VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Kindergarten Cop (1990)

Clio: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

When we watched this, our expectations weren’t that high. Neither of us had seen it, and we don’t like children.

But the children didn’t hurt this movie. It was light-hearted and entertaining. An overall pass, for sure. And at least we’re now slightly more in sync with pop movie culture.

There was definitely some idiotic writing… Worse than you’d expect even from a low-grade National Lampoon type comedy. But also, this was 22 years ago, and that shit passed muster way more back then.

We found out the quotes from that prank call mp3 we have were from this movie, and that was good for extra laughs. (Basically, there is a set of prank calls made using Arnold Schwarzenegger samples.) ┬áSo I was saying a couple lines before they were said … Even though I’d never seen the movie. (“I’m a cop, you idiot!”)

Bullshit censorship: In post-911 versions, they’ve removed the line where Ahhnold calls the kids terrorists. FUCKING RIDICULOUS BULLSHIT. More political-based semantic shift.

Directed by Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters 1-2, Junior, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Stripes).
Written by Murray Salem (this is the only thing he wrote, but he has acted in 11 things, none of which we have seen).
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Detective John Kimble.
Penelope Ann Miller (The Shadow, Adventures In Babysitting, Big Top Pee-Wee) as Joyce Palmieri / Rachel Crisp.
Pamela Reed (Bob Roberts, 3 eps of Simpsons, Junior, Parks And Recreation) as Detective Phoebe O’Hara.
Linda Hunt (Management in Carnivale!) as the principal.
Richard Tyson (Kingpin, There’s Something About Mary, Me, Myself & Irene) as Cullen Crisp, Sr..
Carroll Baker (The Watcher In The Woods, How The West Was Won) as the mother of the criminal.
Cathy Moriarty (But I’m A Cheerleader) as Sylvester’s Mother.
Tom Kurlander (Flatliners, Young Guns 2, Gross Anatomy) as the guy who told the criminal where his wife was hiding.
Alix Koromzay (Mimic, Ghost In The Machine) as Cindy, the witness.
One of the 5 year olds was Odette Annable, who went on to become a hot chick in Cloverfield and Walk Hard… Creepy.
Heidi Swedberg (Susan in Seinfeld, Galaxy Quest) as Joshua’s Mother. She did not get killed by poison envelopes in this movie. We also did not even notice it was her.