VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book Of Vile Darkness (2012) (TV)

3/5 stars, 6/10 from both of us.
Native ratings: 3.0/5 stars Netflix, 4.0/10 IMDB.

One of my criticisms was going to be that this seemed like it was a Made-for-TV movie… But then I found out that it was, so… Yeah. That.

This was actually pretty good, given how bad the first Dungeons & Dragons actual-A-movie was. Apparently these movies are getting slightly better. But still made-for-TV drek in the eyes of most people.

The zombie girl in the forest was awesome. And Eleanor Gecks is beautiful, though her character’s tattoos looked like someone just drew it on her face with Sharpies.

This could have been worse. Probably not recommended for people who aren’t already into fantasy and D&D-type stuff, though.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1733125/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Giant Mechanical Man (2012)

Clint: 2.8/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.3/5 stars (Netflix), 6.1/10 (IMDB).

It was a chick flick. There wasn’t really any comedy.  A few awkward situations, a few *actors* that are usually funny (Jenna Fischer, Malin Akerman, Bob Odenkirk, Topher Grace, Lucy Punch), but the plot wasn’t funny.

It was mostly depressing, with a love story to defeat the depression of the pointlessness of life.

The “mechanical man” gimmick didn’t really do much for me, pretty much felt like a MacGuffin.

By the end of the movie, I felt very happy for the main characters, but sad that I’d tricked myself into watching something so lacking in laughs.

This is well done. And it’s not bad. It’s just not my cup of tea.

P.S. Lucy Punch PLEASE dye your hair back to red like in Bad Teacher, kthxbye.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1769363/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Bad Teacher (2011)

Clint: 3.4/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native rating: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

Basically, what if Cameron Diaz was an awful, awful person… And a school teacher. This is basically Bad Santa meets Lower Learning. If you’ve seen those 2 movies: Combine them in your head, and it’s this movie.

This is a dark comedy, and, like with Lower Learning, it’s involvement of children being exploited has the typical effect: Bring children into the equation, and everyone goes all cray-cray. Suddenly things that are funny–aren’t… Because? Because children! So the IMDB rating is artificially deflated in my book.

And oh: Lucy Punch with red hair is way way way fucking hotter than Lucy Punch has ever been (not that she isn’t hot mind you), and she should keep her hair red like that. I prefer blondes and I don’t like her as much as a blonde or as much as Cameraon Diaz in the movie. Plus she has more boobs. Which is actually a relavant plot point of the movie.

Also, so nice to see Phyllis from The Office in a movie… Playing someone with a different personality. Did you know she was a pro cheerleader back in the day?

Jason Segel and even Justin Timberlake provide more familiar faces.

Jason Segel and even Justin Timberlake provide more familiar faces.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1284575/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Video Game High School (2012)

Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native rating: 7.7/10 IMDB (Not available on Netflix).

First off, this is actually a TV series of short episodes repacked into a movie. It feels way more movie-like than I expected from that description. The episode cuts are not as jarring as one would think; I didn’t notice most of them as being different. If you had told me it was a  movie from the start, I would have believed it.

So anyway, you could call this an alternate-earth movie, where videogames are everything, and you go to college to get better at video games. And if you lose too many matches, you get expelled for having bad game winning stats. Throw in a romantic angle (a must in any college comedy?), a bully (who’s power comes from his videogame prowess), and you get a pretty interesting movie… If you’re a gamer.

It reminded Carolyn of Todd And The Book Of Evil on a few fronts (high school, crush on girl named Jenny, redhed geekier girl who gets with 2nd friend and may actually be hotter than Jenny), though the subject matter really was nothing like it, and I would say something like the movie John Dies At The End reminds me more of Todd And The Book Of Evil.

Johanna Braddy was in the Avatar:The Last Airbender cartoon and in Paranormal Activity 3.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2170584/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: John Dies At The End (2012)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 9.6/10.
(4/5 stars, 8/10 after first/too drunk viewing)
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 10/10.
Native ratings: 4/5 stars Netflix, 6.9/10 IMDB.

Holy fuck, this is the most unique movie I’ve watched in awhile.

A supernatural fantasy/psychological horror/drug comedy that does not take itself too seriously.  This movie is WEIRD. SO WEIRD. And kind of confusing.

