VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)

Clint/Carolyn/Parthena: 4/5 stars.
Clint/Carolyn: 8/10.
Parthena: 7/10.
Native ratings: Netflix: 3.2/5 stars, IDMB: 6.7/10.

This would have been a 5-star movie if it had kept up with the comedy as strongly in the 2nd hour as it did in the first. But like a lot of romantic comedy movies, the comedy stops dead about halfway through, never to be revived.

It was still a great premise, though… Providing somewhat unique situations. The writer is the same writer as Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008), and while I actually rated this one ever-so-slightly higher… I think I enjoyed Nick & Norah more.

If the 2nd half had stayed as funny and ridiculous as the 1st, this would have blown Nick & Norah away. But it didn’t. Still good though.

This actually reminded me of The Sure Thing with John Cusack.



VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Men In Black 3 (2012)

We’re fans of the first 2 movies AND the animated series (which is friggin’ awesome), so of course we’d be watching this!

Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8.4/10. Maybe I should give this 5 stars. It was pretty awesome. I love time travel.
Parthena: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Eli: 4/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: Netflix: 4/5 stars, IMDB 7.0/10.

Carolyn: I’m a sucker for Men In Black, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Parthena: I really really liked the movie, but one tiny thing I noticed- in the beginning, when Agent J went to the young guy in the store to get the time-travel device, the guy shouldn’t have acted surprised to see those weird jelly-fish things on the tvs in the background- he seemed surprised, and said something like, “Oh, yeah, I guess me sending Boris back did change things,”etc.  But if Boris had succeeded in changing the entire timeline, Dude in Store would have no idea that anything had ever been different than the way it currently was-hopefully that makes sense.  Not a huge deal but just a tiny timeline-continuity thing that I noticed. :)

Eli: I really enjoyed it.  Surprising for a third in the series.

Matthew: It was pretty good. The whole time travel thing was confusing to both Julie and I, but those types of situations in movies always seem to be a little hard to follow. Overall it was a good, fun experience. It didn’t really lag or drag on, it was pretty smooth flowing throughout. There were some holes in the plot, like what happened to those motorcycle type things they were riding and the Ford Galaxie that was on fire? How did the bad guy get from the moon to earth? Did he just swim through space? Whatever, it was still fun.

Julie: I liked the movie. I did like the fact that I didn’t have to have seen the first two to figure out what was happening. I really hate when movies in a series require you to have seen all the previous ones to follow the plot.


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Snow White And The Huntsman (2012)

Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Parthena: 4/5 stars, 7/10 (was 4.4/5 stars, 8/10 but then she decided to lower it).
Clint: 3/5 stars, 8/10.
Eli: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native rating: 3.7/5 stars, 6.4/10.

I found this to be quite a serviceable remake. Certainly more enjoyable than a bunch of gay Disney characters singing and whistling, and the production was pretty awesome.

Charlize Theron was great as the wicked witch, though the idea that Kristen Stewart could ever be fairer than her was less believable than the entire fantasy world this took place in :)

It was also interesting how they used CGI to have dwarves played by normal-sized actors — I totally recognized Nick Frost and Ian McShane. I am sure Warwick Davis was livid! [UPDATE: Just read the trivia, and Warwick Davis *WAS* pissed! And made a public statement!]

Anyway.. Nice to see a familiar fantasy story and not have it be totally juvenile.


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Lazarus Project (2008)

Clint: 3/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 8/10.
Native rating: Netflix: 4.5/5 stars. IMDB: 6.0/10.

A quite interesting movie that threw us for a loop not once, but twice.

The ultimate message is about if someone involved is in a murder, especially indirectly; It is that Maybe society should just let them get on with their life, instead of punishing them and making them feel the consequences of their crime for the rest of their life, making recidivism very likely by reducing their future choices. If you serve your time, you shouldn’t be forced into a lower caste. You should either get a life sentence, or not.

Also that the death sentence is a savage way to deal with things and not necessarily the best. When your car stops working correctly, you don’t destroy it to keep it from hurting you again–You fix it.

Laws also need to be applied properly. If you didn’t pull the trigger, you’re not the murderer, and shouldn’t be treated as one for the rest of your life. Laws equivocating one action with another are not justice.

Ultimately, forgiveness is the message of this movie — one that’s lost to most of our society. Especially Texas, and especially conservative Christians.


TiMER (2009)

Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8.2/10
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10
Clint seemed to like this more than Carolyn.
IMDB rating is 6.5/10.

Concept-wise, it’s like taking Sex & Death 101 and In Time and smashing them together!

TiMER may come off as a chick-flick, but is actually really philosophical. The presence of advanced technology {indistinguishable from magic} that doesn’t exist on *our* Earth completely changes the way things work. People get timers that count down to when they meet their true love. But only if they have a timer installed as well.

People hook up and find love in a completely different manner. The opening scene has the main character forcing her boyfriend to get a timer — and when he gets a countdown (while her’s still remains blank, because her true love hasn’t had one installed yet) … It’s instant dump-ville.

Technology taking over peoples’ life decisions is a common thing in our real-life present-day earth, but it’s much worse in this alternate earth!

This is a romantic sci-fi, but not as heavy on the comedy (or mystery/intrigue) as Sex & Death 101.

