Reviews


VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: A.C.O.D. (2013) [“adult child of divorce”]

Clio: 4.6/5 stars, 8.3/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 2.9/5 stars Netflix, 5.7/10 IMDB.

Carolyn: This turned out to be better than we were expecting.  I thought the premise sounded like it could be entertaining, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Clio: Indeed… I was resisting this movie quite a bit, as I’m so fucking sick of other peoples’ divorces. I was sick of it when I was a fucking kid, and I’m more sick of it now, as now I get to deal with others’ drama directly. So I figured it wouldn’t be as funny as I’d hoped because of that. I also figured that since Carolyn & I have been together for decades, as has/had our parents… That some of this simply might not resonate through me due to a lack of personal experience.  I also figured that since it was all about families… Well, I’m not really much of a family guy, and families in movies can be annoying.

I’m pleased to report I was wrong on all counts. This took awkwardness to an enjoyable level. People dug themselves into holes; deeper and deeper. Adam Scott’s face makes my fist want to hit it repeatedly, and it didn’t ruin the movie. His fucking, scrunched-up trollface didn’t ruin the movie. It worked for portraying a neurotic child of divorce. Who had a book written about him. A best-selling book. Yea… This movie really deals with repressed childhood anger, and that indeed resonated with me.

But most of all? I laughed a lot, which was the purpose for watching a comedy movie. Yay. The end.

Directed by Stu Zicherman.
Written by Ben Karlin (4 eps of Space Ghost Coast To Coast, The Daily Show) & Stu Zicherman (Elektra).

Adam Scott (Step Brothers, Knocked Up, Parks And Recreation, 2 eps of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV::, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Carter.
Richard Jenkins (the dead dad from Six Feet Under, Fun With Dick And Jane, The Cabin In The Woods, Let Me In, The Broken, How I Got Into College, Wolf, Me,Myself & Irene, Step Brothers, Turbo, Stealing Home) as Hugh.
Catherine O’Hara (The Nightmare Before Christmas, Home Alone movies, Frankenweenie, Where The Wild Things Are, Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events, Dick Tracy, SCTV, 4 eps of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Melissa.
Amy Poehler (Blades Of Glory, Shrek 3, Mean Girls, Wet Hot American Summer, Saturday Night Live, Horton Hears A Who!, Parks And Recreation, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, 5 eps of Arrested Development, 3 eps of Undeclared, 2 eps of Wonder Showzen, 2 eps of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Napoleon Dynamite-TAS) as Sondra.
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Death Proof, Grindhouse, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Smashed, Final Destination 3) as Lauren.
Clark Duke (Hot Tub Time Machine movies, Kick-Ass movies, The Croods, Superbad, 19 eps of The Office, 5 eps of Robot Chicken, 1 ep of Childrens Hospital) as Trey.
Ken Howard (13 eps of Dynasty, 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1 ep of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Office) as Gary.
Valerie Tian (Percy Jackson 1, Jennifer’s Body, Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, Juno) as Kieko.
Sarah Burns (I Love You Man, 8 eps of Drunk History) as Margo.
Jessica Alba (Dark Angel, Machete movies, Fantastic Four movies, The Ten, Idle Hands, Little Fockers, 1 ep of The Office) as Michelle.
Jane Lynch (Afternoon Delight, Wreck-It Ralph, The Three Stooges, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Glee, Shrek Forever After, 15 eps of The L Word, 3 eps of Neighbors From Hell, 2 eps of Arrested Development, 2 eps of Father Of The Pride, 2 eps of The Cleveland Show, 1 ep of The Spectacular Spider-Man, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of News Radio) as Dr. Judith.
Jamie Renell (The Change-Up) as Tyler.
Vickie Eng (The Change-Up) as Mrs. Kobayashi.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1311060/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/COMICS: REVIEW: R.I.P.D. (2013)

Clio: 5/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 5.6/10 IMDB.

Mike Judge was a voice? Weird.

Anyway, this was Men In Black, but with Ghosts instead of Aliens.  That REALLY sums it up. COMPLETELY. NOT MUCH MORE NEEDS TO BE SAID.  Every aspect of the MIB forumula was used here. Same formula, different values.

And it’s a good formula. We love it. We’ve watched all 4 movies, and all 65 episodes of the animated series — which was awesome, and went right under most peoples’ radar.

So given that we like this formula, we obviously found it VERY entertaining. This was a fun movie, and 3-D made it more fun. The cast was great. The special effects were great. There was comedy, action, a plot. The characters were interesting.

So, while seeming quite derivative, this was sitll a win.

Based on a comic, which is popular nowadays. (Was MIB a comic? Was the comic inspired by MIB?)

Directed by Robert Schwentke (Red, The Time Traveler’s Wife).
Written by Phil Hay (Aeon Flux, Clash Of The Titans (2010)), Matt Manfredi (Aeon Flux, Clash Of The Titans (2010)) & David Dobkin (Jack The Giant Slayer).

Starring
Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, the original Tron movie and the new Tron movies, The Men Who Stare At Goats, Iron Man, How To Lose Friends & Alienate People, Tideland) as Roy.
Ryan Reynolds (Adventureland, Hal Jordan in Green Lantern, Wade Wilson in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Van Wilder, The Proposal, The Change-Up, Turbo, The Croods, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, The Amityville Horror, Waiting) as Nick.
Kevin Bacon as Hayes.
Mary-Louise Parker (Nancy Botwin from Weeds, Red movies, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Fried Green Tomatoes) as Proctor.
Stephanie Szostak (Iron Man 3, Dinner For Schmucks, 1 ep of The Sopranos) as Julia.
James Hong (Mr. Ping in the Kung Fu Panda movies, Jackie Chan Adventures, Hot To Trot, 2 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of Archer, 2 eps of Bonanza, 1 ep of Home Improvement) as Nick’s Avatar.
Marisa Miller as Roy’s Avatar.
Robert Knepper (Percy Jackson 2, Transporter 3, Carnivale) as Stanley Nawicki.
Mike O’Malley (Deep Impact, 28 Days, 43 eps of Glee, 3 eps of Baby Blues, 1 ep of Axe Cop) as Elliot.
Devin Ratray (Side Effects, Home Alone 2) as Pulaski.
Larry Joe Campbell (Pacific Rim, 5 eps of Weeds, 1 ep of Friends) as Officer Murphy.
Piper Mackenzie Harris (1 ep of Newsreaders) as Nick’s New Avatar.
Toby Huss (Kahn Souphanousinphone, Sr. in King Of The Hill, Carnivale, Bad Milo, Bedazzled, 4 eps of The Venture Bros., 4 eps of Harvey Birdman, 2 eps of Beavis & Butt-head (2011), 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV, 1 ep of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of Adventure Time, 2 eps of Kung Fu Panda, 1 ep of Brickleberry) as Various Deado (voice).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790736/combined

I'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link]

RATINGS:
Clio: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
The native public rating for this movie is: Netflix: 2.9/5 stars, IMDB: 3.1/10.

CLIO’S THOUGHTS: I don’t know if it’s the long break we took in between 1-6 and 7, but I felt like this one was an improvement. It’s largely lauded as the worst of the series; the dud that killed it. But in fact, I think it was just too soon. It was overload. There was too much. It was possibly already too late before this movie came out.

But watching it after a long break? (We watched 1-6 in two weeks or so, many months ago.) I think that improved the experience.

Anyway, this one felt less formulaic! It’s definitely not the worst of the franchise! Yeah, there were a lot of bad/fall-flat jokes, especially in the beginning… But ultimately, it broke the formula a bit, and was a more interesting movie than the last few. Harris actually becomes useful! And works on the same team as the people he worked against in 1-6. He’s still a jerk, but a useful one, now. He’s not quite as bumbling; he simply has no respect. The comedy is still there, though this movie is slightly more serious. And that’s okay. We needed some change.

Plus, they are in RUSSIA!! It looks suspiciously like America, but with more moustaches and hats and fur coats.

Plus, some of the cast: See Cornfed from Duckman before he was Cornfed, Ron Perlman before he was Hellboy, and Christopher Lee before he was Count Duku[la]!!

