VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The FP (2011)

Clio: 4.4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 4.7/10 IMDB.

This movie is perhaps best summarized as Idiocracy meets Rocky meets 8 Mile meets the videogame Dance Dance Revolution.

“In a post apocalyptic future, two rival gangs fight for control of Frazier Park by playing “Beat Beat Revelation”, a deadly version of Dance, Dance, Revolution(tm).”

Yes. An incredibly ridiculous premise. As soon as I read the summary, I KNEW I had to see it. I love Dance Dance Revolution, and I love post apocalypstic futures… Though I gotta say, that part of the summary was mis-leading. It doesn’t look post-apocalyptic. It doesn’t look apocalyptic. It doesn’t look like the future either. People drive around older cars and use payphones. Things are obviously bad, and people talk in a very different, stupider way … But it’s not really made obvious that there was ever any apocalypse. It’s a bit dystopian, that’s all.

But that’s a very minor complaint. This was one of those bad movies that is hilarious. Carolyn was somewhat annoyed at the dialogue, but it was still pretty funny. And they were doing that on purpose. Talking like fucking idiots. So much slang. Like the education system has collapsed and street talk has taken over the world… Yet people are still civilized enough to have Dance Dance Revolution machines at clubs and party spots.

The opening scene had someone dying from DDR.

This was awesome. And so unique and ridiculous. It may as well have been a cartoon. Fuck yeah.

Written & directed by Brandon Trost (mostly a cinematographer and special effects guy) & his brother Jason Trost (Hatchet 3, Crank 2, Scream 2), who played JTro.

Main characters JTRO and Stacy aren’t actors that have been in anything we’ve seen. But other stars included:
Art Hsu (Crank 2, uncredited role in Pirates Of The Caribbean 3) as KCDC.
Clifton Collins Jr. (Crank 2, Star Trek (2009), Traffic, uncredited role in Scott Pilgrim Vs The World) as CC Jam. DID NOT RECOGNIZE HIM.
James DeBello (Detroit Rock City, Dorm Daze, Cabin Fever, Scary Movie 2, American Pie 1) as Beat Box Busta Bill. Recognized him.
Nick Principe (uncredited role in Hatchet 2) as BLT.
Sean Whalen (A Midsummer’s Night Rave, Charlie’s Angels, Hatchet 3, Twister, Waterworld, Men In Black, The Cable Guy, The Bold And The Beautiful) as Stacy‘s Dad.
Dash Mihok (Sex & Death 101, I Am Legend, The Day After Tomorrow, Sleepers) as henchman Cody.
Michael Sandow (usually a camera guy) as henchman Jody.
James Remar (Harry Morgan in Dexter, Django Unchained, X-Men: First Class, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Pineapple Express, Ratatouille, 4 eps of Justice League, The Girl Next Door) as Narrator.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1296373/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011) (TV) (SyFy) (The Asylum)

Clio: 2.2/5 stars, 3.6/10.
Carolyn: 1.6/5 stars, 2/10.
Native ratings: 2.7/5 stars Netflix, 3.1/10 IMDB.

WHO THE FUCK CAN RESIST A MOVIE STARRING BOTH DEBBIE GIBSON *AND* TIFFANY? (Also, Micky Dolenz of The Monkees is in this briefly.)

Carolyn was feeling kind of sick, so we didn’t want to waste a good movie on sickness. Thus, we finally had a chance to watch another movie by The Asylum — a company that makes deliberately bad movies. Often mockbusters, but sometimes “original” ideas like this one. Now add the fact that it’s a SyFy original movie just to make the endeavor that much more awful.

But with the cast of these two has-been (but well-respected by me) pop stars at the helm, how could I fucking resist? HOW COULD I? I’d be doing a grave disservice to 16-year-old me. Y’know, I STILL have two copies of the Tiffany cassette because I couldn’t figure out which print had the shade of red that I liked better as her hair color. And I still have the 7″ single to Only In My Dreams by Debbie Gibson.

I have no shame.

Carolyn: “That movie was terrible. I don’t think it had any redeeming qualities. Except for the boobs. Those boobs were really good, but not enough to save that trainwreck of a movie.”