Destiny vs. freedom vs. technology.

Another movie that springs to mind (besides Sex & Death 101) is Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, which also pits technology against love. But the role of fate isn’t nearly as much in the forefront in Eternal Sunshine as it ins in TiMER, although it is still present in Sunshine.

By the way, it’s written, directed, and starring mostly-nobodies — though the main girl was in the Buffy series. And it does NOT play out in a formulaic way. It breaks expectations, thus exceeding them.


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: American Pie 8: American Pie 4: American Reunion (2012)

5/5 stars, 8/10 from Clint, Carolyn, AND Parthena.

Native rating: 7.1/10, 3.9/5 stars (which was also Netflix’s guess for us, for some reason).

I’m so glad they didn’t decide to call this American Pie 4 like they had originally planned, because it really would have mucked up the numbering system for those who numbered the 4 direct-to-video movies.

Not much to say here — This was as good as the first 3 movies collectively were, and was definitley beter than the 4 direct-to-video movies (even if #7 was probably better than #3).

It’s been over a decade, so it’s really hard to remember the original movies for a valid comparison.

The east coast derecho ALMOST ruined the movie for us, but we only lost power for 5 seconds twice. All my previous complaints to Dominion appear to have paid off.

This movie was a really really good time! (And the first one where the main characters aren’t in high school or college.)



This movie seemed kid of old and random. A lot of it fell flat. I guess this is why I don’t like older movies.

I probably would have liked this a lot when it came out, and if I’d seen it in the 80’s, nostalgia might have made me like it more now. But it was actually barely likeable.

Parthena: 2/5 stars, 5/10. “Some parts were funny, other parts that could have been either epic OR amusingly horrible were a bit…flat.”

Eli: 2/5 stars, 5/10. “I got my kicks out of kinda ripping off lord of the rings and I think
star wars, but all in all not amazingly well acted or cut together.”

Clint: 2.4/5 stars, 5.4/10.

Carolyn: 2.7/5 stars, 5.6/10. “I agree it wasn’t all that spectacular.”
Native rating: 3.5/5 stars (which was also Netflix’s guess for us), 6.6/10.

Peter MacNicol – the “weasel” from 24, Ally McBeal. So annoying! Not quite as annoying here, but I just kept screaming “WEASEL!” every time he went on the screen.

Valerian and Tyrian? Both actors who play them are now dead…


p.s. Happy X-Day or something.

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] A movie suggested by Parthena, watched with Parthena and Eli.

PLOT SUMMARY: Nic Cage is the douchiest boss of all time… and then he becomes a vampire. (Or does he?)

BACKWARD PLOT SUMMARY: Nic Cage finds his shit.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Untreated schizophrenia leads to employee rape, club murder.

PEOPLE: Nicholas Cage! Losing his shit! Totally and completely! The whole movie! The director and writer of this movie faded into obscurity… But Nic Cage remains. He is the reason to watch this movie. This is some of his best “acting”, which I put in quotes because it is the “Nic Cage Losing His Shit” / “Nic Cage over-the-top acting”, and not necessarily the conventional acting most people would expect. In fact, Nic Cage was a boon to what would otherwise by a kind of dark, heavy, dreary movie

His poor, poor, poor subordinate Alva was played by Maria Conchita Alonso, who went on to be in Predator 2 directly after this. But I’ve only seen 3 of her 50 or so movies, and nothing after 1990. Vampire chick is Jennifer Beals (The L Word, The Grudge 2, Sophie from Roger Dodger, The Book Of Eli, and Alex from Flashdance. Her first movie was My Bodyguard!). His shrink was played by Elizabeth Ashley, whose voice kept reminding me of Marge Simpson. Happiness is the only movie I’ve seen with her. His real “love interest” (the black girl, not the hispanic girl) was Kasi Lemmons, who was in Silence Of The Lambs and Candyman, went into directing, and is now back into acting in some 2012 movie named Disconnect.

Jessica Lundy was also in this! Gloria from the sitcom Hope & Gloria! Why do I never notice her in the movies she’s in? Perhaps this is why she’s only doing TV guest spots nowadays. The last movie she starred in that I actually saw were Single White Female (bit part). And David Hyde Pierce, aka Niles Frasier! TINY part that I did not even notice. So yes: NBC picked 2 super-minor stars from this movie to be 2 secondary characters in 2 later sitcoms (Frasier and Hope & Gloria). How weird.

QUIRKS:Vampirism. Absurdity. Being an ultimate douche. Surrealism. Insanity. Nic Cage with a Keanu Reeves Bill-And-Ted accent.

It’s supposed to be the accent of someone who is acting purposely snobby. It works. He comes off as SUCH A FUCKING TOOL in this movie. Like, one of the biggest douchebags ever. His personality invokes a punching response greater than Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg combined. His fake accent is more cringeworthy than Fran Drescher’s laugh. His treatment of his subordinates is worse than the boss in Secretary.

And he eats a cockroach in the movie. For real.



In fact, most of the clips from the first 1/3rd of that video are from this movie.

In fact, after writing this review, Rage Comics introduced a new Nic Cage meme based on this movie!

You Don’t Say?

