VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Blackout (2013)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 2.6/10. YOWZA! Probably the lowest-IMDB-rated movie we’ve watched in years!

It was like The Hangover, if they made a cheap copy that simply wasn’t as good in any aspect whatsoever.

The movie kind of limped through the story, and it was slightly entertaining as it did so.

Definitely a drinking movie. Not necessarily worth watching while sober.

Definitely had laughs. Don’t really remember what they were. Don’t really remember if the movie really deserved it. We watched this drunk on purpose, as it’s part of the movie’s theme. It may be that if you watch it sober… You’ll rate it closer to the IMDB people :)

The people who hated The Hangover 2 (which was 95% as good as The Hangover 1) should steer clear of this. Some people can only enjoy one instance of a movie like this, and that instance has already been claimed by The Hangover 1.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

It had interesting and unique moments, and but it didn’t have that much going for it. Definitely not as good as the actual Hangover movies.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Matt Hish.
Written by Keith Brown & Scott Rosa.

Starring:
Michael Graziadei (915 eps of The Young And The Restless) as Chas Knopfler, the lead singer.
Scott Rosa as Eddie Mesmer, the rhythm guitarist.
Flood Reed as Toss Dunbar, the drummer.
John Joyce as Gunther Shea, the bass player.
Autumn Federici as Jenny, Eddie’s girl.
Matt Hish as Spencer Bayne, the record label associate.
David Barry Gray (3 eps of 21 Jump Street) as Reuben Adler, the record label boss.
Shanelle Workman (56 eps of The Bold And The Beautiful, 36 eps of One Life To Live) as Layla, the local slut.
Shane Lynch as Beth, Toss’s girl.
Jerrell Lee Wesley (Knight And Day, The Proposal) as Filipino James, the pimp.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The 6th Day (2000)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3.2/5 stars. IMDB: 7.3/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.2/5 stars, IMDB: 5.9/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

“I may be back”

That movie left the viewer with lots of questions. Ultimately, it was a pretty generic, but somewhat exciting action movie. It goes in the same genre of movies with other mirror and doppleganger movies such as Mirrors, Mirrors 2, Mirror Mirror, The Broken, or even (a bit) Coherence. Plus, it’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. And Merle from The Walking Dead. And Kate from 24. And… Terry Crews?! Weird cast, this one.

This movie is definitely cheesy in some ways — especially Sarah Wynter (Kate from 24). Some of that is because they are trying to depict the future. Past-futures are always interesting, like A Clockwork Orange or Brazil‘s long-past versions of the near future. But this is a pretty recent movie — only 14 years old when we viewed it — so it’s a near-past depiction of a near-future. They are pretty on point with the direction things have gone, and still will go. But of course nobody can predict fashion. And also, fashion is always more boring than what you see in the movies.

They really explore some neat ideas in this movie. Yet, it’s kind of a predictable thriller/action movie first, and a sci-fi second. That seems to be a problem with a lot of sci-fis. The interesting sci-fi stuff happens mostly during the first half, and in the 2nd half it falls to the background.

Still a good movie and worth seeing, though.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

It wasn’t as much of a thought-provoking sci-fi, but it was more of an action movie. They did try to highlight the futuristic-ness in the beginning before it became more about the action, so that made it somewhat interesting. It was cool seeing Michael Rooker who we now know as Merle from The Walking Dead.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Roger Spottiswoode (Turner & Hooch).
Written Cormac Wibberley (National Treasure movies) & Marianne Wibberley (National Treasure movies).

Starring:
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Adam Gibson.
Michael Rapaport (Special, Dr. Dolittle 2, Money For Nothing) as Hank Morgan, the other pilot.
Tony Goldwyn (Ghost, 1 ep of Frasier) as Michael Drucker, the CEO.
Michael Rooker (Merle in The Walking Dead, Super, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Mallrats) as Robert Marshall.
Sarah Wynter (Kate Warner in 24, 1 ep of Sex In The City) as Talia Elsworth.
Wendy Crewson (Antiviral, 8 eps of 24) as Natalie Gibson.
Terry Crews (Scary Movie 5, The Expendables movies, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs movies, Terminator 4, Idiocracy, Click, Puff Puff Pass, Blended, 5 eps of Arrested Development, 2 eps of Ultimate Spider-Man, 2 eps of Drunk History, 2 eps of American Dad) as Vincent.
Robert Duvall (Four Christmases, Thank You For Smoking, Deep Impact) as Dr. Griffin Weir.
Steve Bacic (Hank McCoy in X-Men 2) as Johnny Phoenix.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Core (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3.8/5 stars. IMDB: 7.8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.4/5 stars, IMDB: 5.4/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

Basically Armageddon, but inside-out. Go down instead of up. Use lesser actors, and more crazy science.

Seriously. If you liked Armageddon, you should like this. I was prepped by hearing that the science was some of the most ridiculous science ever, and to ignore it. It’s an apocalypse-porn action-thriller. It follows most of the tropes of space-mission movies. Just roll with it. It’s unique. A lot of people hate it. A lot of people love it. The determination of which one of those you fit into is more about you than the movie. The movie accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do. Deep Impact and Armageddon are still both better, however.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

Another sci-fi movie that is more about the action than the science behind it. Suspension of belief enables you to enjoy the ride more.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Jon Amiel.
Written by Cooper Layne and John Rogers (Transformers, 3 eps of Jackie Chan Adventures).

Starring:
Aaron Eckhart (Thank You For Smoking, Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, Paycheck, The Wicker Man (2006), 2 eps of Frasier) as Dr. Josh Keyes.
Christopher Shyer (Marcus in the new V series, 1 ep of Smallville) as Dave Perry.
Ray Galletti (1 ep of Smallville) as Paul.
Hilary Swank (Buffy The Vampire Slayer movie, Insomnia, 16 eps of Beverly Hills 90210, 2 eps of Growing Pains) as Maj. Rebecca Childs.
Delroy Lindo (Up, Get Shorty, 1 ep of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of The Simpsons) as Dr. Ed ‘Braz’ Brazzleton.
Stanley Tucci (Transformers 4, The Hunger Games movies, Percy Jackson 2, Captain America, Swing Vote, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Dr. Conrad Zimsky.
DJ Qualls (Small Apartments, Road Trip, Numb3rs, 1 ep of American Dad, 1 ep of Breaking Bad) as Theodore Donald ‘Rat’ Finch.
Richard Jenkins (the dead dad from Six Feet Under, The Cabin In The Woods, Fun With Dick And Jane, Let Me In, The Broken, How I Got Into College, Wolf, Me,Myself & Irene, Step Brothers, Turbo, A.C.O.D., Stealing Home) as Gen. Thomas Purcell.
Glenn Morshower (Aaron Pierce in 24, X-Men: First Class, Transformers movies, Disaster! aka Apollo 13.333, After Earth, 4 eps of King Of The Hill) as FBI Agent.
Bruce Greenwood (Pike in the Star Trek reboot movies, (Batman in Young Justice, And Now A Word From Our Sponsor, Batman in Batman: Under The Red Hood, President in National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, I Robot, 1 ep of The Larry Sanders Show) as Cmdr. Robert Iverson.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) [watched in 3-D]

