movie coverI'd rather be watching TV![Not yet listed in IMDB.] [This will never be available from Netflix.] Watched with Eve & Chris Z.

PLOT SUMMARY: There are companies on the internet that will produce custom porn movies based on the script you provide them. So why not prank them, and see just how absurd of a “porno” you can get them to make?

And that’s just what they did. One story. Four parts. Four different porno companies producing and starring in each part. For the most part, the girls get increasingly better looking as you get through the movie. This summary is pretty good, even if they can’t spell Vernon’s name right.

PEOPLE: Written/directed by Vernon Chapman, PFFR member, producer of South Park, co-creator of Wonder Showzen, Xavier:Renegade Angel, and even Doggy Fizzle Televizzle. Oh, and he’s the voice of South Park‘s Towelie, too. This guy is not only one of the funniest people alive, but he’s also one of the most diseased, twisted minds in existence. Of course South Park hired him a few seasons ago — he’s brilliant :)

QUIRKS: If you thought Xavier:Renegade Angel was absurd — you haven’t seen nothin’ yet. This is just about the most confounding thing I’ve ever seen. Post-modern existentialism? A commentary about just how diverse human sexuality is?

VISUALS: Yup. Some full frontal nudity. Out of 80 minutes, maybe only 1 minute of it. And maybe only 5 or 10 minutes of boobs. But it’s there.

MORALS: Good luck finding ANY message in ANY of this, let alone a moral.

BAD STUFF: Objectively, the entire movie is the worst pile of crap anyone has ever watched. However, knowing what it is in advance, it actually achieves its goal quite well. It definitely challenges the viewer: And if you read the scrolling prologue at the beginning of the movie, they warn you of this. They warn you of finding “unintended limitations” in your sexuality. For instance, I didn’t know I hated a woman pretending to breastfeed a slab of raw meat. Who’da thunk?

CONCLUSION: If David Lynch and the Vogons from Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy wrote porn, this would be it.

RATINGS:
Clint: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 8/10.
Carolyn: Netflix: 4/5 stars. IMDB: 7/10.
Eve: Netflix: 3/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10. Read Eve’s write-up here.
Chris Z: Netflix: 2/5 stars. IMDB: 5/10. “A deficiency of nudity… It raises the bar for ALL movies by lowering the floor.”
John The Canadien: Netflix: 5/5 stars. IMDB: 10/10.

RECOMMENDATION: Buy Final Flesh here. Now.

SIMILAR MOVIES: Nothing in existence is similar to this movie. It is a singular idea, and there aren’t many instances of truly original ideas. However, if you could get through this, you might want to try out Sailor Moon And The Seven Ballz for good measure. It’s actually more disturbing than Final Flesh. But it’s not nearly as witty and brilliant.

MOVIE QUOTE: “The entire universe has been killed in a Spanish boating accident… But it’s okay because the universe is being reincarnated into its own protective shell.”

It was actually full of incredible, near-Xavier:Renegade Angel-level quotes … But the above was the only one I could find via google.

Trailer:

PFFR fans who love Xavier:Renegade Angel and Arrested Development fans who love Will Arnett might want to watch this unrelated clip:

Mood: no mercy for the masses
Music: Nine Inch Nails – Lights In The Sky