VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Lone Ranger (2013)

Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, /10 IMDB.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Fun movie!  I had low expectations because I was like “Lone Ranger? Meh.”  I didn’t remember much from the series that I watched when I was a kid, and didn’t think much of it.  But this movie delivered plenty of fun action and some good comedy splashed in.  I enjoyed it!  Johnny Depp is awesome as usual.

Clint’s thoughts: There was a series? I guess there was, huh? Much like Ninja Turtles, this is something that was around last millenium, but which I’ve never really exprienced until the 2010s. Unlike Caroly, I had no low expectations. I figured explicitly because Johnny Depp worked hard on this — that I’d most likely really like it.  Other peoples’ complaints I filed under the “every remake/sequel has a bunch of fucking whiners attached to it”, and ignored. They only served to make me more interested in seeing it: The more complaints there are, the more there is something they are trying to stop, the more I want to know what that is.

This was fucking hilarious. It was a great adventure movie. I have no regrets. I’d recommend this to anyone who can sit thorugh a 2.5-hour movie.  It’s length really helped mak eit better!

And no, Tonto wasn’t racist. The fucking idians kicked him out because they thought he was crazy. They cover this in the movie! He acted completely different than the rest of them. And there’s an explanation, too. People whining that his depiction was racist couldn’t possibly have seen the movie, are fucking idiots, and should be shot. There. I said it.

Directed by Gore Verbinski (Pirates Of The Caribbean 1-3, Mousehunt).
Written by Justin Haythe (Snitch), Ted Elliott (Pirates Of The Caribbean 1-6, National Treasure 2, Aladdin, Shrek, The Mask Of Zorro, The Legend Of Zorro (2005)) & Terry Rossio (Pirates Of The Caribbean 1-5, National Treasure 2, Aladdin, Shrek, The Mask Of Zorro, The Legend Of Zorro (2005)).

Starring Johnny Depp as Tonto.
Helena Bonham Carter as Red Harrington.
Armie Hammer (Mirror Mirror, The Social Network, 1 ep of American Dad, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Arrested Development) as John Reid (Lone Ranger).
William Fichtner (Date Night, The Dark Knight, Wrong, Drive Angry, Ken Rosenberg in Grand Theft Auto, Blades Of Glory, Equilibrium, Endsville, Armageddon, Black Hawk Down, Go, Strange Days, The Shredder in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)) as Butch Cavendish.
Tom Wilkinson (Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, The Green Hornet) as Latham Cole.
James Badge Dale (World War Z, Iron Man 3, Chase Edmunds in 24 (Kim Bauer’s secret boyfriend who was Jack’s partner in the 3rd season)) as Dan Reid, John’s brother.
Ruth Wilson as Rebecca Reid, Dan’s wife.
Mason Cook (The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Spy Kids 4) as Will, the little boy who old Tonto is telling the story to.
JD Cullum (1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Frasier, 1 ep of 24) as Wendell.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1210819/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Hobbit 2: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Evan: 1.7/5 stars, 3.7/10.
Native ratings: 4.0/5 stars Netflix, 8.1/10 IMDB.

Watched in 3-D with TwoBeans, Amber, & Evan.

This was pretty goddamn kickass, and everything I could have wanted from a movie like this. I’m glad they’re doing these, and I’m glad they are as long as they are. Looking forward to the 3rd, as well as the day I can watch The Hobbit trilogy extended versions for all 3 movies.

Evan’s dissenting opinion: I might be biasedly comparing this to Game of Thrones now that I’ve been watching it, but DoS just seemed lackluster.
I found myself glad they “got rid of” some of the characters later in the flick. Seeing as how there were twins and
triplet dwarves with very similar names, I had trouble keeping track of all of them in the first Hobbit.

The CG stood out to me in the way very few other movies do…in that terrible, shitty awful kind of way. The lighting
on some of the sets was very apparent, thus making the set itself stand out more as fake. This coupled with the
very visible green screen usage knocked a bunch of marks from the quality. It seemed like the Smaug scene was
one of the only things they got right. That and the barrel scene because they seemed to put more effort into it.

Because it only had a couple things going for it, I won’t give it more than 1.7/3.7
My ratings rarely go that low, but the more I think about this flick the more I want to
rip it apart into tiny crappy pieces. :/

Directed by Peter Jackson (Lord Of The Rings movies, The Hobbit movies, Meet The Feebles, Bad Taste, Dead Alive, The Frighteners).
Written by Fran Walsh (Lord Of The Rings movies, The Hobbit movies, Meet The Feebles, Dead Alive, The Frighteners), Philippa Boyens (The Lord Of The Rings movies, The Hobbit movies), Peter Jackson & Guillermo del Toro (Pacific Rim, Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy movies, Mimic).
Ian McKellen as Gandalf.
Martin Freeman (The World’s End, Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Shaun Of The Dead, What’s Your Number?, Hot Fuzz, 14 eps of The Office (UK)) as Bilbo.
Richard Armitage (Captain America: The First Avenger, uncredited in Star Wars Episode 1) as Thorin.
Ken Stott (The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian) as Balin.
Graham McTavish (Erik The Viking, Pandemic, Mikhail Novakovich in 7 eps of 24, Loki in 5 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Sebastian Shaw in 4 eps of Wolverine And The X-Men) as Dwalin.
William Kircher (1 ep of Xena) as Bifur.
Orlando Bloom (The Lord Of The Rings movies, Pirates Of The Caribbean movies, The Three Musketeers, Troy) as Legolas.
Cate Blanchett (The Lord Of The Rings movies, Hanna, How To Train Your Dragon 2, Ponyo, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, 2 eps of Family Guy) as Galadriel.
Benedict Cumberbatch (Kahn in Star Trek 12, 1 ep of The Simpsons) as Smaug / Necromancer.