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Amber: Netflix: 4/5 stars.
Evan: Netflix: 3.7/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.7/5 stars, IMDB: 6.1/10.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: I expected it to be worse. I heard the rumors that they were aliens, and so I had low expectations. Achievement Unlocked: we watched all 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies this year! I was highly entertained, and felt it held up. Of course it was heavy on the action, it being Michael Bay and all, but that didn’t seem to detract from the story that much.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: I loved it… I honestly didn’t see why there’d be any problem with this movie. I had high expectations, and they were met. Ninja Turtles are awesome! I can’t believe I never saw a single minute, nor read a single page of Ninja Turtles until 2012!

Turtles are an action vehicle, and Michael Bay does action well. How could he screw it up? With Transformers, it was easy to screw them up because there’s so many that nobody can remember them all, and the original series has had so many incarnations that “Optimus Prime” doesn’t even mean the same thing from year to year. But with the Turtles? They’ve always been the same 4 turtles. So how can you screw that up?

Well, it’s still possile, actually. But I knew the “they are aliens” backstory had been shitcanned a long time ago. The new backstory they came up with is FAR FAR FAR more believable then the official one. I’m sorry, but even in a universe with sentient turtles who are also ninjas and teenagers… The idea of a non-mutated, normal rat learning Kung Fu by watching a human do it…. Is utterly ridiculous. The Michael Bay backstory is infinitely more believable EVEN IN THE CONTEXT of teenage ninjas who also happen to be turtles who also happen to be ninjas.

Could have used some KRANG, though! And Megan Fox should have been forced to dye her hair red.

But anyway…. It was thoroughly entertaining, and I don’t regret staying in on a Saturday to host a movie night and watch this. Totally worth waiting for. Make sure to check out the current Nickelodeon cartoon. It is very awesome.

EVAN’S THOUGHTS: I thought it was rather amusing, but could have lived without Megan Fox. Shredder’s armor was bad ass, and I liked that they gave him and the turtles
some weight to their movements.

VISUALS: The CGI turtles were excellent. I thought the turtles would be uncanny-valley creepy based on previews, but it worked out well. Photorealistic mutant turtles are something we haven’t seen before, so how can you really do it wrong? These looked infinitely better than the ridiculous rubber suits used in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3!

PEOPLE:

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman.
Written by Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec and Evan Daugherty (Snow White And The Huntsman).

Starring:

Megan Fox ((Transformers movies, This Is 40, Jennifer’s Body, How To Lose Friends And Alienate People, 48 eps of Hope & Faith) as April O’Neil. Queue all the people trying to act like she’s not hot. Yea, she looks more fake than before, but she’s still a hot girl, and if nobody knew who the fuck she was, she’d turn heads everywhere. I don’t get why people have such a problem with her. I feel like her confidence threatens males or something.
Will Arnett (Gob Bluth in Arrested Development, Sit Down Shut Up, BoJack Horseman in BoJack Horseman, The Brothers Solomon, Horton Hears A Who, Ratatouille, Men In Black 3, The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret, Despicable Me, Wristcutters: A Love Story, The Secret World Of Arrietty, The Rocker, 2 eps of The Sopranos, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Delocated, 1 ep of The Office) as Vernon Fenwick, the cameraman. I was delighted to see him. Had no clue he was going to be in this.

William Fichtner (The Lone Ranger, Date Night, The Dark Knight, Wrong, Drive Angry, Ken Rosenberg in Grand Theft Auto, Blades Of Glory, Equilibrium, Endsville, Armageddon, Black Hawk Down, Go, Strange Days) as Eric Sacks.
Alan Ritchson (The Hunger Games 2, Fired Up, 4 eps of Smallville) as Raphael.
Noel Fisher (Toad in X-Men Evolution, Final Destination 2) as Michelangelo.
Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo’s voice.
Jeremy Howard (Men In Black 2, Galaxy Quest, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Dorm Daze 2, 2 eps of Breaking Bad) as Donatello.
Danny Woodburn (Mickey in 7 eps of Seinfeld, The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas, 30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) as Splinter.
Tony Shalhoub (Jeebs in Men In Black movies, Galaxy Quest, Spy Kids movies, Honeymoon In Vegas, Barton Fink, 1 ep of Gargoyles) as Splinter’s voice.
Whoopi Goldberg as Bernadette Thompson, the Channel 6 News boss.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Opposite Sex (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3.4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Can’t get ANY native ratings on this movie at the time of writing this. Netflix doesn’t have it, and IMDB doesn’t have 5 votes. Probably because the page is broken and won’t let anybody vote. WTF.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

The first half was better than the second half. It started out pretty funny and interesting, and then it just kind of fizzled out when it got more into the love story part.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

It definitely became an utterly-formulaic romantic comedy by the end, but at the beginning, it was pretty easy to become infatuated with Mena Suvari. Even if Kristin Chenoweth is better looking, Mena was the “perfect gaming woman” in this movie; the woman who could beat you at any game you’d pick. The bets they made over who would win — and the woman always winning — made it very entertaining. But then, like most romantic comedies, it devolves into formula. When it’s over, you just remember an entertaing movie. No overt flaws, and nothing to really be remembered very well. But at the same time… Not a bad movie. This is simply a night’s entertainment when there aren’t enough comedy movies around.