Anyway… I see no reason to write off this final installment the way so many do. I think they were looking for redemption where none was to be found. It is what it is, and was actually slightly more enjoyable to us than both Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach and Police Academy 6: City Under Siege.

CAROLYN’S THOUGHTS: This did seem to be less formulaic than the others. It was entertaining, and it seemed to have its own feel, yet still felt like a Police Academy movie.

PEOPLE:

Directed by Alan Metter (Back To School).
Written by Randolph Davis (1 ep of Tales From The Crypt) and Michele S. Chodos.

Starring:
From the previous movies:
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
G.W. Bailey (Police Academy 1,4-7 Short Circuit, Mannequin, 14 eps of MASH, 1 ep of Soap, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Lt. Harris.
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.

New people:
Christopher Lee (Saruman in the Lord Of The Rings movies, Death in The Color Of Magic, The Golden Compass, Count Dooku in Star Wars Episode 2 and Star Wars: The Clone Wars pilot movie, Alice In Wonderland, Corpse Bride, Sleepy Hollow, Gremlins 2) as Commandant Rakov, the leader of the Russian police force.
Ron Perlman (Hellboy, City Of Lost Children, Pacific Rim, Percy Jackson 2, Alien 4, Titan A.E.) as Constantine Konali, the Russian bad guy.
Claire Forlani (Mall Rats) as Katrina, the Russian translator.
Charlie Schlatter (Ferris Bueller in the Ferris Bueller TV series, G.I. Joe: Renegades, 3 eps of The Batman, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of The Life & Times Of Tim, 1 ep of The Boondocks) as Cadet Connors, obligatory good-looking kid in order to be able to have a love interest.
Gregg Berger (Cornfed from Duckman, Odie from Garfield & Friends and The Garfield Show (2008), Kay from Men In Black:TAS, Grimlock in The Transformers, The Angry Beavers, Toxic Crusaders, Mysterio in Spider-Man-TAS (1990s), 6 eps of Life With Louie, 5 eps of Rugrats, 4 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 4 eps of Batman Beyond, 2 eps of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 2 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold) as Lt. Talinsky, Russian policeman. (more…)

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)

Clio: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 3.9/10 IMDB.

Hank (the cop) from Breaking Bad AND Chloe from Smallville are both in this movie, though almost nobody (including us) will notice this.

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was more like The Pink Panther about a theft gang on a stealing spree. The team are brought in to help Captain Harris catch the thieves, and then Commandant Lassard is framed so they try to clear his name. Still going.

Clio: Yup. Still going. These Police Academy movies get really unremarkable, but at least this one had a sort of mystery plot to it that the others didn’t have. That helped stave off the rate of decay of the franchise a bit…

Directed by Peter Bonerz (29 eps of Home Improvement, 12 eps of Friends, 11 eps of Wings, 9 eps of Alf, 3 eps of Just Shoot Me, 3 eps of Joey, 2 eps of Newsradio, 2 eps of Shit My Dad Says).
Written by Stephen Curwick (Police Academy 5-6, 5 eps of Family Ties, 2 eps of Growing Pains, 1 ep of Who’s The Boss?).

Starring
From the previous movies:
Bubba Smith (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
George R. Robertson (Police Academy 1-6, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.
Marion Ramsey (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.
G.W. Bailey (Police Academy 1,4-7 Short Circuit, Mannequin, 14 eps of MASH, 1 ep of Soap, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Lt. Harris.
Lance Kinsey (Police Academy 2-6, Loaded Weapon 1) as Proctor.

From the last movie:
Matt McCoy (Police Academy 5-6, 4 eps of Carnivale, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Nick, Lassard’s nephew, pretty much Mahoney’s replacement.

New people:
Allison Mack (Chloe Sullivan from Smallville) as Little Girl. This was her film debut.
Dean Norris (Hank the cop/brother-in-law from Breaking Bad) as cop in gym. Not even credited. No, we didn’t notice him.
Kenneth Mars (Triton in The Little Mermaid, The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again, 26 eps of Malcolm In The Middle, 9 eps of Pirates Of Darkwater, 4 eps of Life With Louie, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of Lois & Clark, 1 ep of The Real Adventures Of Jonny Quest, 1 ep of The Angry Beavers) as The Mayor / The Mastermind
Brian Seeman (2 eps of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Murphy Brown) as Flash
Darwyn Swalve (Barton Fink, Summer School, 1 ep of The A Team) as Ox
Beans Morocco (Bob The Janitor in Police Academy 5, New Nightmare, Once Bitten, 6 eps of Growing Pains, 2 eps of Mork & Mindy, 2 eps of Laverne & Shirley, 1 ep of Soap, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Mad About You, 1 ep of Caroline In The City, 1 ep of Murphy Brown) as Bank President

From previous movies:
Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1-3,6, Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.
Billie Bird (Police Academy 4,6, 2 eps of The Wonder Years, 1 ep of Cheers, 1 ep of Max Headroom, 1 ep of Murphy Brown, 1 ep of Who’s The Boss) as Mrs. Feldman. She played Mrs. Feldman in Police Academy 4. I guess it was a different character altogether, but I didn’t remember to notice her.
Arthur Batanides (Police Academy 2-4,6, 5 eps of Happy Days, 4 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 3 eps of The Odd Couple, 2 eps of Wonder Woman, 1 ep of Star Trek) as Old Man Kirkland.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098105/combined

Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)

Carolyn’s thoughts: They tried to mix it up a bit by changing the setting and putting them into Miami Beach.  Still the same formula, but entertaining enough.  No mention of what happened to Mahoney.

Claire’s thoughts: Exactly. They’re still doing it… But they’ve lost Steve Guttenberg for good. Strangely… I didn’t really notice. With or without him, it’s pretty much “same shit, different instance”. It works. It’s still working. It’s good that they made this. It’s good that we watched it. But it’s not very special. It’s another episode of The Simpsons at this point. I’m fine with that, but the only reason to watch Police Academy 5 is that you watched Police Academy 1 through 4.

Directed by Alan Myerson (12 eps of Laverne & Shirley, 8 eps of The Larry Sanders Show, 5 eps of Newsradio, The Single Guy, 2 eps of Friends, 2 eps of Ned And Stacey).
Written by Stephen Curwick (Police Academy 5-6, 5 eps of Family Ties, 2 eps of Growing Pains, 1 ep of Who’s The Boss?).

Starring
From the previous movies:
Bubba Smith (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
George R. Robertson (Police Academy 1-6, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.
Marion Ramsey (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.
G.W. Bailey (Police Academy 1,4-7 Short Circuit, Mannequin, 14 eps of MASH, 1 ep of Soap, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Lt. Harris.
Lance Kinsey (Police Academy 2-6, Loaded Weapon 1) as Proctor.

From the last movie:
Tab Thacker (Police Academy 4-5) as House, the fat cadet.

New people:
Matt McCoy (Police Academy 5-6, 4 eps of Carnivale, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Nick, Lassard’s nephew, pretty much Mahoney’s replacement.
Janet Jones (A League Of Their Own) as Kate, Nick’s female police officer love interest.
Rene Auberjonois (Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Pirates Of Darkwater, Benson, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 4 eps of Justice League, 2 eps of Young Justice, 1 ep of Men In Black-TAS, 1 ep of Family Guy) as Tony, the main bad guy.
Archie Hahn (John Tucker Must Die, Gremlins 2) as Mouse, a henchman.
James Hampton (Teen Wolf series, 3 eps of Full House, 2 eps of Punky Brewster, 1 ep of Hope & Gloria, 1 ep of Valerie) as Mayor of Miami.

Missing from this movie, but will be returning:
Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1-3,6, Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.
Arthur Batanides (Police Academy 2-4,6, 5 eps of Happy Days, 4 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 3 eps of The Odd Couple, 2 eps of Wonder Woman, 1 ep of Star Trek) as Old Man Kirkland.
Billie Bird (Police Academy 4,6, 2 eps of The Wonder Years, 1 ep of Cheers, 1 ep of Max Headroom, 1 ep of Murphy Brown, 1 ep of Who’s The Boss) as Mrs. Feldman. IMDB says she plays Mrs. Stanwyck in Police Academy 6. Same character, different name, or different character altogether? Hmmm.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095882/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)

Claire: 3.2/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 4.6/10 IMDB.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  This had a similar scattered feel that the first movie had, but it seemed to have an even looser plot than the other movies.  Basically, this is just the first movie, but with civilians learning to be cops, but not actually get to be cops.  These are definitely starting to wear out their welcome.  This is the last one with Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg) in it.

