VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Funeral Kings (2012)

Claire: 3.8/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Jesse: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10 (I think).
Native ratings: 4.1/5 stars Netflix, 6.1/10 IMDB.

SLEEPER ALERT: This movie isn’t well-known at all, so I’d like to point out this might be the only time you see it mentioned.

“Two altar boys decide to play hooky.”

At first that tagline didn’t grab me, but then I had to consider: This is actually a comedy, and not a rom-com. I better watch it, because there aren’t enough good comedies.

I think this movie has some similarities in feel to Stand By Me, but with tons more profanity. Tons more. A lot of profanity. A lot of fucking profanity. These kids curse more than the fucking Sopranos.

…And that’s part of the charm. It’s so authentic that it almost feels unrealistic… But then I remember just how foul-mouthed some kids were when I was in school. It may actually be a bit over-the-top, but it works. You make the movie about those kids that are over-the-top. A movie about normal kids doing normal things would not be entertaining; it would be a documentary.

Anyway… This was good. Things did not go where I expect. The end hit me a bit abruptly, and it helped to have Carolyn the Movie Whisperer explain it to me a bit.

Speaking of Carolyn, her thoughts:

“This was OK. We expected more of a comedy, but we should have remembered that a review on IMDB compared it to Stand By Me. That is a good comparison. Kids being kids and learning how to grow into themselves. How to cope with other kids’ perceptions of you. How kids who are trying to be “cool” may find themselves in bad situations and over their head.”

Here’s a good review: http://www.larry411.com/post/review_pictures_red_carpet_funeral_kings_world_premiere_sxsw_film_festival

Written & directed by Kevin McManus & Matthew McManus.

Starring Dylan Hartigan (The Stepford Wives) as Andy Gilmour.
Alex Maizus as Charlie Waters.
Jordan Puzzo (uncredited in What’s Your Number?) as David Mason.
Kevin Corrigan (Seven Psychopaths, Pineapple Express, Superbad, The Dictator, Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie, Detroit Rock City) as Iggy Vannucci.
Michael Delaney (The Dictator, The Onion Movie, 1 ep of Human Giant, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 7 eps of Upright Citizan’s Brigade) as Brendan Hamilton.
Sarah Baldwin (1 ep of The Office) as Amanda Prescott.

Ian B’s review can be found here.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1951133/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Siblings (2004)

Clint: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 6.5/10 IMDB. Not available on Netflix.

This was an interesting Christmas choice! A completely subversive christmas message counter to all the bullshit family movies that are usually forced down our throat this time of year.

This is one you want me to spoil the premise of, beucase you’ve never heard of it, it’s not on Netflix, and you likely will never watch it anyway.  And I think the spoiler is in the actual 1-line IMDB summary.  I.E. You’re supposed to know what happens before going on. So here we go.

This is a movie about 4 siblings whose cool grandfather dies, so they kill their FUCKING ASSHOLE parents. Seriously… Their parents are just awful. Incredibly awful. In every imaginable possible way. They don’t dwell on the awfulness too much: Just enough to establish that each parent is a total piece of shit to at least 2 of the 4 kids.  Most of the movie is focusing on the siblings. Ergo the title.

This is listed as a black comedy, and that is definitely true. It’s mostly not funny — and you don’t really laugh out loud — but the way everything works out is slightly uplifting in a dark, morbid way. Sometimes murder is good.  Sometimes killing your parents is good. Merry Christmas.

You don’t smile much when watching the movie. It’s more of a cringer. But you smile at the end. That’s what counts. While not  THAT spectacular, it holds interest, and celebrates the Christmas spirit. Sort of.

While not our favorite movie, I still sort of think it is a must see for anybody who likes morbid subversion of christmas holidays sprikled with a little murder.

Merry Christmas.

Directed by David Weaver.
Written by Jackie May.

