VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Battery (2012) [zombies]

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Battery (2012) [zombies]

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 6.7/10 IMDB. Not available on Netflix.

A strange zombie flick that proves that not all zombie flicks have to be the same. Some of them can have hardly any action, and be completely unexciting!  This is one of those “horror-dramas”, because it’s not really that scary.  It’s more about building a slow sense of dread, and demonstrating that when the zombies are really here, our deaths will be a bit more like Castaway and a bit less like Rambo. Rotting away. Alone.

Except this movie is actually a buddy flick. They rot away, alone together. Frenemies ’til the end. One makes safer, secure choices, and the beardier, assholeyer one makes more wild, feral, nomadic choices.  Of course Mr. Safe can’t stand Mr. Beard, and Mr. Beard generally thinks Mr. Safe is a pussy. These guys are besties, and they have their loyalty — but the movie verges on comedy in terms of wondering whether they were actually going to kill each other before the zombies (or other human survivors) got to them.

That aspect of the movie was great. The slowness was…. different. A bit refreshing. Not as enjoyable, but not wholly unenjoyable. But there were a few scenes where we were in disbelief that so little was happening for so long. Still…sitting…in…a….car……..  It was uncomfortable. But it did capture the essence of what the characters were going through.

So this was alright. I liked it. Nothing special. At least it wasn’t a *generic* zombie movie.

Written, directed by, and starring Jeremy Gardner.

Jeremy Gardner as Ben.
Adam Cronheim as Mickey.
Niels Bolle as Jerry.
Alana O’Brien as Annie.
Jamie Pantanella as Egghead.
Larry Fessenden (Cabin Fever 2) as Frank.
Kelly McQuade as Laura.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272350/combined

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Along Came Polly (2013)

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Last Days On Mars (2013)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

This was your VERY average VERY formulaic VERY generic run-of-the-mill rom-com. Overall it was entertaining, but it was not that wonderfully great. Jennifer Aniston was nice to look at. Ben Stiller was pretty funny, and somewhat awkward. We watched this because Philip Seymour Hoffman was in it and we decided to watch a bunch of his movies that were beneath our radar since he passed away. As a bonus: Hank Azaria, the Simpsons voice of sooo many characters. Always rare to actually see him ON screen. He always seems so delightfully miscast, but that’s really just his cartoony stage presence at work.

Directed and written by John Hamburg (director of 3 eps of Undeclared, 2 eps of Stella, writer of Meet The Parents movies, I Love You Man, Zoolander).

Ben Stiller as Reuben Feffer.
Jennifer Aniston as Polly Prince.
Alec Baldwin as Stan Indursky.
Hank Azaria as Claude.
Missi Pyle (Miss Nobody, Visioneers, Harold & Kumar 2, Pretty Ugly People, Live!, Anchorman 1, Dodgeball, Big Fish, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Percy Jackson 2, Galaxy Quest, 4 eps of The Sarah Silverman Program, 2 eps of Heroes, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of Family Guy) as Roxanne.
Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Hunger Games 2, The Invention Of Lying, The Boat That Rocked aka Pirate Radio, The Big Lebowski, Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Scent Of A Woman, Twister) as Sandy Lyle.
Debra Messing (Grace from Will & Grace, 2 eps of Seinfeld) as Lisa Kramer.
Nick Jameson (President Yuri Suvarov in 24, Batman: Year One, Eurotrip, Beowulf, Extracted, The Critic, 15 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 13 eps of Mission Hill, 6 eps of Star Wars: Clone Wars, 1 ep of Star Wars: The Clone Wars) as Van Lew Executive.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1709143/combined

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Last Days On Mars (2013)

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FUCKERS!

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Last Days On Mars (2013)

Claire: 3.4/5 stars, 7.0/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 5.5/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: Martian zombies oh my. This was an entertaining movie that straddled the genres of “sci-fi”, “horror”, and “zombie”.  It might have been better if they hadn’t gone the zombie/monster route, but it was interesting nonetheless.

Unfortunately, it feels more sci-fi at the beginning, and more horror at the end.  When the sci-fi decreases and the horror increases, the movie becomes less good.  Less about Mars and more about running away from monsters. Less of the rarer, more difficult, more intellectually complex genre of scifi, and more of the easier, less complex, more generic genre of horror.  I love horror-comedy and scifi-comedy, but scifi-becomes-horror is much worse.

