May 21, 2015
May 19, 2015
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May 18, 2015
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PLOT SUMMARY: Younger brother prince is a jealous dickhead. He needs a coming-of-age story to turn him into proper royalty.
UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Brother’s jealousy drives him to heroism.
Starring Danny McBride (The Foot Fist Way, Up In The Air, Fanboys, Superbad, Observe And Report, Land Of The Lost, Due Date, Despicable Me), who’s funniness level tends to vary; he’s never quite been as funny as he was as the star of The Foot Fist Way. Also starring James Franco (127 Hours, The Green Hornet, Harry Osborn from the Spider-Man movies), Natalie Portman, and Zooey Deschanel. Rasmus Hardiker, who plays the wussy male character Courtney — is in that awful CGI-using British sketch comedy show The Wrong Door.
If you thought that Toby Jones looked familiar playing the diminutive Julie character — it’s because he was Dobby from Harry Potter (as well as a bursar in St. Trinian’s 1-2, and Karl Rove in W.)
VISUALS: Zooey Deschanel in bondage? Check.
GOOD STUFF: A nice mix of raunchy, irreverent comedy, mixed with fantasy questing.
BAD STUFF: Could have been funnier. A lot of the dialog was improvised, which explains why some of the jokes didn’t pack as much of a punch as they could have.
CONCLUSION: While a lot of people hated this movie, we liked it — just not a lot. It was a passable night’s entertainment for 2 people who were too tired to do anything else, and not energetic enough to sit through a “real” movie.
Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 5.8/10, Netflix: 3.5/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.5/5 stars–whoa there, it wasn’t THAT funny!).
RECOMMENDATION: For the low-grade comedy lover who just wants to laugh a bit on some dead, tired, uneventful evening.
Leezar: I’m here to steal a beautiful virgin that looks just. Like. Her.
Fabious: And how do you plan to do that?
Leezar: Magic. [cracks neck] Motherfucker. (more…)
May 8, 2015
PLOT SUMMARY: A Christian’s way-too-hot wife leaves him to hang out with drug dealers and do drugs, so he takes up vigilantism to get back at crime, and get his wife back.
PEOPLE: Written/Directed by James Gunn… Who apparently was an uncredited director for Tromeo And Juliet, and directed the 1st episode of Troma‘s Edge TV, as well as The Tromaville Cafe. He was also Scott in Melvin Goes To Dinner, and Dr. Flem Hocking in The Toxic Avenger 4. I had no idea this had any overlap with Troma people, as this definitely came off as a “real” movie, compared to Troma films (which I absolutely love). I’m glad to see some Troma people can make it up to making non-Troma movies. I totally didn’t catch that they had Troma‘s War on a TV during the movie. Troma‘s War is a great movie; Troma‘s biggest “serious” movie attempt.
Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office) and Ellen Page (Juno from Juno, Ariadne from Inception, Hayley from Hard Candy, Kitty Pride/Shadowcat from X-Men 3–a better choice than the dumb actress they had in X-Men 1-2). Ellen is only getting hotter and hotter. Can’t wait to see what she looks like when she’s 35. Also: Live Tyler and Kevin Bacon.
BACKWARD PLOT SUMMARY: [highlight for spoilers]→ Christian superhero hooks up with a woman, but she leaves him, then he stops being a superhero, and she comes back to him.
UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Psychotic vigilante Christian takes law into own hands, fails to get back wife, causes the only girl who would ever fuck him to be shot in the head.
QUIRKS: Realistic non-superpower super hero movie. Mental instability. Violence. Death. This is not a superhero tale for kids.
VISUALS: Not too much going on… But Ellen Page is getting hotter and hotter!
MORALS: DON’T CUT IN LINE! DON’T SELL DRUGS! DON’T MOLEST CHILDREN!
GOOD STUFF: This movie takes directions the viewer would NOT expect it to take. You will be surprised and shocked.
Also: Best “rape” scene ever! Who ever knew that the guy who played Dwight Schrute would be in such a hot sex scene? Bwahahaha. But it is disturbing how many people say it’s not rape. It’s definitely in the grey area, a bit more on the rape side than the not rape side.
BAD STUFF: People who take this at face value and miss the point.
