2001 - computer - Fire - in it's heyday doing IRC

IRC downloading, 2001

Remember IRC? It was the first thing I did when I got on the internet in 1992 at Virginia Tech — and the first time I’d done it legally. Funny stuff you could do with the mIRC IRC client. You could have a custom quit message. For example, you could type:

/quit gotta go to work

and then it would say to everyone else in the channel:

ClintJCL ( quit the channel (gotta go to work).

Wanting to out-do everyone else, I thought it would be funny to say something offensive to a lot of people. Especially since they can’t kick you from the channel — because you just quit! But I wanted my solution to be technically impressive too, so I scripted up random twisted sentences, by creating some text files that would be pieced together, almost like a Mad-Lib. That way, I could leave, and it would automatically come up with hilarious/crazy/sick/twisted things.

Here are some actual examples:

  1. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to pimps (who will make whores out of them), while they slowly bled to death).ClintJCL ( quit the channel (got a blow job from your fat mom while on the floor of congress).
  2. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to cannabalistic African tribes, where they will slowly starve to death)
  3. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (got a rim job from your fat mom in front of the Queen Of England).
  4. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (smoked medical marijuana with The Taliban in front of 221 innocent children).
  5. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to child pornographers, while they pleaded for their lives).
  6. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (dropped acid with Ronald Reagan while in the White House).
  7. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, while onlookers laughed).
  8. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (had an intense bondage session with your aunt while watching cartoons).
  9. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (got a hand job from Mohammad Atta on national television).
  10. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to black market organ harvesters, where their spirit will be broken).
  11. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (spooged all over your raunchy mom in front of 566 innocent children).
  12. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (sold children to medical laboratories for twisted genetic experiments, where their spirit will be broken).
  13. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (snorted crystal meth with George Bush while going on a homocidal killing spree).
  14. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (spanked Mohammad Atta in front of Mohammad Atta’s mother).
  15. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (smoked P.C.P. with George W. Bush in front of 317 starving Afghan refugees).
  16. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (took psychedelic mushrooms with Jesus Christ in front of 567 innocent children).
  17. ClintJCL ( quit the channel (spanked your sister in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir).

The possibilities, while not endless, were pretty damn vast.

How did I do this?

I did this by piecing together sentence fragments from text files I created. Sentences followed one of these formats:

  1. sold children $read(thingstosellchidreninto.lst) $+ , $read(sadsentenceendings.lst)
  2. $read(drugtaking.lst) with $read(funnydrugcelebrities.lst) $read(funnysentenceendings.lst)
  3. $read(sexualthingstodowithpeople.lst) $read(funnypeopletohavesexwith.lst_ $read(funnysentenceendings.lst_)
  4. It was also set up so that about 5% of the time, it would make political statements, quote Sabbat lyrics, or Praise “Bob” …. but I’m not including those in this blogpost. This blogpost is about funny things I’ve said dynamically and programatically; not static things I’ve said. :)

I will include the actual contents of the files at the bottom of the post. But here is the list of the files themselves:

  • drugs.lst: a list of drugs (pot, acid, cocaine).
  • drugtaking.lst: a list of drugtaking phrases (injected heroin, dropped acid, smoked pot).
  • Ha! Ha! Overdosing on drugs and trying to kill yourself is funny!!

  • FunnyDrugCelebrities.lst: a list of people/entities that are amusing to think about doing drugs. (The Pope, Barbara Bush, Janet Reno, God).
  • Haha.. Celebrities are funny to do drugs with. Aren't Sid & Nancy funny? Ha ha.

  • FunnyPeopleToHaveSexWith.lst: it’s what the filename sounds like. (Your mom, your sister, your dead grandmother’s corpse, etc).

    Funny to have sex with

  • FunnySentenceEndings.lst: Tacked on to the ends of sentences to make them funnier. (while in the whitehouse, on national television, in front of 22 cops, in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir)

    everything's funnier in front of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!

  • SadSentenceEndings.lst: This could have been in the same file as FunnySentenceEndings, but I randomly decided whether it would be funny or sad. Sad ones included “while they begged for death’s sweet release”, “while they slowly bled to death”, “where they will spend the rest of their lives in misery”, and such.

    sentence endings so sad...they're funny

  • SexualThingsToDoWithPeople.lst: A list of sex acts (had anal sex with, had an intense bondage session with, etc)

    No... Really... Weird sex acts ARE FUNNY!!!

  • …And the most twisted filename of all: ThingsToSellChildrenInto.lst (sweatshops, sexual slavery, etc – check out the full file below)

    Postcard - 2 boys smoking

    Sell them into smoking advertising! HA HA!

