movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Like on Facebook] [Official site] Recommended by my Dad.

PLOT SUMMARY: What if a man from the Upper Paleolithic had survived until the present day? A retiring scholar tries to convince his colleagues that he is a 14,000 year old immortal cave man.

PEOPLE: Written by Jerome Bixby, who wrote 4 Star Trek (original) episodes, including the mirror universe where everyone has a beard, and the episode about a 6,000 year old man; a similar premise to this movie in some ways. He also wrote one Twilight Zone ep (from the original series) — anyone who has ever feared being “wished away to the cornfield” knows what I’m talking about. It was important enough that The Simpsons parodied it in Treehouse Of Horror II. “It’s real good that you done that.” About all he’s done since then is the 3rd segment of the 1983 Twilight Zone movie, 1 ep in the 2003 Twilight Zone series … And this movie. This is likely because he he died in 1998, and as a corpse is unable to keep writing. This was his last work before his death.

Only a few actors in this movie. Main character John Oldman (get it? old man) is David Lee Smith (Walter from Fight Club, Zodiac, CSI:Miami). Main skeptic is William Katt (The Greatest American Hero!!!), who plays a creepy teacher who’s dating a student way too young for him (Alexis Thorpe, who was in American Pie 3:American Wedding, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck, and 238 eps of Days Of Our Lives). Token black guy is Tony Todd (The Candyman from Candyman 1-2, Rev. Zombie from Hatchet 1-2, Final Destination 1-5, 7 eps of Star Trek Voyager/TNG/DS9), who plays a really mellow and open-minded, easy-going guy (often the voice of reason in this movie). Christian skeptic is Ellen Crawford (Nurse Lydia Wright from 113 eps of E.R.). John Oldman’s girlfriend is Annika Peterson (Shannon O’Reilly from 2 eps of Oz). The irrational shrink is Richard Riehle — who totally reminds me of the “I’ll make your bub-bubs bounce” / “this is what I do, I sit on you” guy. He was in Office Space, Smiley Face, Beach Party At The Threshold Of Hell, Hatchet, Palindromes (yuck), Deuce Bigalow:Male Gigolo, was the principle in the Ferris Bueller TV series (what lost out to Parker Lewis Can’t Lose), and in general has a ton of small roles; he was almost Cliff Claven in Cheers. We also have John Billingsley (Dr. Phlox from 98 eps of Star Trek:Enterprise, 2012, Michael Lathan from 3 eps of 24 Season 7, Mike Spencer from True Blood).

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Jesus, incapable of loving his girlfriend, abandons all his friends…AGAIN!

QUIRKS: Talking. All talking. This whole movie is basically a bunch of people in one room talking. A Melvin Goes To Dinner type thing. Incredible dialogue covering history, religion, biology, and more.

VISUALS: Shot with camcorders. Makes it look more like an 80’s film than a 2007 film.

SOUNDTRACK: Not really.

MORALS: A crazy enough truth will force you to lie. Telling the wrong truth will cause society to turn against you, even if it’s true.

POLITICS: Religion is bullshit.

Also, the producer thanked the bittorrent pirates for raising the profile of this film and ultimately making it money!

GOOD STUFF: Incredible dialogue!! What a concept! Thought provoking! Interesting simply by the words; this could easily work as a text-only story as well.

BAD STUFF: No action, no explosions, no special effects. This is dry sci fi. I don’t mind the change of pace, but the lack of real excitement beyond the dialogue is perhaps what kept me from giving it a full 5 stars.

CONCLUSION: A very thought-provoking, completely conversation-driven movie about an immortal man, and the extreme implications of his immortality. It’s rare to have a movie that is COMPLETELY conversation — 8 people in a room just talking for 90 minutes. No sex. No CGI. No explosions. It’s even rarer for such a movie to not be at all boring (though SOME would be bored by this; Michael Bay is necessary). If you like older sci-fi — this is a good movie much in the vein of older, less production-driven sci-fi. They even shot it with camcorders so it looks more like a 1980’s movie, even though it was made in 2007. Good stuff.

