Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.2/5 stars Netflix, 7.9/10 IMDB.

I defer to Carolyn’s rating for this one. I kept falling asleep. I definitely still followed everything that happened in the movie, but it lost it’s potential for full effect on me. I could tell it was awesome, but I just wasn’t SURE it was awesome. I’m not even going to rate it because I don’t even know how I feel about it.

But hey! Carolyn loved it! A lot of people loved it! I’ll be watching this again someday, 7 years from now.


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Bindlestiffs (2012) aka “Kevin Smith’s Bindlestiffs” but not really by Kevin Smith

Clint: 2.6/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Native ratings: 2.4/5 stars Netflix, 4.0/10 IMDB.
First off, this is not actually a Kevin Smith creation. Kevin Smith’s name is not even on the IMDB page. Yet this was billed to as as “Kevin Smith’s Bindlestiffs”. Apparently he ranted and raved about how good this movie is.  I had thought he was one of the producers, but no. The producers are mostly the actors. This is a film made by 3 high school students. It’s not an A movie. It’s not even a B movie. It’s a C movie in quality. For comparison… Clerks was a B movie. I only watch about one C movie a year.

But it still has its moments and value. Three virgins inspired by reading The Catcher In The Rye decide to have their own Holden Caulfield weekend. The weekend ends up very differently for all 3 of the characters. Some jokes are genuinely funny (like the scene where the the elderly homeless woman makes out with one of the characters in the middle of an extended vomiting session), but a lot of stuff falls flat.

This is more like a draft for a real movie later. With the right budget & focus groups (to weed out the jokes that just aren’t funny), these guys could make some seriously good movies later in their career.

But this one isn’t it.

Carolyn adds: “It was slightly entertaining, and slightly funny… It wasn’t particularly well-done, and it didn’t have much of a story to tell… I guess it tried to have a lesson learned, but it seemed to come up short… It was more like a slice of life.  It was definitely no Clerks, but maybe it was trying to go for the same feel as Clerks (as in “a day in the life..”), but came up short.”


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Spies Like Us (1985)

Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Clint: 2.9/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.1/10 IMDB.

Unfortunatley, I pretty much fell asleep throughout most of this movie. When Carolyn summarized it in email to me the next day, I recalled pretty much everything she talked about… But I lacked the ability to put it together from my shattered memories.  Later, I re-watched the parts I was less aware during, and gained a coherent memory of the movie.

Ultimately our feeling was that this movie wasn’t really that good, despite the Akroyd/Chase powerhouse combo. Carolyn’s main commentary was: “Not much happened.” The jokes were decent, but not hilarious… And the action/spy plot got in the way of the comedy too much.

Still worth seeing, though. This movie is referenced a lot. For example, the 2009 Family Guy episode “Spies Reminiscent of Us”, guest-starring Akroyd and Chase. Definitely worth seeing that.


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEWS; Gross Anatomy (1989)

Clint: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 5.8/10 IMDB.
This was billed as a comedy, but it wasn’t THAT comedic… It was more drama/romance than anything… There were definitely laughs sprinkled throughout, but this is not a straight-comedy movie.

It mostly showed how hard and miserable medical school is… with a lesson of “oh, we shouldn’t be working so hard to be doctors, because we also need to have good beside manner, because the patients are more than just files, they are human beings.”

Daphne Zuniga! In a role similar to her role in The Sure Thing, if you ask me.

I totally did not realize the main character Joe Slovak was played by the same guy (Matthew Modine) who was Private J.T. “Joker” Davis in Full Metal Jacket.  I can’t really visualize them as being the same person AT ALL. Nor do I remember him being in 12 episodes of Weeds!

Doogie Howser mentioned this movie in an episode!

Also: The nerdy main char who got in trouble…. Was Ol’ Drippy in 2 episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And one of the writers wrote the Buffy The Vampire Slayer movie.


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Holy Motors (2012)

Clint: 3.4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.8/5 stars Netflix, 7.1/10 IMDB.

Dafuq did I just watch? Seriously. That was some weird fucking shit.

Of course this was totally expected. I actually read reviews of this movie, which helped set me up for the experience.

Because that’s what this is: An experience. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

There is not really a plot. The movie is about acting, but only in the broadest sense: That, as Shakespeare said, we are all just actors on a stage.

But who sets up the stage? Who decides what role we all play?

Fortunately it’s not a mysterious white limo that drives us around like the main character in this movie.
Fortunately *WE* get *SOME* amount of say in the matter.

The main character in this movie? He has to live many different peoples’ lives–all in one day. Anyone who could really pull that off would be the best actor on the planet. Is that the point of the movie?

I have no clue… But this was one of the most unique movies I’ve seen in a long time, and was visual as well: The psuedosex scene with the motion capture actors was one of the strangest things I’ve seen in my life. Or was it the scene with Eva Mendez singing to a fake penis? Or was it Edith Scob looking surprisingly attractive for a 76-year-old (way mroe attractive than her IMDB pictures where she looks like a grandma)? This movie is FULL OF STRANGENESS.

The best explanation of the movie I have found is here:


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Boy Eats Girl (2005) [ZOMBIES!]

3/5 stars, 6/10 from both of us.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 5.0/10 IMDB.

This was a zombie romance film of sorts. There was real conflict, but the main motivation of the main character is that he just wants the girl.

It’s not done THAT well. At times, you really have to have left your brain at the door to get by some of the deficiencies.

Also, these zombies were created by… voodoo. Brace yourself.

There’s problems. It’s not as memorable as it could be. There’s screw-ups. There’s some things that fall flat.

This movie is considered by some to basically be My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), except trying to be more of a serious romance/thriller, instead of a purposefully campy comedy. Which might be a mistake.

Conclusion? Glad I watched this, but I don’t think I’d watch it again. I recommend this for zombie completists.

P.S. It was nice to see the lovely half-Irish, half-Zambian Samantha Mumba (The Time Machine, 2002) again. She is so friggin’ hot, and makes any movie she’s in a bit easier to watch :D


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Skyfall (2012) [James Bond]

Clint: 2.9/5 stars, 5.8/10.
Carolyn: 2.9/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Native ratings: 4.2/5 stars Netflix, 7.9/10 IMDB.

I should have remembered that neither Carolyn nor I are James Bond fans. Carolyn thought she had never even seen a bond movie, but then I reminded her that we watched whatever the new one was in 2004.

I’d never seen any of the 3 movies with the current (Daniel Craig) bond….This guy is a TERRIBLE Bond. He’s the least JamesBond-y of all the James Bonds. Ever.

And man this was movie generic and kid of pointless. It had entertainment value, which kept us from outright disliking it… But this is very much just “ok”.

And what the hell is “skyfall”, anyway? “Skyfall.” “Done!” … Then never mentioned again. Meh.

And the computer parts! Fucking ridiculous, not even a realistic unrealistic like one would hope for. There’s more realistic computer usage in childrens’ cartoons!

Also: Adele is terrible. Not helping. Not helping.

Big disappointment.

NOT. ENOUGH. ACTION. Javier Bardem as a crazed killer is already cliche, too.