Claire: Yup, it’s all getting to be a blur. This one’s still absolutely comparable with the first 3, but it’s starting to feel like episodes of a TV series, what with the repetitions, fomulaicness, catch-phrases, etc.

Directed by Jim Drake (Night Court, SCTV, Dave’s World, 5 eps of Who’s The Boss, 5 eps of Newhart, 1 ep of Valerie).
Written by Gene Quintano (Police Academy 2-4, Loaded Weapon 1).

Starring:

From the previous movies:
Steve Guttenberg (Police Academy 1-4, 3 Men And A Baby movies, Cocoon, Short Circuit) as Carey Mahoney.
Bubba Smith (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
George R. Robertson (Police Academy 1-6, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.
Marion Ramsey (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed.
Colleen Camp (Police Academy 2,4, Four Christmases, Last Action Hero, Sliver, Wayne’s World, Clue, Apocalypse Now, Speed 2, Plump Fiction, 3 eps of Roseanne) as Kirkland.
Jackie Joseph (Police Academy 2,4, Gremlins, 8 eps of Josie & The Pussycats, 3 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 1 ep of Full House, 1 ep of Designing Women, 1 ep of Newhart) as Mrs. Kirkland.
Tim Kazurinsky (Police Academy 2-4, Plump Fiction, Hot To Trot, 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Sweetchuck.
Lance Kinsey (Police Academy 2-6, Loaded Weapon 1) as Proctor.
Andrew Paris (Police Academy 2-4, 3 eps of Happy Days) as Bud Kirkland.
Arthur Batanides (Police Academy 2-4,6, 5 eps of Happy Days, 4 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 3 eps of The Odd Couple, 2 eps of Wonder Woman, 1 ep of Star Trek) as Old Man Kirkland.
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.
Scott Thomson (Police Academy 1,3-4, Twister, Ghoulies, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Chad Copeland.
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Leonardo in all three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Cadet Nogata.

New people:
Sharon Stone as Claire Mattson. So young.
Derek McGrath (Mr. Mom, 4 eps of Cheers, 2 eps of Star Trek: Voyager, 2 eps of Family Matters, 1 ep of Married With Children) as Butterworth.
Billie Bird (Police Academy 4,6, 2 eps of The Wonder Years, 1 ep of Cheers, 1 ep of Max Headroom, 1 ep of Murphy Brown, 1 ep of Who’s The Boss) as Mrs. Feldman. IMDB says she plays Mrs. Stanwyck in Police Academy 6. Same character, different name, or different character altogether? Hmmm.
David Spade as Kyle. This was his first role?!?!?!?!
Brian Backer (Fast Times At Ridgemont High, The Money Pit, 1 ep of Growing Pains) as Arnie, Kyle’s friend.
Tab Thacker (Police Academy 4,5) as House, the fat cadet.
Corinne Bohrer (Joysticks, 2 eps of Herman’s Head, 1 ep of Friends, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ned & Stacey, 1 ep of Will & Grace) as Laura, Zed’s love interest.
Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb (Raising Arizona, Naked Gun 33 1/3, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, 1 ep of Married With Children) as Zack.
Michael McManus (The Kentucky Fried Movie, 4 eps of Night Court, 2 eps of It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Mr. Belvedere, 1 ep of Doogie Howser MD, 1 ep of Coach) as Todd.
Jack Creley (Videodrome, Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, 1 ep of Friday The 13th: The Series) as Judge.
Tony Hawk as a skateboarder. (IMDB trivia says he was fired from being David Spade’s skateboarding double because he was too tall, so apparently, he was just a guy skating with them.)

Missing from this movie, but will be returning:
Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1-3,6, Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093756/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)

Claire: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 5.0/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: A good thing was more new characters, and old character in new roles. Bobcat Goldthwait made a hilariously-weird street thug, and now he gets to be a hilariously-weird cop.  Getting to use a character in two roles strikes me as both brilliant AND lazy, which are both hallmarks of good low-budget filmmaking.

Unfortunately, at this point, the franchise is becoming a bit formulaic and repetitive.   Some of the jokes are the same jokes.. Again.   And the jokes just aren’t that funny (in 2014, when I’m writing this) to bear repeating 3 times. Maybe they were in 1986, but they aren’t in 2014.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  This one wasn’t as good as the first 2, but it was still entertaining.

Directed by Jerry Paris (Police Academy 2-3, 238 eps of Happy Days, 18 eps of The Odd Couple, 3 eps of The Munsters, 3 eps of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, 1 ep of Laverne & Shirley).
Written by Gene Quintano (Police Academy 2-4, Loaded Weapon 1).

Starring
From the previous movies:
Steve Guttenberg (Police Academy 1-4, 3 Men And A Baby movies, Cocoon, Short Circuit) as Carey Mahoney.
Bubba Smith (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1-3,6, Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
George R. Robertson (Police Academy 1-6, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.
Marion Ramsey (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.

Returning from the second movie:
Art Metrano (Police Academy 2-3, 5 eps of Bewitched, 2 eps of Fantasy Island, 1 ep of Herman’s Head, 1 ep of 21 Jump Street, 1 ep of Punky Brewster) as Lt. Mauser.
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed.
Tim Kazurinsky (Police Academy 2-4, Plump Fiction, Hot To Trot, 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Sweetchuck.
Lance Kinsey (Police Academy 2-6, Loaded Weapon 1) as Proctor.
Andrew Paris (Police Academy 2-4, 3 eps of Happy Days) as Bud Kirkland.
Arthur Batanides (Police Academy 2-4,6, 5 eps of Happy Days, 4 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 3 eps of The Odd Couple, 2 eps of Wonder Woman, 1 ep of Star Trek) as Old Man Kirkland.

Returning from the first movie:
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.
Debralee Scott (Police Academy 1,3, Mary Hartman Mary Hartman, 6 eps of Welcome Back Kotter, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Mrs. Fackler.
Scott Thomson (Police Academy 1,3-4, Twister, Ghoulies, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Chad Copeland.
Brant von Hoffman (Police Academy 1,3, 1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of Laverne & Shirley) as Kyle Blankes.
Georgina Spelvin (Police Academy, porn star) as The Hooker.

new people:
Shawn Weatherly (19 eps of Baywatch, 1 ep of Dukes Of Hazzard, 1 ep of Happy Days) as Cadet Adams.
Ed Nelson (6 eps of Gunsmoke, 1 ep of Dynasty, 1 ep of CHiPS) as Governor Neilson.
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Leonardo in all three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Cadet Nogata.
David Huband (Wrong Turn, 2 eps of Puppets Who Kill) as Cadet Hedges.

Missing from this movie, but will be returning:
Colleen Camp (Police Academy 2,4, Four Christmases, Last Action Hero, Sliver, Wayne’s World, Clue, Apocalypse Now, Speed 2, Plump Fiction, 3 eps of Roseanne) as Kirkland.
Jackie Joseph (Police Academy 2,4, Gremlins, 8 eps of Josie & The Pussycats, 3 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 1 ep of Full House, 1 ep of Designing Women, 1 ep of Newhart) as Mrs. Kirkland.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091777/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)

Claire: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 5.5/10 IMDB.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  I think I liked this ever so slightly better than the first one, but I couldn’t pinpoint why.  Maybe it was because it didn’t seem as scattered, and there was more of an underlining plot to follow.  Bobcat Goldthwait is so weird!

Claire thoughts: I actually feel like I didn’t quite like it as much. I guess the novelty of #1 wears off by #2. And I have to watch 5 more of these?!?  When I think back, it’s an enjoyable and entertaining movie, as much as #1. I just didn’t seem to get quite as much out of it.