Clint: Netflix: 4.4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 8.0/10 (rather high for IMDB), Netflix: 3.5/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: Some Christians get offended at this. GFY!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Hard to say!

MOVIE QUOTE: This movie is full of good dialogue, but it’s not very quotable. It’s all good because of the context of the discussion/situation; the lines don’t really stand alone as strong quotes, per se.

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Dad liked it enough to recommend it to me as something I’d like.

OTHER REVIEWS: 85% on Rotten Tomatoes.


 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Official site] [Facebook page] Following in the tracks of Machete, yet another spoof-trailer from the Grindhouse double-feature has now been turned into an actual, real movie!

PEOPLE: Starring: The Hobo is Rutger Hauer (Roy Batty from Blade Runner, Cardinal Roark from Sin City, Earle from Batman Begins, Keeler from Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind, Lothos from Buffy The Vampire Slayer The Movie). The prostitute with a heart of gold is Molly Dunsworth (this seems to be her only real movie role).

PLOT SUMMARY: A hobo wants to buy a lawnmower to start a lawn mowing business… But instead is [more or less] forced to buy a shotgun instead, where he begins cleansing the town of its criminals.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Hobo engages in illegal vigilante justice.

QUIRKS: Violent. Campy. Dark. Gory. Over-the-top. Ridiculous dialog. All the elements of your classic b-movie. Read the parent’s guide on IMDB for a breakdown of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie.

VISUALS: Gory and over-the-top, shot in “technicolor”, with unrealistic, bright colors, much like the film stock of the 1970s/1980s.

MORALS: Sometimes violence is the only solution.

POLITICS: I would love to hear how gun control would have saved that town. ;)

GOOD STUFF: Black & white – no moral middle-ground here. It’s pure evil vs. pure good. And The Plague? TOTAL BADASS MOFOS. Like if Gwar were real. The director wants to do a movie focusing on The Plague… Damn, I really hope that happens!

BAD STUFF: Campy. Corny dialog. But this is on purpose! Duh!

Carolyn didn’t seem to get that. Not having the same b-movie upbringing that I had, she cheesed my buzz by repeatedly sighing in frustration at the movie.

CONCLUSION: A great throwback to old gore/exploitation/Troma films like The Toxic Avenger. Cut from the same cloth as Machete and Black Dynamite.

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 2.6/5 stars. IMDB: 5.6/10. “It picked up a bit in the middle and end, but it was not as good as Machete was. Maybe my expectations were too high.”
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.5/10, Netflix: 3.8/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.6/5 stars–hmmm).

RECOMMENDATION: Troma / b-movie / exploitation fans – check this out!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Black Dynamite and Machete — both being modern homages to old-school b/exploitation flicks. I’m also reminded of The Toxic Avenger, though you could compare this film to scores of old movies like that.


Hobo: I’m gonna sleep in your bloody carcasses tonight!

Hobo: Put the knife away, kid… or I’ll use it to cut welfare checks from your rotten skin!

Drake: When life gives you razor blades… you make a baseball bat, covered in razor blades.

“They’re gonna make comic books out of my hate crimes.”

“I’m gonna wash this blood off with your blood.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: People seemed to talk about it existing more than their reactions. Another movie that everyone talks about before seeing, but not after. Puzzling.


Outlaw Vern’s review.

“‘Hobo with a Shotgun’ is everything you’d want a film called ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’ to be” –

Pirate Bay users blown away by Hobo With A Shotgun

Daily Herald review.

Pop-Break review.

Carolyn: “What’s that movie again? Homo With A Bat?” .. Me: “No. Hobo With A Shotgun”. Napoleon Dynamite: “GOSH!” (more…)

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 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link]

PEOPLE: N00b director/writer. Dale is played by mostly-TV actor Tyler Labine (Lewis the computer-fucker from Control Alt Delete). Tucker is played by Alan Tudyk (the pilot from Firefly, so hilarious as a redneck hillbilly). Ally is played by Katrina Bowden (Cerie from 30 Rock, Ms. Tasty from Sex Drive, Holly from Ratko:The Dictator’s Son). Chad (the real douchebag of the movie) is played by Jesse Moss (Final Destination 3, Ginger Snaps).