PEOPLE:

Mena Suvari (American Pie movies, Day Of The Dead, American Virgin (2000), 7 eps of Six Feet Under) as Jane.
Geoff Stults (Wedding Crashers, 3 eps of Undressed) as Vince, the divorce lawyer.
Josh Hopkins (G.I. Jane, Pretty Ugly People) as Kenny, the couples’ therapist.
Kristin Chenoweth (Miracle Groh in Sit Down Shut Up, The Pink Panther (2006), Four Christmases, 1 ep of BoJack Horseman) as Mrs. Kemp.
Kenan Thompson (Greedy Smurf in The Smurfs movies, Sit Down Shut Up, They Came Together, Saturday Night Live, All That, Stan Helsing) as Mitch, the black friend.
Debra Jo Rupp (the mom in That 70’s Show, Clockwatchers, Big, Death Becomes Her, 6 eps of Friends) as Tracy, Vince’s receptionist.
Jonathan Silverman (The Single Guy, The Hungover Games, Snatched, Weekend At Bernie’s, Caddyshack 2, Stealing Home, G.B.F., 1 ep of Caroline In The City) as Tom.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Disaster! aka Apollo 13.333 (2005)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8.6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 4.0/5 stars, IMDB: 5.1/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

Celebrity Deathmatch meats Armageddon. It’s basically Titan Maximum minus Voltron plus Armageddon minus Robot Chicken plus Celebrity Deathmatch. Refreshing to see new stuff from these guys after the unfortunate demise of Celebrity Deathmatch. At least some of the animators from Celebrity Deathmatch ended up at Robot Chicken.

Seriously though. This was hilarious, raunchy comedy-scifi. Robot Chicken with a feature-length attention span, and no used toys, all original models. Good, good stuff. I wish there was a lot more like this.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

You can definitely see the Celebrity Deathmatch influence. They love depicting vomit and gore using clay. :) It’s a pretty fun movie, overall.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Roy T. Wood (lead builder for The Simpsons Robot Chicken couch gag, model shop lead on 1 ep of Ubermansion)
Written by Paul Benson and Matt Sullivan.

Motley Crue bandmembers played themselves: Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil, Tommy Lee, Mick Mars.
Eli Roth as Lumberjack.
Adam J. Roth (Cabin Fever) as Mountain Climber. (Eli Roth‘s brother)
Eli Roth’s other brother Gabriel Roth was also in this as the crowd.

Jim Cummings (Dingo in Gargoyles, Fuzzy Lumpkins in The Powerpuff Girls, M.O.D.O.K. in Iron Man-TAS (1990s), The Tick-TAS, Detective Doyle in The Mask-TAS, Invasion America, Animaniacs, 14 eps of Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 9 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 5 eps of Duckman, 4 eps of The Legend Of Korra, 3 eps of The Oblongs, 1 ep of Gravity Falls) as Harry Bottoms / Guy Kirk / Narrator (voice).
Glenn Morshower (Aaron Pierce in 24, X-Men: First Class, Transformers movies, 4 eps of King Of The Hill) as General Washington / The President (voice).
Danny Mann (Dinosaur Neil in The Tick-TAS, 4 eps of Duckman, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 2 eps of Men In Black-TAS, 2 eps of The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes) as Jean-Paul Bidet / B-M Man (voice).
Steve Mackall (1 ep of Duckman) as V.D. Johnson / Astronomer (voice).
Jeannie Elias (Princess Toadstool in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, 12 eps of Jackie Chan Adventures, 8 eps of The Oblongs, 8 eps of Kid Notorious, 1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of Father Of The Pride, 1 ep of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy) as Sandy Mellons / Kid on Lava (voice).
Heather Capps as Hanukah Jonze (voice).
Isaac C. Singleton Jr. (Pirates Of The Caribbean 1, Galaxy Quest, Hooked, 1 ep of Marvel’s Avengers Assemble, 1 ep of The Sarah Silverman Program) as Donkey Dixon (voice) (as Isaac Singleton Jr.).

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Cadillac Man (1990)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 4.3/5 stars. IMDB: 8.3/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars. IMDB: 8.6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: ???/5 stars, IMDB: 5.6/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

We watched this because of Robin Williams‘s suicide.

Robin Williams is amazing in this role, both sleazy and incredibly charismatic at the same time.
He *loves* selling.
And selling works with more than just cars.

This started out comedic, but stressful. Increasingly stressful. And sexist. And a bit racist, too. And then, suddenly, there is a point where the movie *very* suddenly irrevocably changes, and adds excitement to the mix, as well as an ever-increasing level of comedy.

Also — spoiler, but relevant to Robin Williams — it was very interesting to see Robin Williams trying to talk someone out of suicide.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

This turned out to be better than I was expecting. Sooo many quotes that had me cracking up. “Don’t bullshit an old lady!”

PEOPLE:

Directed by Roger Donaldson (Cocktail).
Written by Ken Friedman.

Starring:
Robin Williams as Joey O’Brien.
Tim Robbins as Larry.
Fran Drescher as Joy Munchack, the rich girlfriend.
Pamela Reed (Junior, Kindergarten Cop, 3 eps of The Simpsons) as Tina, the ex-wife.
Annabella Sciorra (What Dreams May Come, Underworld, 7 eps of The Sopranos, 3 eps of The L Word) as Donna, Larry’s wife.
Paul Guilfoyle (L.A. Confidential, Howard The Duck, Mrs. Doubtfire, 3 Men And A Baby, 1 ep of Justice League) as Little Jack Turgeon, the car lot manager.
Eddie Jones (A League Of Their Own, Jonathan Kent in Lois & Clark, 1 ep of Cheers) as Benny.
Judith Hoag (April O’Neil in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (1990), Bad Words, Salt, Armageddon, 1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Mad About You) as Molly.
Lauren Tom (Amy Wong in Futurama, Minh Souphanousinphone in King Of The Hill, 27 eps of Batman Beyond, 14 eps of Superman, 8 eps of The Zeta Project, 7 eps of Friends, 2 eps of Clerks) as Helen the Dim Sum Girl.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Hungover Games (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 2.6/5 stars, IMDB: 3.8/10.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: This was yet another spoof movie. This one is a cross between The Hangover and The Hunger Games. If you like spoof movies, and you like those movies, I would think you’d like this movie. Spoof movies can be awesome, but this one was more on the average side. But I still enjoyed it. [And she rated it higher than average, I’m going to point out. -Claire]

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: I remember there being a movie, but I drank too much that day. And this was the 2nd movie in a 2-movie double feature. And I had to go back and re-play the ending of the *first* movie the next day. Remembering this one is rather hopeless. I do remember laughing. So I gave it a generic pass of a rating, but really.. I kinda need to watch this one again. But it’s not necessarily a good enough movie for that to be worth my time.