Directed by Jerry Paris (Police Academy 2-3, 238 eps of Happy Days, 18 eps of The Odd Couple, 3 eps of The Munsters, 3 eps of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, 1 ep of Laverne & Shirley).
Written by Barry W. Blaustein (Police Academy 2-5, The Nutty Professor movies, 41 eps of Saturday Night Live) & David Sheffield (Police Academy 2-5, The Nutty Professor movies, 53 eps of Saturday Night Live).

Starring
From the first movie:
Steve Guttenberg (Police Academy 1-4, 3 Men And A Baby movies, Cocoon, Short Circuit) as Carey Mahoney.
Bubba Smith (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
David Graf (Police Academy 1-7, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Michael Winslow (Police Academy 1-7 and the series, Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
Bruce Mahler (Police Academy 1-3,6, Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.
George Gaynes (Police Academy 1-7, Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
George R. Robertson (Police Academy 1-6, National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.
Marion Ramsey (Police Academy 1-6, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.

New people:

Colleen Camp (Police Academy 2,4, Four Christmases, Last Action Hero, Sliver, Wayne’s World, Clue, Apocalypse Now, Speed 2, Plump Fiction, 3 eps of Roseanne) as Kirkland, Tackleberry’s love interest.
Howard Hesseman (Gridlock’d, Halloween 2 (2009), WKRP In Cincinnati, 7 eps of Soap, 3 eps of That 70’s Show) as Pete Lassard.
Art Metrano (Police Academy 2-3, 5 eps of Bewitched, 2 eps of Fantasy Island, 1 ep of Herman’s Head, 1 ep of 21 Jump Street, 1 ep of Punky Brewster) as Lt. Mauser.
Bobcat Goldthwait as Zed.
Julie Brown (Plump Fiction, Clueless and the Clueless TV series, 6 eps of Animaniacs, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 2 eps of Laverne & Shirley, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Chloe. She was supposed to be a love interest, but her scenes were cut off. And TOTALLY UNRECOGNIZABLE from usual – she has short brunette hair instead of her lovely, long, red hair she ended up with when she became an MTV personality. I believe in middle school I decided that if there was an afterlife, I would spend much of it in her cleavage.
Peter Van Norden (The Naked Gun 2 1/2, 1 ep of Caroline In The City, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Vinnie Schtulman.
Tim Kazurinsky (Police Academy 2-4, Plump Fiction, Hot To Trot, 2 eps of Curb Your Enthusiasm) as Merchant.
Ed Herlihy (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Pee-wee’s Big Adventure) as Dooley.
Sandy Ward (Airplane 2, 11 eps of Malcolm In The Middle, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Lois & Clark, 1 ep of Dream On) as Sistrunk.
Lance Kinsey (Police Academy 2-6, Loaded Weapon 1) as Proctor.
Arthur Batanides (Police Academy 2-4,6, 5 eps of Happy Days, 4 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 3 eps of The Odd Couple, 2 eps of Wonder Woman, 1 ep of Star Trek) as Old Man Kirkland.
Jackie Joseph (Police Academy 2,4, Gremlins, 8 eps of Josie & The Pussycats, 3 eps of The Dick Van Dyke Show, 1 ep of Full House, 1 ep of Designing Women, 1 ep of Newhart) as Mrs. Kirkland.
Andrew Paris (Police Academy 2-4, 3 eps of Happy Days) as Bud Kirkland.

People who are missing from this movie, but will return in later movies:
Leslie Easterbrook (Police Academy 1,3-7, The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde. Thank god. These movies just aren’t the same without her tits.
Debralee Scott (Police Academy 1,3, Mary Hartman Mary Hartman, 6 eps of Welcome Back Kotter, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Mrs. Fackler.
Scott Thomson (Police Academy 1,3-4, Twister, Ghoulies, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Chad Copeland.
Brant von Hoffman (Police Academy 1,3, 1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of Laverne & Shirley) as Kyle Blankes.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089822/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Police Academy 1 (1984)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.6/10 IMDB.

They should use Michael Winslow more. But I guess he’ll be back in the other movies.  Wait…That was Kim Catrall??

That was fun. Reminds me of Stripes, but with police instead of military, and funnier.  I grew up on these movies, but I haven’t seen one in over 20 years. All 7 movies finally being available in HD means it’s time to watch them again, and remember what the fuss was about.

Pretty damn funny! Not a cinematic masterpiece, but we both laughed out loud. A lot. The movie was outrageous and out of touch back then, but now it’s even more strange. A relic. And damn, 30 years ago was definitely more homophobic. The movie was a truly a product of its time.

But anyway… The only thing I actually remember from watching this when I was younger… Is the bossy blonde academy instructor, and her tits. DEFINITELY worth returning to.

I’d really forgotten about all these quirky characters. They should make an adult cartoon about these guys.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  This was entertaining and fun.  A little fast-paced, and a little bit scattered, but it got us laughing out loud several times.  I didn’t remember much from when I saw this as a kid.

Directed by Hugh Wilson (2 eps of WKRP In Cincinnati).
Written by Neal Israel (Real Genius, Look Who’s Talking Too), Pat Proft (Scary Movie 3-5, Naked Gun movies, Hot Shots movies, The Star Wars Holiday Special), and Hugh Wilson (33 eps of WKRP In Cincinnati).

Steve Guttenberg (3 Men And A Baby movies, Cocoon, Short Circuit) as Carey Mahoney.
Kim Cattrall (Dee in Producing Parker, Samantha in Sex And The City, Star Trek 6, Porky’s, Big Trouble In Little China, Mannequin, 2 eps of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Duckman, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Rugrats) as Karen Thompson.
G.W. Bailey (Short Circuit, Mannequin, 14 eps of MASH, 1 ep of Soap, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Lt. Harris.
Bubba Smith (1 ep of Married With Children, 1 ep of Sabrina The Teenage Witch, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Moses Hightower.
Donovan Scott (Back To The Future 3, 1 ep of Eagleheart) as Leslie Barbara.
George Gaynes (Henry in Punky Brewster, Wag The Dog, 1 ep of Sliders) as Commandant Lassard.
Andrew Rubin (2 eps of The Odd Couple) as George Martin.
David Graf (1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Ferris Bueller, 1 ep of Night Court, 1 ep of MASH, 1 ep of Family Matters) as Tackleberry.
Leslie Easterbrook (The Devil’s Rejects, Laverne & Shirley, 2 eps of Batman-TAS, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Sgt. Callahan, the hot blonde.
Michael Winslow (Spaceballs, Gremlins, 3 eps of The Love Boat, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Larvell Jones.
Debralee Scott (Mary Hartman Mary Hartman, 6 eps of Welcome Back Kotter, 1 ep of The Love Boat) as Mrs. Fackler, who jumped on the car.
Bruce Mahler (Fridays, 3 eps of Seinfeld, uncredited in Loaded Weapon 1, uncredited in Dick Tracy) as Doug Fackler.
Ted Ross (Stealing Home, 1 ep of Benson, 1 ep of The Cosby Show, 1 ep of The Jeffersons) as Captain Reed.
Scott Thomson (Twister, Ghoulies, 1 ep of Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) as Chad Copeland.
Brant von Hoffman (1 ep of Arrested Development, 1 ep of Laverne & Shirley) as Kyle Blankes.
Marion Ramsey (1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, 1 ep of Robot Chicken) as Laverne Hooks, the quiet one.
George R. Robertson (National Lampoon’s Senior Trip, JFK) as Chief Hurnst.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087928/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Secret Of My Succe$s (1987)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB. (Pretty much the average of OUR votes!)

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was slightly better than I was expecting.  It was very formulaic, and very excessive with the montages, but it stayed pretty consistently funny throughout.  One montage reminded us of the first Pink Panther movie with the ridiculous sneaking around chasing each other.  I really enjoyed it.

Claire: Me, not quite as much. I would have liked this movie more, emotionally, if the plot resolution didn’t feel like such a deus ex machina. They had a good plot — but then the plot’s resolution seemed to come from left field. And the romance subplot just seemed unnecesary and distracting.