 

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1170358/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Wolverine (2013)

Claire: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Evan: 4/5 stars.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.8/10 IMDB.

Watched in 3-D: I’ve noticed it’s really hard for me to rate 3-D movies, because the 3-d distracts me from my normal train of thought. I think some of my being-impressed-with gets transferred from the content of the movie into the spectacle of 3-D.

But hey — I guess I loved this movie, ’cause superhero stuff kicks ass, so i guess that’s 5 stars.  But I was’t orgasming over it, so I guess it’s a low 5 stars, so I guess I agree with Carolyn’s 4.6/5 rating.

Love Marvel. Love mutants. Love the X-Men. Love Wolverine. It’s almost impossible for Marvel to screw up; these movies are barely worth reviewing because they’re incredibly consistent to us.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Entertaining movie about Wolverine and the Mariko story origin. I’m looking forward to the sequel, if it ever comes out.  We love the comic superheros and I’m glad they are continuing to make them into movies.  The 3-D was alright, but didn’t seem as spectacular as it could have been.  Judging from the quality of the mountains at the beginning that Claire noticed, maybe it was converted to 3-D.
Evan: That fake mountain was pretty hilarious. Is it wrong that I like the ninja guy better then Hawkeye? (As a ranger-type character.) The 3-D is always better at your place, so my ratings typically go up a notch when I rewatch stuff there. I’d give wolvy a 4. Not enough action.

Directed by James Mangold (Kate & Leopold, Girl Interrupted, Knight And Day).
Written by Mark Bomback (Fifty Shades Of Grey, Total Recall remake) and Scott Frank (Get Shorty, Minority Report, Dead Again).

Starring Hugh Jackman (X-Men movies, Movie 43, Rise Of The Guardians, Van Helsing, Kate & Leopold) as Logan.
Tao Okamoto as Mariko.
Rila Fukushima as Yukio.
Hiroyuki Sanada (Ring & Ring 2, Speed Racer, 5 eps of Lost) as Shingen.
Svetlana Khodchenkova as Viper.
Brian Tee (1 ep of The Problem Solverz, 1 ep of Sym-Bionic Titan) as Noburo.
Hal Yamanouchi as Yashida.
Will Yun Lee (Total Recall remake) as Harada.
Famke Janssen (The Faculty, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, The Wackness, The Ten, 11 eps of Nip/Tuck) as Jean Grey.
Ian McKellen as Magneto (uncredited).
Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier (uncredited).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1430132/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: My Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012)

Clio: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.0/10 IMDB.

This movie might be the perfect intersection of sex comedy and romantic comedy. It was FUN. It didn’t have that “all humor stops here” point that so many romantic comedies have. That’s the sex-comedy influence :) Admittedly the comedy lets off a bit in the last 10%, but the jokes do indeed go all the way to the end, and even into the credits. And it’s not just a bunch of overt sex comedy (not that there’s anything wrong with that)… There’s also some a lot of “cringe comedy”. Awwwkwarrrrrd moments. I mean, they put the word awkward the title for a reason. It’s obvious.

If you were to combine Roger Doger with The 40-Year-Old Virgin… It still wouldn’t be this movie. But it would be close.

This is Canadian, so most people aren’t going to hear about it outside of my review, he types, drunk on power. So I’d recommend this over other movies I post about and like, simply because it’s easy to miss this one.

Plot-wise: Stuck-up girlfriend of boring accountant (who pined for 24 years before dating her) breaks up with him because he’s boring in bed.  They might have been able to work out some sort of alternative lifestyle arrangement regarding that, but instead she just breaks up with him.  This made him have to go on their planned, pre-paid vacation alone.  While on vacation, he tries to make his girlfriend jealous by taking pictures of him posing with strippers.  He ends up befriending a stripper who agrees to help instruct him on being better in bed in order to win back his girlfriend. You’d think it would be raunchy, but no, it really isn’t that raunchy, actually.

Cast-wise: Dudeface is played by Jonas Chernick (Degrassi: The Next Generation) WHO ALSO WROTE THE MOVIE. Stripper-with-a-heart-of-gold is played by Emily Hampshire (Boy Meets Girl, 1 ep of Puppets Who Kill, ‘Misery’ in some animated series called Ruby Gloom that kinda looks interesting). Bitchy girlfriend is Sarah Manninen.  Indian man-slut friend is Vik Sahay (Chuck, American Reunion, Stir Of Echoes 2). Naked Tom (Mike Bell) was in Goon. Dudeface’s androgynous co-worker who really seemed like “Pat” from Saturday Night Live turned out to not be Pat, but Sarah Constible, who was a teacher in 2 episodes of the MOST AMAZING SHOW EVER Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil. The “Mint Girl” was in Todd as well.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2112210/combined