  • HatedPeople.lst: Only used from within FunnyPeopleToHaveSexWith.lst (because it’s funny to have sex with hated people) and FunnySentenceEndings (because it’s funny to do things in front of the mom’s of hated people). Osama Bin Laden was in this list. I really could have made this a nice, long list if I’d really tried.

And now, past the jump, the contents of the files themselves… But first, a Sloth!


This is actually related to the discussion. Back in the IRC days, my name was _Vengeance_. Needing to win wars against other people's scripts, I ended up running several other clients, including _Wrath_, _Sloth_, and _Avarice_. Well, someone sent this sloth.jpg file to me randomly once! Paranoid people will never experience the joys that can be had by automatically accepting unattended file transfers from strangers!


It’s actually very, very, very simple. Create a torrent. Add some tiny file that has nothing to do with it. A README.txt or an unrelated JPG, for example. Create and upload your torrent.

Now move that file out of your local seeding location. Everyone who gets the torrent will thus not be able to get that data.

They will be stuck at 99.9%. Erroneously thinking that the torrent is not complete, they may let it run for days, weeks, or even months before realizing that in fact, all the files except for that one are 100% complete. Generally this means you will get far more seeding.

It’s great to subvert subversion ;) (more…)

http://www.acm.vt.edu/~clint/download/imagedump/pot-halo-x120.jpgFederal marijuana decriminalization bill introduced — tell your congressman to support it here Surveys tend to show that around half of Americans support decriminalization of marijuana. Since this is not a direct democracy, and you don’t get a vote, letting your congressman know what to do is the only way your opinion will be represented. So speak the fuck up. I did. (tags: marijuana )

MUSIC + PICTURES: MyPlaylist.com – enter any bandname, and it plays random music by them, while slideshowing FlickR pictures tagged with the band name . This was awesome! !! It also works with “Futurama”! (tags: music pictures flickr ) (more…)

I gotta figure out how to get this Tim And Eric album.  Anyway, read on for the list. I think I’m slowly learning what not to do to mess up the formatting with the new version of wordpress. (more…)

Get ’em here! Some of these apparently allegedly document child abuse within the Scientology cult. Why not get them and see for yourself?!?

Mouth-Eyes (freaky!).  Scientology documents hacked and released to the public.  Movie industry admits it overstated college piracy by triple the amount. (more…)

Swedish Politicians Strike Blows at Copyright Lobby, meanwhile AT&T and Other ISPs getting ready to sniff your private network traffic, and block it if they decide it’s copyrighted.  Expect false positives to destroy all derivative work such as parodies.  Montgomery County, Maryland, cops are jealous douchebags — don’t date their girlfriends, or they’ll file false charges against you Man severely beat because police think maybe he had his truck radio too loudlyEight Toronto Canada Police Officers Can’t Remember Swearing, Despite Audio Tape To Refresh Their Memory.  Except for the Swedish politicians, you’d think this planet was populated by a new species: Homo Douchbagians. (more…)

Fuck Comcast. U.S. Nuclear technology proliferated to enemies. Catholic bishop blames child abuse on the children. Church denied insurance because it supports gay marriage. (more…)

    Department Of “Justice” sides with the RIAA$9,250 per song is not “so severe and oppressive as to be wholly disproportioned to the offense or obviously unreasonable.”‘ Oh really? If an album contains 12 songs, that’s $111,000.  Are you telling me that if a kid went into a record store and stole a cd, $111,000 would not be “so severe and oppressive as to be wholly disproportioned to the offense or obviously unreasonable.”‘????  Or is it the fact that OMG IT’S ON THE INTRNETZ that makes them think this is somehow fair. Perhaps they view it as “hundreds of people downloading”. Except that the burden in this case was changed, the day before the verdict, to account for simply “making available”.  So I guess if I left a gun in my yard, I would be “making available” hundreds of murders.  They may as well put me in the electric chair.  9000 times.
    GOOD ARTICLE: The rush to clear police in shootings – part 1 of 2 (among the asshole list: Officer Anthony Blake, Officer David Rodriquez, Officer Robert Haile)

    Also: black man tased within 45 seconds of being pulled over for going 5MPH over speed limit on thanksgiving. This MPAA shit is hilarious too; they pirated code and used a software product to stop pirates. So when the original coders found out, they contacted the ISP, who pulled the plug on the MPAA! Fight fire with fire, a rare victory in the technology war.

    But that saddest thing I have read… Possibly all year, is the story of Lynn DeJac. Prosecutors made a deal with the alleged real murderer, granting him immunity from prosecution. She went to jail for THIRTEEN YEARS for killing her own daughter (also 13 years old). THEY FOUND THE A GUY’S CUM DNA IN THE DEAD 13 YEAR OLDS VAGINA, AND HIS BLOOD ON HER WALLS. Original detectives believe he is guilty.

