Clint


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Leon: The Professional (1994)

Clint: 3.6/5 stars.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars.
8/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 4.2/5 stars, 8.6/10.

I’d heard “The Professional” recommended so many times. After all, it’s the 31st highest-rated movie in IMDB. Natalie Portman’s 2nd movie, and she’s only about 12 or 13 years old. Starring Jean Reno, who we really only have seen as Ponton in the Pink Panther remake movies, but who is quite good. And Gary Oldman.

I’m not a big fan of the crime genre, but the actors in this were good. The story was kind of generic, but the characters were not. The sexual tension between Natalie Portman and Jean Reno was so completely awkward and cringe-inducing and unique.

The over-the-top mega-acting of Gary Oldman was pretty intense, and at times hilariously cheesy. Yet the movie itself doesn’t come off as cheesy at all. The ending could be better — it felt slightly cliched to me (but I’m a cynic) — but all in all this movie held my interest more than I expected.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110413/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

I'd rather be watching TV! Imagine my surprise one late Saturday night (1:44AM on 9/16/2012) when Carolyn said she didn’t know there was a such thing as a Pink Panther movie! WTF! How the hell can you not know this, Carolyn? I was pretty flabbergasted so I made it a point to make Carolyn watch all 11 Pink Panther movies with me. Plus, I didn’t remember any of them, and also hadn’t seen some of them.

PLOT SUMMARY: Inspecter Clouseau is a bumbling fool who somehow manages to solve cases, all the while stressing out his boss so the point of driving the boss homicidally insane.

PEOPLE: The earlier movies are mostly done by Blake Edwards, generally starring Peter Sellers, until the actor died and those movies continued on without him. Herbert Lom plays his deranged boss [except for the first movie]. The remake movies star Steve Martin.

BTW, Herbert Lom died 11 days after I found out Carolyn didn’t know these movies existed and had decided to watch these movies. Weird!

QUIRKS: Slapstick detective mysteries. Bumbling idiocy peppered with intrigue and a tinge of sexiness.

VISUALS: Typical 1960s/1970s low-grade visual quality.

SOUNDTRACK: Henry Mancini’s Pink Panther song, which everyone was familiar with when they watched the Pink Panther cartoon on TV as a kid. In later movies there is a Disco-ish version.

GOOD STUFF: Some hilarious slapstick and dialog-based comedy.

BAD STUFF: Nothing specifically bad, per se…. The movies simply just aren’t great.

CONCLUSION: These movies are universally not nearly as good as I remembered. The rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia strike yet again! These are iconic. These are classics. These are must-see movies. But they aren’t masterpieces. They aren’t even great. They’re just decent.

Which movies did we like better? Hard to say exactly, because it’s hard to maintain numerical consistence with oneself when giving out ratings. But we do our best, and this is the order we came up with:

RANKING: BY CLINT’S RATING:
11 > 6 > 2 > 10 > 4 > 7 > 8 > 5 > 9 > 3 > 1
Pink Panther 11: Pink Panther reboot 2 (2009) – 3.2/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Pink Panther 6: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) – 3/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.
Pink Panther 2: A Shot In The Dark (1964) – 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Pink Panther 10: Pink Panther reboot 1 (2006) – 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Pink Panther 4: The Return Of The Pink Panther (1974) – 3/5 stars from both of us. 6.4/10 from Clint
Pink Panther 7: The Trail Of The Pink Panther (1982) – Clint: 3/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Pink Panther 8: Curse Of The Pink Panther (1983) – Clint: 3/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Pink Panther 5: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) – 3/5 stars, 6/10 from Clint
Pink Panther 9: Son Of The Pink Panther (1993) – Clint: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Pink Panther 3: Inspector Clouseau (1968) – 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Pink Panther 1 (1963)Clint: 2/5 stars, 4.6/10.

RANKING: BY CAROLYN’S RATING:
11 > 2 > 6 > 8 > 10 > 9 > 4 > 5 > 3 > 7 > 1
Pink Panther 11: Pink Panther reboot 2 (2009) – 3.2/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Pink Panther 2: A Shot In The Dark (1964) – 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Pink Panther 6: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) – 3/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.
Pink Panther 8: Curse Of The Pink Panther (1983) – Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Pink Panther 10: Pink Panther reboot 1 (2006) – 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Pink Panther 9: Son Of The Pink Panther (1993) – Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Pink Panther 4: The Return Of The Pink Panther (1974) – 3/5 stars from both of us. 5.6/10 from Carolyn.
Pink Panther 5: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) – 3/5 stars, 5.6/10 from Carolyn.
Pink Panther 3: Inspector Clouseau (1968) – 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Pink Panther 7: The Trail Of The Pink Panther (1982) – Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Pink Panther 1 (1963)Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.

