a great introduction to the show. This seemed better than the 1st season of the actual show. We didn’t really like the first season all that much, and the “roger roger” droids were really annoying and juvenile. We barely slogged through the 2nd season. By the 3rd season we were begrudgingly admitting this series’s awesomeness, but we still were into it at a lower level than most other shows, procrastinating so much that when we watched Season 4, season 5 started a mere week after we finished. But here’s the kicker: We watched Season 4 in like a week. A season at a time, this series goes down MUCH better. It got totally worth it. The ending of season 5 is a shocker. We’ve also gotten to enjoy many side episodes, for example an episode about only the droids. There are some pretty epic lightsabre battles in the series, like watching Dooku go toe to toe with Darth Maul.

As bad as the first season is, I strongly recommend any Star Wars fan to slog through and watch all 5 seasons of The Clone Wars — plus the remaining bits that are still to be released. (New animation has stopped, but they’re still going to release some stuff to wrap it all up.)

But perhaps, unlike us, you should watch this movie/pilot first.

Starring Matt Lanter (Harry Osborn in Ultimate Spider-Man, Brody Mitchum in Heroes) as Anakin Skywalker (voice).
Ashley Eckstein (8 episodes of That’s So Raven) as Ahsoka Tano (voice).
James Arnold Taylor (Wooldoor Sockbat in Drawn Together, Green Arrow in Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1, 4 eps of Young Justice) as Obi-Wan Kenobi / 4-A7 / Medical Droid (voice).
Dee Bradley Baker (The new Thundercats, Adventure Time, Avatar The Last Airbender, Ultimate Spider-Man, Waddles the pig in Gravity Falls, and many more) as Clone Troopers / Captain Rex / Cody / Fox (voice).
Tom Kane (Professor Utonium in The Powerpuff Girls, Magneto in Wolverine And The X-Men, and much more) as Yoda / Narrator / Admiral Yularen (voice).
Ian Abercrombie (Mr. Pitt in Seinfeld, Green Lantern-TAS) as Chancellor Palpatine / Darth Sidious (voice).
Kevin Michael Richardson as Jabba the Hutt (voice).
Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury in the Marvel movies, Django Unchained, Snakes On A Plane) as Mace Windu (voice).
Christopher Lee (Saruman in the Lord Of The Rings movies, Death in The Color Of Magic, The Golden Compass) as Count Dooku (voice).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1185834/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: The Lorax (2012)

Clio: 2.8/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.1/5 stars Netflix, 6.3/10 IMDB.

Based on the Dr. Suess book. Very generic. Too many songs. It’d probably be more enjoyable for a young kid, but didn’t have nearly as much to offer to adults.

Worth it to be able to visually explore a CGI instance of a Seuss-inspired world. For a lot of these Seuss movies, that’s really the sole point: Seeing what it looks like a grander scale.

Worth it, but I’d like more.

Directed by:
Chris Renaud (Despicable Me) and Kyle Balda.
written by: Ken Daurio (Despicable Me, Horton Hears A Who, College Road Trip, The Santa Clause 2).

Starring Danny DeVito (Taxi, Penguin in Batman Returns, Twins, The War Of The Roses, Man On The Moon, Mars Attacks!, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia) as The Lorax.
Ed Helms (Andy Bernard in The Office, The Hangover movies, 3 eps of Arrested Development, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay) as The Once-ler.
Zac Efron (Anakin Skywalker in Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode III, 17 Again, High School Musical, 1 ep of Firefly) as Ted.
Taylor Swift (the singer) as Audrey.
Betty White as Grammy Norma.
Rob Riggle (P.O.T.N. in NTSF:SD:SUV, 4 eps of American Dad, The Hangover, Step Brothers, Human Giant, Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby) as Mr. O’Hare.
Jenny Slate (2 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 1 ep of Ugly Americans, Saturday Night Live) as Ted’s Mom.
Nasim Pedrad (87 eps of Saturday Night Live, The Dictator, 7 eps of Allen Gregory) as Once-ler’s Mom.
Elmarie Wendel (Mrs. Dubcek in 3rd Rock From The Sun, 1 ep of American Dad, 5 eps of General Hospital) as Aunt Grizelda.
Danny Cooksey (5 eps of Invader Zim, Kung Fu Panda, 2 eps of G.I. Joe Renegades, Tiny Toon Adventures, Terminator 2, Static Shock, Dave The Barbarian) as Brett / Chet.
Stephen Tobolowsky (Bob Bishop in Heroes, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Boxboarders!, Buried) as Uncle Ubb.
Chris Renaud (he’s the director of The Lorax, Despicable Me) as Forest Animals.

