VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Confessions Of A Porn Addict (2008)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: 2.3/5 stars Netflix, 5.1/10 IMDB.

This was sitting in our “to watch” pile for awhile. Why? Because Kenny Vs. Spenny is a hilarious show, and we were very curious what Spenny‘s movie about a porn addict would be like.  Then we watched Don Juan and both of us remembered that this movie existed and had been on our pile for years.  So we were also curious how this would compare with Don Juan (answer: Exact same rating from Claire, 0.4/10 higher IMDB rating from Carolyn).

This was slightly better than we expected, because our expectations were extremely low. This was obviously going to be a low-budget, unpolished, possibly-improvised, mockumentary-feeling kinda comedy. It wasn’t necessarily funny most of the time — but it was pretty awkward and cringe-inducing.

Spenny has awkward down pat. He basically just plays himself, since he’s awkward in real life. And it works.

Putting him in a relationship like that? That was pretty awesome. The reconciliation? Easily the most ridiculous reconciliation I’ve ever seen between two characters in any work of fiction that I’ve ever read, watched or listened to in my life. Worth it for that. So worth it.

It’s not great, but it is entertaining — with a few sigular laughs.  A tuesday-night kinda movie.

Directed by Duncan Christie (1 ep of Kenny Vs. Spenny, 1 ep of Single White Spenny)
Written by Spencer Rice (Kenny Vs. Spenny, Single White Spenny) and Duncan Christie.

Starring Spencer Rice as Mark Tobias.
Mark Breslin as Bob.
Lindsey Connell (Cube 2) as Felice.
Michael McMurtry (5 eps of Undergrads) as Marilyn Monroe Impersonator.
Michelle Morgan (1 ep of The L Word) as The Wrong Felice.
Errol Sitahal (Harold & Kumar 1-2) as Video Store Clerk.
Philip Williams (Max Payne, 1 ep of Puppets Who Kill) as Support Group Guy #1 (as Phil Williams).
Cecil Phillips (X-Men 1) as Support Group Guy #4.
Robert Black (porn director) as Himself.
Duncan Christie as Himself.
Kevin Morgan (miscellaneous crew on Kenny Vs. Spenny) as Himself.
Matt Zane (porn director/actor, Robert Black’s cousin) as Himself.
Tom Byron (has been in over 1600 pornos) as Himself.
Lizzy Borden (porn actress) as Herself.


SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT She left him due to his porn addiction and disappered, so he went to a support group for sex addicts, and one of the addicts recognized her from a picture… so he realized she’d gone into porn, but had only made one movie… he tried to find her via porn contacts, but they thought he was a creepy fanboy and tried to assault him.. so then they had to go undercover…when they heard about her bukkake scene, he managed to infiltrate as one of the bukkake-givers, and when it was his turn to cum on her face, that’s when he took off the raincoat and revealed himself, they reuined, and she kissed him with a bunch of loads all over her face.. most awkward relationship reunin EVER SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: How To Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008)

Clio: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 6.5/10 IMDB.

A moderately funny movie where Simon Pegg plays an asshole celebrity journalist who wants to shake things up. Watch this for the Simon Pegg Vs. Megan Fox Vs. Kirsten Dunst love triangle. This movie is pretty predictable, and not that special. I’d only recommend it if you are a fan of the actors. In that case, it is serviceable and worth a few laughs.

Directed by Robert B. Weide (producer and director on Curb Your Enthusiasm), and based on a book by Toby Young–Who was subsequently banned from the set as he was reportedly annoying actors and interrupting the director as he tried to direct scenes.

Simon Pegg plays the main character, with Kirsten Dunst as the co-worker, and Megan Fox as the movie star. Jeff Bridges (The Dude!) as the magazine editor. Gillian Anderson (Scully in X Files…officially hotter now than ever) as the publicist.  Danny Huston (Poseiden in Clash Of The Titans remake, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, The Number 23) as the douche. Also, the landlord lady–Mariam Margoyles–was in Harry Potter (Professor Pomono Spout).


