VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 8/10. Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 9/10.

Native rating: 4.5/5 stars, 6.0/10.

Produced in part by Tim Burton, directed by Timur Bekmambetov — ┬áthe same director as Night Watch and Day Watch — so he already has experience with awesomely-visual surreal worlds involving vampires. Very good choice. I’m glad this guy is doing English-language movies now.

This was an awesome concept. I pretty much instantly knew from the title alone that I would love this movie.

But then… Even despite all that… It completely blew away my expectations. Way more than I thought, and I already thought I’d love it.

I did not catch on that Abe’s wife was Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.

Anyway… Abe Lincoln was already pretty awesome, and this movie made him even cooler than before. Doesn’t matter if it’s fiction. This stoked simultaneous feelings that no other movie has ever stoked before. Great job!

This also wins the award for “best movie idea produced by manatees” (that’s a South Park Vs. Family Guy reference, in case you missed it).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1611224/

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Dark Shadows (2012)

Clint: 3.4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native rating: 3.5/5 stars, 6.5/10.

I try to catch every Tim Burton (/Johnny Depp/Helena Bonham Carter) movie, and am almost never disappointed.

This wasn’t as much of a comedy as we were expecting (since IMDB lists comedy before fantasy)…but it still had funny moments, and was an interesting story. It helped that we had no concept of the original series… And that it also had a good soundtrack. And Alice Cooper!

Great cast (Eva Green was fucking HOT!) (But then, so was pretty much every female), and the typically-great production values and direction one comes to expect from a Tim Burton film. I’m glad this got the taste of Alice In Wonderland (2010) out of my mouth, because that was the one Burton film that I really found wanting.

Looking forward to Burton’s next film, Frankenweenie, based on his short film from 1984!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1077368/

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 (2012)

Twilight 5: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) –
Clint: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Native ratings: 4.0/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

“Twilight sucks!”
It’s not so bad. It’s just Underworld with more romance and less action.

“It sends the wrong message to women! It’s Mormon propaganda!”
Uhhh… I watch South Park and Beavis & Butt-head and Family Guy. You think I care if a bad message is sent? My favorite horror franchise is Saw.

“The relationship is so dysfunctional! It’s a trainwreck. Why would anyone want to watch that?”
HellOOOOOOO… Dysfunctional relationships have always been great to watch! Natural Born Killers, anyone?

“Vampires that sparkle! What the fuck!”
Right… I forgot that when an idea, like vampirism, is introduced into the cinema world, that it means that any other movie using that idea should do it the exact same way. For this reason, I hate the Star Trek reboot and The Fly remake. Just kidding! The whole point of a media is for people to create different interpretations of the same concept. It’s like arguing that a metal song shouldn’t have horns. Limits are stupid.

So anyway…. Of the 5 Twilight movies, this was the best. The ending could be construed as a let-down, but this one really had the least romance and, I think the most action of any Twilight movie.

Plus, it’s over now, and that makes me happy, since it’s not the greatest franchise in the world. But it was good enough to watch all 5 movies. I think movie #2 was the worst of the 5.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1673434/combined