 

Christie: Agreed. Liked it, but too many songs.

 

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1482459/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: VIDEO GAMES: REVIEW: Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.2/5 stars Netflix, 7.9/10 IMDB.

I defer to Carolyn’s rating for this one. I kept falling asleep. I definitely still followed everything that happened in the movie, but it lost it’s potential for full effect on me. I could tell it was awesome, but I just wasn’t SURE it was awesome. I’m not even going to rate it because I don’t even know how I feel about it.

But hey! Carolyn loved it! A lot of people loved it! I’ll be watching this again someday, 7 years from now.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772341/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/COMIC BOOKS/CARTOONS: REVIEW: Astonishing X-Men: Gifted (2010)

Clint: 4/5 stars, 8.4/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.4/5 stars Netflix, 6.5/10 IMDB.

Did I mention this was written by Joss Whedon?

Very interesting animation… It looks like it’s going to be motion-comic-style with hardly any real movement and no lip-moving, but then it turns out to be almost fully animated. Still more “comic-book-y” than any “real” animation… But I think this really meets the halfway point between the two, in a way that I’ve never seen done better in my life. However, the strange warping they did to simulate 3D-ness kind of wigged me out. But I get it: This is a motion comic, they take shortcuts, lower budget means higher ability for more releases. Works for me. You just gotta accept it.

My one problem with this was that there was no steadfast conclusion to all the various stories spinning up (and down). In that respect, yes, it was very comic-book-y. Almost too much! Though… If something like this came out once a month for the rest of my life, it’d be frickin’ awesome.

Also, the voices weren’t top-notch… Beast’s voice especially threw me off as being so different from what I’m accustomed to that it was actually distracting. But again, that’s kind of something you have to accept when doing with motion-comic type releases (Even though this is the most motion-y motion comic I’ve ever seen.)

But other than that? That was pretty fucking awesome. It took place in the current chronology: The Legacy Virus is long gone… Beast had his secondary cat mutation… Colossus is dead…Jean is long dead [again, but this time for real]… Cyclops is dating Emma Frost The White Queen now….  [Which, if you read the wiki on Jean… Her spirit actually basically rose from her grave to tell Scott it was okay to hook up with Emma…]

WAIT WAIT WAIT.. THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST OF FOUR “MOVIES” (some call them seasons, but they are analagous to Whedon’s graphic novels)?!?! WTF!!! WELP.. I’M OFF TO GET THE REST! CYA!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2047677/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Spider-Woman, Agent of S.W.O.R.D. (2009) [Marvel Knights]

Clint: 3.2/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 5.9/10 IMDB (not available on Netflix).

Only 51 minutes; a compilation of 5 motion comics that were about 10 minutes each.

Carolyn thought the dialog was a bit stilted and annoying, but this is really meant to be in the same vein as a comic book, not a movie… So I don’t hold it against it as much.

The artwork was good — Spider-Woman was modeled after Jolynn Carpenter. Did a google image search on her afterward. Yup! Spider-Woman!

The voice acting wasn’t as good.

A motion comic is a really low budget thing… I celebrate additional low-grade stuff vs having nothing.

I could see this as being done as an animated series akin to the Men In Black animated series. I’d watch it.

The conclusion seemed kind of rushed. Like, “Whoa, it’s suddenly over?” I thought more was going to happen but then it suddenly felt like The End.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1673449/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Frankenweenie (2012)

Clint: 4.6/5 stars, 8.4/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Native rating: 4/5 stars Netflix, 7.2/10 IMDB.

All Tim Burton is good (except for his Planet Of The Apes sequel), but some Tim Burton is better than other Tim Burton. For example, Nightmare Before Christmas is better than Corpse Bride.  This one was good, but not his top-notch work. It was good to finally see his 1984 short developed into a full length Frankestein homage feature.

I’m not sure if I’ve seen 1080p black-and-white stop-motion-animation before, it was certainly an interesting look, though I will always prefer the world of color to the world of black-and-white. It did help make the Frankenstein homage more accurate.