The rest was good. It had its laughs. It had its distinctly 80’s kind of comedic moments that you just don’t see in movies these days, because film finally learned how to do realism right, and that shit doesn’t always pass muster nowadays.  So it had that nostalgic charm to it.

But points against for lack of cohesion with the resolution.

And yes, 5 fucking montages is fucking excessive. But hey, it was the 80’s. You gotta have a montage. Even Rocky had a montage.

Directed by Herbert Ross (Footloose, Steel Magnolias).

Written by Jim Cash (Dick Tracy, Top Gun, Turner & Hooch, Anaconda, Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas), Jack Epps Jr. (Dick Tracy, Top Gun, Turner & Hooch, Anaconda, Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas) and AJ Carothers (5 eps of My Three Sons).

Starring:

Michael J. Fox as Brantley Foster / Carlton Whitfield.
Helen Slater (Supergirl, City Slickers, Talia Al Ghul in 4 eps of Batman-TAS, Lara-El in 3 eps of Smallville, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Caroline In The City) as Christy Wills.
Richard Jordan (Dune) as Howard Prescott.
Margaret Whitton (Major League movies) as Vera Prescott.
John Pankow (Ira Buchman in Mad About You, 1 ep of Duckman) as Fred Melrose. I knew I recognized him, but I couldn’t place it.
Christopher Murney (Barton Fink) as Barney Rattigan.
Gerry Bamman (Home Alone movies) as Art Thomas.
Fred Gwynne (The Munsters, Fatal Attraction, The Boy Who Could Fly, Car 54 Where Are You?) as Donald Davenport.
Carol Ann Susi (Just Go With It, 2 eps of That 70’s Show, 2 eps of Seinfeld, 1 ep of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Just Shoot Me) as Jean.
Elizabeth Franz as Grace Foster.
Drew Snyder (Cruel Intentions) as Burt Foster.
Susan Kellermann (Beetlejuice, The Devil’s Advocate, Planes Trains And Automobiles) as Maureen.
Barton Heyman (The Exorcist) as Arnold Forbush.
Mercedes Ruehl (Big, Gia, Last Action Hero, 5 eps of Frasier) as Sheila.
Rex Robbins (Vampire’s Kiss, The Royal Tenenbaums) as McMasters.
MacIntyre Dixon (Funny Farm, It’s Kind Of A Funny Story) as Ferguson.
Bill Fagerbakke (Broadway from Gargoyles, Coach, Patrick in Spongebob Squarepants, Roughnecks: The Starship Troopers Chronicles, Funny Farm, 4 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Halloween 2, 4 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan, 1 ep of Young Justice) as Ron.
Mark Margolis (Tio Salamanca in Breaking Bad, The Fountain, Hannibal, Pi, Black Swan, 10 eps of Oz) as Maintenence Man.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093936/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (1993)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.7/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.7/10 IMDB.

Oh joy: Corey Feldman returns as Donatello.  He had a lot of lines, this time.  Maybe he was all fucked up during the first movie and they had to throw away a lot of his lines?  It seemed like in TMNT1, Donatello was almost totally ignored *BECAUSE* he was Corey Feldman.  Not so, this time.

So anyway, this was a completely different kind of plot that did not involve The Shredder.  It was kind of a one-off plot that had nothing to do with the standard TMNT plot. TIME TRAVEL?  Unnecessary. But since they go to feudal Japan, it is at least relevant and not totally contrived.

It was mostly entertaining though, and definitely not as cheesy or corny as the second movie. And with more fights. So it’s one of those rare threequels that’s better than the sequel.

Except the suits. The turtle suits on the actors were inferior and looked stupider. Can’t win them all.

Written & directed by Stuart Gillard (directed 20 eps of the new 90210, writer of 1 ep of Mork & Mindy, 1 ep of Three’s Company).

Starring:

All three movies:
Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
From the second movie only:
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff.

From the first movie:
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.

New people:
Tim Kelleher (Independence Day, The Birdcage, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of 24, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Raphael (voice).
Stuart Wilson (Hot Fuzz, Lethal Weapon 3) as Walker.
Sab Shimono (Uncle in Jackie Chan Adventures, Gung Ho, Waterworld, The Shadow, 6 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 3 eps of Samurai Jack, 2 eps of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, 1 ep of The Boondocks, 1 ep of Max Headroom) as Lord Norinaga.
Vivian Wu (1 ep of Tales From The Crypt) as Mitsu.
Matt Hill (Soarin’ in My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Havok in X-Men: Evolution, SheZow, Ed in Ed, Edd, n Eddy) as Raphael.
Jim Raposa as Donatello.
David Fraser (11 eps of Sailor Moon) as Michaelangelo.
James Murray (Susan The Monster in Greg The Bunny, The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars, uncredited student puppeteer in Being John Malkovich, 3 eps of Life With Louie) as Splinter.
Eidan Hanzei (Crank 2, 1 ep of Heroes, 1 ep of Sherman Oaks) as Kenshin.
John Aylward (Armageddon, 2 eps of Carnivale, 2 eps of Third Rock From The Sun, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Niles.
Tad Horino (The Kentucky Fried Movie, Mulholland Dr., Bill & Ted‘s Bogus Journey) as Grandfather.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108308/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 5.9/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.5/5 stars Netflix, 5.9/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: I was thinking this was pretty good, and would end up 4/5 stars like I rated the last one… And maybe 7/10 like the last one. But no. God no. Things really took a drastic turn for the worse when vanilla ice appeared and shit got ultra-corny.

Also, I find the whole idea of a caged rat learning martial arts a bit ridiculous – Even in a world where teenage mutant ninja turtles exist, it is still utterly fucking implausible that a rat in a cage learned kung fu by watching and imitating his master. And he’s always on their case about being teenagers… But rats only live 4 years. So he’s at most 23 himself.

But anyway… When you end with a song and a dance, you know you’ve lost that loving feeling.  Apparently Frank Oz or someone complained that TMNT 1 was too violent, so this one was more family friendly.

At least it wasn’t horrible.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Donatello was much more fleshed out in this one. At one point, I asked Claire, “See how many lines Donatello has now?” The difference is definitely noticeable. This one definitely was more cheesy and corny than the first one. (I think they tried to tone down the violence since Jim Henson was apparently upset about how violent the first one was.) Definitely jumped the shark when they had a Vanilla Ice rap.

Directed by Michael Pressman (2 eps of Weeds).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).

Starring:

From the first movie:

Robbie Rist (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1, Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
Michelan Sisti as Michaelangelo / Soho Man.
Leif Tilden as Donatello / Foot #3.
Toshishiro Obata as Tatsu.
Raymond Serra as Chief Sterns.

Someone who was in the first movie, but as a different character:

Kenn Scott (Talkative Foot #2 in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1) as Raphael (as Kenn Troum). WHAT A PROMOTION!

New people:
Laurie Faso (The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, 18 eps of The Transformers, 1 ep of Jesse) as Raphael (voice).
Adam Carl (1 ep of Batman-TAS, 3 eps of Designing Women, 3 eps of Who’s The Boss?) as Donatello (voice). Corey Feldman is out.
Paige Turco (18 eps of Party Of Five, 18 eps of Guiding Light, 16 eps of All My Children) as April O’Neil. This is the movie of the 3 movies that she is the hottest in, though the red hair is missed.
David Warner (Archmage in Gargoyles, Ra’s Al Ghul in Batman, In The Mouth Of Madness, Lord Downey in Hogfather, Sweeney Todd, Avatar, Black Death, 9 eps of Men In Black: The Series) as Professor Jordon Perry.
Mark Caso as Leonardo / News Room Staff. He’ll be back in TMNT 3.
Ernie Reyes Jr. (Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, Rush Hour 2) as Keno.
François Chau (Lethal Weapon 4, 11 eps of G.I. Joe (1980s), 2 eps of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of 24) as Shredder (as Francois Chau).
Mark Ginther (Iron Man 3, 1 ep of Buffy The Vampire Slayer) as Rahzar.
Kurt Bryant (1 ep of Titus) as Tokka.
Kevin Nash (he’s a wrestler, Grandma’s Boy) as Super Shredder.
and of course, Frank Welker as Rahzar / Tokka (voice).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103060/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES/CARTOONS/COMIC BOOKS: REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6.6/10.
Native ratings: Netflix sucks, 6.7/10 IMDB.