“You Don’t Say” is a black and white drawing, often used in rage comics, of Nicolas Cage developed from a scene in the 1988 black comedy film Vampire’s Kiss, which revolves around a troubled literary agent’s descent into madness after convincing himself that he is turning into a vampire. In rage comics, the face is used as a sarcastic response to an obvious observation or statement.


VISUALS/SOUNDTRACK: The soundtrack comes off creepier than you think it should be. By the end of the movie, you realize why. The visuals aren’t remarkable — it looks like a late 80’s movie in New York. Nothing special here; not even hallucinatory/dream sequences were that fantastically shot. This movie is more about acting, then story; audiovisual is less important here than with some films. It’s kind of a psychological thriller masquerading as a comedy. It betrays your expectations, taking you places you didn’t expect. It’s a ride; take it.

Visual note: You’d see a nipple, but instead you’ll see a white pad covering her nipple. Do nudity or don’t do nudity, but please, Jennifer Beals, don’t *pretend* to be nude when you aren’t. Just makes you seem like a prudish actor trying to act sexy. It’s hard to believe when you’re wearing pasties.

BAD STUFF: For some: Nic Cage’s acting.

GOOD STUFF: For some: Nic Cage’s acting. A LOT of people are saying this is his best performance ever. Which is also kind of like saying it’s his worst performance ever. He’s a one dimensional douche of the highest magnitude in this movie. It’s friggin’ great. You will be laughing in disbelief. The story isn’t comedic, but the movie absolutely is. That’s the brilliance. And it’s all Nic Cage. There’s a scene where he angrily recites the whole alphabet! Cinema GOLD.

TRIVIA: This movie was depicted on the Conan O’Brien show as the second-lowest level on the Nic Cage Terror Warning System.

CONCLUSION: Holy fucking shit! A riot fest of laughter, until you realize this is actually a black comedy, and are left completely aghast. What an amazing ride. I deem this the best Nic Cage movie to ever watch with friends. I laughed some of the hardest laughs I’ve laughed at a movie all year — and was disturbed at a very high level, too. Much more so than cartoony Friday The 13th horror movies. This movie gets a strange rating – 5 stars, but only 7/10. You see, the movie isn’t perfect, but Nic Cage’s best overacting ever makes it an unparalleled experience.


Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “I rated it 5 stars because of a mixture of how ridiculous it was, and then how dark it turned… I thoroughly enjoyed it… It started out 4 stars because it just seemed like it was just so bad that it was ridiculous… but then when it changed direction, it got more psychologically creepy and that is what pushed it up to a 5 star for me.” [Clint’s take was that it was already a 5-star movie a bit before it got creepy, because of the ridiculous lengths Nic Cage went to act like he was losing his shit.]

Parthena: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “It was both ridiculous and hilarious and incredibly dark! I don’t even know whether they intended it to be a black comedy or a funny horror movie. I am kind of impressed he ate the roach for that role. This movie also actually managed to raise my appreciation of his acting ability, to act so completely fucked up and creepy and insane.”

Eli: Netflix: ?/5 stars. IMDB: ?/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.4/10, Netflix: 2.7/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.1/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Someone gave some good advice – Don’t walk into this expecting a horror movie or a vampire movie; it’s more of a character study. And that character is NICK CAGE LOSING HIS SHIT.

SIMILAR MOVIES: It’s a slight bit of a spoiler, but this reminds me a bit of [highlight for spoilers] American Psycho. It even slightly reminds me of the “think they are a superhero” subgenre of movies: the movie Special, Defendor, and to a lesser extent, the movie Super.


Peter Loew: [as he runs down the sidewalk of residential part of town] I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire!

Peter Loew: Alva, there is no one else in this entire office that I could possibly ask to share such a horrible job. You’re the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest. Do you realize that? Every other secretary here has been here longer than you, Alva. Every one. And even if there was someone here who was here even one day longer than you, I still wouldn’t ask that person to partake in such a miserable job as long as you were around. That’s right, Alva. It’s a horrible, horrible job; sifting through old contract after old contract. I couldn’t think of a more horrible job if I wanted to. And you have to do it! You have to or I’ll fire you. You understand? Do you? Good.


SJ: What’s been your favorite weird role to play?

NC: Yeah, there’s been a few now. It has been a while that I’ve been making movies now. I would have to say that in recent times, Bad Lieutenant was certainly a weird role, but weird more because he was contorted with chemicals both physically and mentally. I loved Peter Loew from Vampire’s Kiss. He was really weird because he went into the world of thinking he was a vampire.

SJ: I love Vampire’s Kiss too. What would Peter Loew think of the Twilight vampires?

NC: I don’t know. [Laughs] I don’t know how to answer that. I think Peter Loew’s interests were more Kafka-esque.

Like most trailers, I would recommend that you NOT watch this before the movie. I’m not sure how convincing the trailer is, either. If you do watch it, try to forget it all before actually watching this movie:

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] “Tomorrow, mankind will know that mutants exist. They will fear us, and that fear will turn to hatred.”

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Republicans lead to complications.

PEOPLE: Well… When I first saw the Professor X, errr, Charles Xavier character, I think I blurted something out like, “What a prick!” He just looked like a collar-popping douchebag. (This is before he became crippled.) I don’t know if he was the best casting choice, looks wise. James McAvoy (Wesley from the movie Wanted).