Carolyn: Yeah, I thought it would have been better in color, but I guess the black and white was a throwback to black and white horror movies…  I thought this was better than Corpse Bride, but not as good as Nightmare Before Christmas.  I was sad they didn’t find a way to save Mr. Whiskers.  Poor Mr. Whiskers.

Clint: MR. WHISKERS WAS A CUNT

Carolyn: HE WAS A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1142977/?ref_=sr_1

VIDEO: MOVIE: CARTOONS: ANIME: REVIEW: Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) (Japan)

Clint: 3.6/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Carolyn: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10. “Good. No Howl’s Castle or Princess Mononoke, but still.” And that’s about how I feel.
Native ratings: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.8/10.

Hayao Miyazaki. Great animator. Great director. Good writer. Huge body of work.

The plot wasn’t super exciting and full of jam-packed action, as it was more character-driven than plot-driven. There was no “bad guy” for example. Just a 13 year old girl trying to live independently for a year, as is the custom with witches.

And if you can fly on a broomstick, why not start a delivery service?

I do feel like it puttered out at the end a bit, which is a trope among anime. Anime is often more about the voyage than the destination, and that remains true here. But less frustratingly so than usual.

This was so lighthearted!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097814/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Dante 01 (2008)

3/5 stars, 6/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 2.5/5 stars, 4.9/10.
(Netflix’s guess for us was 3.1/5, very good Netflix!).

Directed by Marc Caro, who co-directed The City Of Lost Children & Delicatessen with Jean-Pierre Jenuet.

They used to collaborate together, then they went their separate ways when Jeneut went to work on Alien:Ressurrection. After that, Jenuet went on to do Amelie & Micmacs. These movies are very much in the same cinematic style as Delicatessen & The City Of Lost Children, except they are very whimsical, missing all of the darkness from Delicatessan & The City Of Lost Children.

Apparently, the darkness came from Marc Caro. So we sought to see what a Marc Caro movie was like WITHOUT Jenuet.

The answer: Not as good.

This kind of came off as Chronicles Of Riddick meets Clockwork Orange meets Pandorum. The movie had very good visuals, an interesting moral dillema, and a disturbing, claustrophobic insane-asylum-on-space-station atmosphere — but the ending was a total cop-out that left few satisifed.

And a lot of questions were never answered, which makes the mystery aspect retroactively come off as pretentious. Like, for instance, what was the company *TRULY* doing with the nanotechnology? Adding Christ allegory only makes a movie more pretentious and revolting to me.

I don’t regret seeing it, but my impression is Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet are both incapable of making a single movie as good as when they both collaborated.  They should get back together!

Special thanks to Ian Buckwalter for helping me understand the Jeunet/Caro dichotomy, and pointing out to me that this movie exists in the first place.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0487928/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

4/5 stars, 8/10 from both of us
3/5 stars, 7/10 was what we gave Kung Fu Panda 1.
Native rating: 4.0/5 stars, 7.4/10. (Netflix guess for us=3.8, which makes sense since we rated the original lower).

We actually liked this more than 1! Fancy that!

I wonder if this has to do with the fact that we watched Kung Fu Panda 1 during our movie-glut of watching 200+ movies in a year.

We stopped doing that, because we eventually learned (by analyzing our numerical ratings) that watching movies more often makes you enjoy them less. The rating disparity could be completely because we are watching movies at a rate of about 90/yr instead of 200/yr (the rate we held up for several years after buying a 52″ tv – I think the honeymoon finally wore off).

Who knows.

But this was good.
And funny.
And entertaining.
And well-animated.

I forgot just how funny the dialog and attitude of these movies were.

I had put this off for a long time. Probably because of how nonplussed we were by episode 1 of the animated series.

But it turns out this is really good!
And you get to learn more backstory about Po (the kung-fu panda).

I’ll have to remember NOT to pass up movie 3 when it comes out. This franchise is better than we remember.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1302011/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Smurfs (2011)

Clint & Carolyn: 3/5 stars (Netflix avg=3.6, guess for us=3.3).
Clint: 6.4/10 (high 6)
Carolyn: 6.6/10 (low 7)
IMDB: 5.3/10.