PLOT SUMMARY: College kids go camping in redneckville — and are totally creeped out by the 2 redneck main characters, Tucker and Dale. Misunderstandings ensue, whereby the college kids THINK Tucker and Dale are trying to kill them. But they are not. There is no actual monster or villain in this movie! At least, not at first.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] College education fails to educate kids on how not to kill themselves.

QUIRKS: A horror-based comedy movie. Usually, horror-based comedies are spoof movies that spoof a bunch of known horror tropes. But this is a legitimately unique story.

VISUALS: There are gruesome deaths, just like in any horror movie — but they are actually more unexpected here, because none of this should have happened. This whole movie is about misunderstanding.

MORALS: Don’t judge people by their appearance!

GOOD STUFF: Tucker and Dale are hilarious characters. The misunderstandings that fuel the plot, although tragic, were comedy gold.

BAD STUFF: Some people are offended by the stereotyping of rednecks — or college kids for that matter. But the whole point of this movie is that stereotypes are not the sole way you should judge someone! Reminds me of the feminists who were all pissed of at Sucker Punch, even though it was about the abuse of women!

CONCLUSION: A great horror-spoof comedy of epic misunderstandings. Exceeded our expectations, and deserving of it’s high 7.6/10 rating on IMDB. And a great chance to see Alan Tudyk, the pilot from Firefly, in a comedic redneck role.


Clint: Netflix: 4.6/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.

Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8.6/10. “That was a different take on the normal horror movie, and I enjoyed it. Crazy deaths!!! Misunderstandings and miscommunications… Don’t make assumptions, and panic and freak out.”

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.6/10, Netflix: 4.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was actually lower–3.1/5 stars–a rare FAIL from the Netflix recommendation engine! Why?!).

RECOMMENDATION: Definitely worth seeing!

SIMILAR MOVIES: Not really similar, but Dead & Breakfast has some slight similarities. This movie actually turns the tables against movies like Wrong Turn and The Hills Have Eyes, by making the cultured city folk the “bad guys” (to the extent that bad guys exist in this movie).

OTHER REVIEWS: OutlawVern reviwed it here.


This is a sequel to a post I made 7.5 years ago, the last time I built a computer (“Hades”) from scratch. The only parts that failed from my last build are all built by companies that are now out of business (Abit, OCZ), so that’s good. (I don’t count harddrives, those must eventually fail.) My new computer will be named Thailog, and will be composed of:

NZXT Phantom 820 Series Full Tower Chassis
$199.99 @
A light on the back! Color-configurable internal lights!

ORIGINAL CASE ORDER (cancelled due to lack of stock): 
Thermaltake Chaser A71 Full Tower Chassis
$129.99 @, but their “2-4 week shipping” actually meant “in 27 days we will start shipping” in my case, so I canceled my order and bought it again for $ @ .


Enermax ERV1000EWT-G 1000W ATX12V v2.3 / EPS12V v2.92, v2.8 SLI Ready CrossFire Ready 80 PLUS GOLD Certified Modular Active PFC Power Supply New 4th Gen CPU Certified Haswell Ready
$140.98 (after $45 rebate) @



ASRock X99 WS EATX (Extended-length ATX) LGA2011-3 Motherboard
$280.48 (after $40 rebate) @



Intel Core i7-5820K Haswell-E 6-Core 3.3GHz LGA2011-v3 140W Desktop Processor BX80648I75820K
$381.54 @


Arctic Freezer I30 CPU Cooler for Intel LGA2011/1155/1156/1150
$34.98 @




G.Skill Ripjaws 4 series 16GB (2x8GB) 288-Pin DDR4 SDRAM DDR4 2400 (PC4-19200) Memory Kit (Model F4-2400C15D-16GRR)
$200.98 @