I am in a unique position of having never been exposed to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles until 2013. I’d not read one comic book (not even one panel), nor seen even one animated second of any TMNT cartoon.  When the new CGI animated series came out in 2013, I decided to give it a shot to see what I’d been missing…. And we both love it. It’s nice to have a lighthearted superhero cartoon to go with all our slightly-more-serious Marvel/DC-type superhero cartoons.

SO I’M FINALLY SEEING SOMETHING TMNT FROM THE 20TH CENTURY by watching all 3 movies this week. About goddamn time.

And y’know what? The new cartoon is better.  I probably wouldn’t have liked this nearly as much without priming up with the new version. And now I’m ready for the Michael Bay version. Bring it on, Michael. There’s nothing you can do to me that you haven’t done before. My body is ready.

Carolyn’s thoughts: I had watched the original animated series when it was on back in the 80’s, but when the movies came out, I wasn’t interested. Nowadays, I don’t remember that much from the original series, but we’ve been watching the new animated series. The new animated series is actually really good. Back to this movie, some of the jokes fell flat. It might have been better if I watched this when I was younger, because maybe it just didn’t live up to the test of time. I don’t remember much of the original series, but now that I’m comparing it to the new series, maybe that is why I didn’t enjoy it as much.

I don’t remember how Donatello was in the original series, but he really seemed like a throwaway character in this movie. I noticed that they barely touched Donatello’s character in this movie, and he just came across as really really lame. And then I found out Corey Feldman did his voice, and it was the worst voice. Poor Corey Feldman. It’s almost like he sucked so bad that they didn’t give him very many lines, or maybe he said a lot more originally and they cut it all out. I don’t know.

Directed by Steve Barron (Coneheads, The Adventures Of Pinocchio).

Written by Todd W. Langen (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, 7 eps of The Wonder Years) & Bobby Herbeck (3 eps of Small Wonder, 1 ep of Diff’rent Strokes).

Starring:
Judith Hoag (Salt, Armageddon, 1 ep of Weeds, 1 ep of Dream On, 1 ep of Mad About You) as April O’Neil.
Corey Feldman as Donatello (voice).
Josh Pais (Michael & Michael Have Issues, Adventureland, Synecdoche New York, Scream 3, 1 ep of The Sopranos) as Raphael (voice).
David McCharen (Men At Work, Ice Age 3) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki (voice).
Michael McConnohie (Resident Evil: Damnation, 1 ep of Wolverine anime, and a lot of video games and anime including Dragon Ball and Robotech) as Tatsu (voice).
Elias Koteas (A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Let Me In, Defendor, Last Days On Mars, Shutter Island, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Exotica) as Casey Jones.
Sam Rockwell (Zaphod Beeblebrox in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (2005), Iron Man 2, Galaxy Quest, Seven Psychopaths, A Case Of You, Heist) as Head Thug.
Kenn Scott (Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2) as Talkative Foot #2.
Robbie Rist (Sharknado, Michelangelo in a 2011 fanmade movie called Casey Jones, 1 ep of Jackie Chan Adventures, 1 ep of Batman-TAS) as Michaelangelo (voice).
Brian Tochi (Police Academy 3-4, Revenge Of The Nerds 3, 10 eps of Johnny Bravo, 4 eps of Avatar: The Last Airbender, 2 eps of The Grim Adventures Of Billy & Mandy, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Samurai Jack) as Leonardo (voice).
Kevin Clash (Elmo in Sesame Street) as Splinter (voice).
James Saito (Life Of Pi, The Devil’s Advocate, Die Hard 2) as The Shredder / Oroko Saki.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100758/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Ghost Team One (2013)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 2.1/5 stars Netflix (ouch), 4.9/10 IMDB.

A horror-comedy mockumentary about a sexually charged ghost?  This could go wrong in a lot of ways.  Especially because mockumentary typically means “we can’t write, so let’s just improvise until something mediocre comes out”.

But this was better than a lot of mockumentaries. It did actually have a plot. It felt scripted, and not improvised that much.

“Did you just fuck the ghost?!?”

It was still very much a b-movie, mostly 3 people in a house, very little special effects, no soundtrack, and very low key in the way they acted  So it’s a bit off-putting if you’re looking for a high-budget blockbuster type movie. This is more like a comedy for people who can’t get enough laughs.

Carolyn: We threw this one after Walking Dead hoping that it would be an entertaining way to end the evening. Unfortunately, this didn’t really live up. It was OK, but it was neither hilarious nor scary. One won’t miss anything by passing over this movie.

Claire: Funny thing – I passed out 40 minutes before the movie ended. Once that happened, I got to see about 75% of it, but none of it made sense due to the 25% I missed by falling asleep like… Every minute. We both were going to give it 2.6/5 stars, 5/10. Then I rewatched the last 40 minutes after dinner and it made a lot more sense. Most of the funniest stuff actually happened after I stopped being able to pay attention, so the movie redeemd itself.

Even Carolyn remarked that it was better the 2nd time through (and what a stupid movie to ever see twice!), raising her rating up to 3/5 stars, 6/10 (which is what I did too).

So…. This movie has its laughs and value. It’s just not great. Or particularly good. We ended up liking it.

Directed by Ben Peyser & Scott Rutherford.

Written by Andrew Knauer & Arthur Pielli.

Starring
Carlos Santos as Sergio.
J.R. Villarreal as Brad.
Fernanda Romero (3 Geezers, Drag Me To Hell) as Fernanda.
Tony Cavalero as Chuck.
Meghan Falcone as Becky.
James Babson (Hellboy, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen, 1 ep of American Dad) as JW Menapace.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272336/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Filth (2013)

Claire: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 7.2/10 IMDB.

Based on a book written by the same author as Trainspotting, “A bipolar, bigoted junkie cop manipulates and hallucinates his way through the festive season in a bid to secure promotion and win back his wife and daughter.”

Yes… That sounds awesome, but this movie is even better than it sounds.  So intense.

It was a psychological thriller of sorts, but with a heap of comedy thrown in (mostly in the first half). Almost the same type of mix as Fight Club.  This actually had multiple aspects of Fight Club (a lot) and of Dark Horse (a tiny bit; I’m only thinking of Dark Horse because I *just* watched it).

I have to say, the main character in this movie is one of the most conniving, machiavellian, and cunningly sociopathic characters that I’ve ever seen in any story anywhere.  The subtle ways he attacks his enemies (who are also often his friends) are the most subtle and effective form of passive-aggressiveness that I’ve ever seen. Psychological warfare so subtle that the person doesn’t even know it is happening to them. Ruining someone’s life just so they will have slightly less self confidence at work. So you get that promotion.

This guy is the most evil co-worker ever, without just being some generic mass murderer type. The hypocricy and two-facedness of this character is truly unparalleled. I had to stop watching movies for a few days. It was a combination of getting 5 reviews behind, and not wanting to watch another movie because I wanted more time to think about this one. It’s stuck with me for days. This guy is a tool, but an incredibly effective tool. His ruthlessness is actually something to be impressed with. His tactics should be considered. Life isn’t fair, and playing by the rules is for sheep.

This man, as evil and sociopathic as he may be — is actually a role model for anyone who has ever wanted crush their enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women. Just observing his behavior in this movie makes you realize that the scope of actions one can take in a situation is far larger than most realize. It’s almost inspiring and liberating to think that there are far more options out there than most of us would realize.

I don’t think I’d call him a role model, becuase he’s an evil fucking piece of shit… But if there were targets that actually *DESERVED* unfair treatment, his tactics would make him a role model.

This guy is no anti-hero, like, for example, Jason Statham in the Crank movies. He’s not doing wrong things for the right reason. He’s doing wrong things for the wrong reason. He’s a piece of shit, but the execution of his assholery is some of the most amazingly evil and cunning shit I’ve seen.

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was an intense movie. The accents sometimes were confusing, and it was hard to keep track of what was happening, but then overall, it was an intense fucked up movie. Definitely shows a descent into madness.