PEOPLE:

Rita Volk as Katnip.
Ross Nathan as Bradley.
Sam Pancake (Legally Blonde 2, 3 eps of Arrested Development, 2 eps of Friends, 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1 ep of American Dad) as Tracey. Pancake?!?! Pancake?!?!?!
Herbert Russell (2 eps of Robot Chicken) as Zach.
Tara Reid (American Pie movies, The Big Lebowski movies, Cruel Intentions, Van Wilder, The Crow 4, Sharknado 2-3) as Effing White.
Jamie Kennedy (Scream movies, Extreme Movie, Bug, Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, Clockwatchers, Federline Jones in The Cleveland Show, Slacker Cats) as Justmitch / Willy Wanker / Tim Pistol.
Mark Harley as Thor.
Daniel Buran as Captain Jack.
Jeff Torres as Tonto.
Jonathan Silverman (The Single Guy, The Hungover Games, Snatched, Weekend At Bernie’s, Caddyshack 2, Stealing Home, G.B.F., 1 ep of Caroline In The City) as Chineca Lame.
Robert Wagner (Austin Powers movies, Hart To Hart, Pink Panther 1 & 8, 7 eps of Hope & Faith, 1 ep of Seinfeld) as Liam.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Transcendence (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Jess: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.3/5 stars, IMDB: 6.3/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: That movie was really good, but then it got less good near the end.

It had the potential to be a 5-star movie. Acts 1 & 2 were solid. Act 3 wasn’t quite as solid. It devolves into a bit more of a generic sci-fi movie by the end. And that’s a shame, because this movie touched on unique a confluence of technologies in a way that explores issues that we’ve never seen explored in a movie.

I highly recommend experiencing this movie…. It’s just not quite worthy of 5 stars, or a rating higher than any generic well-budgeted Hollywood movie. And that’s a shame, because this movie has FAR more potential than 90% of movies out there. They just didn’t quite live up to it.

This is probably why our verbal reactions to the movie don’t quite seem to match with our numeric ratings. We have complaints… But it was still good!

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: Interesting movie overall. Kind of creepy with him following her everywhere and she would never have any “me” time away from him. It’s like, “dude, give me some space… please… and stop watching me sleep every night!” Heheh… Love transcends all, though.

JESS’S THOUGHTS: The acting was too bad. CinemaTography as well.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Wally Pfister (he’s director of photography on a lot of movies such as Memento, Insomnia, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight movies, and Inception)
Written by Jack Paglen.

Starring:
Johnny Depp as Will Caster.
Rebecca Hall (Vicky in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Iron Man 3, Dorian Gray) as Evelyn Caster.
Paul Bettany (Jarvis’s voice in the Iron Man movies and The Avengers, The Da Vinci Code) as Max Waters.
Morgan Freeman as Joseph Tagger.
Cillian Murphy (Inception, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight movies) as Agent Buchanan.
Kate Mara (Iron Man 2, 5 eps of 24, 3 eps of Tron: Uprising, 2 eps of Robot Chicken) as Bree.
Cole Hauser (Dazed And Confused, Pitch Black) as Colonel Stevens.
Clifton Collins Jr. (Pacific Rim, Crank 2, Star Trek 11 (Star Trek reboot 1), The Stoned Age) as Martin.
Cory Hardrict (Warm Bodies, He’s Just Not That Into You, Gran Torino, 2 eps of Heroes) as Joel Edmund.
Falk Hentschel (Knight And Day) as Bob.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Tammy (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.2/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.3/5 stars, IMDB: 4.7/10.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: This was alright. It was pretty generic, but it had funny moments. Claire seemed to enjoy it more than me, which surprised me.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: This is your standard buddy roadtrip movie, except the buddies are a fat loser granddaughter (Melissa McCarthy) and her slutty alcoholic grandmother (Susan Sarandon). Maybe I just enjoyed it because I was drunk.

Susan Sarandon is still way too attractive to play a character as old as her character was. But apparently Shirley MacLaine and Debbie Reynolds turned down the role first. Damnit, Janet. In a way, it’s a bad casting decision. In another way, her youthful looks would explain her character’s “young heart”.

I think this rated low because a lot of people don’t like Melissa McCarthy because she’s fat. Or because they’re fat, and her self-deprecation hits too close to home. Or because they can’t stand “horrible people” in fiction. I love horrible people in fiction. A dysfunctional family is infinitely more entertaining. Give me Married With Children over Leave It To Beaver any day of the week. So I think that’s why those complaints don’t resonate with me.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Ben Falcone.
Written by Melissa McCarthy & Ben Falcone.

Starring:
Melissa McCarthy (Hangover 3, Identity Thief, This Is 40, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Charlie’s Angels, Go, Pretty Ugly People, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Tammy.
Susan Sarandon as Pearl, the grandma.
Kathy Bates (Misery, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Golden Compass, Six Feet Under, Fred Claus, 8 eps of The Office) as Lenore, the great aunt.
Allison Janney (Bad Words, June, Pretty Ugly People, 10 Things I Hate About You, Wolf, Private Parts, The Object Of My Affection) as Deb, the mom.
Dan Aykroyd as Don, the dad.
Mark Duplass (Safety Not Guaranteed ) as Bobby, the love interest.
Gary Cole (Harvey Birdman in Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, Principal Shepherd in Family Guy, Date And Switch, Pineapple Express, Office Space, Batman: Under The Red Hood, 4 eps of Archer, 4 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 2 eps of The Legend Of Korra, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Earl, Pearl’s love interest.
Nat Faxon (Bad Teacher, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, 10 eps of The Cleveland Show, 7 eps of Allen Gregory, 4 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Greg, the husband.
Toni Collette (Jesus Henry Christ, Clockwatchers, Fright Night) as Missi, the tramp.
Sandra Oh (Hard Candy, Sideways, Toshi’s mom in American Dad, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Susanne, the great aunt’s girlfriend.
Ben Falcone (Smiley Face, Identity Thief, Bad Words, Garfield 2, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Keith Morgan, the boss. (Melissa McCarthy’s husband in real life.
Steve Little (Peppermint Butler in Adventure Time, Dr. Barber in The Marvelous Misadventures Of Flapjack, Secret Mountain Fort Awesome, Identity Thief, he’s also written 53 eps of Flapjack and 10 eps of Adventure Time) as Jet Ski Rental Guy.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Maleficent (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Evan: 4.2/5, 8/10
Jess: 4.6/5, 9/10
Mark: ?