HIS iPower IceQ X² Boost H270QM2G2M Radeon R9 270 2GB 256-Bit GDDR5 PCI Express 3.0 x16 HDCP Ready CrossFireX Support Video Card
$151.98 @




Crucial M500 240GB M.2 SATA3 Internal Solid State Drive (MLC) (CT240M500SSD4)
$123.99 @

$1,514.92 ($1559.92 initially with $45 back in rebates).
CPU, CPU cooler & SSD from SuperBiiz.
Case, Power Supply, Motherboard, RAM, & Videocard from NewEgg (2 items only cheaper due to rebates).



CPU: Intel Core i7-5820K Haswell-E 6-Core 3.3GHz (BX80648I75820K) with Arctic Freezer I30 cooler
MOBO: ASRock X99 WS EATX LGA2011-3 Motherboard ( Intel X99 chipset)
RAM: G.Skill Ripjaws 4 (2x8GB) DDR4 2400 (F4-2400C15D-16GRR)
VID:  HIS iPower IceQ X² Boost H270QM2G2M Radeon R9 270 (2GB 256-Bit GDDR5)
SSD: Crucial M500 240GB M.2 SATA3 Internal Solid State Drive CT240M500SSD4)
PSU: Enermax ERV1000EWT-G 1000W

 movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] Recommended by Christie, who shares a lot of our tastes, and may as well be inside my own head.

PEOPLE: Directed by Dan Eckman, who did the Bro Rape YouTube video, as well as Blowjob Girl:

8 people wrote the story and screenplay; including Eckman and many of the actors.

Starring Donald Glover (Community, the Bro Rapist from the above video), D.C. Pierson (who looks like Napoloen Dynamite, was the guy from the Blowjob Girl video above, and was in Bro Rape too), Dominic Dierkes (Onion News Network writer, Bro Rape), Aubrey Plaza (April from Parks And Recreation, Julie Powers from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Daisy from Funny People… What a weird kind of hot she is), and Glenn Kalison.

Also a small role played by Ellie Kemper aka Erin Hannon from The Office (and Blowjob Girl from the video above).

Lots of people in this movie seemed familiar — and were faces we’d seen 1 or 2 times in other minor roles.

PLOT SUMMARY: Walking parodies of detective teams — the 3 most clueless kids you’ve ever seen — attempt to solve an actual murder mystery.

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Clueless detectives prevent police from solving double homocide; fail to get laid.

QUIRKS: A rated R mystery comedy! A comedic mystery adventure with ridiculous characters. Pineapple Express *wishes* it was this funny. These guys are like walking parodies of other comedic detective teams, such as Scooby Doo, The Problem Solverz, or even Aqua Teen Hunger Force (when they actually work on cases — which is pretty rare). They are RIDICULOUS PEOPLE. About as ridiculous as you can get.

Also, although a minor character – the ~8 year old kid was frickin’ hilarious.

VISUALS: Aubrey Plaza is a really weird kind of hot.

GOOD STUFF: It’s hard to explain, precisely, why this is so funny. Mainly it’s RIDICULOUS. Someone on IMDB said it was “The Big Lebowski Effect” — it’s a serious mystery, but you’re just laughing at how bad they are bumbling through it.

BAD STUFF: Some people think it’s juvenile because the characters themselves are incredibly juvenile. They are 17-year-olds who, while intelligent (2 out of 3 of them, anyway), are more naive than most 10-year-olds. They eventually wise-up and mature by the end of the movie (coming of age), but what people are viewing as this film’s weakness is actually this film’s strength. The characters — and what they say — are what’s funny here. The plot is actually kind of irrelevant.

CONCLUSION: Holy fuck this was funny. Christie made a great recommendation!

Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB:9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4.8/5 stars. IMDB: 8.8/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.8/10, Netflix: 3.4/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.3/5 stars).