CONCLUSION: That movie… was…. jesus…. that was really fucking dark. oh my god. It’s a comedy, yet it’s REALLY fucking dark. Takes you places you really don’t expect. This is compared to Kick-Ass a lot, but it’s really more like Special/Defendor meets Observe And Report. But dark. So fucking dark. Oh my god. But also funny. This movie is FUUUCKED UP. Special is great, but Special lacks the comedy this movie has. Yet this movie is way darker. Go figure. Yea — you really won’t know what you’re getting into until you watch it!
Carolyn: “Yeah, that movie was… yeah… really dark and sad… Reminded me of the movie Special, but it was darker than Special. Definitely *NOT* for kids…”
Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 8.6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 7.2/10, Netflix: 3.7/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 3.9/5 stars–a bit low of a guess, Netflix).
The movie Super Capers was lighthearted compared to this.
The movie Kick-Ass was a bit more comical, but about as dark by the end.
The movie Special was almost as dark as this movie, except for the ending.
The movie Defendor was about as comic as this, and almost as dark, but not nearly disturbing.
The movie Observe And Report had a lot in common with this too — even comedic rape.
However, this was probably the darkest and most disturbing of all! (Though funnier than Special.)
MOVIE QUOTE: “It’s all gooshy.”
Hamilton: You got to forget about that bitch. She’s a fucking whore. She sucked more dick than my brother Victor and you saw that faggot come in here once with a cum worm on his beard. He didn’t even know it was there. How you don’t know someone jizzed in your face?
Jacques: You really think that killing me… stabbing me to death is going to change the world?
Frank D’Arbo: I can’t know that for sure, unless I try. (more…)
May 6, 2015
CLINT’S TIPS: COUPLES COMPUTING: Opening facebook links from your spouse’s email without having to re-log-inPosted by Clint under Internet, Programming, Technology, Tips
My wife & I have gmail filters set up to forward each others’ facebook emails to each other. It brings a level of postmodern closeness and togetherness and awareness, and indeed keeps us from tripping each other up and having to have redundant exchanges of information. But then Facebook changed, and clicking each others’ links logged each other out. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve logged into facebook. Probably at least 100 in 2015 alone, if not more. IT. GETS. OLD. Then one day Carolyn played with the URL and discovered you could remove the last 2 parts of it, and it would bring you to the correct place (assuming you both had access). Then I realized I already had a plugin (chrome plugin id pajiegeliagebegjdhebejdlknciafen) called Redirector that lets you run a regular expression modification on any URLs you visit. Why the hell was I not using this? So just do this:
And the problem is solved. Don’t bitch to me about the 4th set of parenthesis being unnecessary. It looks way better.
BONUS FEATURE: How to make the new flickr look like the old flickr:
April 28, 2015
PEOPLE: A Bruce Timm production — you either know what that means, or you don’t, but to be put simply: He’s involved in almost every good superhero animation in the past 20 years. 3 co-directors. 6 writers. A very collaborative work!
MICHAEL JACKSON voices Ganthet. Tricked you! There’s a new Michael Jackson in town, and now that the pop singer is dead, he gets to ride the coattails of MJ’s pop-star fame, and now longer has to put the “II” after his name. Funny. I’d buy stock in this guy.
Arisia is played by Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men, Get Him To The Greek, West Wing, and the awful Anywhere But Here, what played on our honeymoon airplane). Sinestro is Jason Isaacs (Lucious Malfoy from the Harry Potter movies, Event Horizon).
Also with some other voices like Arnold Vosloo (Habib Marwan from 24 Season 4, Imhotep from the Mummy movies), Steve Blum (Starscream in Transfomers Prime, Wolverine in Wolverine & The X-Men, Jamie in Megas XLR, Spike in Cowboy Bebop, FLCL, tons of anime dubs, tons of cartoons).
UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers]→ Lanterns fail to save their homeworld.
QUIRKS: Bruce Timm quality superhero action. Origin stories for several Green Lantern characters. Cosmic-scale comic goodness.
Expect a flashback within a flashback, as well as a flash-forward within a flashback. Yo dawg.
VISUALS: Great animation. Up to par with any animated DC/Marvel movie coming out in the past decade.