The first time I watched it I drank too much leftover New Year’s champagne and was a bit too out of it to fully comprehend everything, so I knew I liked it, but I couldn’t really remember any of the plot points, or what the hell had just happened. I watched it again about 4 days later with John The Canadien; Autumn left in the middle of the movie, while Jesse, Melanie, Randy, Chablis, and Steve stopped by mid-movie and watched most of the rest with us. They all kinda loved it or really liked it.

It’s based on a book (that Chablis had read, and Carolyn now wants to obtain).

Anyway, Paul Giamatti & Clancy Brown were welcome additions to the mostly-unknown cast. The screenplay adaptation was done by a screenwriter of Bubba Ho-Tep & the Beastmaster movies.

The movie definitely had its cheesy moments. It was pretty much on purpose. Regardless, this is NOT a movie that you can guess what is going to happen next on. It is a wild ride. It is pretty much impossible to guess where the plot is going. That makes this very charming.

Anyway… Great fucking movie! SEE IT, SEE IT, SEE IT!

Carolyn: Slightly confusing, but thoroughly enjoyable.  Based on a book, which apparently people liked better than the movie.  Be careful when injecting unknown drugs.  They might be part of an alien infection from a parallel universe.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1783732/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Stripes (1981)

3/5 stars, 7/10 from both of us.
Native rating: 3.8/5 Netflix, 6.8/10 IMDB.

This is a classic I had seen several times as a kid, but never watched as an adult.

From the director of Ghostbusters 1-2, Meatballs, Kindergarten Cop, and My Super Ex-Girlfriend, and writers that also wrote on Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Caddyshack, Metaballs, Analyze This/That, The Pink Panther remake and Year One.

With an absolutely stellar cast:

Bill Murray,
Harold Ramis (Heavy Metal, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, Airheads, As Good As It Gets, High Fidelity, Knocked Up, Walk Hard, Year One),
Warren Oates (The Wild Bunch),
P.J. Soles (Rock And Roll High School, Joysticks, The Devil’s Rejects, Jawbreaker, Halloween, Carrie, Breaking Away),
Sean Young (Blade Runner, Dune, Fatal Instinct),
John Candy (RIP) (Spaceballs, Little Shop Of Horrors, Hot To Trot, Home Alone, Brewster’s Millions, Canadian Bacon, Heavy Metal, Planes, Trains & Automobiles),
John Diehl (Escape From New York, Joysticks),
John Voldstad (the other brother Darryl from Newheart, Joysticks),
John Larroquette (Night Court, Boston Legal), Judge Reinhold.

Basically, you watch this movie for the performance of everyone involved.

The actual plot isn’t super-stellar: Bill Murray is a loser who breaks rules, so he joins the army with another loser friend. Basic training hilarity ensues, then they end up actually going into actual battle under the strangest of circumstances.

The comedy never stops, but at the same time, it’s not the most hilarious, cutting-edge, modern, relevant comedy.

Strangely — this was originally going to be a Cheech & Chong movie, but C&C’s agent fucked it up for them. Too bad about that.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083131/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: How To Stop Being A Loser (2011)

Clint: 4.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8/10.
Native rating: 4.4/10 IMDB (not available on netflix).
WTF IT’S WAY BETTER THAN THAT!

Apparently this movie is kind of polarizing. A lot of people think it’s stupid rubbish. After all, it has similarities to MANY other movies (like The Long Weekend, or a billion other romantic comedies).

But this is more of a sex comedy than a romantic comedy, and that’s a plus for us.

It is specifically about a the influence of PUAs (pickup artists) and The Game, and parodies/comments on that phenomenon quite well.

A loser who has the most awkward time possible trying to talk to girls (with some VERY awkward scenes in the movie) finally pays a 2nd rate pickup-artist to try to teach him how to get chicks.

And the psychiatrist he keeps talking to (as a framing device) throughout the movie is pretty funny too!

Plus you get to see the girl who played the main character in MirrorMask as the “nerdy female friend whose sexuality is totally ignored by people who don’t realize she is actually really hot”.

But anyway… For a formulaic movie that wasn’t that unique, this one was better than most.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1727506/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1