Alex Campbell (2 eps of Goosebumps) as Joe, the older brother.
Sarah Gadon (The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Total Drama, 1 ep of The Dating Guy) as Margaret, the older sister.
Samantha Weinstein as Danielle, the younger sister.
Andrew Chalmers as Pete, the younger brother.
Sarah Polley (Mr. Nobody, eXistenZ, The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen, Splice, Dawn Of The Dead, Exotica, Go, 1 ep of Friday The 13th: The Series) as Tabby.
Paul Soles (The Incredible Hulk (2008), Spider-Man in the 1967 Spider-Man series, Bruce Banner in a 1966 Hulk series, also in an Iron Man 1966 series, 3 eps of a Captain American 1966 series) as Grandpa.
Nicholas Campbell (Antiviral, Hank in Naked Lunch, Goon) as Dad.
Sonja Smits (Videodrome) as Mom.
Tom McCamus (Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning, Tangled, 2 eps of Friday The 13th: The Series, 1 ep of Puppets Who Kill) as Mr. Phillips.
Aaron Abrams (Simon in Producing Parker, Jesus Henry Christ, YPF (Young People Fucking), Resident Evil 2, 1 ep of The Dating Guy) as Pastor.
Joan Heney (Detroit Rock City) as Agnes.
Martha Burns as Miss Bradford.
Shawn Roberts (Resident Evil 4-5, Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Jumper, X-Men) as Tom Muster.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401787/combined

THIN BLUE LINE: Officer who put camera in Glen Burnie High bathroom won’t be charged

In a police state, there are two sets of laws. One for “us”, and one for “them”.

If one of “us” were to install a hidden camera into a bathroom at a public high school – We’d go to jail, register as a sex offender, and possibly be forced to live under a highway overpass with no prospects for a job.

But if a cop does it?  The system protects him, gives him some kind of “punishment” so people can argue justice was served, but DOES NOT PRESS CHARGES. No sex offender registration for this seemingly-pedophile piggie.

And that’s what’s wrong with this situation, and to a further extent, this country.

LINK URL: http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2013-04-16/news/bs-md-glen-burnie-camera-0417-20130416_1_anne-arundel-county-police-police-powers-camera

GUNS: THIS. THIS is why people resist any kind of gun control.

Because the government intrinsically cannot practice any sort of ACTUAL judgment. Any rule will be flaunted and abused.

This father had his pistol license revoked — his constitutional rights denied — because his son talked about “threatening” a kid [a bully, even] with a water gun.

When the left says “We don’t want to take away your guns, we just want more regulation”, the right only need look to stories like this to completely and utterly vindicate every iota of their resistance to change.

[Notice, also, that nobody gives a shit about the actual bullying, something that people take with them beyond school and into their professional lives. You can bet some of the workplace mass shootings were against bullies who would have been a schoolplace mass shooting had their ages simply been younger.]

LINK URL: http://www.blacklistednews.com/New_York_suspends_dad%E2%80%99s_gun_license_because_his_son_threatened_to_use_a_water_gun_/25234/0/0/0/Y/M.html

RELIGION: Cardinal Roger Mahony: I Forgive Those Who Are Angry at Me for Covering Up Child Rape

What a piece of shit. This guy is worse than the worst child molester you can imagine.

The commenters are right: The Catholic Church needs to be charged under RICO organized crime laws.

If you tithe, you’re paying for rape. Period.

LINK URL: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/02/17/cardinal-roger-mahony-i-forgive-those-who-are-angry-at-me-for-covering-up-child-rape/

OVERLY-HARSH PUNISHMENTS: Piedmont Mom Gets $2,500 Ticket After Son, 3, Urinates In Own Yard

While we’re busy pretending there are only 2 sides to all issues… Shit like this happens on an increasing basis with each passing year.

LINK URL: http://www.news9.com/global/story.asp?S=20010769

TASER THURSDAY: Officer shoots 10-year-old boy with Taser for refusing to clean cop car

At first you think, “maybe the kid spit on his car or did something that would require cleaning”, but no.

This is a piece of shit cop who went to a career day at school, asked kids if they wanted to clean his car, then tasered the one kid who didn’t want to.

Then didn’t get him medical attention after he blacked out.

So-called officer Chris Webb of the New Mexico Department Of Public Safety should be publicly shamed, fired, and barred from any position of power ever again.

His name is CHRIS WEBB. He should be in jail.

LINK URL: http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-buzz/officer-shoots-10-old-boy-taser-refusing-clean-183349654.html