While still a good movie, this could have reached a greater potential.

A better movie that straddles sci-fi, horror, and zombies would be Pandorum. If you are tempted to watch Last Days On Mars – I’d go watch Pandorum instead.

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was alright, but it didn’t leave me feeling all that excited about it.  I give it a slightly-above-generic pass.

Directed by Ruairi Robinson.
Written by Clive Dawson.
Based on a short story by Sydney J. Bounds.

Starring
Liev Schreiber (Victor Creed in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Movie 43, Goon, The Ten, Repo Men, Salt, Kate & Leopold, Scream 2-3) as Vincent Campbell.
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica, Casey Jones in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 & 3) as Charles Brunel.
Romola Garai as Rebecca Lane.
Olivia Williams (Hanna, Moira MacTaggart in X-Men: The Last Stand, The Sixth Sense, 1 ep of Spaced) as Kim Aldrich.
Johnny Harris (Snow White And The Huntsman, Dorian Gray, The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus, Big) as Robert Irwin.
Goran Kostic as Marko Petrovic.
Tom Cullen as Richard Harrington.
Yusra Warsama as Lauren Dalby.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1709143/combined

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Warm Bodies (2013)

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Warm Bodies (2013)

Clio: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Jess: 3.4/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Native ratings: 4.0/5 stars Netflix, /10 IMDB.

*Another* zombie romance movie? Awesome! But unlike Boy Eats Girl, this one is post-apocalyptic, in a world populated almost exclusively with zombies. Like I Am Legend.

And yet, this movie is completely and wholely about the power of love.

Very good movie. It didn’t get too sappy with the romance part, and the zombies were awesome. There is a surprising amount of comedy. Surprising. And this had a slightly different take on zombie-ism. For instance, with great effort, a zombie can utter word or two. And there were two kinds of zombies: The normal zombies, and the ones that had given up so much hope that they’d peeled their skin off and were basically walking skeletons. These ones were feared even by the normal zombies.

I’d describe the movie math behind this as (I Am Legend * ((Twilight + Romeo & Juliet) / 2)) – teen emo bullshit + Boy Eats Girl… I caught on to the Romeo & Juliette similarties during the balcony scene.

But the fact that I just said Twilight might scare people. However, Teresa Palmer, to me, looks exactly like a blonde Kristin Stewart. And being loved by something that has a natural instinct to devour you is the basic premise of both Twilight and this movie.

But the fact that I just said Twilight might scare people. However, Teresa Palmer, to me, looks exactly like a blonde Kristin Stewart. And being loved by something that has a natural instinct to devour you is the basic premise of both Twilight and this movie.

In the end, you are left with a great message of hope, the power of love, and human triumph over darkness. Can love change the way the entire planet functions? Yes. Yes it can. And I’m not just talking about the movie.

Beware: This is a work of fiction, and makes no attempt to be fully logical. For example, electricity is still working even though society has collapsed. If you’re unable to look past something like that (but somehow able to look past the fact that zombies don’t actually exist), you might want to resolve that mental incongruity prior to watching.

Directed and written by Jonathan Levine. This is his best movie, though The Wackness was also good and profound.
Based on a novel by Isaac Marion.

Nicholas Hoult (Beast in X-Men: First Class, Clash Of The Titans remake) as R the Zombie.
Teresa Palmer (Take Me Home Tonight, The Grudge 2) as the human girl, Julie.
John Malkovichas Julie’s father, Grigio.
Analeigh Tipton (Crazy Stupid Love, The Green Hornet) as Julie’s horney friend, Nora.
Rob Corddry (Hot Tub Time Machine, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, the clown doctor in Childrens Hospital, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, The Ten) as M.
James Franco’s brother Dave (Superbad, the new 21 Jumpstreet, The Riddler in 2 eps of Young Justice) plays Perry, the original boyfriend.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1588173/combined

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Boy Eats Girl (2005) [ZOMBIES!]

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Boy Eats Girl (2005) [ZOMBIES!]

3/5 stars, 6/10 from both of us.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 5.0/10 IMDB.