Claire: More like a descent OUT of madness, actually. Like Fight Club in that sense.

By the way: 25 logos in the credits! I count this every movie, and this is one of the highest counts ever.

“We’re filth. We come from filth, we’re going to filth, we’re filth!” -The Tick:TAS

Some other discussion:

Me: I feel like I’m wearing out my welcome on hurling movie recommendations at you.. but…this was pretty entertaining.

Radha: Hated the book  :/

Me: Maybe the movie is more fun and doesn’t take as long so it has the benefits without the cost? But yea, if you hated the book…. probably no point in watching the movie. Did you read trainspotting too?

Radha: Yeah, I read Trainspotting too. I liked it more than Filth but less than the movie. I basically hate Irvine Welsh’s writing style because I hate gimmicky bullshit and I hate things written in dialect.

Me:  so, clockwork orange and watership down are out?
Y’know, i can’t speak for writing, but for movies, i love gimmicky shit.

Radha: I didn’t like the book of Clockwork Orange nearly as much as the movie, except for the violence. Which is really unusual for me because ordinarily I like books much better than movies. It’s the dialect that aggravates me. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Me: Ahahaha yes indeed. I don’t mind that so much, to me it makes it more interesting… Thus I loved having to constantly go in between the actual story and the map-preface or glossary-appendix of Lord Of The Rings when reading it…… but i can see how if that was not your thing it would be a total fucking dealbreaker. LIke, if a movie did that to me, i might be like “fuck you, movie”

Jsun: Hm. I own this book.

Me: It could also be the case that this movie is more enjoyable than the book in the same way Radha thought Trainspotting-movie was better than Trainspotting-book. I dunno.

Matt McK: i can’t recall the book too much, read it 15 years ago, but was the tapeworm in the movie much? it’s only lightly mentioned in reviews. that was the weirdest part of the book…

Tapeworm?????? In the movie Filth? Not at all that I know of?

JSun: They left out the tapeworm?!?

Radha: Half the book is written by the tapeworm growing inside the guy. How the fuck could they leave that out??

JSun: Yeah… Major plot point left out. I’m not sure about this.

Claire: That seems like it would make the movie a little more zany and less realistic, more like Naked Lunch than Fight Club?

But yea… Movies are not cookie-cutter copies of books, or else every movie based on a book would be 3-4 hrs long, like those movjes that ARE cookie-cutter copies (lord of the rings, i’m looking at you, though even they left out stuff like tom bombadil for ex)

Claire: was the tapeworm the cause of his psychosis, then? I figured it was cocaine psychosis

Radha: It’s true that movies can’t be everything books are, but this particular plot point is so major that it wouldn’t even be the same story without it.

Claire: I’m kinda fine with that?
I mean, the movie the Naked Lunch was more about the writing of the book than what was in the book (which I’m not sure could ever actually be a film). Didn’t bother me because it was still a good movie.
Now, if they released a 4-hour version that contained every plot, I’d definitely watch it!
So was the tapeworm the cause of psychosis?

Radha: i dont remember

Claire: They should add an audiocommentary track that is narrated by the tapeworm!

Written & directed by Jon S. Baird.
Based on a novel by Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting novel).

Starring James McAvoy (Charles Xavier in X-Men: First ClassTrance, Mr. Tumnus in The Chronicles Of NarniaThe Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, 1 ep of Band Of Brothers) as Bruce Robertson.
Imogen Poots (Fright Night, V For Vendetta28 Weeks Later) as Amanda Drummond.
Jamie Bell (Jumper) as Ray Lennox.
Shirley Henderson (Moaning Myrtle in the Harry Potter movies, Bridget Jones’s Diary movies) as Bunty.
Jim Broadbent (Cloud Atlas, Harry Potter movies, InkheartHot FuzzBrazil, Time Bandits, The Lion,The Witch,And The Wardrobe, Bridget Jones’s Diary, The Crying Game, Superman 4) as Dr. Rossi.
Eddie Marsan (The World’s End, Jack The Giant SlayerSnow White And The HuntsmanHancockV For Vendetta, 21 Grams) as Bladesey.
Emun Elliott (Prometheus) as Peter Inglis.
Kate Dickie (Prometheus) as Chrissie.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1450321/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Lust For Love (2014)

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 2.6/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 5.8/10 IMDB. Not (yet?) available on Netflix.

Claire’s thoughts: VERY predictable romantic comedy. I mean, the ending may as well be telegraphed 10% of the way through, and I’ve seen this main plot 100 times. If you get more specific, I’ve seen this specific plot about 4 times too.

Of course, it’s still interesting to see the specifics on how things play out.  Is this what it’s like watching sports games?  The same things happen every game, but the specific details are what is interesting. Is that true? I don’t know, I’m not into sports.

So yes. I could describe this as “another rom-com about a guy who is trying to learn how to pick up chicks”, like The Long Weekend, or (to some extent) How To Stop Being A Loser. Fun, but utterly vapid and valueless.

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was a pathetic attempt at a movie.  It was just highly unremarkable.  Like Claire said, it was very predictable, and it just didn’t hold any merit.

Yet somehow Carolyn still rated it 2.6 stars, which rounds up to 3 stars (“Liked”). In other words, she still barely likes pathetic attempts at movies. It’s a good thing we generally enjoy movies… Or we’d watch a lot less of them ;)

Written & directed by Anton King.

Starring Fran Kranz (The Cabin In The Woods, Fanboy, The Village) as Astor.
Dichen Lachman as Cali.
Beau Garrett (Tron 2, Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, Live!, 1 ep of Warren The Ape) as Mila.
Enver Gjokaj (Would You Rather, The Avengers, 1 ep of The Walking Dead) as Jake.
Karim Saleh (Iron Man 2) as Franck.
Felicia Day (Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, The Guild, 8 eps of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, 2 eps of Undeclared) as Mary.
Maurissa Tancharoen (Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.) as Hazel.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2106529/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Fun With Dick And Jane (2005)

Claire: 4.7/5 stars, 8.8/10.
Carolyn: 5/5 stars, 9.4/10.
Native ratings: 3.3/5 stars Netflix, 6.1/10 IMDB.

Judd Apatow wrote this remake of the 1977 movie based on a book by Gerald Gaiser.

Carolyn’s thoughts: This was hilarious.  This didn’t disappoint.  It was funny all the way through, and it had a good political message.

Claire’s thoughts: I didn’t realize the political message was so pointed as it was until they named a bunch of CEOs at the beginning of the film’s closing credits. Named them for screwing people over. So this movie has a whole political message about the way the 1%er CEOs will fuck over the lives of thousands of people just to have more money on their Scrooge McDuck-esque pile of gold.

So it would have had political value even without being a comedy! But in fact, the comedy is the main point to this movie, not the politics. And it’s pretty funny. I didn’t quite get as much out of it as Carolyn did, however. I knew that since this was billed as “Comedy-Crime”, that there would be some intrigue that would take up space otherwise used for laughs. But there were still lots of laughs. This turned out better than I expected.

ONE MORE THING: http://icantcalmdown.ytmnd.com

Directed by Dean Parisot (Red 2, Galaxy Quest, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, 1 ep of The Tick live action series).
Written by Judd Apatow (This Is 40, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Undeclared, Funny People, Pineapple Express, You Don’t Mess With The Zohan), and Nicholas Stoller (Get Him To The Greek, 3 eps of Undeclared).