    So What is the logical thing for the prosecutor Frank Clark to do now that she is released? TRY HER AGAIN! What the fuck?! Imagine your boyfriend kills your daughter, then you go to jail 13 years, then you get out, and now you’re on trial again, despite DNA evidence! Despite the fact that the police were called on Dennis Donahue (the boyfriend) the night before. Despite the fact that Donahue followed the 13-year-old as she went to bars (WTFx2). Despite Donahue allegedly pulling a knife on a random guy the day before. Despite the fact Donahue was arrested for murdering another woman later!

    Double jeopardy for the mother, no justice for the child, and the murderer goes free. I think Frank Clark might be one of the sickest fucking prosecutors I’ve ever seen. That jurisdiction quite literally made a deal with the devil to get a conviction — and now that the conviction is overturned, they are trying her again to save face.

    Frank Clark should be fired for dereliction of duty, and Lynn DeJac should sue for no less than $100M. In fact, part of the reason they are going to re-try her is probably because if they manage to get a conviction, she wont be able to sue as easily. They’re not just saving face, they’re saving money. Perfectly logical, right? (more…)

      Cop assaults woman, but gets away with itbecause he’s a cop; Arrested, charged, and convicted — he will ultimately end up with no criminal record. Cops are dicks because they are allowed to be, which is very obviously true in Virginia as well; cop broke the law and killed someone, but wont even be charged — because he’s a cop. And I love the double-think on sirens. Sirens were originally to stop the conflict between the burglar and the occupant by scaring him away sooner. But if a cop gets in trouble for breaking the law for not using his siren? Suddenly now, sirens create hostage situations! I call shenanigans. Either way, you better be careful, because even bumping a cop can result in you having to spend 6 weeks on a repirator with your open stomache exposed. They can also tase you for hanging out at Denny’s too long. At least, if you don’t show your id. (Recall that showing ID upon notice is not American, not American law, and is part of the “Papers please” example of fascistic culture.) And of course if the guys after being tasered, the taser will never be written down as the cause of death, because Taser International will sue a coroner who puts tasers down as a cause of death. So when the police taser someone to death, and then turn around and say “statistics show there are 0 taser deaths” — please be aware that is bullshit. Corporate-purchased doublethink.
      P.S. Today, the French are stupid. (more…)

      DSL’s gonna get expensive (I already pay $70/mo, and $90/mo before that!). Internet censorship phenomenon extends to Germany. Virginia congressman tells comcast: Fuck off!

      And someone out there is saving links about me… Here’s how they described my links (without ever having seen my blog): “From del.icio.us user clintjcl who adds his own spin on items, albeit somewhat scary leftist at times, but still quite intriguing.” (more…)

      3 items of interest today: A story about Japanese fisherman and just how much they have sex with fish, a place to download public domain movies for free, and a comic book villian — brought back to life with bittorrent. Seriously. Fantastic Four #549. Villian. Cloned via bittorrent. Yes. You heard it right. Via bittorrent. (more…)

      WATCH OUT CABLE-MODEM USERS: Comcast Cuts Off Heavy Internet Users. SpeakEasy did something similar to me… They had a pre-sales discussion where they told me I could download as much as I wanted (screenshots of the chat below), 24/7, with no repercussions, then told me if I downloaded more than 100G in a month, I would be terminated. They even tried to use the $300 termination fee against me, as if I would pay that for them terminating the contract. Now, Comcast as at it as well, only this time — you aren’t even told how much you can[‘t] download…. Amazing bullshit. Everyone go to http://www.BroadBandReports.com and type in your phone number. You will be pleasantly surprised by the choices you have.
      Other stuff too… Read on for the rest, including Bizarre dermatologic lesions. (more…)

        And some inappropriate humor too.  And of course some daily Abuse Of Authority. (more…)

        jackbauer.jpgFox is releasing the first four episodes of the 2007 season of 24 on DVD. Read about it HERE. Of course, the dvd has already been leaked to p2p networks. Anyone with any bittorrent savvy can watch the first episode of 24 right now. It wont actually air until January 24th.

        So Apple is selling TV shows on I-Tunes for $2 a show.  Whoop de doo — I think it sucks, and here’s why. (more…)

        Bet you thought this would be about September 11th?  Nope.  It’s about Napster.

        Universal Music Group today announced it will receive a $60 million settlement from Bertelsmann, a German company which invested $100 million in Napster.   [Edit: And on Sept 12th, eDonkey paid the recording industry another $30 million.] (more…)