There is so much wrong with this, but could I really refuse to watch a Smurfs movie because I think it MIGHT be lame? No, I could not. Especially with Hank Azaria, Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays (Hiro’s perfect match from Heroes), and Sofia Vergara.

And was it lame? Yes, in some ways.

Of course, the original 80’s cartoon is pretty goddamn lame if you sit down and watch an episode of it in 2012, so one could argue that this movie was actually an improvement. The problem is peoples’ rose-tinted nostalgia that causes them to reject everything made on an old idea. But The Smurfs WERE ALREADY AN OLD IDEA when they came to American television. The Smurfs as a franchise are 50 years old; the cartoon is only 30 years old. It was already an adaptation before it was adapted for this movie. So get over it. The movie was fun.

They went into the real world, which is a cheesy plot device used in so many cartoon movies, as well as an excuse to cheap out on the animation budget by using live-action people.

But there was also a real charm in seeing Gargamel as a ridiculous live-action person caught in a world he doesn’t belong to. He assumes homeless people are other wizards. It’s funny, in a 3rd Rock From the Sun Season 1 kind of way, to see someone try to figure out a world they don’t belong in.
And the CGI on Azrael was really cute.

When all is said and done, we have to admit to liking this movie, even if it wasn’t great.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472181

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link #2 #3] [Netflix link] This is where The Matrix got its ideas from, or so I hear.

PLOT SUMMARY: A young biker stumbles onto a prototype motorcycle with a hidden function that has a link to the true nature of his world, which is not what it seems.

The red pill is now a motorcycle.

QUIRKS: Sci-fi anime.

VISUALS: Cheesy early 1980’s anime style. They look like a bad Robotech episode. Actually, movie #2 has an improvement in the animation sometimes — even if the characters look like they came from Tromaville (just like Hobo With A Shotgun).

SOUNDTRACK: Cheezy 80’s music. With J-Pop interludes.

ADV did the English dubs for movie #2 and movie #3, so if you like Super Milk Chan and Ghost Stories, it may be worth checking it out in English. We, however, watched this in Japanese, as we do with all anime. Then again, #3 in particular was so much worse that perhaps hearing the familiar ADV voices would have made us pay more attention! Apparently the ADV dub for #3 was 30-40 minutes longer! Damn!

POLITICS: Fuck the military.

GOOD STUFF:

At least with movie #1, the Matrix-like reality-reveal is quite amazing and interesting. And it’s not identical to The Matrix, either. And in movie #2, they have a scene that could be analagous to Neo’s talking with The Architect in The Matrix 2 (one of my favorite parts of The Matrix trilogy, though thankfully I didn’t see The Matrix 2 in the theatre, and was able to watch The Architect scene 2 times in a row to fully comprehend it).

An all-cgi pop idol (and I don’t mean the character is animated via cgi in the movie, but that in their world, this character is completely computer generated) that the public doesn’t know is a computer program. This mimics real life a bit, where a Japan pop idol was recently found out to be a computerized face.

BAD STUFF: An increasingly bad franchise. Movie #3 had parts where we were both drifting off and not paying attention — because it wasn’t that engaging. New characters. It’s hundreds of years later (though they don’t really make that known when they should). Unexplained plot points. The most interesting thing in movie #3 is the Eve character — which says a lot, because I found her to be one of the less interesting things in the first 2 movies.

Carolyn adds: “Also, I was annoyed at the second movie when they had the same 2 characters, but they looked completely different.  Yui had blue hair in the first movie, and light brown in the second.  It took me a bit to figure out they were the same characters, and not some new introductions…..  it was kind of lame…. then the third movie actually was different characters, and you were confused by that..”

CONCLUSION: Worth seeing movie #1 at least, in order to see the early inspiration for The Matrix, The Truman Show, Dark City, and the like.

RATINGS:

Clint: Movie 1: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Movie 1: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

Clint: Movie 2: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Movie 2: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.5/10.

Clint: Movie 3: Netflix: 2.4/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10.
Carolyn: Movie 3: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.

The native public rating for these 3 movies are: IMDB: 7.5/10, 8.0/10, 8.0/10 (which is totally fucked up, as the first is the best–but some of these only have 40 or so votes); Netflix: 3.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.0/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Watch the first movie, skip the rest. If you really liked the first movie, watch the second. Ignore the 3rd, unless you’re really in love with the Eve character (and even then, you will probably be disappointed) (but watch the ADV dub to get the full, un-cut version with 30-40 extra minutes).

