VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011) (TV) (SyFy) (The Asylum)

Clio: 2.2/5 stars, 3.6/10.
Carolyn: 1.6/5 stars, 2/10.
Native ratings: 2.7/5 stars Netflix, 3.1/10 IMDB.

WHO THE FUCK CAN RESIST A MOVIE STARRING BOTH DEBBIE GIBSON *AND* TIFFANY? (Also, Micky Dolenz of The Monkees is in this briefly.)

Carolyn was feeling kind of sick, so we didn’t want to waste a good movie on sickness. Thus, we finally had a chance to watch another movie by The Asylum — a company that makes deliberately bad movies. Often mockbusters, but sometimes “original” ideas like this one. Now add the fact that it’s a SyFy original movie just to make the endeavor that much more awful.

But with the cast of these two has-been (but well-respected by me) pop stars at the helm, how could I fucking resist? HOW COULD I? I’d be doing a grave disservice to 16-year-old me. Y’know, I STILL have two copies of the Tiffany cassette because I couldn’t figure out which print had the shade of red that I liked better as her hair color. And I still have the 7″ single to Only In My Dreams by Debbie Gibson.

I have no shame.

Carolyn: “That movie was terrible. I don’t think it had any redeeming qualities. Except for the boobs. Those boobs were really good, but not enough to save that trainwreck of a movie.”

And how! This movie had some of the best boobs ever. Sure, they aren’t naked. But they are boobs people have lusted after for 20 years. Pop-singer Tiffany has gained a few pounds since her Playboy shoot in 2005 (conveniently found at http://www.vintage-erotica-forum.com/t19397-tiffany.html )…. And you know what? It doesn’t look bad! She’s basically Christina Hendricks, but sultry.

Whereas Tiffany has the sultry, refined look of an older woman….Debbie Gibson has retained her youthful looks a bit more — or at least disguised herself as such. She still has the figure of a [boobless] 18-year-old, thanks to being stick-thin anorexic looking. Upon initial purview I thought she was the hotter one, but after staring at Tiffany’s tiffanies the whole movie, I realized I was wrong. Sultry beats cutesey in this instance!

So yes. This movie was awfully bad. Bad writing. Plot issues that didn’t make sense. Bad acting. Bad CGI. Bad sets. Bad dialog. But GODDAMN, YOU GET TO SEE TIFFANY AND DEBBIE GIBSON IN A CAT FIGHT. The money shot is Debbie Gibson covernig Tiffany’s tits in whipped cream during a catfight scene. Did I spoil it for you? Good, becuase that’s really the only reason to watch this movie, so you may as well know.

Things get really over the top in the 3rd act… So much so that I was laughing hysterically. Sometimes you gotta enjoy a bad movie, and I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t hate this. I didn’t like it either… But I edged towards liking it. Sick, guilty pleasure.

Thank you Syfy.

BTW, the young cop was in American Pie: The Book Of Love. And this was directed by the director of Pet Semetary, and the writer of #1 Cheerleader Camp (which was itself a mockbuster for Fired Up).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1680138/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Queer Duck: The Movie (2006) [NOT the 1999 TV series]

Clio: 3.6/5 stars, 7.4/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

That was a pretty funny gay-oriented adult cartoon series-cum-movie. It felt more like a tv show than a movie… But it just kept going. Actually, that feeling is probably explained by the fact that this apparently *was* a series in the past (1999).

There was definitely some good voice acting here. Queer Duck‘s voice actor was Prince Valium from Spaceballs, and also in National Lampoon’s One, Two, Many. The woman he was with played Dilmom in Dilbert:TAS, and was Dora In A Dirty Shame. Both of them were in Kissing Jessica Stein.

We also have Kevin Michael Richardson, Billy West, Estelle Harris, Mark Hamil, Tim Curry, Andy Dick, Tress MacNeille, Maurice LaMarche, Jeff Bennet… And Conan O’Brien & David Duchovyny (as tiny Jesus).

So it sounded great. It was mature, adult, edgy… With songs. And pretty gay. This  is the gayest cartoon we’ve seen since we watched all 13 episodes of Rick & Steve:The Happiest Gay Couple In The World.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0485288/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Video Game High School (2012)

Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native rating: 7.7/10 IMDB (Not available on Netflix).

First off, this is actually a TV series of short episodes repacked into a movie. It feels way more movie-like than I expected from that description. The episode cuts are not as jarring as one would think; I didn’t notice most of them as being different. If you had told me it was a  movie from the start, I would have believed it.

So anyway, you could call this an alternate-earth movie, where videogames are everything, and you go to college to get better at video games. And if you lose too many matches, you get expelled for having bad game winning stats. Throw in a romantic angle (a must in any college comedy?), a bully (who’s power comes from his videogame prowess), and you get a pretty interesting movie… If you’re a gamer.

It reminded Carolyn of Todd And The Book Of Evil on a few fronts (high school, crush on girl named Jenny, redhed geekier girl who gets with 2nd friend and may actually be hotter than Jenny), though the subject matter really was nothing like it, and I would say something like the movie John Dies At The End reminds me more of Todd And The Book Of Evil.

Johanna Braddy was in the Avatar:The Last Airbender cartoon and in Paranormal Activity 3.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2170584/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

CARTOONS: What’s so funny ‘bout peace, love, and BronyCon?

City Paper had a featured article on BronyCon. It kinda sheds light and explains things and is generally a well-written, well thought out article.

LINK URL: http://citypaper.com/news/what-8217-s-so-funny-8216-bout-peace-love-and-bronycon-1.1532075

VIDEO: SHOWS: REVIEW: Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil (2010)

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Dazed and Confused meets Tales From the Crypt wrapped inside a GWAR video”

This show is one of the awesomest things I have ever witnessed on television.

Not the BEST.. But one of the awesomest.

Check out John The Canadien’s review of this show, which he watched based on my recommendation! Thanks John!

LINK URL: http://igottarambleon.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/todd-the-book-of-pure-evil-2010/#comment-4928

TV SHOWS: Help TODD AND THE BOOK OF PURE EVIL Get Animated!

SHUT UP AND GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY.

This is the best live-action supernatural comedy series to ever be made, and it’s just unacceptable to have the ending cliffhanger never resolved.

This is the logical thing to do: An animated movie to end it all.

LINK URL: http://twitchfilm.com/2013/04/help-todd-and-the-book-of-pure-evil-get-animated.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TwitchEverything+%28Twitch%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

MUSIC: Simon & Garfunkel: Sounds Of Silence (Muppets Version)

Too hilarious not to share. It really kicks in after the first verse.

LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4hZUUmNRpGg