The guy they picked to play Magneto, errr, Erik Lehnsherr — was not as bad. He was played by Michael Fassbender (Stelios from the huge disappointment movie 300, Lt. Archie Hicox from Inglourious Basterds). But I still found him slightly unsettlingly incorrect. This may be that I’m suffering from trying to compare a real life actor to my rose-tinted nostalgic view of X-Men comics. But then I stop and think — I had no problem with the choices they made for them as old men in the “real” X-Men movies. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen were awesome choices! So maybe I SHOULD be irked here? Since this is a prequel of sorts, they are much younger here (it’s 1962), so they look a bit different. I get it. But they still didn’t quite remind me of the young versions of those characters from the X-Men comics. I’m probably being too purist or complainy here — but I think it took a tiny bit away from the movie.

Can’t believe they tried to cast Taylor Laughtner (Twilight werewolf) as Beast. The guy they picked — who was in Clash Of The Titans 2010 — was alright. Kelsey Grammar is still better though. But the change here made more sense, as this was pre-blue mutation Beast. This was nerdy, un-confidant Hank McCoy. He may as well have been one of The Venture Bros. at this point.

January Jones (Mad Men, Pirate Radio/The Boat That Rocked, American Wedding, Anger Management) is really hot, and was a pretty good Emma Frost — but I still feel like they should have used somebody with starker features (but just as hot).

Kevin Bacon was a really interesting choice for Sebastian Shaw, though. It’s another choice I never would have made in a million years. Shaw should be bigger. I tend to think he should be somebody more annoying and bulky looking — like Henry Rollins And His Neck Of DOOM.

QUIRKS: Superheroes. Based on the comic book. Duh.

VISUALS: Yup. Powers used, cool fights, awesome teleports, shapeshifting. Modern effects done nicely.

POLITICS: Something about governments employing people who deliberately try to start wars. The conspiracy theorists have always been right about this; but they focus too much on trying to prove the actual conspiracies. But it’s plainly obvious — without any necessary conspiracy theory being proven — that there are always parties who profit from war and destruction, and who will do whatever they can to make that happen. Why this is still up for debate with some people is beyond me.

Anyway — this intersected with the Cuban Missile Crisis and John F. Kennedy’s administration QUITE interestingly.

GOOD STUFF: Azazel was pretty badass. Some people were confused that they had taken Nightcrawler and changed him around (i.e. idiot Hollywood executive involvement). But I thought it obvious that he was Nightcrawler’s father (since Mystique was his mother), even though I didn’t remember ever running into Azazel in the comics.

BAD STUFF: Azazel was pretty badass, but he’s not actually part of the team he was in the movie.

Why is Moira McTaggart always modified or not included? They haven’t gotten her right since the 1990’s animated series! Okay, maybe they got her right in X-Men 3 (The Last Stand). I don’t know. I tried to forget that one. But she’s a mutant researcher, not a CIA agent! In the X-Men anime series (2011), they changed her name. In X-Men Evolution, I don’t think they had her at all.

“Darwin”? huh? Is this like “Spike” from X-Men Evolution? Another meddling character randomly added, which doesn’t exist in the comic? OH WAIT HE DOES, but c’mon, he wasn’t even in the comics ’til after the movies were coming out. You add a token black character, and [highlight for spoilers] if it’s in a cartoon he lives, but if it’s a movie, he of course dies first. Cliche.

No Cyclops? We get Havok instead? But they are bothers. And Cyclops has always been one of the 5 founding members. Okay, FINE.

AND WHY THE FUCK IS ANGEL A STRIPPER? WHY THE FUCK IS ANGEL A STRIPPER? Just so we can have Zoe Kravitz, who I didn’t give a shit about in It’s Kind Of A Funny Story OR Assassination Of A High School President … And still don’t give a shit about. I want my Warren Fucking Worthington back.

There’s lots of continuity “fuck ups” here. But hey, then you simply call it a “reboot” instead of a “preqeuel”, and everything’s just dandy, right?

I suppose.

I like cover songs.

I like re-interpretations of things.

I liked this.

I just would have liked it more if they had been truer to comic canon. That’s all.

But such a thing would never actually make me *hate* this.

It just makes me angry, because I like this so much, but they’ve changed it slightly. Like an ice cream sundae with an orange slice on top instead of a cherry. I want my cherry. Give me my cherry back. Yeah, I’ll eat it. I’ll like it. I’ll even enjoy the orange. But I would have preferred my cherry.

CONCLUSION: If you consider every X-Men movie (and cartoon) to be in it’s own universe (and not necessarliy the “Earth-616 universe” that is the “real” X-Men universe in ths comics), then the changes they made aren’t such an affront to the original canon. They changed things for the worse (Angel as a stripper? Really?) — but it’s still pretty damn hard to take something as awesome as the X-Men and make a bad movie out of it (though they really, really, really tried hard with X-Men 3:The Last Stand). So this was still awesome to see.

Clint: Netflix: 4.4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Parthena: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 8.0/10, Netflix: 4.3/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.7/5 stars).