The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 4.1/5 stars, IMDB: 7.1/10.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

Interesting take on the Sleeping Beauty story. I watched the Disney animated movie many times as a kid, and so it was interesting to get some back story to the villian. There were funny moments where the movie seemed to start to change into a comedic tone, but then it got serious again. It was a good movie and everyone who was watching with us seemed to enjoy it.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

I’m not sure if I even ever saw the original Sleeping Beauty. Probably, but I stopped caring very early on. Well… This movie succeeded in making the story “cool” again, by giving it an edgier backstory that goes back to before “Sleeping Beauty” was ever even born, and a completely different ending. It’s done well; it’s not cheap; it’s not a B movie; it’s what is to be expected from a major motion picture studio blockbuster. At this point, if you have kids… Just make them watch this movie instead. Fuck the G-rated shit. This is the new shit.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Robert Stromberg (visual effects designer in a bunch of movies).
Written by Linda Woolverton (the Alice In Wonderland movies, The Lion King, 2 eps of Garbage Pail Kids, 2 eps of My Little Pony ‘N Friends, 1 ep of The Real Ghostbusters).

Angelina Jolie as Maleficent.
Elle Fanning (Super 8, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button) as Aurora.
Sharlto Copley (District 9, Murdock in The A-Team (2010), Oldboy remake) as Stefan.
Lesley Manville as Flittle, one of the pixies.
Imelda Staunton (Dolores Umbridge in the Harry Potter movies, Alice In Wonderland, 1 ep of Doctor Who (2000s)) as Knotgrass, one of the pixies.
Juno Temple (The Dark Knight Rises, Kaboom, Small Apartments, Mr. Nobody, Afternoon Delight, St. Trinian’s, The Three Musketeers, Year One) as Thistletwit, one of the pixies.
Sam Riley (Byzantium) as Diaval, the crow servant.
Brenton Thwaites (56 eps of Home And Away) as Prince Phillip.
Kenneth Cranham (Hot Fuzz, Chocolat) as King Henry.
Ella Purnell (Kick-Ass 2) as Teen Maleficent.
Jackson Bews (uncredited in Vampire Academy) as Teen Stefan.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Coherence (2013)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9.2/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.1/10. Netflix broods, silently.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

Fucking crazy.
Twisted, like Triangle. But more accurately, it’s like if the movie It’s A Disaster! had an orgy with Plus One, Mr. Nobody, and Triangle (2009).

Just… Fucking crazy, okay?

Lots of quantum talk. A crazy plot that’s easy to think you’re following, and hard to actually know for sure what’s going on. Literally infinite possibilities.

So what happens, basically, is: The comet McGuffin causes quantum decoherence, which really messes up a ketamine dinner party.

But really…. I can’t find the words to describe how awesome it was to try to figure this movie out. This is one of the few movies in my life where I had an urge to watch it one day later. Usually, we operate on a house rule of “7 years between rewatchings”. But I may have to watch this one again very soon. There’s just so much that could be going on.

Interesting, suspenseful, and hard to predict… This is what I want out of a sci-fi thriller movie. Exactly what I want.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

This was a good movie. Very thought-provoking. Interesting theories about parallel universes. It’s hard to keep track of all that is going on, and I think a second viewing would reveal even more that we missed the first time around.

PEOPLE:

Emily Baldoni (1 ep of Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.) as Em.
Maury Sterling (The A-Team, Kung Fu Panda 2, 2 eps of 24, 1 ep of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Kevin.
Nicholas Brendon (Xander Harris in Buffy The Vampire Slayer series, Psycho Beach Party) as Mike.
Elizabeth Gracen as Beth.
Alex Manugian (writer of this movie) as Amir.
Lauren Maher (Scarlett in the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies) as Laurie.
Hugo Armstrong as Hugh.
Lorene Scafaria (Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, writer of Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World and Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist) as Lee.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Conspiracy (2012)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 2.3/5 stars. IMDB: 5.4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2.4/5 stars. IMDB: 5.4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.4/5 stars, IMDB: 6.4/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

Kinda meh. Started out as a fun mockumentary-of-sorts about conspiracy theorists, but then they were just making things up rather than trying to base things on true ambiguities. Like the whole handshake thing. That would have worked much better if it were actually true.

But then we get to the suspenseful third act, and it’s just a hide and go seek game disguised as found footage wannabe-ism. And the resolution was kind of weird, and didn’t have enough closure or sensefulness to it. Plots that were opened up don’t actually get truly resolved, and it’s just kind of a disappointing letdown after a somewhat disappointing build-up.

(14 logos!)

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

It could have been interesting, but the execution was kind of weird. The ending was so rushed that it was hard to know what was going on. There were moments when it was good, and then moments were it just didn’t work.

PEOPLE:

Aaron Poole as Aaron.
James Gilbert (Saw 6) as Jim.
Ian Anderson (a cameraman in the new Total Recall and RoboCop movies) as himself. I guess he was the cameraman.
Peter Apostolopoulos as Jim’s Friend. Based on the trend, I guess he’s one of James Gilbert’s actual friends.
Bruce Clayton as Mark Tucker.
Alan C. Peterson (Sucker Punch, 3 eps of Friday The 13th: The Series, 2 eps of Smallville) as Terrance, the conspiracy nut.
Laura de Carteret (Red, The Rocker, Mean Girls, Dawn Of The Dead, 2 eps of Puppets Who Kill) as Nicole Higgins.
Ron Kennell (1 ep of Puppets Who Kill) as Ron.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Haunter (2013)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 10/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9.6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars, IMDB: 5.9/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

I found this movie *very* gripping. It simply was good at grabbing and holding my attention the entire time. I would have to stop just to comment to Carolyn how awesome I thought it was. It was the kind of movie that I knew was a 5-star movie maybe 1/3rd through.

I can’t necessarily say why, but the writing, acting, cinematography, gimmicks, fantasy… Everything just came together really well. Really really well. What helped a lot was probably that we didn’t remember any of the various movies and shows that this was derivative of. Also, I forgot the spoilers that they deliberately reveal to get people to watch the movie. That’s why sitting on a movie for awhile after you get it it good: If you can forget WHY you got the movie, things will surprise you that surprised no one else.

I find it hard to find any flaw in this movie for me personally, and Carolyn felt the same way.
There are a couple of bad things (listed at the very end of this post, because they are ever-so-slightly spoilery), but they were so inredibly minor instantiations of such bad tropes that they didn’t detract.

Apparently this story has been told before – Twilight Zone, Amazing Stories, some other movies. But I haven’t seen those, and I’ve seen this. And this is modern. And done by good people. The director was the one who storyboarded Ginger Snaps [as well as the Eek! The Cat cartoon from the mid-1990s that we LOOOVVED], and wrote the 1997 Cube movie, and did Splie, and has been directing a lot of the Hannibal episodes in 2014 that everyone has been raving about. It shows. It shows visually, and just in how well things that have been done before seem to have been done better.