And how! This movie had some of the best boobs ever. Sure, they aren’t naked. But they are boobs people have lusted after for 20 years. Pop-singer Tiffany has gained a few pounds since her Playboy shoot in 2005 (conveniently found at http://www.vintage-erotica-forum.com/t19397-tiffany.html )…. And you know what? It doesn’t look bad! She’s basically Christina Hendricks, but sultry.

Whereas Tiffany has the sultry, refined look of an older woman….Debbie Gibson has retained her youthful looks a bit more — or at least disguised herself as such. She still has the figure of a [boobless] 18-year-old, thanks to being stick-thin anorexic looking. Upon initial purview I thought she was the hotter one, but after staring at Tiffany’s tiffanies the whole movie, I realized I was wrong. Sultry beats cutesey in this instance!

So yes. This movie was awfully bad. Bad writing. Plot issues that didn’t make sense. Bad acting. Bad CGI. Bad sets. Bad dialog. But GODDAMN, YOU GET TO SEE TIFFANY AND DEBBIE GIBSON IN A CAT FIGHT. The money shot is Debbie Gibson covernig Tiffany’s tits in whipped cream during a catfight scene. Did I spoil it for you? Good, becuase that’s really the only reason to watch this movie, so you may as well know.

Things get really over the top in the 3rd act… So much so that I was laughing hysterically. Sometimes you gotta enjoy a bad movie, and I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t hate this. I didn’t like it either… But I edged towards liking it. Sick, guilty pleasure.

Thank you Syfy.

BTW, the young cop was in American Pie: The Book Of Love. And this was directed by the director of Pet Semetary, and the writer of #1 Cheerleader Camp (which was itself a mockbuster for Fired Up).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1680138/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Change-Up (2011)

Clio: 4.6/5 stars, 9/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 9/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.3/10 IMDB.

This was a fun comedy.  Sooo much better than This Is 40. Why did I just mention This Is 40? We thought this was a Judd Apatow movie, but then it turned out not to be Judd Apatow. Leslie Mann‘s presence really threw us off.  This movie is actually written by the guys who wrote the Hangover movies. It’s good to know they can do other things. They should write more movies.

This was basically Freaky Friday, updated for the Apatow crowd.  Lots of humor. Including foul humor. Think about it: In the Freaky Friday-type movies, one person is always a minor. Sex doesn’t really come up. By updating this cliched trope to no-holds-barred modern day cutting edge comedy (NOTHING IS SACRED!), we get to see tons of hilariously awkward situations that none of the oldschool bodyswap movies would dare touch.

But beyond that, there is actually some good sentiment, too.  Lessons, if you will. They didn’t need to do that, but they did. And yet, the comedy never stops, so the entire movie is all good times.

Holy jesus.. just came back from the haters on imdb. Why do people like that bother to watch movies? If all you do is find flaws and get offended, maybe you should find a different hobby?

Directed by: David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers, Fred Claus, Shanghai Knights)
Written by: Jon Lucas (The Hangover movies) & Scott Moore (The Hangover movies)

Ryan Reynolds (Adventureland, Hal Jordan in Green Lantern, Wade Wilson in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Van Wilder, The Proposal) as Mitch Planko.
Jason Bateman (Arrested Development, Sit Down Shut Up, The Invention Of Lying, Hancock, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Juno) as Dave Lockwood.
Leslie Mann (17 Again, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, This Is 40, Funny People, Allen Gregory, Timecode) as Dave’s wife.
Olivia Wilde (Tron: Legacy/Tron: Uprising, Year One, In Time, The Girl Next Door) as Sabrina McArdle, the legal assistant.
Alan Arkin (Insp. Jacques Clouseau in Inspector Clouseau (1968), Gattaca, The Jerky Boys, Grosse Point Blank, Edward Scissorhands) as Mitch’s Dad.
Mircea Monroe (The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall & Felt Superbad About It) as Tatiana, Mitch’s pregnant fuck buddy.
Gregory Itzin (President Logan in 24, Adaptation, 1 ep of Firefly) as Flemming Steel, the lawfirm boss.
Ed Ackerman (Frozen, Hatchet II, bartender in 17 Again) as Victor.
Patricia French (Wanderlust, The Three Stooges (2012), 8 eps of Squidbillies) as Dave’s Secretary.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1488555/combined

Clio: 4.6/5 stars, 9/10.

Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 9/10.

Native ratings: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB. (20% of people give this 9-10/10, 30% give it 8-10/10.)

HOLY SHIT this movie had me hooked with the similarities to my own life — the raccoons, building an addition to a house. Literally — we talked about what it would be like to build another addition AND looked up Denis Haysbert on IMDB, then pressed play on this movie, where they proceded to put Dennis Haysbert’s name on the screen and then talk about building an addition!

But then the black comedy. So black. So comedic. A lot of black comedies are just “bad things happening, and it’s kind of ironic”, but this was one that still managed laugh-out-loud laughs 90% of the way through the movie, AND was so incredibly dark and messed up that we were both going, “Oh nooo. WTF! This. Is. Messed. UP!”

There was at least one point where I was simultaneously laughing out loud while having my tear ducts almost completely full from how messed up the situation was. But the funny stuff never stops either.

I think this is about as perfect as a black comedy can get. Absurd, dark, awkward, sexual, subversive, morally ambigous, a constantly surprising rollercoaster keeping you guessing up until the last second.

Some people are comparing the tone (but not the story) to American Beauty. I think it is more fun than American Beauty, and just as dark. I highly recommend this movie.

Written & Directed by relative newcomer Jacob Aaron Estes. He may be nobody, but the cast had some big names in it:

Starring Tobey Maguire (Spider-Man, Pleasantville, Wonder Boys) as Jeff Lang, and Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games, Miri In Zack And Miri Make A Porno, Fred Claus, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Betty Brant in the Spider-Man movies, Wet Hot American Summer) as his wife.
Hot chick #1 is Kerry Washington (Django Unchained, Fantastic Four, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Black Panther:TAS) as Rebecca Mazzoni, and Ray Liotta (Date Night, Youth In Revolt, Observe And Report) as her husband.
Laura Linney (Truman Show, Kinsey, Mothman Prophecies) as crazy cat lady Lila.
Dennis Haysbert as Lincoln (President David Palmer from 24, Wreck-It Ralph, Kung Fu Panda, Kilowog in Justice League:TAS[1990s], The Thirteenth Floor, and strangely — 1 ep of Duckman, as Cornfed’s singing voice [wut]).

12 logos!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1433207/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIOEW: The Trouble With Bliss (2011) [Michael C. Hall]

Clio: 3/5 stars, 6.4/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 2.4/5 stars Netflix, 5.3/10 IMDB.

“A guy in his mid-thirties watches as his life comically unravels after he enters into a relationship with the daughter of a former high school classmate.”

I got tricked into thinking this is a comedy, because it’s billed “Comedy, Drama”. But nooooo. This is more like a dramedy. Which is really just a drama where some funny stuff happens. Funny stuff happens in normal, dramatic life. Having a dramatic story where some funny things happen doesn’t really make it a comedy. If anything this should be billed “Drama, Comedy” at a minimum. Because I would then know to stay way from it.

Still, this wasn’t bad. It’s hard to hate a movie. Things were interesting. Interesting sexual situations. Interesting dude-won’t-move-out-of-his-dad’s-place situation. Lucy Liu was amazingly hot as usual. I don’t regret watching this, I just regret choosing this. I was looking for a straight comedy the night I watched this, so the movie didn’t match my mood. But I shouldn’t fault it too much.

It’s definitely a “journey, not destination” movie. It’s a coming-of-age story for a 35-year-old who hasn’t come of age.  And of course, the main reason most people will watch it is because of Dexter…

Starring Michael C. Hall (Dexter, Six Feet Under) as Morris Bliss, the mid-30’s guy who doesn’t have any ambition in life other than to travel and see the world. But he’s never moved out of his dad’s place.
Chris Messina (The Giant Mechanical Man, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, 6 eps of Six Feet Under) as his bestfriend.
Peter Fonda (Ghost Rider, Escape From L.A.) as his father.
Brie Larson (Envy Adams from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV) as his girlfriend Stephanie, the crazy teenage high-schooler chick who complicates Morris’s life.
Brad William Henke (4 eps of Dexter) as Steven ‘Jetski’ Jouseski, the high-schooler’s dad.
Lucy Liu as the hotwife Andrea. Droooooool.
Glenn Kubota (1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1 ep of The Onion News Network, Korean Guy in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist) as the convenient store owner, Mr. Charlies. Funny that we’ve seen him before!
Kate Simses (What’s Your Number?) as Nancy. Random.

