VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Amber: 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.8/5 stars Netflix, 6.1/10 IMDB.

This was a fun movie…  National Treasure meets magic.  The homage to the original Sorcerer’s Apprentice with Mickey Mouse was pretty awesome.  Jay Baruchel and Nicolas Cage were great.  Teresa Palmer still reminds Claire of a blonde Kristen Stewart, and Carolyn agrees and says “add a splash of Scarlett Johannson also”.

Totally family and kinda hammy, but it’s a frickin’ Disney movie…What were you expecting? It’s appropriate and consistent with the Disney aesthetic. Didn’t mind it at all. Some of the magical action was really cool!

We watched this in some bullshit rendered-into-3-D mode.  Not my Samsung 3D HDTV’s built-in 2D-to-3D “upscaling”, but a video where someone had ripped a blu-ray, and then encoded it into 3D using some software that analyzed the video. You’d think that sophisticated computer software rendering for as long as necessary would turn out a better product than what my TV can create on the fly–And you’d be wrong. Samsung’s 2D-to-3D “upscaling” is so much better that I now know to avoid watching a movie someone else “converted” into 3D. Funk dat.

Directed by Jon Turteltaub (National Treasure movies).
Written by Lawrence Konner (Star Trek 6, Superman 4, 3 eps of The Sopranos), Mark Rosenthal (Star Trek 6, Superman 4), Matt Lopez, Doug Miro (Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time) & Carlo Bernard (Prince of Persia: The Sands Of Time).
Nicolas Cage as Balthazar.
Jay Baruchel (Undeclared, How To Train Your Dragon, This Is The End, She’s Out Of My League, Fanboys, Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Knocked Up) as Dave.
Alfred Molina (Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time, The Da Vinci Code, Spider-Man 2, Magnolia, Raiders Of The Lost Ark, 2 eps of Gravity Falls, 2 eps of The Life & Times Of Tim, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Horvath.
Teresa Palmer (Take Me Home Tonight, Warm Bodies, The Grudge 2) as Becky, the love-interest. She still reminds Claire of a blonde Kristen Stewart.
Toby Kebbell (Wrath Of The Titans, Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time) as Drake Stone, the evil sorcerer’s apprentice.
Omar Benson Miller (8 Mile, uncredited in Transformers, uncredited in American Pie Presents Band Camp, 63 eps of CSI: Miami) as Bennet, Dave’s friend.
Monica Bellucci (Persephone in The Matrix movies, The Brothers Grimm, The Passion Of The Christ) as Veronica.
Alice Krige (The Borg Queen in Star Trek 8, 1 ep of Star Trek Voyager and Star Trek: The Experience – Borg Invasion 4D, 2 eps of Six Feet Under) as Morgana.
James A. Stephens (Sherlock Holmes) as Merlin.
Ethan Peck (In Time, 2 eps of That 70’s Show) as Andre.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0963966/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Despicable Me (2010) [watched in 3-D]

Claire: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7.6/10.
Julie: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Matthew: 3/5 stars, 5/10.
Native ratings: 4.2/5 stars Netflix, 7.6/10 IMDB.

Carolyn: Cute movie about a villain learning to change his ways after discovering that being evil isn’t that important to him anymore. It was pretty funny, and it had a great cast.

Claire: Agreed. I really hate movies involving children, but this movie did demonstrate the transformative effect that being responsible for children can have on an individual — in a way that even *I* am forced to accept. But if that’s all there was to the movie, I wouldn’t have rated it this high. The superhero/supervillain aspect is exactly the type of thing I like in a non-comedy setting, and I like it even more in a comedy setting (e.g. The Venture Bros., Space Ghost Coast To Coast, Stripperella, The PowerPuff Girls).  The minions were awesome, and I want my own fucking minions like those minions. I’d seen those yellow sonsabitches all over the internet and it was nice to finally understand what they were, even if I was 3 years late to the game.

Unfortunately, the 3-D was awful. I don’t know if it was the encode we watched, or if the movie used more depth than my TV was capable of displaying. Home 3-D is in its infancy — think VHS, not DVD or bluray — so I expect there to be problems, and for me to have to stop and futz with every 3-D movie every 2-3 minutes for the first 20 minutes until I am happy with the settings. I feel like some of this is that there is not necessarily a standard to how to do things. With my TV, there is a range of depth, and you will ALWAYS get 3-D ghosting at certain depths. You can focus that depth front (+5) to back (-5) to create an area that doesn’t ghost, but whatever area is farthest from your focus will always ghost.

For this movie, almost everything ghosted. It was easily 50X as much ghosting as usual. It was by far the worst 3-D I’ve seen. I’m starting to think that the HOU (horizontal over-under) 3-D movies might provide better 3-D than the more common SBS (side-by-side) 3-D movies. Suffice to say, Smurfs 2 was best 3-D yet, and this was worst yet. I wish it had been the other way around, because this was a better film.