SIMILAR MOVIES: Duh. Other X-Men movies? (more…)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Wicker Man (2006)

3/5 stars, 7/10 from Clint & Carolyn.
3/5 stars, 6/10 from Parthena.
2/5 stars, 5/10 from Eli.
Native rating: 3.6/10.

Wow. What a low IMDB rating. Talk about a movie that has major remake-hate! By rating it 7/10, Carolyn & I are in the top 12% of opinion in this movie!

When I watched selected scenes from the 1970’s version, it just looked incredibly cheesy and dated. Nude songs being sung?  Shitty film stock? Men instead of women? Cheap-looking sets? Meh. Pretty sure if I watched the original I’d like it less than this.

Plus, we really like Nic Cage and Frances Controy from Six Feet Under. And Ellen Burstyn is good too.

I was the only one who recognized Leelee Sobieski from Armageddon.

NOT THE BEES should have gone on longer!

It was better than Carolyn & Eli expected.

It was actually pretty creepy. Nothing great, but I’ve seen worse. Not the “worst movie ever” that so many people claim it to be.


I was so annoyed that this album became popular RIGHT after I started listening to it. I actually had a copy before they ever had a video on MTV. Then they became super-mainstream.

Still, this is my favorite Alice In Chains album – and frankly, the only one I think is truly worth owning and KNOWING.

Without further adieu, here is a listing of the songs in the Alice In Chains album “Facelift”, in order from best to worst. Yes… This probably took me 40 minutes to evaluate and verify! Sweet love my labor…


01_We Die Young [JtC’s #2]
04_Bleed The Freak
06_Love, Hate, Love
02_Man In The Box
07_It Ain’t Like That [JtC’s #3]
03_Sea Of Sorrow [Parthena’s favorite]
12_Real Thing [they should’ve fleshed out the structure more]
05_I Can’t Remember [possibly the best bridge on the album, though]
09_Put You Down
11_I Know Somethin’ (Bout You)
08_Sunshine [JtC’s #1]

I will accept other submissions of other peoples’ rankings, but you MUST *actually* evaluate all the songs. That means comparing one song to the song next to it, bumping it up one, and doing it again and and again until everything is sorted. This is very similar to a bubble sort.

Here is the full album on youtube:

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Avengers (2012)

5/5 stars from Clint & Carolyn
4/5 stars from Eli
3/5 stars from Parthena.

10/10 from Carolyn,
9.6/10 from Clint,
8/10 from Eli,
6/10 from Parthena.

IMDB overall rating is 8.6/10, making it the 65th highest-rated movie of all time. 42% of people rate it 10/10, and only 1/6th of people rate it less than 8+/10. The median rating is 9/10.

No real need to say much about this. Everyone saw it, and it was as awesome as it promised to be. The clashing of egos was hilarious, and it was great to see this epic heroes — built up over the last 5 Marvel movies or so — finally all together on screen at once.

And of course we’ve been watching the cartoon, Avengers:Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, so we’ve been pretty immersed in these characters on a very regular basis.

Eli: “As long as it stands on the other movies I think it was awesome. That being said I could have had a bit more about Hawk. But for pulling together so many heros’ backstories I thought it did a really good job. Plus it was really funny :)”

Carolyn: “I’m leaning towards 10/10, because it had funny banter and good battles. I can’t think of a reason not to give it a 10.”


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Official Site] Watched with Parthena, in our continuing quest to watch all mirror-related horror movies. (Completed: Prince Of Darkness, Mirrors … Still to go: Into The Mirror.)

PLOT SUMMARY: Mirrors… They’re still creepy. Cameras, too.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Bitchy mother becomes murderer.

PEOPLE: Starring TV actress Lisa Vidal, TV actor David Chisum (Penis Pal Glen in The Onion Movie, and a reporter in 1 episode of 24). And their son? He was Marwan’s son in an episode of 24. Weird. The “super hot” chick was played by Christine Lakin (Red in Super Capers, Step By Step, the Reefer Madness musical). Main characters mother was played by Lupe Ontiveros, who is in Todd Solondz’s Storytelling (which we are about to watch), as well as Cheech & Chong‘s Next Movie (1980). One of the creepy douchebags from the interview scene – John Newton – played Clark Kent in the 1980s Superboy series, and was in Melrose Place. The real estate agent, Jean Carol, is a random cougar in the movie Cougar Club, which we are about to watch, and is also in Guiding Light.

VISUALS: Not super visual, but there are moments of very insane visuals. They don’t really pan out into anything substantive, but they do help set the mood.

BAD STUFF: Not generally well-received by most people, thus the low 5.3/10 IMDB rating. Bad acting in many parts. The main character is a bitch — such a bitch! And her husband? Kind of a moron. A lot of over-acting / bad-acting. The movie Mirrors was scarier, but this was definitely scarier than Prince Of Darkness.

CONCLUSION: The end of this movie was definitely better than the beginning. The beginning was mostly 2- and 3-star scenes, but by the end, we were given many 4-star scenes and 5-star moments. I will reluctantly give it 4 stars — but a low 4 stars. Only because the ending helped save it. It definitely had its suspenseful, creepy moments. In fact, most of the movie took place in the day, and was still creepy. It’s harder to pull off creepy during the day, than during the night, so they earned bonus points for that.


