movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![IMDB link] [Netflix link] [Wikipedia link]

PEOPLE: One of the writers wrote Innerspace (which we’re about to watch), The Lost Boys, and Lethal Weapon 2-3. The director mostly just does low-grade adventure stuff like Young Adventures Of Indiana Jones.

Starring the mediocre Billy Zane as The Phantom. Besides Tales From The Crypt:Demon Knight, and Back To The Future 1 & 2, I have not seen any of his 69 movies–including Titanic. He was, however, a 5-ep character in Twin Peaks — John Justice Wheeler, friend of Ben Horne. It’s too bad Bruce Campbell turned this down. The leading lady is Kristy Swanson, from Dude,Where’s My Car, and 8 Heads In A Duffel Bag. And oh! She was Buffy The Vampire Slayer in the movie. And Kowalski in Hot Shots. And Simone in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

The bad guy is played by Treat Williams, with a laughable fake mustache that makes him look like my cult leader grandfather Mark Prophet. He was in What Happens In Vegas (Jack Fuller Sr.).

Also starring the RIDICULOUSLY hot Catherine Zeta-Jones. This was only her 5th movie, before she did Zorro and became super popular. She is SOOOOOO hot in this movie. DAMN!

PLOT SUMMARY: Get the 3 skulls before the bad guys!

UNCOMFORTABLE PLOT SUMMARY (inspired by this): [highlight for spoilers] Vigilante murders prominent businessman.

QUIRKS: Based on a comic — the only reason I picked this up.

VISUALS: Campy. Bad special effects. Obvious stunt double in the plane dismount scene. Retarded bullet explosions that are the fakest bullets I’ve ever seen in any movie.

MORALS: Don’t be a bad guy, bad guy!

POLITICS: Cops are in on it.

GOOD STUFF: Based on a comic. The microscope scene. Catherine Zeta-Jones (worth repeating).

BAD STUFF: Not the greatest acting. Bad dialog. Raiders Of The Lost Ark rip-off feel — it even takes place in 1936. Or maybe Raiders Of The Lost Ark ripped off the comic. Whatever. Raiders Of The Lost Ark is 10X the movie as this. The director also worked on some of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles episode, and that’s probably why they had him do this.

Not completely faithful to the comic, either. They made up their own villain and only loosely based it on comic stories. With 70 years of comic canon, this should not be necessary. DERP.

CONCLUSION: Ridiculously campy Raiders Of The Lost Ark rip-off, but I like superhero movies so this gets a reluctant pass.

Clint: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 6/10.

The native public rating for this movie is: IMDB: 4.8/10, Netflix: 3.1/5 stars (Netflix‘s predicted rating for us was 2.7/5 stars–That’s actually pretty accurate as our 3/5 stars was a bit hesitant).

RECOMMENDATION: Skip it unless you’re planning to compare this to later Phantom movies or the Phantom 2040 cartoon. However, Outlaw Vern disagrees (as we frequently do).

MOVIE QUOTE: Quill: Look, I once killed the Phantom.
The Great Kabai Sengh: Join the club. Many of us have killed him over the years. But he keeps coming back.

Mood: headachey
Music: Barenaked Ladies – Baby Blues Theme (full 3.5min version)