SIMILAR MOVIES: The Matrix (barely though).

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: EdSquid recommended this to us, and felt similarly. 1-2 good, 3 not so good. He couldn’t fully pay attention to 3 either. He did mention he liked the animation and character desgins in 2. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] We watched this as “lighter fare” to watch after the traumatizing experience of watching the movie Frozen.

PEOPLE: A Bruce Timm-produced DC cartoon movie, so it’s from the same production source as most Batman and Superman animated productions from the past 20 years. Directed by Lauren Montgomery, who did other recent excellent superhero animated movies: Justice League:Crisis On Two Earths, Green Lantern:First Flight, Wonder Woman (2009), and Superman/Doomsday. And more are in the works, too.

Kevin Conroy is back as the most familiar voice of Batman ever, and Tim Daly is back as the most familiar voice of Superman ever. Susan Eisenberg continues voicing Wonder Woman as she has for a decade (but she’s drawn way hotter in this movie than before). And Summer Glau from Firefly plays Supergirl, who [highlight for spoilers] arrives on Earth during this movie.

Big Barda is played by Julianne Grossman (Marie from The Life And Times Of Tim, Charlene from Spaceballs:TAS). Darkseid is played by Andre Braugher (Live!, Fantastic Four:Rise Of The Silver Surfer, Homocide:Life On The Street, Hack, Men Of A Certain Age).

We also have Ed Asner, and even a bit part by Tara Strong (one of the most popular google searches that people use to get to my blog, she plays Bubbles on PowerPuff Girls, among other things). Also a bit part by April Winchell, daughter of past-generation celebrity Paul Winchell, who has emailed me before to discuss some roles she did.

PLOT SUMMARY: Supergirl arrives. That’s good. Then Darkseid arrives. That’s bad.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Interplanetary child custody battle kills innocent bystanders.

QUIRKS: Superhero animation crossover: Batman AND Superman.

VISUALS: Really good superhero action! Better than usual. No blood, but Supergirl‘s clothes get beat up when she fights — something cartoons often don’t do. Definitely adds to the realism.

MORALS: I don’t know, actually. It was just an excuse to have some superhero fights.

GOOD STUFF: Watching Supergirl have no idea how to deal with her new powers. Floating upwards, grabbing buildings so she doesn’t fall into the sky. It was a really, really awesome scene when she first arrived on earth. And of course, Darkseid’s planet is the worst hellhole ever.

BAD STUFF: The shopping scene. Made me want to kill myself. The way peoples’ lips were drawn.

CONCLUSION: Apparently, I didn’t quite like this as much as Carolyn. But it was still another awesome installment of animated superhero goodness.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars (low 5 stars). IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.1/10, Netflix: 4.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.0/5 stars–Huh?!?! FAIL!).

RECOMMENDATION: Superman/Batman cartoon fans must see this!!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Most of the recent Bruce Timm produced animated movies. They’re all comparable.

MOVIE QUOTE: “This vessel carries my daughter, Kara Zor-El from the now dead planet Krypton. Treat her as you would your own child. She will prove a treasure for your world.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS:

Rev. Suds Pshaw: I give 5 for 5. Conroy and Daly return as Batman and Superman respectively — and it follows pretty damn closely the Michael Turner series.

(more…)

Happy 4th Of July!

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix: Vol. 1 Vol. 2] [Wikipedia link] [Retrojunk.com] Fox Kids had the best 1990’s cartoons! Too bad Disney took over…

PEOPLE: A lot of 1990s cartoon voice staples, such as Kath Soucie (Cubert Farnsworth, Phil & Lil from Rugrats, Dexter’s Mom from Dexter’s Lab, Bubbles from the PowerPuff Girls pilots [but not the series; Tara Strong took over], The Wyrd Sisters from Gargoyles, and tons more), Ed Gilbert, Susan Silo, Rodger Bumpass (Professor Membrane from Invader Zim), and Gregg Berger (Cornfed from Duckman, Odie from Garfield & Friends [who was surprisingly NOT played by Frank Welker], Kay from Men In Black:TAS). All voice actors we’re intimiately familiar with — especially Kath Soucie, who’s always instantly recognizeable (though we sometimes confuse her with E.G. Dailey).