RECOMMENDATION: If you don’t mind something very silly and ridiculous and juvenile (yet rated R) — you will like this! But if you’re a snob about comedies — or the type to turn a movie off 5 minutes into it — I’m going to diagnose you with a case of being a cynical asshole. Move on.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Hard to say, but I’ve seen both THE BIG LEBOWSKI and DUMB AND DUMBER mentioned as sharing some similarities. Honestly, these guys were about as clueless as the main character in ORGAZMO.


[paraphrased] “Actually, given the market right now, it makes more sense to rent cocaine than to buy it.”

Jamie: There’s something fishy going on down at the sardine factory! I think it’s fish!

Jim: [interrupting] Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn’t beat that cancer. I really do.

“He blew into my mouth.”

“This stage is wet and it smells like cold cuts!”

“Ah, wood. Nature’s metal.”

Don’t suck their dicks.”

FRIENDS’ RATINGS: Christie recommended this to me, so I can only assume her and 808 really liked it!


Gone With The Twins review. “The group can barely manage spilt milk, so their involvement with blood, human waste, naked flesh and loaded guns brings about a constant source of highly contrasting conflicts. ” (more…)

house_well-11(NOTE: This post is an updated copy of my 2014 post post [see also: 2013,  201220112010,  2009,  2008])

(Check our your property value using the official Fairfax county link.)

THE BASIC SUMMARY: Our real estate assessment grew 14.65% — the 4th best year of the 16 years we’ve lived here. Things are back on track.  This is greater than our average-average-gain of 7.3% a year.

Our house went up ~20% — the most since the addition. (2014=10%, which was also the most since the addition).  Not counting our addition completion coinciding with a real estate bubble, this might be the best year of actual return-for-nothing. I think it’s the remodeling of a nearby school.

Our land went up 8%, which is significant.  It’s only gone up 7 of the 16 years we’ve lived here, and about 3 of those were real-estate-bubble related… So this is probably top quartile “real” growth.

Our real estate value increased $4,055/month (2014=$1,365). Our mortgage is currently about $1090, and includes all taxes & insurance. It’s almost like we’re getting paid $2965/month (2014=$275) to live here, but then I remember this house comes with other associated costs: Electricity, internet, home warranty, trash, water/sewer, and maintenance.

In 1999, we bought the house at  $141K.
In 2000, we  were  assessed  at  $142K.
In 2001, this  grew   by 3.5% to $147K.
In 2002, this  grew   by  39% to $205K.
In 2003, this  grew   by   3% to $211K.
In 2004, this  grew   by  24% to $261K.
In 2005, this  grew   by  34% to $349K.
In 2006, this  grew   by  13% to $395K. [addition basically complete]
In 2007, this  grew   by   3% to $406K  (peak)
In 2008, this dropped by   7% to $375K. [addition officially complete]
In 2009, this dropped by   3% to $364K.
In 2010, this dropped by  18% to $298K. (ouch)
In 2011, this  grew   by   3% to $307K. (Finally a gain!) 
In 2012, this  grew   by  ~3% to $316K.
In 2013, this remained        at $316K. (Hmm...)
In 2014, this  grew   by   5% to $332K. (back on track)
In 2015, this  grew   by  15% to $381K. (woo)

We’re 6% down from our peak value. (But not like previous years: 18%,22%,??%,37%).

We still owe $129.2K on our mortgage [2014/13/12=$131.8K/$133.9K/$136.1K].

The house is worth 2.95X more than we owe on the mortgage (2014/13/12/11: 2.52,2.36,2.32,2.27).

In 2014, we owe about $2600 less than we did the prior year.
[2014/13=$2100/$2000. 2012=we owed $700 MORE than the prior year due to refinance costs to get a $260/mo cheaper mortgage payment].

So we are still ahead (“ahead” means “assessed value minus what is owed on the mortgage”) by $251.7K (2014/13/12/11/10=$200.5K ,$182.0K,$179.8K,$171.7K,$163K).

