VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: In Time (2011)

5/5 stars from both of us, 9/10 from Clint, 9.6/10 from Carolyn.
6.6/10 on IMDB.

Written & director by the writer/director of The Truman Show and Lord Of War — who also directed Gattaca.

This movie wins based solely on its incredible concept — a world where everyone has a 1-year death-clock countdown starting at age 25, and the only currency used to buy things is time. More time to be alive.

People in the ghetto with one day left to live, struggling to earn another day. Muggers who steal your time. Rich people who have thousands of years of time. There’s a metaphor for Occupy Wall Street in this, and this movie also has some parallels to The Hunger Games: A future, freedom-crushing society that benefits some at the expense of others.

Like the real world. But with a currency based directly on consequences, rather than hiding behind the complication of dollars-and-cents currency.

Also, it’s neat to see Amanda Seyfried as more than just a ditzy blonde… Here she looks like a red-headed girl from Tron. Didn’t even realize it was her. She rocks the medium-red hair!
And Justin Timberlake has slowly become tolerable, which is in itself an utterly amazing feat.

In the end, never in my movie-watching life have I seen so much macroeconomic justice dispensed by two people. Yay.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1637688/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Three Stooges (2012) [The 3 Stooges remake]

5/5 stars, 9/10 from both of us.

Native rating was much lower: 5.3/10, 3.5/5 stars (3.7 Netflix-guess for us).

This is THE surprise of the year for us.

Two conditions helped create this situation:
1) We lack the hate everyone else has for remakes. Remakes are a way to get more, a way to see things through another view point. They’re no more objectionable than cover songs (and I own many tributes albums).
2) We love the Three Stooges. Even Carolyn. Yes. She’s a girl who loves Three Stooges.

It helps that this was by “Made In Georgia” (georgia.org). That explains the level of awesome here. ¬†They also did American Reunion, Archer, Zombieland, The Walking Dead, Ugly Americans, Wanderlust, Footloose (remake), Due Date, Dumb And Dumberer, Road Trip, Ron Ronnie Run, Scream 2, Camilla, The Signal, & Contagion.

But to be fair, they also did X-Men:The Last Stand, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, and Van Wilder 3 (which I think is actually #0, the prequel)..
Our first thought was: LOW expectations, this is going to be awful, especially the actor they picked for Moe.

BUT WAIT! LARRY DAVID as Sister Mary-Mengele, the bitchy nun?

Ridiculously-hot Sophia Vergara as the main female character?

Brian Doyle-Murray (Captain K’Nuckles from Flapjack, also in Motorcity) — finally getting to see his face after hearing all of his voice work.

The Jersey Shore cast? ANOTHER UNEXPECTED! They actually made the movie better!. Seriously — who the fuck could predict this shit in a million years? The main way they make it get better is you get to see Moe slap the shit out of all the annoying Jersey Shore people.

We had thought slapstick was pretty much bottomed out by these guys, sent off to die in a manner similar to the demise of vaudeville & the like. Glad to see it can still be done, and done well.

The backstory of them as babies & as 10 year olds was great!

The orphanage plot that drove the movie may as well have been straight out of the Nintendo game (which I loved, and was one of my favorite Nintendo games as a teen, and it had speech, which was rare for Nintendo).

All in all, it was extremely faithful to the original, and every bit as funny. And it was updated to the modern era without the many sacrifices that often happen when this is done (for example with the 2012ish Smurfs movie).

The only other person we know who saw this also agrees: It’s the funniest movie this year besides Wanderlust. Yes, I laughed way harder than during American Reunion, which was also great.

Go figure. SURPRISE OF THE YEAR.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383010/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: American Pie 8: American Pie 4: American Reunion (2012)

5/5 stars, 8/10 from Clint, Carolyn, AND Parthena.

Native rating: 7.1/10, 3.9/5 stars (which was also Netflix’s guess for us, for some reason).

I’m so glad they didn’t decide to call this American Pie 4 like they had originally planned, because it really would have mucked up the numbering system for those who numbered the 4 direct-to-video movies.

Not much to say here — This was as good as the first 3 movies collectively were, and was definitley beter than the 4 direct-to-video movies (even if #7 was probably better than #3).

It’s been over a decade, so it’s really hard to remember the original movies for a valid comparison.

The east coast derecho ALMOST ruined the movie for us, but we only lost power for 5 seconds twice. All my previous complaints to Dominion appear to have paid off.

This movie was a really really good time! (And the first one where the main characters aren’t in high school or college.)