This was a zombie romance film of sorts. There was real conflict, but the main motivation of the main character is that he just wants the girl.

It’s not done THAT well. At times, you really have to have left your brain at the door to get by some of the deficiencies.

Also, these zombies were created by… voodoo. Brace yourself.

There’s problems. It’s not as memorable as it could be. There’s screw-ups. There’s some things that fall flat.

This movie is considered by some to basically be My Boyfriend’s Back (1993), except trying to be more of a serious romance/thriller, instead of a purposefully campy comedy. Which might be a mistake.

Conclusion? Glad I watched this, but I don’t think I’d watch it again. I recommend this for zombie completists.

P.S. It was nice to see the lovely half-Irish, half-Zambian Samantha Mumba (The Time Machine, 2002) again. She is so friggin’ hot, and makes any movie she’s in a bit easier to watch :D

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415679/combined

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Resident Evil 5: Retribution (2012)

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

Clint: 3.4/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Ouch. MAJOR DISPARITY from Clint’s rating. It’s so very rarely 3/10 different with us!

Native rating: 3.9/5 stars, 5.4/10.

I have to admit I barely remember anything about this movie just a few days after watching it, so while it entertained me… It wasn’t anything super spectacular in the story department.

It’s a good thing that they are only planning one more movie in this franchise. It’s run its course, and something to tie it all together is the only way for it to not keep getting worse.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1855325/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Night Of The Living Dead (1990)

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Night Of The Living Dead (1990)

Clint: 3.2/5 stars, 7.2/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.7/10 IMDB.

So we are apparently doing this backward. We watched the 2006 3-D remake-of-a-remake some time back. Now we are watching the 1990 remake. Meanwhlie, we’ve never seen the 1968 original.

Definitely one of the small-scenario zombie movies; more old school in that sense. Also old school in that there is some definite cheeziness and bad acting that wouldn’t pass muster these days. But still. This was good.

I really liked the ending… That was quite different than I was expecting. They added a whole social commentary angle to it. It wasn’t profound, but still. It could have just been nothing.

And I like how the main character was a completely different person by the end of the movie, transformed by the events of the movie.

And it was cool to see Tony Todd (“Candyman Candyman Candyman!”) after watching his guest appearance on the underrated awesome sitcom Holliston.

So all in all, I’m glad I finally saw this.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100258/?ref_=sr_1

 

MEDIA: VIDEO: TV SHOWS/MOVIES/CARTOONS: Undeniable Proof That “The Walking Dead” And “Toy Story” Have The Exact Same Plot

MEDIA: VIDEO: TV SHOWS/MOVIES/CARTOONS: Undeniable Proof That “The Walking Dead” And “Toy Story” Have The Exact Same Plot

Too good to not share. I like cartoons. I like movies. I like zombies. This post covers all three.

LINK URL: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/undeniable-proof-that-the-walking-dead-and-toy-story-have-th

 

MODERN-DAY REEFER MADNESS: Causeway Cannibal Not High On Bath Salts, you naive fucks

MODERN-DAY REEFER MADNESS: Causeway Cannibal Not High On Bath Salts, you naive fucks

Modern-day reefer madness – if you believed the speculation of a cop, you’re kind of naive. 

Not only did the cops trick the entire public, but they accidentally shot the victim! Where’s the fucking taser?

Quoth Rev. Spike: “Way to go shitty ass media, report that this was caused by bath salts, stir up a bunch of drama and ratings. How many people do you think will see the retraction compared to the original hype? How about you try doing your god damned job instead of spreading rumor and speculation?”

I wonder how many people are going to turn around and now say that marijuana was the cause?

LINK URL: http://miami.cbslocal.com/2012/06/27/medical-examiner-causeway-cannibal-not-high-on-bath-salts/

 

LINK: SHOWS: The Walking Dead with Growing Pains theme

LINK: SHOWS: The Walking Dead with Growing Pains theme

This… is… frickin’ hilarious.

More current shows need 80’s-style theme song parodies!

TAGS: media, video, TV, shows, AMC, TheWalkingDead, zombies, parody, mash-up, GrowingPains, sitcoms, comedy, YouTube, videos LINK URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WtJ5cyzMbhc