While none of us could completely agree on how many stars to give it, we all felt it was an “IMDB 7/10”:

Clint: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars (a low 4-star movie). IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Parthena: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.3/10, Netflix: 2.7/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 2.8/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION/SIMILAR MOVIES: If you specifically like mirror horrors, see this for completionism’s sake. It’s comparable to The Broken; maybe a bit worse. It’s not as good as Mirrors. It’s better than Prince Of Darkness. (more…)

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: Directed by Victor Garcia, a relative nobody. He did the 30 Days Of Night: Blood Trails mini-series, and is working on some new Hellraiser: Revelations straight-to-dvd movie. I guess this is a “sequel guy”.

Starring Nick Stahl (Ben Hawkins from Carnivale, John Conner from Terminator 3, Yellow Bastard from Sin City) as the “Kiefer for the sequel” nightwatchman. Great to actually recognize him for once. BEN HAWKINS!!!!

Co-starring Emmanuelle Vaugier (CSI:NY, Dr. Helen Bryce from 9 eps of Smallvile, Saw 2 & 4).

The saddest character — retarded AND stalked by by mirrors — is played by Evan Jones (Cheddar Bob from 8 Mile). Ms. Rufie (“Jenny McCarthy”) is played by Christy Carlson Romano, the voice of Kim Possible (WTF!).

Matheson is played by William Katt — that is, The Greatest American Hero!!!!!!!!!! I did not recognize his face, at all!! Even though I recognized the name in the opening credits… Nope. Totally didn’t recognize him!

Elenor Reigns (mirror demon) was played by Stephanie Honore, who was in The Final Destination 3-D. Not that she’s in any big roles at all, but I thought it was interesting that we’d at least seen her before.

And that black cop? Lance E. Nichols? He was Preacher from Benjamin Button.

PLOT SUMMARY: Mirrors are fucking evil. Get away from them.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Retard helps rapist; vigilantes kill him.

QUIRKS: A sequel to Mirrors 1, which was based on the Korean horror film Into The Mirror. And yet, Mirrors 2 actually borrowed MORE material from Into The Mirror than Mirrors 1 did! Is this a remake of Into The Mirror? Is it a sequel of a remake of Into The Mirror? Is it a 2nd remake of Into The Mirror? It’s kind of hard to say, but really, Into The Mirror was remade into both Mirrors 1 *AND* Mirrors 2. This one was actually MORE faithful to the original than Mirrors 1 was. It’s quite interesting to remake 1 movie as 2 movies, borrowing different parts from each one. I haven’t seen a remake quite handled like this.

By the way — if you read all the newspaper clippings during the opening credits, one announced that Ben Carson (Kiefer) [highlight for spoilers] died in the building collapse (of Mirrors 1).

VISUALS: The effects were certainly more high-budget and polished than the simple, restrained elegance used in Into The Mirror… But the mirrors weren’t quite as nerve-racking as they were in Mirrors 1. They did, however, have some pretty damn explicit gore. Still, though, I think the visuals were perhaps best in Mirrors 1.

MORALS: Don’t murder people, umm-kay. Murder is bad, umm-kay. If you murder people, mirrors will exact their revenge on you, umm-kay.

GOOD STUFF: That this is truer to the original Into The Mirror movie than Mirrors 1 was a boon to this movie. The exclusion of a goofy “demon on present earth Evil Dead-esque boss battle” was a boon as well.

BAD STUFF: Yet it still felt like it was sequel material. It still wasn’t as *scary* as Mirrors 1. And goddamn, the main character was NOT as likable as Keifer Sutherland. After the shit he pulled — the stupidest fucking wedding proposal in the history of all fiction — he pretty much deserved to die! What a douche.

CONCLUSION: Far truer to the original Korean Into The Mirror, this sequel was actually “less Hollywood” and “less cheesy” than Mirrors 1. It was, however, unfortunately not as scary as Mirrors 1. But it also had the grossest kill scenes (that’s good). It’s very strange that Into The Mirror was remade into both Mirrors 1 *AND* Mirrors 2. All three are great movies. All three are worth seeing. All three are directly related to the other two. Mirrors are creepy as hell. Mirrors make horror movies worth watching. I’d definitely recommend all 3 of these films.


Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.

Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10. “yeah, they didn’t pull any punches with the gruesomeness in Mirrors 2. from shower-head decapitations to eyeball stabbings to intestines slopping out of guts… yuck.. but it didn’t seem as … psychologically thrilling like the others… I think it was more similar to the Korean movie than Mirrors 1. I think overall, I still liked Mirrors 1 better.”

Parthena: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10. “I think there were some things they did really well (like integrating the girl into the plotline, like the Korean movie) but others I was so-so about. Also, I think Mirrors 2 was by far grosser than the Korean version. Mirrors 1 was more *horrific* (like when Kiefer’s sister got her jaw pulled off while she was taking a bath), which was kind of gross, but that scene last night with the guy’s intestines coming out of his gut was SO INSANELY GROSS.”

TwoBeans: “Slightly better than halfway bad.”

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 4.7/10 (vs 6.1/10 for Mirrors 1), Netflix: 3.3/5 stars (vs 3.2/5 for Mirrors 2).

(Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.0/5 stars. That’s weird. Why did you think we would like this less than average, Netflix? Haven’t you been watching us watch all these mirror movies lately?!).