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1605630/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Treasure Planet (2002)

Clint: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.6/5 stars (Netflix guess for us=3.1), 6.7/10.

I enjoyed it — though not as much as Carolyn…

…but it was still a Disney KIDS movie, with little adult in it at all.

It was kind of hokey and family and predictable and watered down — no blood during wounds, off-screen deaths only.

Still, I’m glad I finally got around to watching this, and the animation was definitely Disney quality.

Pretty funny that as of 2011, this flim is Disney’s greatest financial loss — still $79M down. Taking 10 years to make it probably didn’t help. And did they really have to censor the fact that the dog (voiced by Niles Crane from Frasier) was the one who gave birth? Too controversial for a male to give birth? C’mon, Disney!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133240/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, & Her Lover (1989

) Clint/Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.

This downgrades Clint’s previous 5/5 star rating. The cinematography is 5/5 stars, 9/10 though.

Native ratings: 3.4/5 stars (Netflix), 7.4/10 (IMDB).

I had forgotten just how “NC-17” this movie was! And how beautifully it was shot!

This movie is the ultimate trainwreck: I do not think there is a character in all of cinema that can foster so much contempt within the first 5 minutes of the movie, only to have the level of contempt steadily increase at a non-stop pace throughout the entire movie.

The death scenes weren’t as gory as I thought they were. And I really didn’t remember the eroticism angle very much.

But damn… If you want to HATE and HATE and HATE and HATE a character more than anything — only to have a very satisfying ending — watch this. (And also “The King’s Whore”, except it’s nowhere to be found.)

Delicatessen has some similar themes, almost as if it was inspired by this.

And oh… Both Dumbledore#2 (main asshole) AND his Dumbledore brother (main asshole’s lackey) are in this! TWO DUMBLEDORES! What are the odds? TWO DUMBLEDORES!!! LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097108/

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Ten (2007)

4/5 stars, 8/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 2.7/5 stars, 5.1/10.
Netflix’s guess for us was 3.9/5 stars — very accurate.

After the resounding success of Wanderlust (2012), one of the funniest movies we’ve seen in awhile, we noticed there were David Wain/Ken Marino (The State, Wet Hot American Summer) movies we had not seen!

Enjoyable anthology of 10 stories analagous to the 10 commandments. The only problem was some of the stories didn’t really have too much to do with their corresponding commandment. But that’s okay, as it was really just a framework for Wain/Marino comedy.

Incredible cast: Paul Rudd, Famke Janssen, Adam Brody, Jon Hamm, Winona Ryder, Gretchen MolLiev Schreiber, Rob Corddry, Radhisa Jones, H. Jon Benjamin, and pretty much every member of The State. And most of these people did a musica performance together at the end. Unnecessary, but funny and entertaining. Gretchen Mol sings her own name in a lyric explaining that this movie is fictitious and she’s just an actress.

If you need a reason to watch this, I submit this one: Wynona Rider passionately making out with a wooden dummy.

Basically, if you like Wain-style comedy (The State, Wet Hot American Summer, Superjail, Wanderlust), you should check this out. It’s probably the least good out of all of the above, but it’s still better than the general public thinks.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0811106/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Clash Of The Titans 2 – Wrath of the Titans (2012)

Clint: 3.2/5 stars (compared to 3.4/5 for the first remake), 7.2/10 (compared to 7.4).

Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars (same as what she gave the first remake), 7/10 (compared to 7.6/10 for the first remake).

Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars  (compared to 3.5/5 for 1st remake) (guess for us=3.7/5), 5.9/10 (compared to 5.8/10 for first remake).

Yeah, our numbers and everyone else’s are kind of wonky for this one. Nostalgia clouds all of our judgement.

This movie LOOKED great, and the battles were nothing short of epic.

Yet, it was missing something. The story and characters could have been more developed. At 1hr39min, it felt rushed. I probably would have liked this more if they could have fleshed out an actual 2.5-hour movie out of it.

Kronos was nothing short of spectacular, and seeing him incarnate is reason enough to see this. But the story? Kinda meh.

The plot reminded me of the last season of Xena:Warrior Princess, where she ends up perma-killing most of the gods from most mythologies. This is about the death of many gods. I guess they aren’t doing a sequel…No.. wait.. they ARE?!?! Where are they going to go from this?

Either way…. At least it doesn’t look like an old episode of Land Of The Lost, which is what the 1983 movie looks like nowadays.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1646987/

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