Jim Carrey as Dick Harper.
Téa Leoni (The Naked Truth, A League Of Their Own, Deep Impact) as Jane Harper.
Alec Baldwin as Jack McCallister.
Richard Jenkins (the dead dad from Six Feet Under, The Cabin In The Woods, Let Me In, The Broken, How I Got Into College, Wolf, Me,Myself & Irene, Step Brothers, Turbo, A.C.O.D., Stealing Home) as Frank Bascombe.
Angie Harmon (Barbara Gordon in Batman Beyond) as Veronica Cleeman.
John Michael Higgins (The Legend Of Korra, Mentok The Mindtaker in Harvey Birdman, Rapture-Palooza, Evan Almighty, 5 eps of Arrested Development, 2 eps of Batman: The Brave And The Bold) as Garth.
Richard Burgi (Hostel 2, Starship Troopers 2, 11 eps of 24, 1 ep of Firefly, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Joe Cleeman.
Gloria Garayua (2 eps of Weeds, 1 ep of Six Feet Under) as Blanca.
Dempsey Pappion (The Lorax, 6 eps of Undressed) as Production Assistant.
Gavin Grazer (Slipstream, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Wayne’s World 2) as KostMart Job Applicant.
Garrett M. Brown (Kick-Ass movies, Uncle Buck) as Ameribanx Bank Manager.
Jeff Garlin (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, In A World, Safety Not Guaranteed, Toy Story Movies, Wall-E, Run Ronnie Run, MADtv) as interviewer.
Laurie Metcalf (Jackie in Roseanne, God The Devil And Bob, Andy’s mom in the Toy Story movies, Uncle Buck, 3 eps of 3rd Rock From The Sun, 2 eps of Duckman, 1 ep of Malcolm In The Middle) as Jane’s Boss Phyllis (uncredited).

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369441/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Battery (2012) [zombies]

Claire: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 6.7/10 IMDB. Not available on Netflix.

A strange zombie flick that proves that not all zombie flicks have to be the same. Some of them can have hardly any action, and be completely unexciting!  This is one of those “horror-dramas”, because it’s not really that scary.  It’s more about building a slow sense of dread, and demonstrating that when the zombies are really here, our deaths will be a bit more like Castaway and a bit less like Rambo. Rotting away. Alone.

Except this movie is actually a buddy flick. They rot away, alone together. Frenemies ’til the end. One makes safer, secure choices, and the beardier, assholeyer one makes more wild, feral, nomadic choices.  Of course Mr. Safe can’t stand Mr. Beard, and Mr. Beard generally thinks Mr. Safe is a pussy. These guys are besties, and they have their loyalty — but the movie verges on comedy in terms of wondering whether they were actually going to kill each other before the zombies (or other human survivors) got to them.

That aspect of the movie was great. The slowness was…. different. A bit refreshing. Not as enjoyable, but not wholly unenjoyable. But there were a few scenes where we were in disbelief that so little was happening for so long. Still…sitting…in…a….car……..  It was uncomfortable. But it did capture the essence of what the characters were going through.

So this was alright. I liked it. Nothing special. At least it wasn’t a *generic* zombie movie.

Written, directed by, and starring Jeremy Gardner.

Jeremy Gardner as Ben.
Adam Cronheim as Mickey.
Niels Bolle as Jerry.
Alana O’Brien as Annie.
Jamie Pantanella as Egghead.
Larry Fessenden (Cabin Fever 2) as Frank.
Kelly McQuade as Laura.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2272350/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Pretty Ugly People (2008)

Claire: 2/5 stars, 3.6/10.
Carolyn: 2/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 4.9/10 IMDB.

Claire’s thoughts: Apparently, we aborted this movie. Apparently we didn’t really want to watch the rest. Months passed by before we realized we hadn’t finished it.  Carolyn had even written a partial review, found in her drafts, which is how we even remembered to write this “review”.

Anyway, fuck this movie. We stopped in the middle and totally forgot we’d watched half of it. Both of those are not good signs. I hear the end ties it all up, but it’s a painful movie to watch. I think I may have gotten this when I was more obsessed with camping.

Carolyn’s thoughts: Not that good. Definitely not very funny. They had a shrooming scene, and I was hoping the drug scene would somewhat save the movie, but it didn’t. Lame people are tricked into having a reunion, and are tricked onto going on a 3-day backpacking trip with their fat friend who had lost all her weight and wants to rekindle the special relationship they had in college. There was no relationship, it was just 5 people who happened to hang around each other, and now don’t have much in common, and some of them are having marital strife. The hot slut chick from college got fat, so she’s dealing with her own unhappiness and her seemingly loveless marriage. The only saving grace is the black chick from Halfway House, but her funniness is lost in the group because the rest of them are so unfunny, so she’ll say something funny and it just falls flat because nobody else is on her level. And her congressman husband keeps saying “I don’t even know you anymore.” and it’s just like “Yup.” We aborted it halfway through with the plan of watching the rest the next day. However, after thinking about it, I don’t really feel like continuing, because I don’t think it’s going to redeem itself.

Written & directed by Tate Taylor.

Missi Pyle (Miss Nobody, Visioneers, Percy Jackson 2, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, 50 First Dates, Live!, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Big Fish, Galaxy Quest, 4 eps of The Sarah Silverman Program, 4 eps of The Life & Times Of Tim, 2 eps of Heroes, 2 eps of American Dad, 1 ep of Family Guy, 1 ep of Frasier) as Lucy.
Melissa McCarthy (Hangover 3, Identity Thief, This Is 40, 1 ep of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Charlie’s Angels, Go) as Becky.
Larry Sullivan (Miss Nobody, Psycho Beach Party, Rush Hour, 3 eps of 24, 2 eps of Six Feet Under, 1 ep of Nip/Tuck) as Austin.
Phill Lewis (Heathers, Total Drama Island, 3 eps of American Dad, 2 eps of Mad About You) as Raye.
Josh Hopkins (L.A. Confidential, G.I. Jane) as George.
Jack Noseworthy (Cecil B. DeMented, Barb Wire, Encino Man) as Trevor.
Octavia Spencer (Halfway Home, Dinner With Schmucks, Smashed, Percy Jackson 2, American Virgin 2000, Drag Me To Hell, Halloween 2, Bad Santa) as Mary.
Philip Littell as Richard.
William Sanderson (Larry from Newhart, Mirror Mirror, Mirror Mirror 2, 4 eps of Batman-TAS (1990s), 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!) as Sam.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0874425/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW:o How I Live Now (2013)

Claire: 2.4/5 stars, 6/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 6.5/10 IMDB.

War sucks.
Purposefully living through it unnecessarily is stupid.
You’re stupid.

Lots of walking.
All for romance.
You’re still stupid.

Well. I thought I was liking this movie as I watched it, but in retrospect, I was just interested in what would happen next because I like end-to-end stories and never watch things in parts. Perhaps if I was the kind of person to turn a movie off mid-movie, I’d have turned this one off.

It kinda dragged on, and I lost interest somewhat–Although parts of it were exciting.

For the most part, it’s just a chance to see Saoirse Ronan with platinum blonde hair and emo-ish makeup, being a bitch, then not being a bitch.

I really didn’t like how her character changed from not wanting to be there at all–and being a bitch–to suddenly wanting to be there so much that she would do stupid fucking things like not leave a country in the middle of a fucking war. It was an almost instant transformation to retardation, and it was based on romance they barely showed or developed.

Was it because he nursed that bird back to life? Jesus fucking christ.

In the end, her personality is like Bella from Twilight: Taking ridiculous risks for a love that had yet to actually mature. At least Edward Cullen has the promise of eternal life and saving you from fucking werewolves and evil vampires and shit. What the fuck can some douchebag in the middle of a country at war do? Shortern your life? While you’re at it, why not date someone who causes you to get killed by werewolves? Stupid bitch. (I love you Saoirse!)

Carolyn’s thoughts: I agree they really glossed over her transformation from elusive bitch to “I will give up everything just to be here.” It was covered as a quick montage, which was just too rushed. Then it delves into the war stuff which just shows how much it sucks and without hope, what’s the use of going on?

Directed by Kevin Macdonald.

Written by Jeremy Brock, Tony Grisoni (Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas), and Penelope Skinner.
Based on a book by Meg Rosoff.

Starring
Saoirse Ronan (Violet & Daisy, The Host, Hanna from Hanna, Byzantium, the voice of Arriety in The Secret World of Arrietty) as Daisy.
Tom Holland (The Secret World Of Arrietty) as Isaac.
George MacKay as Eddie.
Harley Bird as Piper.
Danny McEvoy as Joe.
Anna Chancellor (St. Trinian’s (2007), The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy) as Aunt Penn.
Corey Johnson (X-Men: First Class, Kick-Ass, The Bourne Identity 2-3) as Consular Official.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1894476/combined

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