VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The To Do List (2013)

Claire: 5/5 stars, 8.8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.6/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

Could this perhaps be the female American Pie 1? I think that might be a good way to describe this movie! A girl makes a list of sexual things she needs to try before she gets to college. Hilarity ensues. Very similar to American Pie 1, except it’s a list of sex acts instead of just getting laid, and it’s just one person doing it instead of 4 people doing it.

This wasn’t quite as funny as American Pie 1, but it was pretty goddamn funny! It wasn’t action-packed or caper-packed — it was situational, and sexual. But constantly funny.

And the casting…. Grrrrrrrrreat! I’ve always thought Aubrey Plaza was pretty hot, but she’s never been hotter than in this movie (though I do wish she had boobs). She is presented as an actual sexual being instead of simply being the deadpan comedy relief.

Casting Aubrey was interesting because I feel like she lacked explicit sexuality in her previous career. She always had that aloof, deadpan, emotionless, slightly annoyed look to her. Was it the stroke she had about a decade ago before her acting career took off?

This detached look worked against her overt sexuality, but created a hypothetical repressed sexuality–which sometimes leaves a little more wiggle room for the imagination. So seeing someone like this become a full, actualized sexual being …. Was utterly perfect casting. It’s like the movie was made for Aubrey. Someone funnier or prettier wouldn’t have been as good. (And don’t get me wrong, I think Aubrey is both. I’m saying she’s so perfect for this role that even someone with more talent than her wouldn’t have been able to do it as well.)

Plot-wise, It was a bit annoying during the formulaic conflict when the friends got really bent out of shape over something trivial, but I guess that’s how teenage relations are. But it wasn’t really annoying, since this movie kept the comedy going full strength for the entire length of the movie.

I wish all movies could be this fun.

Written & Directed by Maggie Carey…. And what a cast!

The chicks:
Starring Aubrey Plaza (Safety Not Guaranteed, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Mystery Team, Funny People, The Legend Of Korra [6 eps], Portlandia [3 eps], NTSF:SD:SUV & Drunk History [1 ep each]) as Brandy Klark.
Alia Shawkat (Maeby Funke in Arrested Development, Prom Wars: Love Is A Battlefield, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV) as Fiona, Brandy’s wild friend.
Sarah Steele as Wendy, Brandy’s slightly less wild friend.
Rachel Bilson (the movie Jumper, 1 ep of That 70s Show, MADtv, & Buffy The Vampire Slayer) as Amber, the hot sister.

The dudes:
Johnny Simmons (The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Jennifer’s Body) as Cameron.
Scott Porter (Cyclops in the English version of the X-Men anime, Speed Racer, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Rusty Waters, the hot crush.
Bill Hader (Saturday Night Live, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up, Superbad, The Brothers Solomon, Men In Black 3, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Year One, Adventureland, 7 eps of The Venture Bros., 4 eps of The Human Giant, 2 eps of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, 2 eps of South Park, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Willy, the boss.
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin from Superbad, How To Train Your Dragon, This Is the End, Kick-Ass 2, Movie 43, Fright Night, Year One) as Duffy.
Andy Samberg (Saturday Night Live, Grown Ups 2, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist, I Love You Man, 4 eps of The Human Giant, 1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of Portlandia, 1 ep of American Dad, 1 ep of Adventure Time, 1 ep of The Sarah Silverman Program) as Van.
Donald Glover (Mystery Team, 1 ep of The Human Giant, 1 ep of Adventure Time) as Derrick.

The parents:
Connie Britton (Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010), 6 eps of 24, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Mrs. Klark, Brandy’s mom.
Clark Gregg (“His first name is Agent” Coulson from the Iron Man movies, Thor, The Avengers, and the shows Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Ultimate Spider-ManA.I. Artificial Intelligence, Magnolia, 88 eps of The New Adventures Of Old Christine) as Judge Klark, Brandy’s dad.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1758795/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: My Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012)

Clio: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 6.0/10 IMDB.

This movie might be the perfect intersection of sex comedy and romantic comedy. It was FUN. It didn’t have that “all humor stops here” point that so many romantic comedies have. That’s the sex-comedy influence :) Admittedly the comedy lets off a bit in the last 10%, but the jokes do indeed go all the way to the end, and even into the credits. And it’s not just a bunch of overt sex comedy (not that there’s anything wrong with that)… There’s also some a lot of “cringe comedy”. Awwwkwarrrrrd moments. I mean, they put the word awkward the title for a reason. It’s obvious.

If you were to combine Roger Doger with The 40-Year-Old Virgin… It still wouldn’t be this movie. But it would be close.

This is Canadian, so most people aren’t going to hear about it outside of my review, he types, drunk on power. So I’d recommend this over other movies I post about and like, simply because it’s easy to miss this one.

Plot-wise: Stuck-up girlfriend of boring accountant (who pined for 24 years before dating her) breaks up with him because he’s boring in bed.  They might have been able to work out some sort of alternative lifestyle arrangement regarding that, but instead she just breaks up with him.  This made him have to go on their planned, pre-paid vacation alone.  While on vacation, he tries to make his girlfriend jealous by taking pictures of him posing with strippers.  He ends up befriending a stripper who agrees to help instruct him on being better in bed in order to win back his girlfriend. You’d think it would be raunchy, but no, it really isn’t that raunchy, actually.