We started out scared, but then the tone changed, and it wasn’t a straight-horror movie after all. It actually became a sort of mystery-suspense-thriller by the end, which made it far less formulaic than the slasher we expected. It simply didn’t end up where we expected. It threw us for loops. Even knowing what year the movie was taking place in proved to be confusing for many viewers.

It was a good choice!

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

This was a great movie. It had a little bit of everything. Spooky paranormal stuff that sent shivers up your spine, time loops, and intriguing mystery. It kept us on the edge of our seat wondering what was going to happen next.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Vincenzo Natali (Cube, Splice, 7 eps of Hannibal, story board artist for 65 eps of Beetlejuice, story board artist for 13 eps of Eek! The Cat, storyboard artist for Ginger Snaps).
Written by Brian King.

Abigail Breslin (Zombieland, Ender’s Game, Signs) as Lisa.
Peter Outerbridge (Saw 6, Silent Hill 2, 2 eps of 24, 1 ep of Puppets Who Kill) as Bruce, the dad.
Michelle Nolden (Red) as Carol, the mom.
Stephen McHattie (2012, Watchmen, Immortals 3D, 300, 5 eps of Justice League, 4 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Birds Of Prey) as Pale Man.
Peter DaCunha as Robbie, the brother.
Samantha Weinstein (Siblings, Jesus Henry Christ) as Frances. Claire recognized her, but he couldn’t remember from what.
Eleanor Zichy as Olivia.
David Hewlett (Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, Cube) as Olivia’s Father.
Sarah Manninen (My Awkward Sexual Adventure) as Olivia’s Mother.

BAD STUFF: Only that there is a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But I sort of feel like if ghosts exist, god exists, so it’s okay. And there was a boss fight of sorts. But it didn’t have any ridiculous action.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Are You Here? (2013)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 1.6/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 2.7/5 stars, IMDB: 5.3/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS: It’s a 1h52m movie, but we just had to stop at the 57m mark. Eventually we scanned the rest of the movie just to get some closure, and watched the last 10 minutes.

Yea.. Blah blah, personal growth, blah blah. Another dramedy disguised as a comedy, deliberately cast to trick people like us into thinking it’s what we want.

It just didn’t go anywhere. I’m sick of this dramedy bullshit. Drama usually has comedy in it because life usually has comedy in it. Just call it a fucking drama.

The next day, we scanned through some of the hour we didn’t watch, and watched the last 10 minutes. The closure was nice and validated why we aborted this abortion of a movie in the first place.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: This wasn’t much of a comedy. It could have been interesting enough, but it just seemed to drone on and on and it was hard to tell where it was going. It seemed to get a kind of depressing vibe in the middle, so we decided to abort it and come back to it another night. Well, the next day we decided just to skim through it, and it definitely seemed to be more serious in the second half, and not a comedy. Since we didn’t actually watch it, I don’t know how it went from point a to point b.

PEOPLE:

Written & directed by Matthew Weiner (writer of 12 eps of The Sopranos, writer of 1 ep of Andy Richter Controls The Universe, 1 ep of Baby Blues).

Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers, Meet The Parents movies, The Internship, Bottle Rocket, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Zoolander, Armageddon, The Cable Guy, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Steve Dallas. He’s funny, and about the only thing funny in this movie.
Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover movies, The Campaign, Tim And Eric‘s Billion Dollar Movie, Tairy Green from Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Visioneers, Youth In Revolt, It’s Kind f A Funny Story, Dinner For Schmucks, Due Date, What Happens In Vegas, Stella Shorts, Between Two Ferns, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of Bob’s Burgers) as Ben Baker. Not really funny.
Amy Poehler (Anchorman 2, Blades Of Glory, A.C.O.D., Shrek 3, Mean Girls, Wet Hot American Summer, They Came Together, Saturday Night Live, Horton Hears A Who!, Parks And Recreation, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, 5 eps of Arrested Development, 3 eps of Undeclared, 2 eps of Wonder Showzen, 2 eps of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Napoleon Dynamite-TAS) as Terry Coulter. Not funny at all. A cunt in the movie.
Jenna Fischer (Pam from The Office, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The Brothers Solomon, Blades Of Glory, The Giant Mechanical Man, 2 eps of Six Feet Under, 2 eps of Undeclared) as Alli. No clue how she fits in, she only appears in the last 20 minutes of the movie or so.

Fuck this movie.

 

JOURNAL: List of TV shows watched in 2023

LIST OF SHOWS WATCHED IN 2022:

—————————————
LIVE ACTION: NON-FICTION SERIES:
Pistol – Sex Pistols – https://www.facebook.com/ClioCJS/posts/pfbid033Ho1kqaMeVw1sKrnsEUoTHQQZGY3FnsQ98WvpawcJz7mJp8zjo6rDFRkuJ3wGa5al – Oh Gosh, this was fucking amazing ….This had… acting. Documentaries don’t really have acting?

—————————————

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH:
The Call Of Mann The Call Of Warr + Tanking Mann (the ‘Talking Dead’ equivalent) – S1E5+ – a mix of improvisational theatre and scripted television, performed live, one of the strangest mediums to ever come out of AdultSwim, just a super wtf, but one actually kinda worth watching for once!

—————————————

FANTASY: CARTOON:

Dragon Prince, The – S4 – holy hell this show is good and has worldbuliding at an Avatar/Tolkien level

The Owl House – we’d lost interest, but resumed and finished!

—————————————

SCI-FI/SUPERHERO:

The Last Of Us [watched ep #1 3X: Candace, Carolyn, Beth+Carolyn]

Gen V – better than The Boys that it spun off from!

Alice In Borderland – S2 – wow a LOT better than S1! Watch this if you liked Squid Game

Doom Patrol – that was really weird! and good!

Star Wars: Andor – the most meh of all star wars yet

Electric City – created by Tom Hanks, with Peter Chung as a creative consultant. 20 6-minute episodes. A lot of intrigue, but rushed and not fleshed out. Almost like watching an abridged version of a long series.

—————————————

COMEDY: LIVE ACTION:

The Eric Andre Show – S6 + the Live Too Hot 4 Zoom special

What We Do In The Shadows – an improvement from S4, the worst season

Chad & JT Go Deep – S1 – this was amazingly absurd and a great example of a web series graduating to a network TV series

The Heart She Holler – S3 – Oof. This show did NOT age well. I know it’s a purposeful political absurdism but the racial cringe, while on purpose, is still … holy oof. And the finale episode just being a 10 minute speech by Jimmy Carter was perhaps a bit TOO surreal.