I think we all agree with the basic assessment that: Mirrors 1 > Into The Mirror > Mirrors 2.

COMPARISON SCORES: Netflix: Clint/Carolyn/Parthena:
Mirrors 1: 5/5/5, Into The Mirror: 4.6/4/4, Mirrors 2: 4/4/3,

COMPARISON SCORES: IMDB: Clint/Carolyn/Parthena:
Mirrors 1: 8/8/8, Into The Mirror: 8/8/7.5, Mirrors 2: 8/7/6.

RECOMMENDATION: I’m thinking that perhaps the best order to watch these 3 movies might be: Into The Mirror, Mirrors 1, Mirrors 2. There’s just enough different in Mirrors 1 from Into The Mirror that you won’t quite expect what happens… And there’s just enough in Mirrors 2 directly lifted from Into The Mirror that you won’t be as disappointed as you normally would from a sequel. These are all 3 worth watching, as are the other great mirror horrors: The Broken and Dark Mirror. (We still haven’t watched Mirror Mirror 1 & 2, but may at a later date.)

Note that Into The Mirror *comes* with Mirrors 2 if you buy it. That’s quite awesome.

COINCIDENCES: Man, during the final cop interrogation, 2Beans joked, “I’ve never seen Good Cop-Good Cop before. It’s usually Good Cop-Bad Cop.” Something to that effect. Then, right after he said it, the scene ended, and the cops said, “That was the easiest interrogation ever! We’ve never tried good cop-good cop before!” Suffice to say, 2Beans received applause from all, and several, “Well done!”s in exchange for predicting it so well!

Also, this movie specifically had scenes that took place during the same day, month, and year that we were watching it on! HOW’D THEY KNOW!?!?! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!

OTHER REVIEWS: Here’s a scathing 1/5 review. (more…)

Out of the 176 movies we watched in 2010, 29 (14%) could be classified as horrors.
(NOTE:I count thrillers and mysteries as being their own category separate from horrors.)

This list actually contains some of my favorite movies of the 176 I watched in 2010 (especially Deadgirl), as well as my 4th least favorite movie of the 176 watched in 2010 – Zombie Strippers.

Read past the jump for the lists of individual movies, separated by rating.


Friday We had at least 10 people over here, and it was some chaotic fun for many hours….

Saturday We had 8 people camping, IT WAS NOT COLD, I only wore 3 layers, half of what I wore during my July camping.

Some camping stuff I remember:

* full moon, but later cloud cover made the light very diffuse – could walk around without a flashlight

* first time we ever saw a vehicle past the 2nd gate – an ambulance skulked around for hours, occasionally siren’ing or making 10-point U-turns – someone had been rescued

* Gary/TwoBean’s first time there

* the 2nd gate was completely open! Never seen that, ever.

* ran late, making Evan the first person there. He couldn’t find the site without people already in it, and ended up walking around for miles over an hour.

* ate late at sheets, making Clint too full to really eat anything significant until the next day

* Evan brought no stuff because he thought he’d go back to the cabin, but other people had enough stuff to cover him when he realized that wasn’t happening

* paranoia: Evan mistakes the moon as a spotlight

* NOT cold – only wore 3 layers at night, didn’t even zip up my sleeping bag completely

* vertical log to make the fire go out = neat

* creek not running

* only saw one set of people riding horses

* 5 out of 8 of us went on a night walk down to Evan‘s car

Kick-ass weekend overall. (more…)

I saw someone else post a month-by-month list of their favorite pictures from the year. What a good idea! I shall jump on that bandwagon, too. So here are some of my favorite pictures of 2009, month by month, all from my flickr (but NOT all taken by me).

I’ll try to keep it to 2-5 pictures a month.

I also will be including New Year’s Eve (2008->2009 transition) as it’s own month, since I usually don’t get my pictures up in a timely fashion.

Click any picture to follow through to my flickr, where it will be explained in much more detail. Or hover over the picture for a [very] brief summary. (more…)

Merry Christmas!

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] All this talk. I guess I should see it. I do like vampire movies, after all. Carolyn & I watched this with Parthena and John The Canadien.

LIMERICK REVIEW: There once was a movie called Twilight.
About vampires who don’t just go out at night.
Written by a Mormon?!?
I didn’t know they had fun?!?
I also didn’t know vampires could be morally right.

HAIKU REVIEW: Teenagers in love.
Vampirism complicates
all situations.

PEOPLE: Directed by Catherine Hardwicke, who helped out with SubUrbia and Tapeheads. Starring Kristen Stewart (Panic Room), Robert Pattinson (from 2 Harry Potter movies).

QUIRKS: Vampirism! Duh! And extreme teenage sexual tension. Vampires make emos look like cheerleaders.

Top movie debut ($70.6M debut gross) for any film directed by one woman.

VISUALS: The movie was more about sexual tension and relationships than visuals. If you want a vampire movie with visuals, watch Blade or Van Hellsing instead.

MORALS: A vampire that eats animals instead of humans is like a human that eats vegetables and no meat.

BAD STUFF: People expecting a traditional vampire movie might be disappointed. This is more of a teen romance that happens to have a vampire in it. Fortunately, I knew this going in, so it didn’t bother me.