PLOT SUMMARY: The Toxic Avenger is now part of a team of hideously deformed creatures of superhuman size and strength.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Idiotic super-villain refuses to listen to his ugly henchman.

QUIRKS: VERY VERY campy. They’ve done for cartoons what Troma usually does for movie: Satirized them in a form that is objectively bad, but subjectively good. It’s an art that only Troma seems to have truly mastered.

VISUALS: Dated 1980’s-ish animation — just like the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes series.

SOUNDTRACK: The soundtrack is cheesy, yet it’s rockin’ and grows on you! Hah!

MORALS: Pollution is bad.

POLITICS: The government is corrupt — fatso evil mayor, just like in the movies.

GOOD STUFF: It’s so bad it’s good. It’s actually appropriate for little kids, yet made us “big kids” laugh out loud during every episode.

BAD STUFF: It’s a low budget campy cartoon. Something that came out in 1991, but looks more like it came out in the early 1980s. Of course, I declare, “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature!”

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: It was basically the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes cartoon. How did I rate AOTKT? I probably only gave that one 3 stars [I think you rated it higher! -CL], but I think since we’re on such a Toxic Avenger/Troma kick, Toxic Crusaders was pushed up to 4 stars instead of just 3. So even though I think AOTKT was a better cartoon, I think I enjoyed Toxic Crusaders more…. but just barely.

Carolyn’s ranking of characters:

Toxie
Yvonne
Dr. Killemoff
Fender/Bender
Toxie’s mom
Junkyard
No-Zone

Wait, who am I missing? Anyway, I wasn’t too fond of JunkYard, but I found No-Zone more annoying… All the characters were annoying, except Toxie. Clint disagrees, thinking Junkyard is by far the most annoying and useless character; by a long shot. No-Zone actually gets shit done. He has POWERS>

Psycho was my favorite villain.

I loved Toxie’s narration voiceover, and when the characters would talk back to the narrator. Hilarious.

Kath Soucie did a great job making Yvonne a horrible singer. I can see why Phoebe Legere (who is on twitter) would be annoyed if she thought that Yvonne was based on her. “You made my cartoon character so annoying! I hate you, Lloyd Kaufman!”

Here’s a YouTube video of Phoebe Legere in an unrelated performance, looking very much like she did in The Toxic Avenger 2 and The Toxic Avenger 3:

CONCLUSION: Hilariously campy childrens’ cartoon that simultaneously satirizes itself and other childrens’ cartoons. So bad it’s good, just like almost everything Troma sticks its finger into.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10. The campiness is actually why it’s good, in this case. Like Troma in general. They do badgood well.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.9/10, Netflix: 2.7/5 and 2.4/5 stars (yes, the 2 discs have different ratings for some reason.) So most Netflix people didn’t like it. The movie (which is just the first 3 episodes edited together) got 2.8/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: A must for Troma completist cartoon lovers, or anyone who loved the Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes animated series.

SIMILAR CARTOONS: This is pretty much the exact same cartoon as Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes:TAS!

There was a comic book of this too — you can find scans on bittorrent sites.

They were going to make a movie, but New Line fucked Troma. They bought the rights to use it as leverage against the owners of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They never used them. Troma sued New Line and won. Two characters from this cartoon are rumored to be in the upcoming Toxic Avenger 5 movie.

MOVIE QUOTE: “…hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength…”

COINCIDENCES:

**(Men At Work, Toxic Crusaders:Invasion Of The Biddy Snatchers) 2 videos in the same night with people having their boss appoint someone to watch them do their jobs against their will, also with plots that could not exist without toxic waste.

+(real life: yard work, Toxic Crusaders #12) The day I sharpened my sheers, and cut myself on them, we watched a Toxic Crusaders episode with a villain who had shears for hands.

MORE STUFF:

Here’s an official commercial:

Here’s a fan-made video trailer:

A review of the action figures:


There was a Sega Genesis video game:


As well as a Nintendo game:

A video of the comics books being shown? Weird:

OOH! Fan-made stop-motion animation using the action figures! Robot Chicken should have done this, but better:
(more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Shampoo leads to complications.

PEOPLE: Voiced by Vincent Gallo, Juliette Lewis (Strange Days, Natural Born Killers) — but the faces, I’m not so sure who the faces were. They all looked like familiar actors to me, but all replaceable.

