I'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Amber: Netflix: 4/5 stars.
Evan: Netflix: 3.7/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.7/5 stars, IMDB: 6.1/10.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: I expected it to be worse. I heard the rumors that they were aliens, and so I had low expectations. Achievement Unlocked: we watched all 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies this year! I was highly entertained, and felt it held up. Of course it was heavy on the action, it being Michael Bay and all, but that didn’t seem to detract from the story that much.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: I loved it… I honestly didn’t see why there’d be any problem with this movie. I had high expectations, and they were met. Ninja Turtles are awesome! I can’t believe I never saw a single minute, nor read a single page of Ninja Turtles until 2012!

Turtles are an action vehicle, and Michael Bay does action well. How could he screw it up? With Transformers, it was easy to screw them up because there’s so many that nobody can remember them all, and the original series has had so many incarnations that “Optimus Prime” doesn’t even mean the same thing from year to year. But with the Turtles? They’ve always been the same 4 turtles. So how can you screw that up?

Well, it’s still possile, actually. But I knew the “they are aliens” backstory had been shitcanned a long time ago. The new backstory they came up with is FAR FAR FAR more believable then the official one. I’m sorry, but even in a universe with sentient turtles who are also ninjas and teenagers… The idea of a non-mutated, normal rat learning Kung Fu by watching a human do it…. Is utterly ridiculous. The Michael Bay backstory is infinitely more believable EVEN IN THE CONTEXT of teenage ninjas who also happen to be turtles who also happen to be ninjas.

Could have used some KRANG, though! And Megan Fox should have been forced to dye her hair red.

But anyway…. It was thoroughly entertaining, and I don’t regret staying in on a Saturday to host a movie night and watch this. Totally worth waiting for. Make sure to check out the current Nickelodeon cartoon. It is very awesome.

EVAN’S THOUGHTS: I thought it was rather amusing, but could have lived without Megan Fox. Shredder’s armor was bad ass, and I liked that they gave him and the turtles
some weight to their movements.

VISUALS: The CGI turtles were excellent. I thought the turtles would be uncanny-valley creepy based on previews, but it worked out well. Photorealistic mutant turtles are something we haven’t seen before, so how can you really do it wrong? These looked infinitely better than the ridiculous rubber suits used in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3!

PEOPLE:

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman.
Written by Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Evan Daugherty (Snow White And The Huntsman).

Starring:

Megan Fox ((Transformers movies, This Is 40, Jennifer’s Body, How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, 48 eps of Hope & Faith) as April O’Neil. Queue all the people trying to act like she’s not hot. Yea, she looks more fake than before, but she’s still a hot girl, and if nobody knew who the fuck she was, she’d turn heads everywhere. I don’t get why people have such a problem with her. I feel like her confidence threatens males or something.
Will Arnett (Gob Bluth in Arrested Development, Sit Down Shut Up, BoJack Horseman in BoJack Horseman, The Brothers Solomon, Horton Hears A Who, Ratatouille, Men In Black 3, The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret, Despicable Me, Wristcutters: A Love Story, The Secret World Of Arrietty, The Rocker, 2 eps of The Sopranos, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Delocated, 1 ep of The Office) as Vernon Fenwick, the cameraman. I was delighted to see him. Had no clue he was going to be in this.

William Fichtner (The Lone Ranger, Date Night, The Dark Knight, Wrong, Drive Angry, Ken Rosenberg in Grand Theft Auto, Blades Of Glory, Equilibrium, Endsville, Armageddon, Black Hawk Down, Go, Strange Days) as Eric Sacks.
Alan Ritchson (The Hunger Games 2, Fired Up, 4 eps of Smallville) as Raphael.
Noel Fisher (Toad in X-Men Evolution, Final Destination 2) as Michelangelo.
Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo’s voice.
Jeremy Howard (Men In Black 2, Galaxy Quest, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Dorm Daze 2, 2 eps of Breaking Bad) as Donatello.
Danny Woodburn (Mickey in 7 eps of Seinfeld, The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas, 30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) as Splinter.
Tony Shalhoub (Jeebs in Men In Black movies, Galaxy Quest, Spy Kids movies, Honeymoon In Vegas, Barton Fink, 1 ep of Gargoyles) as Splinter’s voice.
Whoopi Goldberg as Bernadette Thompson, the Channel 6 News boss.Mood: annoyed
Music: The String Quartet Tribute To Slayer – Mandatory Suicide