Cast-wise: Dudeface is played by Jonas Chernick (Degrassi: The Next Generation) WHO ALSO WROTE THE MOVIE. Stripper-with-a-heart-of-gold is played by Emily Hampshire (Boy Meets Girl, 1 ep of Puppets Who Kill, ‘Misery’ in some animated series called Ruby Gloom that kinda looks interesting). Bitchy girlfriend is Sarah Manninen.  Indian man-slut friend is Vik Sahay (Chuck, American Reunion, Stir Of Echoes 2). Naked Tom (Mike Bell) was in Goon. Dudeface’s androgynous co-worker who really seemed like “Pat” from Saturday Night Live turned out to not be Pat, but Sarah Constible, who was a teacher in 2 episodes of the MOST AMAZING SHOW EVER Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil. The “Mint Girl” was in Todd as well.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2112210/combined

THIN BLUE LINE: Officer who put camera in Glen Burnie High bathroom won’t be charged

In a police state, there are two sets of laws. One for “us”, and one for “them”.

If one of “us” were to install a hidden camera into a bathroom at a public high school – We’d go to jail, register as a sex offender, and possibly be forced to live under a highway overpass with no prospects for a job.

But if a cop does it?  The system protects him, gives him some kind of “punishment” so people can argue justice was served, but DOES NOT PRESS CHARGES. No sex offender registration for this seemingly-pedophile piggie.

And that’s what’s wrong with this situation, and to a further extent, this country.

LINK URL: http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2013-04-16/news/bs-md-glen-burnie-camera-0417-20130416_1_anne-arundel-county-police-police-powers-camera

SEX: Porn stars without their makeup

Although I prefer natural beauties to women who wear a lot of makeup…. This set of images really gives me pause about the true value of makeup. It definitely makes a difference for these porn stars!

LINK URL: http://imgur.com/a/ynkv8

SEXUAL FREEDOM: The Chick Fellatio: stuck in the craw

This explains the Chik-Fil-A hoopla more than you, I, or any of our friends’ facebook “debates” ever could. This. Explains. Everything.

Please read, regardless of which side of the issue you are on.

LINK URL: http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288

SEXUAL FREEDOM: The Chick Fellatio: stuck in the craw

This explains the Chik-Fil-A hoopla more than you, I, or any of our friends’ facebook “debates” ever could. This. Explains. Everything.

Please read, regardless of which side of the issue you are on.

LINK URL: http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288

RELIGION: Loyalty to your church is more important than not raping children – Not just in Catholicism, but Judaism too

But anyway, here’s a story of a Jewish person who turned in the person raping his child, and was shunned by his community, harassed, and kicked out of his residence.

Hasidic Jews, that is. These are the hardcore orthodox types. People who take their supernatural beliefs way too seriously, and then inflict them on other people.

Religion has got to be one of the top enemies for children.

(Islam is even worse in that they don’t need to worry about covering up chid rape quite as much as the other religions, because Mohamad set the awesome example of marrying a six year old while he was in his 50s, and Sharia says you execute the rape victim, not the rapist, so what’s left to cover up?)

In general, fuck religious people. Even the ones that do no wrong help prop up communities like this by passing on supernatural beliefs that have nothing to do with the modern-day world. If you don’t like my attitude, here is a cup of I don’t give a fuck that you can drink.

This is basically looking like the same bullshit the pope and various bishops have pulled repeatedly.

LINK URL: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/10/nyregion/ultra-orthodox-jews-shun-their-own-for-reporting-child-sexual-abuse.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all

RELIGION: Loyalty to your church is more important than not raping children – Not just in Catholicism, but Judaism too

But anyway, here’s a story of a Jewish person who turned in the person raping his child, and was shunned by his community, harassed, and kicked out of his residence.

Hasidic Jews, that is. These are the hardcore orthodox types. People who take their supernatural beliefs way too seriously, and then inflict them on other people.

Religion has got to be one of the top enemies for children.

(Islam is even worse in that they don’t need to worry about covering up chid rape quite as much as the other religions, because Mohamad set the awesome example of marrying a six year old while he was in his 50s, and Sharia says you execute the rape victim, not the rapist, so what’s left to cover up?)

In general, fuck religious people. Even the ones that do no wrong help prop up communities like this by passing on supernatural beliefs that have nothing to do with the modern-day world. If you don’t like my attitude, here is a cup of I don’t give a fuck that you can drink.

This is basically looking like the same bullshit the pope and various bishops have pulled repeatedly.

LINK URL: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/10/nyregion/ultra-orthodox-jews-shun-their-own-for-reporting-child-sexual-abuse.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all

COMICS: The 8 Most Awkward Sexual Moments in Comic Book History | Cracked.com

Ha!   I read about the Emma Frost / Cyclops / Jean Grey thing in wikipedia recently and was like “jesus fucking christ”.. but Batman/Superman crying after watching tentacle sex, Green Lantern sleeping with a 13 year old, Wolverine trying to sleep with a 15 year old Mary Jane, and Nightcrawler knowingly banging his sister despite being Catholic? Wowie…

LINK URL: http://www.cracked.com/article_18957_the-8-most-awkward-sexual-moments-in-comic-book-history.html

RELIGION: Vatican spokesman TAKES BACK 10-year-old Apology to Sexual Abuse Victims of Catholic Priests

If you donate to the catholic church, you are supporting rapists. End of story. 

You gotta love that after 10 years of this, the guy takes back his apology, says “I believe the sex abuse thing was incredibly good”, and repeated a bunch of other falsehoods. This is one of the highest-ranking members in America. Fuck religion, and fuck rape.

“How about, ON WHAT PLANET IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO TAKE BACK YOUR APOLOGY FOR RAPING CHILDREN?”

LINK URL: http://unicornbooty.com/blog/2012/02/08/vatican-takes-back-10-year-old-apology-to-sexual-abuse-victims-of-catholic-priests

TAGS: politics, religion, Catholicism, Catholics, Christianity, Christians, sex, abuse, rapists, childMolesters, pedophiles, priests, apologies, un-Apologized, retraction, unicornbooty, NewYorkTimes, news, articles