QUIRKS: Bleak, dystopian, almost cyberpunk-ish corporate controlled future world. Extreme paranoia. Voices in your head. Corporate conspiracies and control. Shades of 1984.

VISUALS: Crazy visuals; glad to watch this in 1080p. Photo-realistic faces, but everyone’s heads are noticeably too big to be real. I believe they were *intentionally* going for the uncanny valley effect. It worked. The film is creepy and paranoid enough; the visual style just adds to it. I think some of the same motivations were used for doing this as with A Scanner Darkly, the movie this most resembles in both style and substance.

MORALS: Sometimes you gotta do some insane things just to retain your individuality. Sometimes you don’t even realize this is the case.

POLITICS: Corporations don’t care about peoples’ individuality; they care about profit.

BAD STUFF: The ending seemed like kind of hasty fizzle-out. The movie is kind of short, at 1:25. This movie might have been a 10/10 if it lasted 2 hrs and had an awesome ending. The subplot with his girlfriend at home seemed a bit superfluous.

CONCLUSION: A great, paranoia-inducin’, corporation’-hatin movie about corporate greed vs freedom, conspiracy, and wigging out while looking at crazy animated photorealistic uncanny valley visuals.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.1/10, Netflix: 3.2/5 stars.

RECOMMENDATION: Animation and politics lovers will like this.

SIMILAR MOVIES: A Scanner Darkly. And some hints of 1984.
(more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PLOT SUMMARY: Owlman is more of a fucking asshole than anybody ever.

PEOPLE: Executive produced by Bruce Timm, who is basically the #1 DC action cartoon force of my lifetime: Justice League, Batman Beyond, Superman, Batman… Every DC comic-related series or movie since 1990 has his name on it. Directed by Sam Liu (Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, Hulk Vs., Batman Vs. Dracula, 7 eps of The Batman series, 3 eps of the Roughnecks Starship Troopers series) and Lauren Montgomery (the Wonder Woman animated movie, Green Lantern:First Flight, Superman/Doomsday).

Interesting casting; they have abandoned the standard 1990s and 2000s voices used for many of the heroes.

Now we have William Baldwin (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Flatliners) as Batman [No more Kevin Conroy! Wahh!].
Mark Harmon (Freaky Friday 2003, NCIS, Chicago Hope, St. Elsewhere) as Superman [No more Tim Daly! Wahh!].
Chris Noth (Law & Order, Mr. Big from Sex & The City) as Lex Luthor [No more Clancy Brown! Wahh!].
Gina Torres (Zoe from Firefly, Nebula from Hercules/Xena, Cleopatra 2025, 7 eps of 24 in 2004, Cas from The Matrix 2 & 3) as Superwoman.
James Woods (John Carpenter’s Vampires, Videodrome, Cat’s Eye) as Owlman, a real fucking asshole in the movie. [INTERVIEW]
Here’s an interesting one: Wonder Woman was played by Vanessa Marshall, who played Irwin in The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy. From weak black boy to strong white woman, I guess she has a versatile voice, yo. She was also Lust Minion #2 in the animated Dante’s Inferno movie.
Green Lantern is played by Nolan North, who did Cyclop’s voice in the excellent Wolverine & The X-Men animated series, and Dead Pool in the Hulk Vs. mini-movies. And oh, he was a goblin voice in the great live-action fantasy The Spiderwick Chronicles.
A minor part, The Jester, was played by James Patrick Stewart, who some might remember as Keith from Andy Richter Controls The Universe.
And Black Canary? Kari Whurer – from The Adventures Of Ford Fairlane, Eight Legged Freaks, Sliders, and, most memorably, MTV’s Remote Control, where everyone lusted after her from 1988 til 1989.

QUIRKS: Alternate earth superhero action fest!

VISUALS: Great action. Well choreographed fight scenes. I’ve never seen Wonder Woman tie another woman up in such a graceful, action-packed, slickly-animated way. Great job.

MORALS: If you’re not Owlman, you’re not as much of an asshole as you could be.

POLITICS: Most governments would rather placate evil than stand up directly to it. Security over liberty, as usual. (Didn’t anyone learn anything from “Give me liberty or give me death”??)

BAD STUFF: The voice actor casting is distracting to those who have watched every animated Batman incarnation for 20 years.