—————————————

COMEDY: CARTOONS:

Metalocalypse – plus 2022 movie!!

Rick & Morty – new season
Harley Quinn – S4
Clerks – The Animated Series (2000-2001)
Marvel’s M.O.D.O.K.
American Dad
Star Trek Upper Decks – S4
Family Guy – S20E20+
Mike Tyson Mysteries – S4E10-end
Bob’s Burgers
Squidbillies – S13
Simpsons – plus 20th Anniversary Of The Simpsons – Celebrity Friends special
Aqua Teen Hunger Force – Aquadonk Side Pieces (incl The Broodwrap) + 1st couple eps of the 2022 season + new movie
Birdgirl
Teenage Euthanasia – S2 – didn’t realize this was a PFFFR show!
Panty Stocking And Garter Belt – WHAT THE FUCK
Mad:TAS – S2E10-
Y’all So Stupid – more shorts

—————————————

SINGLE EPISODES WATCHED:

Star Trek:Strange New Worlds – the Star Trek:Lower Decks crossover episode

Black Mirror – S4E1 – U.S.S. Cllister – the Star Trek episode!

Popeye – 1979 Valentine’s Day Special – riveting

—————————————

ABORTED SHOWS:

Wishfart – only a couple episodes – too juvenile
Gemusetto – just wtf. Maybe a little too 12 Oz. Mouse for me. Why tennis? Why Gods? Why?

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Lost Boys 3 – The Thirst (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10. Compared to 2.6,5.4 for Lost Boys 2.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3.6/5 stars. IMDB: 7.4/10. Compared to 2.6,5.6 for Lost Boys 2 and 3.6,7.6 for Lost Boys 1.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.1/5 stars, IMDB: 5.3/10.

Of the three horror movies we decided to watch during the week of Halloween — Paranormal Activity 5, Cabin Fever 3, and Lost Boys 3 — Carolyn thought this one was the most enjoyable, while Claire thought it was the least enjoyable. Thing is, they’re all pretty comparable late entries into existing franchises, none of which have the original magic of Paranormal Activity 1, Cabin Fever 1, or Lost Boys 1. They’re all rated kinda so-so for us, so it’s not actually a big disagreement on our part.

So **obviously** Lost Boys 3 wasn’t going to be as good as Lost Boys 1. But apparently, going by our ratings, it was better than Lost Boys 2. And I guess that’s true. It didn’t have as much of Corey Feldman‘s cheesy raspy voice that he was doing in the second movie. It had the whole angle with a character who was obviously Stephanie Meyer (the author of the Twilight books) which made it both interesting and topical. It was definitely entertaining enough for a generic pass, and it closes out the story.

So what next… Werewolves, apparently?! Will there be a Lost Boys 4? No. No there will not. I just said it closes out the story! This is it. It’s over. Good. It was a bit interesting to tie up some of the loose ends, but in truth, Lost Boys 1 never needed a sequel. Still, I’m glad I watched them, but i’m also glad they’re over.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014) (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 3.4/5 stars. IMDB: 7.4/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.4/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.0/5 stars, IMDB: 4.6/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

This dipped into the cheese at times, but then, if you remember Cabin Fever 2, cheese is now a staple for the post-Eli Roth sequels in this franchise. So don’t go in not expecting some b-movie cheese, including a catfight. Yet despite all this, this sequel is actually a more serious movie than the previous sequel, and ties into the legend a bit more. This is sort of “Cabin Fever 0″, and is a prequel. We now have seen the very creature that the whole plague started from. These movies are kind of like the opposite of Resident Evil or The Walking Dead. They are all about the zombie plague *starting*, instead of living in a post-apocalypse zombified world. It adds tension and removes action, which is actually a good thing. It’s kind of weird how the movie is all, “I’m gonna be cheesy now for 5 minutes”, then it’s all “I’m gonna be serious now”. Though it descends into a higher cheeze ratio by the end.

Still, I quite enjoyed it.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

The first Cabin Fever movie is where it’s at. You can safely skip this one if you are so inclined. There was not much going for it. It was pretty generic. It’s pretty gory if that’s your thing. Guys decide to throw a bachelor party on a deserted island. What could possibly go wrong? Those lab assistants were dressed way too sexily. [highlight for spoilers]→ And, oh, she’s infected, but that’s OK, we’ll still keep her around instead of quarantining her or anything. Whatevs. Definitely cheesy. It didn’t even make me feel that uncomfortable — even though I already had a rash when we watched this movie, even that didn’t make me freak out that much.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Kaare Andrews.
Written by Jake Wade Wall.

Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee from The Lord Of The Rings movies, Mikey Walsh from The Goonies, Raphael in the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon, Twoflower in The Colour Of Magic, Lynn McGill in 10 eps of 24, Click, 50 First Dates, Encino Man) as Porter.
Currie Graham (Money For Nothing, 2 eps of 24, 1 ep of Weeds) as Dr. Edwards.
Mitch Ryan as Marcus, groom-to-be.
Ryan Donowho as Dobbs, best friend of the groom.
Brando Eaton (1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Josh, the brother of the groom.
Jillian Murray as Penny, childhood girl-friend.
Solly Duran as Camila, brunette lab assistant.
Lydia Hearst as Bridgett, blonde lab assistant. HOT blonde lab assistant.
Claudette Lali as Katia, the bride-to-be. Dat mustache! aka unfortunate lip shape makes a ghastly shadow… or it was a mustache…. Yup. It was a mustache.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Rocker (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 2.8/5 stars. IMDB: 5.8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 3.3/5 stars, IMDB: 6.2/10.

CLAIRE’S THOUGHTS:

I totally knew this was going to happen, but watched it anyway…

This had the same failings that most of these “music performance comedy” movies have. What is that? A focus on the competition to the exclusion of humor.

If I had to have music mixed with my comedy, I’d much rather watch something like: Walk Hard:The Dewey Cox Story…. Or Adventures Of Power.

This is more like Rock Of Ages or Pitch Perfect. I just didn’t give a fuck about what was happening and who it was happening to. These movies are where Carolyn & I disagree the most of any movies ever. I’m usually sub-3.0-Netflix stars and she’s usually 4.2+ on these.

But for me? It just became too procedural. Watch a band rise to fame, with a few jokes. Yea well — I could be watching a documentary about bands I actually listen too — and they’d make me laugh just as much. Except it’d be real.