RANKING: BY IMDB‘S RATING:
2 > 1 > 5 > 4 > 6 > 10 > 11 > 3 > 7 > 8 > 9
Pink Panther 2: A Shot In The Dark (1964) – 7.5/10
Pink Panther 1 (1963) – 7.2/10
Pink Panther 5: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) – 7.1/10
Pink Panther 4: The Return Of The Pink Panther (1974) – 7.0/10
Pink Panther 6: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) – 6.5/10
Pink Panther 10: Pink Panther reboot 1 (2006) – 5.3/10
Pink Panther 11: Pink Panther reboot 2 (2009) – 5.3/10
Pink Panther 3: Inspector Clouseau (1968) – 4.9/10
Pink Panther 7: The Trail Of The Pink Panther (1982) – 4.7/10
Pink Panther 8: Curse Of The Pink Panther (1983) – 4.1/10
Pink Panther 9: Son Of The Pink Panther (1993) – 3.6/10

RANKING: BY NETFLIX’S RATING:
2 > 1 > 4 > 5 > 6 > 7 > 11 > 8 > 9 > 10 > 3
Pink Panther 2: A Shot In The Dark (1964) – 3.7/5 stars
Pink Panther 1 (1963) – 3.6/5 stars
Pink Panther 4: The Return Of The Pink Panther (1974) – 3.6/5 stars
Pink Panther 5: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) – 3.6/5 stars
Pink Panther 6: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) – 3.5/5
Pink Panther 7: The Trail Of The Pink Panther (1982) – 3.4/5 stars
Pink Panther 11: Pink Panther reboot 2 (2009) – 3.3/5 stars
Pink Panther 8: Curse Of The Pink Panther (1983) – 3.2/5 stars
Pink Panther 9: Son Of The Pink Panther (1993) – 3.0/5 stars
Pink Panther 10: Pink Panther reboot 1 (2006) – 3.0/5 stars
Pink Panther 3: Inspector Clouseau (1968) – 2.9/5 stars

RATING MATRIX:

11 > 6 > 2 > 10 >  4 >  7 >  8 > 5 > 9 >  3 > 1 [CLINT]
11 > 2 > 6 >  8 > 10 >  9 >  4 > 5 > 3 >  7 > 1 [CAROLYN]
 2 > 1 > 5 >  4 >  6 > 10 > 11 > 3 > 7 >  8 > 9 [IMDB]
 2 > 1 > 4 >  5 >  6 >  7 > 11 > 8 > 9 > 10 > 3 [NETFLIX]

OBSERVATIONS:
1) Carolyn & I really like 11 (the 2nd Steve Martin one) & 6 (“Revenge”) more than most people. Most people put 11 pretty much in the middle.
2) Carolyn & I and the general public do all agree that Pink Panther 2:A Shot In The Dark is in the top 2 movies.
3) Carolyn & I vehemently disagree with the public’s opinion of Pink Panther 1, which we thought was rather dull.
4) Carolyn & I like Pink Panther 6 (Revenge) a bit more in comparison to the others than the general public does.
5) Everyone but Carolyn thinks 4 (Return Of) is in the top 5 of the 11 movies.
6) Netflix people hate the remake (Pink Panther 10 reboot) more than everyone else, including IMDB people.

RECOMMENDATION: A pretty good franchise that really should be seen, but not quite the comedic masterpiece that I had thought it was when viewed through the rose-tinted shades of nostalgia.

BRIEF REVIEW OF EACH MOVIE:

Pink Panther 1 (1963)
Clint: 2/5 stars, 4.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Native rating: 3.6/5 stars Netflix, 7.2/10 IMDB.
I always thought of The Pink Panther movies as coming off as comedy-mysteries, but this first one seemed to be more of a mystery-comedy. It just wasn’t as funny. It was more about the intrigue. Things got a little zany and funny at the very ending, but for the most part… I was just a bit confused. Watched this pretty drunk. Maybe would have enjoyed it more less drunk? All in all, after having fond memories of The Pink Panther Returns as a child, I realize…. The franchise must have improved in the 1970s compared to the 1960s ones. This was an utter disappointment. Still, it was nice to go back to the beginning. I’m not even sure if I saw this one as a kid or not.