I did not notice Rhea Perlman as Maria! WTF.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1483756/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Clio: 5/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.6/5 stars Netflix, 6.3/10 IMDB.

From the producers of That 70’s Show, and the director of Goon, comes a movie that takes place in the 80’s, and is about as good as Superbad, and definitely in the same vein! Most of the movie’s events take place during one night.

This was an ideal choice for a Saturday night drunken party movie, and I’m glad that’s how we watched it. VERY enjoyable movie.

“I can’t deal with this. I need to do the coke.”
“Ok, slow down…. what exactly can’t you deal with?”
“Not doing the coke.”
[Can you fucking believe this movie was delayed a long time because no studio wanted to put out a movie where people use cocaine? Pffft! This movie was finished in 2007!]

Seriously though… We’ve already watched 26 comedies this year, and this is just about the best one (besides classics that we re-watched). AND IT’S ONE MOST PEOPLE OVERLOOKED. So underlook.

Party movies are usually fun, and this one included Anna Faris and Topher Grace.  We watched this as part of our “watch all movies by Anna Faris, as long as they seem watchable”. We’ve now seen 18 out of 35 of her movies, so we finally broke the halfway point.

Lots of funny people were in this one.  And the soundtrack… Full of 80’s awesomeness! Duran Duran, Men Without Hats, INXS, Falco, Wang Chung, N.W.A., Motley Crue, The Buggles, Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Grace Jones, and more.

Someone described this as “I Love You Beth Cooper but in the 1980’s”. I know I loved Beth Cooper and need to watch it again… Now I feel more of an onus to do so.

A lot of people complain that this isn’t 1988-accurate, that it feels more like 1983. Fuck off, wankers. Get a life.

People:
Topher Grace (That 70’s Show, Spider-Man 3, The Giant Mechanical Man) as the loser who works at the mall and wants the girl, Anna Faris as his twin sister, Dan Fogler (Kung Fu Panda, Fanboys) as the best friend who was in fuck-it-party-mode due to being fired that day, Teresa Palmer as the high-school crush (The Grudge 2–this girl needs more exposure!), Chris Pratt (What’s Your Number?, Jennifer’s Body), Lucy Punch (The Giant Mechanical Man, Bad Teacher, Hot Fuzz), Michelle Trachtenberg (Weeds, 5 eps of Robot Chicken, 4 eps of Six Feet Under, 17 Again, Mysterious Skin), Michael Ian Black (Stella, The State, This Is 40, Wet Hot American Summer), and a bit part from Bob Odenkirk (Breaking Bad, Mr. Show, Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Monkeybone, The Giant Mechanical Man). Also Michael Biehn (Aliens, The Terminator, Planet Terror, Grindhouse) — Being a big fan of The Terminator and Aliens, Topher Grace personally called Michael Biehn and offered him the role of his father.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0810922/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: DOCUMENTARIES: REVIEW: Superheroes (2011)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 6.2/10 IMDB.

That was pretty awesome. (For a documentary.)

Pretty goddamn motherfucking awesome. I don’t usually mention stuff I watch during dinner…. This documentary probably took us about 10 meals.

Real life super heroes! I knew they were around, but I’d never had such an insightful glimpse into the phenomenon

Carolyn’s reluctance at believing this was real astounded me, and was a hilarious source of entertainment to me. She had to look it up on HBO and such. I had thought the RLSH (real life super hero) movement had been around long enough to at least have become common knowledge in the circles I run in. Like, the spousal circle, at the very least :D

And police Lieutenant Andra Brown: What a fucking bitch! She sits on her ass in an office and complains about the people actually doing something, all too often in situations where the cops can’t even bother to show up, as was demonstrated in the movie and experienced by myself and others.

Her responses may as well have been written by a robot. Was that really the best the police could do, when confronted with people more heroic than themselves? Throw a bunch of FUD* into the equation? Pathetic.

*(Fear, uncertainty, and doubt.)

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1792621/combined