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Adventures Of Power (2008)

Clint: 5/5 stars, /10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 5.8/10 IMDB. 25% on Rotten Tomatoes.

This movie is not for everyone. It’s only for awesome people.

Seriously though..You gotta have a certain open-mindedness (RE: ridiculousness) when watching something like this. It is a movie about a clueless dude named “Power” who wants nothing more but to air drum. You see, his dad didn’t buy him drums. But he’s VERY good at air drumming. It’s his life passion. He wouldn’t play real drums now–even if you gave them to him. “It’s too late for me to learn drums.”

But Power has actual prowess, despite his cluelessness. Kind of like how Napoleon Dynamite was a real good dancer.

Power’s quest to pursue his air drumming career causes him to go on a cross country adventure. I am damn surprised how powerful the ending to this was, given how utterly fucking ridiculous the entire movie is!

…And the fact that I bought this at the dollar store by mistake because I thought it was a bluray and needed a bluray for testing purposes. Hey! Pretty good dollar spent! Wow!!

Yes… I’m very surprised how well this turned out. I loved this. So did Carolyn.


Carolyn: “Definitely a comedy, with a tiny dash of romance, and a tiny dash of drama.  It was definitely unique.  It wasn’t as much a laugh-out-loud at joke after joke comedy, but it was pretty awesome for what it was — a movie about air-drumming.”


“An Indie along the lines of Napoleon Dynamite but with more purpose and fluidity.” –random internet dude


The rest is just me talking about who’s in this movie:

The first full-length movie written/directed/starring Ari Gold, who also plays Power, a Napoleon Dynamite-esque character.

Power’s parents are Michael McKean (the boss in Dream On, Lenny from Laverne & Shirley, Clue, This Is Spinal Tap) and Jane Lynch (Glee, Wreck-It Ralph, The Three Stooges, Shrek Forever After, Role Models, Smiley Face, Talladega Nights, 50 Pills, 40 Year Old Virgin, Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events).

The love interest is Shoshannah Stern (the deaf girl from Weeds). The bad guy is Adrian Grenier (Cecil B. Demented, Entourage). There are other various people like Eric Wareheim of Tim And Eric, Neil Peart of the band Rush, and Nick Kroll.


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Dante 01 (2008)

3/5 stars, 6/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 2.5/5 stars, 4.9/10.
(Netflix’s guess for us was 3.1/5, very good Netflix!).

Directed by Marc Caro, who co-directed The City Of Lost Children & Delicatessen with Jean-Pierre Jenuet.

They used to collaborate together, then they went their separate ways when Jeneut went to work on Alien:Ressurrection. After that, Jenuet went on to do Amelie & Micmacs. These movies are very much in the same cinematic style as Delicatessen & The City Of Lost Children, except they are very whimsical, missing all of the darkness from Delicatessan & The City Of Lost Children.

Apparently, the darkness came from Marc Caro. So we sought to see what a Marc Caro movie was like WITHOUT Jenuet.

The answer: Not as good.

This kind of came off as Chronicles Of Riddick meets Clockwork Orange meets Pandorum. The movie had very good visuals, an interesting moral dillema, and a disturbing, claustrophobic insane-asylum-on-space-station atmosphere — but the ending was a total cop-out that left few satisifed.

And a lot of questions were never answered, which makes the mystery aspect retroactively come off as pretentious. Like, for instance, what was the company *TRULY* doing with the nanotechnology? Adding Christ allegory only makes a movie more pretentious and revolting to me.

I don’t regret seeing it, but my impression is Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet are both incapable of making a single movie as good as when they both collaborated.  They should get back together!

Special thanks to Ian Buckwalter for helping me understand the Jeunet/Caro dichotomy, and pointing out to me that this movie exists in the first place.


VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Gamers: Dorkness Rising (2008)

4/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.

A real D&D movie! That’s actually funny, too!

Super low budget though. I wouldn’t even call this a b-movie, I’d call it a c-movie.  The acting is quite often bad and stilted, but you know what? We still enjoyed it a lot anyway!

Major nerdgasm this movie was.