One-dimensional characters. Emma Stone is a 10 and as smoldering as ever, but her whole character is “She doesn’t smile until she does”. There. I just spoiled the whole movie for you. She doesn’t smile until she does. He doesn’t get chicks until he does. He doesn’t grow up and stop being an idiot until he does. He doesn’t stop moping until he does. I’ll leave it as an exercise to the unfortunate viewer to match these summaries to the appropriate character.

This movie has a great cast; mediocre, formulaic writing; and bad music. And deus ex machina, of course. It tries to be poetic, but mostly it’s a bunch of musical hand-waiving to get you distracted from the fact that it’s more of a musical procedural than a comedy.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed it. I thought it was funny and enjoyable, and I liked the characters… but Claire is right about the characters just being “they don’t blank until they do.” It did have that as a pitfall, I guess. The music wasn’t great, but I thought it was way better than Pitch Perfect. I feel like I liked Rock Of Ages better, though. I apparently rated Rock Of Ages 4.6/8.6, so it was only slightly better. :)

PEOPLE:

Directed by Peter Cattaneo (The Full Monty).
Written by Maya Forbes (17 eps of The Larry Sanders Show), Wallace Wolodarsky (10 eps of The Simpsons, 3 eps of The Tracy Ullman Show), and Ryan Jaffe.

Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute in The Office, Six Feet Under, Super, Juno, Transformers 2, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, 5 eps of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, 1 ep of Adventure Time) as Fish.
Christina Applegate as Kim, Curtis’s mom.
Teddy Geiger as Curtis, emo bandmate.
Josh Gad (Mondo in Good Vibes, The Internship, Frozen) as Matt, the nephew bandmate.
Emma Stone (The Amazing Spider-Man movies, Superbad, The Croods, Movie 43, Zombieland, Crazy Stupid Love, The House Bunny, 2 eps of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of Malcolm In The Middle) as Amelia, the chick bandmate.
Jeff Garlin (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, In A World, Fun With Dick And Jane, Safety Not Guaranteed, Toy Story Movies, Wall-E, Run Ronnie Run, MADtv, 14 eps of Mad About You) as Stan, Fish’s brother-in-law.
Jane Lynch (A.C.O.D., Wreck-It Ralph, The Three Stooges, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Glee, Shrek Forever After, Afternoon Delight, 15 eps of The L Word, 3 eps of Neighbors From Hell, 2 eps of Arrested Development, 2 eps of Father Of The Pride, 2 eps of The Cleveland Show, 1 ep of The Spectacular Spider-Man, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of News Radio) as Lisa, Fish’s sister.
Jason Sudeikis (The Cleveland Show, Drinking Buddies, The Ten, Movie 43, What Happens In Vegas, Saturday Night Live, 2 eps of Portlandia) as David Marshall, the band manager. He’s from Fairfax, VA
Will Arnett (Gob Bluth in Arrested Development, Sit Down Shut Up, BoJack Horseman in BoJack Horseman, The Brothers Solomon, Horton Hears A Who, Ratatouille, Men In Black 3, The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret, Despicable Me, Wristcutters: A Love Story, The Secret World Of Arrietty, 2 eps of The Sopranos, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Delocated, 1 ep of The Office) as Lex, former bandmate.
Howard Hesseman (WKRP in Cincinnati, Head Of The Class, Halloween 2, Gridlock’d, Police Academy 2, 7 eps of Soap) as Gator, the bus driver.
Fred Armisen (Portlandia, Terry in Out There, Eurotrip, Anchorman, The Smurfs movies, Saturday Night Live, he’s also a small part in The Dictator, 5 eps of Archer) as Kerr, former bandmate.
Bradley Cooper (The Hangover movies, Limitless, The A-Team, All About Steve, American Hustle, Guardians Of The Galaxy, He’s Just Not That Into You, Wet Hot American Summer, Stella Shorts, Wedding Crashers, 6 eps of Nip/Tuck) as Trash, the former band manager.
Jon Glaser (Delocated, Lucy: The Daughter Of The Devil, Stroker in Stroker & Hoop, The Dictator) as Billy. Didn’t see who that was :/
Aziz Ansari as Aziz.

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Let’s Be Cops (2014)

[IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Claire: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.7/10. Don’t see it on Netflix right now.

This is a pretty fun movie!! 2 guys decide to pretend to be cops. What could possibly go wrong?

(Spoiler: lots of stuff).

The one guy is just batshit insane for going so far, and never knowing when to stop…. And then his friend just idiotically follows him down the path after only putting up the tiniest bit of resistance. It’s a real case of death by 1,000 cuts, of backing yourself into a corner, of getting in over your head, of making a lie and then not knowing when to back out of it and just going deeper and deeper and oh god i can’t look no oh god no c’mon why are you doing this stahp … stahp… stahp… Oh wait this shit’s hilarious!

A fucking rollicking romp. The only reason this doesn’t get 10/10 is because shit gets real by the end.

PEOPLE:

Starring:
Jake Johnson (Bad Neighbours, The Lego Movie, Drinking Buddies, Get Him To The Greek, Safety Not Guaranteed, A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, High School USA, 6 eps of Allen Gregory, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Ryan, the insane friend.
Damon Wayans Jr. (Someone Marry Barry, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV) as Justin, the sane friend.
Rob Riggle (President Of The Navy in NTSF:SD:SUV, The Hangover, Step Brothers, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, 21 Jump Street movies, Dumb & Dumber 2, The Lorax, 21 eps of Saturday Night Live, 6 eps of Human Giant, 2 eps of The Cleveland Show, 1 ep of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of The Office, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Segars, the legit cop.
Nina Dobrev (The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, Repo! The Genetic Opera, 1 ep of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of Family Guy) as Josie, the love interest.
Keegan-Michael Key (Ubermansion, MADtv, The Lego Movie, Afternoon Delight, Hell Baby, Wanderlust, Just Go With It, Due Date, 2 eps of Childrens Hospital, 2 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 1 ep of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of BoJack Horseman) as Pupa.
Andy Garcia (The Pink Panther 2 (2009), La Linea, The Godfather 3, Swing Vote, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Frasier) as Brolin.
Tom Mardirosian (Agamemnon Busmalis in Oz, Lady In The Water) as Georgie.
Natasha Leggero (Callie in Ugly Americans, Ethel in Brickleberry, Bad Neighbours, 3 eps of Lucas Bros. Moving Company, 2 eps of The Life & Times Of Tim, 1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of Star-ving) as Annie. Didn’t notice her in this movie, and I don’t remember who Annie was.
Joshua Ormond (Robot & Frank) as Little Joey, the little kid that Ryan hangs around.