GOOD STUFF: The final battle is probably one of the most epic animated battles I’ve ever seen, in term of scale. [highlight for spoilers]→ A battle involving multiple plants being used as weapons is fucking badass.
BAD STUFF: Not much, but some people were mad the Green Lantern only seemed to use his power to make “lasers and bubbles”, not the constructs you typically see in the comic. I didn’t really notice this failing myself.
CONCLUSION: Some people prefer the Green Lantern:First Flight origin animated movie. However, Carolyn & I thought this was even better than that. Flat out, for us, this is the best Green Lantern anything that’s ever been made anywhere.
Clint: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 9/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.2/10, Netflix: 3.9/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 4.6/5 stars–well played, Netflix).
RECOMMENDATION: I hear the Green Lantern live action movie is really awful… so watch this instead.
SIMILAR MOVIES: Green Lantern:First Flight.
MOVIE QUOTE: “Mogo doesn’t really socialize.” (more…)
April 18, 2015
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PLOT SUMMARY: “There are 4 billion people on earth. 237 are Scanners. They have the most terrifying powers ever created… and they are winning.”
Starring Stephan Lack as Camerone Vale — whose career went nowhere. His acting is perceived as bad in this movie, but I think it was kind of on purpose, as he was somebody who never really got to live a real life. Of course he would be stiff and naive and kind of robotic. But it still comes off as bad acting. And maybe it was. Bad guy Revok is played by Michael Ironside (X-Men:First Class, Terminator Salvation, The Machinist, Starship Troopers, McBain [yes that’s a movie!], Total Recall, Highlander 2, Top Gun, Lois Lane’s dad, General Sam Lane, in 3 episodes of Smallville, Darkseid in 4 eps of Justice League, as well as the 1990s Superman cartoon, Colonel Moss in the Wolverine & The X-Men cartoon, and Ham Tyler from the original V series).
The doctor was Patrick McGoohan, who I guess was famous as John Drank in Danger Man and Secret Agent back in the 1960s. He was also King Edward I in Bravehaeart and The Phantom‘s dad in The Phantom (1996). He died on my birthday in 2009.
UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): Government sponsors murder.
QUIRKS: Exploding head scene. Slowness. Nothing happening. Slowness. Government conspiracy. Slowness.
VISUALS: Exploding head scene. Buncha sterile 70’s locations with people talking. Shotguns.
The head exploding scene is really overrated.
The green computerized credits were really cool, though.
SOUNDTRACK: None that I remember.
If you have powers, best not to get involved with anybody or anything, because humanity fucking sucks.
If you’re pregnant, don’t take new drugs on the market.
POLITICS: Fuck the government. Especially secret agencies.
GOOD STUFF: The ending battle actually worked out differently than I thought it would, which was kind of neat.
BAD STUFF: Slow. Boring. Slow. Boring. Hardly anything happens.
The ridiculous fucking idea that if you are telepathic and can access human nervous systems, that you must therefore be able to access computers, because “they have nervous systems too”. What utter fucking bullshit.
The acting when people get scanned. Having to shake and act like “oh no i’m being scanned”. The scanner battles. The expressions the actors make. CORNY!
The only guns are shotguns — you better believe it! Then again, if a scanner may be messing with your aim while you are trying to kill him, a shotgun’s wide blast radius might be the only way you still manage to hit them.
Yes, a computer can make a telephone booth explode. DEAL WITH IT. Ha ha ha.
CONCLUSION: An overrated cult classic that is not deserving of its notoriety. Dated, slow, boring, preposterous (even for the world it took place in), NOT gory like its reputation, and certainly not groundbreaking in the least. The 2011 remake’s gonna be better. It can’t NOT be.
Clint: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6.6/10. “I thought it was somewhat interesting. It wasn’t ground-breaking though…”
The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 6.7/10, Netflix: 3.2/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was the same–3.2/5 stars).
RECOMMENDATION: I’m waiting for the 2011 remake. It’s got to be better than this.
Cameron Vale: You called me a scanner. What is that?
Paul Ruth: Freak of nature, born with a certain form of ESP; derangement of the synapses which we call telepathy. (more…)