In fact, this movie has garnered more hate than any movie I’ve watched in a long time. And a lot of people who hate and criticize it haven’t seen it! I am reminded of the Senator who talked about how damaging Beavis & Butt-head was to society without having actually seen it. I never saw Titanic or Independence Day because I thought they looked awful, and was annoyed by the hype — but I’m not going to sit there and say it’s conclusively a bad movie based on other people’s opinions, or that I will “never” see them. Maybe one day I’ll get bored and want to know what the fuss is about.

The main complaints against the movie seem to fall into 2 categories:

1) Vampire movies should all be the same. How dare they have a vampire movie that isn’t like standard vampire movies? How dare they? They’ve tainted the sanctity of cinema!

I find it close-minded that “any movie containing X must be like Y”. All vampire movies have to be horror slashfests?? Isn’t that a bit tiring? Did the super-fast running zombies capable of love in I Am Legend taint the zombie genre? Did people go ape-shit when Shaun Of The Dead dared to make zombie-horror into a comedy?

I guess it’s okay to turn horror movies into comedies, but not romances?

Sure, romance is one of the least interesting genres for fiction, but it’s a valid genre nonetheless, and can be interesting. Especially with some fantasy thrown in it. The fantasy made this a tolerable romance. Take away vampirism, and it’s a movie I’d never watch.

Life is about experiencing different things, not the same thing over and over. People need to get out of their comfort zones more often.

2) Relationship movies should all be the same. How dare they have a relationship that isn’t like the standard relationship? They’ve tainted the sanctity of feminism by her behavior! This also includes the “Mormon conspiracy to make subservient women” angle of criticism.

And it seems that in a lot of movies — except for Splendor — anyone who has a non-traditional relationship must meet an unfavorable fate. And it’s usually either a moral judgment about them having a “non-normal” relationship (in a threesome? They’ll both leave you!), or a judgment about a close-minded society (if you’re gay, you will be hoisted on the petard of society’s close-mindedness instead of your own moral compass). Is this to placate the public, who hates any relationship depicted in a way unfavorable to their subjective tastes?

Yes, the relationship in this movie is definitely non-traditional. Girls don’t usually get with guys who can’t stop thinking about how good it would be to consume their blood. Thus it’s considered anti-feminist (how dare a woman make choices that all other women don’t approve of!), even masochistic (BDSM — even if it’s just emotional — is wrong! Protect the gays, but your relationship style is a choice, and Fuck your choice if I don’t approve of it!).

Hmmm… I wonder what these people thought of Black Snake Moan.

CONCLUSION: We all enjoyed this! While not exactly a huge excite-fest, this definitely had the feel of the first movie in a franchise. Characters were established, plots were advanced, but the viewer gets the definite feel that there’s much more to the story. More that is yet to be told. The sexual tension was insane.

I gave this a 7/10 on IMDB and 3/5 stars on Netflix. I actually may end up liking the upcoming sequels better, since I viewed this more as a movie to establish things. I think the rest of our crowd pretty much felt the same about it.

RECOMMENDATION: If you really like the concept of vampires, you should watch this. Besides, there’s going to be sequels, so the story will probably get more exciting.

SIMILAR MOVIES^H^H^H^H^H^HSHOWS: Spoofed in “South Park: The Ungroundable (S12E14) (2008)” – the whole episode is making fun of Twilight.

MOVIE QUOTE: Edward Cullen: “My family, were different from others of our kind we only drink animal blood, but it you, your scent its like a drug to me you, its like you’re my own personal brand of heroin.”

I likened the whole movie to “What if I fell in love with a taco?” I would be tempted to eat the taco, as it’s my favorite food. But if I loved the taco, I would have to try not to eat the taco. This makes me think of the “taco-flavored kisses” episode of South Park. In fact, watching Twilight made me say “taco-flavored kisses” about 100 times over the next few months after watching it.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Parthena and John The Canadien liked it. (more…)

clumsy best man ruins the wedding:

Jon Lajoie: 2 Girls 1 Cup Song … Amazing:

Jon Lajoie: High As Fuck … it gets better toward the end. Better as in WTF INSANE!:

But my favorite was probably the Slap Chop rap… We have one of these, actually, from Pampered Chef. They’re good products. But remixing an infomercial into a “rap” music video? Pretty damn funny!!:

Show Me Your Gentiles was pretty funny:

…and it reminded me of another classic — I Just Want Bang Bang Bang:

Parthena likes Jesus videos?
1) Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter:

2) Jesus 2000:

Ass-licking Smurfs video — I’d seen this before:

Kermit The Frog covers Hurt by Nine Inch Nails (a classic):

And while on the subject of classics, neither Parthena nor Erin had seen Chocolate Rain!!!

I mean.. there was a whole South Park about this guy! :)

The South Park episode is called Canada On Strike [wiki link].

While I’m here, here’s Obama promising something that never happened… Ran into this on Facebook while posting these other videos:

When Bush sent us to war using false assumptions (chemical weapons, 911 connection), everyone whined that “Bush Lied, People Died”. But Obama promised to send the troops home and didn’t too… So “Obama Lied, People Died” too. Both parties cause innocent people AND American soldiers to be killed.


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