CONCLUSION: A lot of action! Even in the first half! Solidly entertaining — this is one of the best animated superhero action movies to come out of the past decade. And alternate realities make anything more interesting!

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.1/10, Netflix: 3.9/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.4/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Worth seeing for any superhero fan!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Superman/Batman: Public Enemies was similarly kick-ass.

MOVIE QUOTE: This is the first time I’ve seen Wonder Woman with an invisible plane since the Superfriends era. It’s simply too goofy, and they were smart never to use it. But in this film, she ends up with one by the end. It’s not really relevant to the plot, but it’s nice that they give a nod to the original Wonder Woman mythos. The Flash confronts her about it:

Flash: I can’t believe you kept that thing.
Wonder Woman: Spoils of war. I like it.
Flash: What do you need a plane for anyway? You can fly.
Green Lantern: You drive a car.
Flash: That is *so* not the point. (more…)


I lived with my parents at my aunt Marcia & Duke’s house. This happened for one month in real life right before 3rd grade, when my parents had to sell their 2nd house one month before they could move into their 3rd house. I was, however, my current age, and quite annoyed at living with them.

We were watching South Park, and there was an episode with a giant destructive monster, and every time it would destroy something, a joke display on South Park would score another point, as if it was a videogame. It was part of the humor of the episode. I was playing it with my computer of course, and I wanted to show them how if you went into the properties for the video player, the joke-score would be listed as an attribute along with resolution, length, video codec, and all the other video attributes. Someone had actually tagged each point that was scored in the episode content with a timed-tag that would increment a counter that would be displayed in the actual episode tags.

I basically went into file->properties, then clicked over to the next tab, then there were 3 or so attributes, and if I clicked on one, the score would appear in the right column, matching the South Park episode’s current score.

I wanted to show them this, but they wouldn’t pay attention. When it came up all easily, my parents were immediately talking to each other and not paying attention. The display timed out. I bitched and moaned at them about how lame it was that they couldn’t pay attention for 5 seconds… Especially Mom, who I thought wouldn’t understand it as much without seeing it, because she’s somewhat technically challenged in real life.

So anyway, they finally agreed to give me their undivided attention, and of course THAT time, it took me forever to find the attribute. It wouldn’t come up as easily. Something had changed in the program, and I had to click through and go through 100+ attributes to find it. It was a one-shot thing. A bug in the video player software that made it 20X harder to find a user-tagged attribute if you had already open and closed the attributes list once during the episode. And I didn’t want to close and restart the video player again (as I had recently done in real life 30+ times in order to re-optimize my Media Player Classic video playback after trying to tweak my video player into handling SBS 3-D anaglyph video).

So finally I stormed off and left in anger, not even finishing act 3 of the South Park episode. “Fuck those guys!” … I go back to my downstairs room — complete with the bunk bed I used to have in MY downstairs room in their 3rd house (which we weren’t in — we were in Aunt Marcia & Duke’s house)…

And there’s a DEAD BODY in the room!

Now at the time, I had decided to masturbate, and I really didn’t want to call 911 to report the dead body, because I knew they would totally encroach on my jerkoff time, being in my room, snooping around for evidence, generally not giving me any jerkoff privacy (Hmm–no Carolyn in this dream!). So I started, but then I started to get paranoid that if a masturbatory-length’s worth of time passed, the police would begin to grow suspoicious that my delay in reporting the dead body implied my complicity in a murder I did not actually commit.

So finally, I decided to call 911. But the phone at their house was not working for 911 called! 0 for operator wouldn’t work either! It was some stupid VOIP (voice over IP) phone that had stupid problems. Maybe someone was downloading torrents, sucking up all the bandwidth? But no, I believe the situation was that other numbers would work, but not 911 or 0. I had tried to look up some non-emergency or other numbers in a phone book, but I still had no luck. What the hell is wrong with this phone?

Finally — still in my underwear for some reason — I go to houses across the street asking if I can use the phone. People are hesitant to let a random crazed 38-year-old man in his underwear in to call 911. It just doesn’t sound like something people want to do.

Eventually, someone finally let me call the cops, who came.

''Dreams... They're the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.'' --Xavier:Renegade Angel

“Dreams… They’re the hurricanes that wash the soulfilth from the superdome of our nightminds.”
Xavier:Renegade Angel (more…)

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