Pink Panther 2: A Shot In The Dark (1964) –
3/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 7.5/10 IMDB.
Much better than the first one. Introduction of Cato. I think I remembered a couple scenes of this from my childhood — specifically the thumb-cutting-off in the cigar-cutter-guillotine.
SPOILERS: This one was the murder one where everybody was guilty…. Except for the one everyone was framing.

Pink Panther 3: Inspector Clouseau (1968)
3/5 stars, 5.6/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 4.9/10 IMDB.
WTF …. Not Peter Sellers?!?! Alan Arkin instead? The only Pink Panther movie with Jacques Clouseau played by someone other than Peter Sellers. And not directed by Blake Edwards, either!
Bank robbery instead of murders..
Not as “good” as 1 or 2, but more slapstick/screwball comedy and less intrigue than Pink Panther 1, so we ended up liking it more, even though a lot of purists probably really hate this one.
The scene where he was usurping the Scotland Yard guy, meeting him for the first time, moving things around on his desk, changing chairs constantly… Was pretty funny.
The tape recorder and lasers were… weird.
The ending was kind of confusing if you are passing out.

Pink Panther 4: The Return Of The Pink Panther (1974)
3/5 stars from both of us. 6.4/10 from Clint, 5.6/10 from Carolyn.
Native rating: 3.6/5 stars Netflix, 7.0/10 IMDB.
The 2nd best of the first 4.
He has his exaggerated French accent now (monkey = men-key). The slapstick is just as strong, and his boss who wants to kill him (from #2) is back. Hot women fall for him in an unrealistic way, over and over, almost James Bond-style, which is how it was in the other movies. Also, this was about the Pink Panther Jewel again, which hadn’t been the topic of the movie since The Pink Panther 1.
Basically, this one breathed some life back into the franchise, even if it still wasn’t as great as I remember as a kid.

Pink Panther 5: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
3/5 stars, 6/10 from Clint, 5.6/10 from Carolyn.
Native rating: 3.6/5 stars Netflix, 7.1/10 IMDB.
Not as good as the last one.
No real love interest except sorta-kinda at the end. Less sexiness ensued.
Cato and his crazy ex-boss are still characters…. And the crime-to-solve is more global than in the previous movies: A multi-bank heist that would mess up entire economies.
Still — It could have been better than it was. So far I’ve been disappointed that none of these live up to my nostalgia.

Pink Panther 6: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978)
3/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 3.5/5 Netflix, 6.5/10 IMDB.
This one was the best yet. Laugh out loud moments for sure!
The crime was “Who killed Jacques Clouseau”? Dreyfus (the crazy murderous ex-boss) was brought back since Clouseau was now supposedly dead. But Dreyfus was haunted by his happiness that Clouseau was dead and was seeing him everywhere — except he really was seeing him everywhere because Clouseau was not dead.
The crime group who tried to kill Clouseau was The French Connection. They attempted to kill Clouseau as a symbol that they were still strong.
The end is hazy to me. They chased each other into a fireworks factory and there were lots of fireworks, and then Clouseau got a medal for his good detecting skills, I guess… I’m not sure…

Pink Panther 7: The Trail Of The Pink Panther (1982) –
Clint: 3/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Native rating: 3.4/5 stars Netflix, 4.7/10 IMDB.
Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous AND the Wibberly-Wobberly-Walk guy from Hardware as a taxi driver in this movie & the next.
3 parts: Before Peter Sellers dies/disappears, clip show, Joanna Lumley story.

Pink Panther 8: Curse Of The Pink Panther (1983) –
Clint: 3/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native rating: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 4.1/10 IMDB.
Naked Patsy! Wibberly-Wobberly Walk guy from hardware returns!
The beginning kind of felt like deleted scenes from the “deleted movie” of Pink Panther 7, which was itself scenes originally shot for Pink Panther 6.
This movie turned out to employ an interesting way to create a replacement character for Professor Clouseau: A computer program designed to find the worst possible detective.
But I guess the public didn’t buy it, as another Pink Panther movie didn’t come out for 10 more years.