Our gain in getting ahead was $51.2K  this year ($4266/mo), which was greater than previous years’ gains (2014/13/12/11…=$18.4K,$2.2K,$8.1K,$8.7K).

We’ve lived here 16 years now [despite numbers being 1 to low in all previous version of this annual report], so that’s a running average of getting $15,734 ahead each year. [2014/13/12/11=$14,318/$12,997/14,903/15,609)
Per month, that is $1311 ahead each month, for all months that we’ve lived here. [2014/13/12/11=$1193,$1083,$1249$1300].

Considering that we took $30K out of the house to pay for an addition, that’s a pretty good rate of return.

Our mortgage is now up to $~1056.48 (2014/13/12=$1059/$1025/$1300), so this place seems to literally be paying for itself: It’s value goes up more each month, on average, over the entire time we’ve lived here… Than how much we current pay each month!  Too bad about those “associated costs”, though.

(Of course, the addition wasn’t free, it was about $80K, so we’re really only $171.7K ahead (2014/13/12/11=$120.5K/$102.0K/$99.8K/$91.7K).
…Which is $10,734 ahead per year (2014/13/12/11=$8,604/$7,283/$8,317/$8,336).
…Which is $894.52  ahead per month (2014/13/12/11=$717/$606/$693/$694).

Still not shabby. How much of your rent did you get back this month? (If you got free utilities — that at least counts as something.)

These people who say houses aren’t a good investment don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about! Even if it’s value drops 90%, you’re still getting 10% more of your money back than if you were renting! And we’re sure as hell doing better than dropping 90%… We’re getting double our money back, assuming value holds.


And even if we lost 100%… e also have way more living space than people who pay the same amount: 2500 sq ft @ 1025/mo = 42.2592 cents per square foot per month [2014/13=42.35/41]. Renting space in D.C. is often paying 3X as much per square-foot-month as what we are paying. And that’s with no yard or parking.

It’s amazing how much more you can get when you don’t demand every little thing be perfect. Things break every year, our electric bill breaks $200 most months, and $400 in January… Yet our on-book expenses are only $2500/month for 2 people (16 year average).

So when I read all these “You need to make $100,000/yr to survive comfortably in DC” type articles…. I get kind of skeptical. Find a better deal. They’re out there. It’s not easy, but it’s easier than making $100,000/yr just to be comfortable. We could almost live 2 minimum wages, if we lived a very monastic lifestyle with no health care.

And things will get about $600/mo cheaper when we pay off the house. Which will possibly-to-likely be this year.  It can happen now, but we want a bubble of financial security before we go broke again.

Here’s the new graph:

Here’s 2014’s graph:

2014 real estate assessment graph



Broken down via land vs. building:

2000: $71K
2001: $71K
2002: $90K (+27%)
2003: $100K (+11%)
2004: $150K (+50%)
2005: $184K (+23%)
2006: $166K (-10%) [addition completed]
2007: $166K
2008: $184K (+11%)
2009: $166K (-10%)
2010: $148K (-11%)
2011: $148K
2012: $152K (+2.7%)
2013: $152K
2014: $152K
2015: $164K (+8%)

2000: $71K
2001: $76K (+7%)
2002: $115K (+51%)
2003: $111K (-3%)
2004: $111K
2005: $165K (+49%) [addition possibly counted here]
2006: $229K (+39%) [addition completed]
2007: $241K (+5%)
2008: $192K (-20%)
2009: $198K (+3%)
2010: $150K (-24%)
2011: $159K (+6%)
2012: $164K (+3%)
2013: $164K
2014: $180K (+10%)
2015: $217K (+20%) [school remodel influence?]

FOOTNOTE: 2006 was about when the construction was mostly finished, but due to problems with it being completely finished, it might not have been legally counted as finished until 2008.

RANDOM NOTE: The Google Chart Playground is very, very useful. Saves a lot of manual page refresheses…




NO WAIT.. OLD GRAPHS! Too beautiful to not carry over each year ;)


2013’s graph:

2012’s graph:

2011’s graph:




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