Pink Panther 9: Son Of The Pink Panther (1993) –
Clint: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native rating: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 3.6/10 IMDB.
So after the public didn’t like the idea of a computer-program-chosen replacement for Clouseau, they decided to materialize an illegitimate son of Clouseau instead. With Dreyfus still around (since Pink Panther 2!) constantly near having nervous breakdowns due to how annoyed he is at this obvious Clouseau… The humor is still not completely dead yet. But I think the franchise realized it was over, and they kind of made Dreyfus a nice guy with a happy ending at the very end.

Pink Panther 10: Pink Panther reboot 1 (2006)
3/5 stars, 6.6/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.3/10 IMDB.
Carolyn: “I thought it was good. I think I liked it ever so slightly better than the originals…. But not by much… like… the tiniest little sliver…”
Also: Beyonce!

Pink Panther 11: Pink Panther reboot 2 (2009)
3.2/5 stars, 7.2/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 5.3/10 IMDB.
Another Pink Panther theft…Carolyn enjoyed it slightly more than the first one. Apparently, this is our favorite out of all the movies. Kinda sad.
Also: Aishwara Rai! (more…)

VIDEO: MOVIE: CARTOONS: ANIME: REVIEW: Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) (Japan)

Clint: 3.6/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Carolyn: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10. “Good. No Howl’s Castle or Princess Mononoke, but still.” And that’s about how I feel.
Native ratings: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.8/10.

Hayao Miyazaki. Great animator. Great director. Good writer. Huge body of work.

The plot wasn’t super exciting and full of jam-packed action, as it was more character-driven than plot-driven. There was no “bad guy” for example. Just a 13 year old girl trying to live independently for a year, as is the custom with witches.

And if you can fly on a broomstick, why not start a delivery service?

I do feel like it puttered out at the end a bit, which is a trope among anime. Anime is often more about the voyage than the destination, and that remains true here. But less frustratingly so than usual.

This was so lighthearted!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097814/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Looper (2012)

Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Native rating: 4/5 stars Netflix, 7.8/10 IMDB>

It’s really hard to go wrong with time travel, Bruce Willis, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I am probably fucking up by not quite rating this 5 stars like Carolyn…. But it’s just not quite as up there as, say, 12 Monkeys, another movie where [spoilers] Bruce Willis meets a younger version of himself.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1276104/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Clint: 3.4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Ouch. MAJOR DISPARITY from Clint’s rating. It’s so very rarely 3/10 different with us!

Native rating: 3.9/5 stars, 5.4/10.

I have to admit I barely remember anything about this movie just a few days after watching it, so while it entertained me… It wasn’t anything super spectacular in the story department.

It’s a good thing that they are only planning one more movie in this franchise. It’s run its course, and something to tie it all together is the only way for it to not keep getting worse.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1855325/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Visioneers (2008)

Clint: 2.8/5 stars, 6.2/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native rating: 3.2/5 stars, 6.1/10.

First off, this is NOT a comedy, and shouldn’t be billed as such. It really messes with my enjoyment of a movie to expect a comedy and not get one. Argh!

Second off, not much really happened… It felt slow.

Third off, it was not just slow, but sad-and-slow, a painful combination.

This was a weird glimpse into an alternate earth, where people literally explode from stress, to the point of it being a national issue.

Very surreal. Quite random. Lots of scenes that just don’t connect to the plot at all, and are just kind of there… But also great cinematography, highly unique situations, good actors, and overall a very well-painted picture.

Yet I didn’t like it as much as I could have. This really reminded me of Wristcutters:A Love Story in that respect.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0833557/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Bourne Legacy (2012) [Bourne 4]

Clint/Carolyn: 3/5 stars.
Clint: 6/10. Carolyn: 6.6/10.
Native ratings: 6.8/10 IMDB.

This just didn’t hold up to the other ones.

Where’s Matt Damon?!? Why do they keep mentioning his character if he’s not going to be in it? That confused me the most. I kept wondering if the main character was simply another actor playing Jason Bourne, or was another character. It wasn’t made clear ot me. Very distracting.

And then also.. It just wasn’t very good. Barely passable to me. It seemed a bit disjointed and haphazardly put together. But it still had a good budget, and some good action. Yeah…Some.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194173/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

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