Matthew: I’m just not that into animated movies. I loved Toy Story and The Simpsons Movie, but other animated movies I’ve never really gotten that into. I liked the movie. It was cute. The 3-D experience was very interesting.

Julie: I tend to like animated movies like this one. It’s probably because I work with children and am practically a child myself. I really can’t pinpoint anything I really don’t like about the movie but at the same time its not the best movie of all time.

Directed by Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud (The Lorax).
Written by Cinco Paul (The Lorax, Horton Hears A Who, The Santa Clause 2), Ken Daurio (The Lorax, Horton Hears A Who, The Santa Clause 2), and Sergio Pablos.

Steve Carell (The Office, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Date Night, Dinner With Schmucks, Anchorman movies, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, Crazy Stupid Love, Saturday Night Live, Bruce Almighty, Horton Hears A Who, Dan In Real Life, 1 ep of Just Shoot Me) as Gru.
Jason Segel (I Love You Man, This Is The End, This Is 40, Bad Teacher, Gulliver’s Travels, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up, Can’t Hardly Wait, 7 eps of Undeclared, SLC Punk, Slackers) as Vector.
Russell Brand (Get Him To The Greek, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, St. Trinian’s, Rock Of Ages) as Dr. Nefario.
Julie Andrews (Mary Poppins in Mary Poppins, The Song Of Music, Queen in Shrek movies, uncredited singing voice in The Pink Panther Strikes Again) as Gru’s Mom.
Will Arnett (Gob Bluth in Arrested Development, Sit Down Shut Up, The Brothers Solomon, Horton Hears A Who, Ratatouille, Men In Black 3, The Increasingly Poor Decisions Of Todd Margaret, The Secret World Of Arrietty, 2 eps of The Sopranos, 1 ep of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Delocated, 1 ep of The Office) as Mr. Perkins.
Kristen Wiig (Young Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development, Date Night, Adventureland, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up, The Brothers Solomon, How To Train Your Dragon, Saturday Night Live, Despicable Me, Girl Most Likely, 2 eps of The Simpsons, 1 ep of Drunk History) as Miss Hattie.
Miranda Cosgrove (Carly in iCarly, 1 ep of Smallville) as Margo.
Dana Gaier as Edith.
Elsie Fisher as Agnes.
Pierre Coffin (the co-director) as Tim the Minion / Bob the Minion / Mark the Minion / Phil the Minion / Stuart the Minion.
Chris Renaud (The Lorax) as Dave the Minion.
Jemaine Clement (Men In Black 3, Dinner For Schmucks, 2 eps of The Drinky Crow Show, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job) as Jerry the Minion.
Jack McBrayer (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The To Do List, Movie 43, Wander in Wander Over Yonder, 2 eps of Drunk History, 2 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 2 eps of Arrested Development, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV::, 1 ep of Childrens Hospital, 1 ep of Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job, 1 ep of Ugly Americans) as Carnival Barker / Tourist Dad.
Danny McBride (Eastbound & Down, This Is The End, Clear History, Superbad, Good Vibes, Despicable Me, Observe And Report, Fanboys, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, The Foot Fist Way) as Fred McDade.
Mindy Kaling (Kelly in The Office, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Wreck-It Ralph, This Is The End) as Tourist Mom.
Rob Huebel (Owen Maestro in Childrens Hospital, Human Giant, Axe Cop, Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World, I Love You Man, Little Fockers, Funny Or Die Presents, Rapture-Palooza, 3 eps of The Office, 3 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 1 ep of NTSF:SD:SUV, 1 ep of Michael & Michael Have Issues) as Anchorman.
Ken Jeong (The Hangover movies, Rapture-Palooza, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Step Brothers, 2 ep of Bob’s Burgers, 1 ep of The Office, 1 ep of Mary Shelley’s Frankenhole) as Talk Show Host.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323594/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Grown Ups 1 (2010)

Claire: 2.8/5 stars, 5.4/10.
Carolyn: 3/5 stars, 6/10.
Native ratings: 3.7/5 stars Netflix, 5.8/10 IMDB.

This movie did not live up to its potential, and also got kind of family-lamey. Familelamey. Familamey.

Good cast, but they’ve gotten older, started doing familamey movies, and just got more familamey. It’s not even slightly as good as what would have happened if you’d put this cast in a similar movie 10 or 15 years ago. And family movies can still be funny, anyway! The Fockers trilogy, for example.  But this one just got too sentimental, with too many pullings of strings related to kids, having kids, blah fucking blah fucking blah blah fucking blah.

Carolyn’s thoughts:  If you want to watch a movie about people getting older and dealing with families, then watch This Is 40 and skip this one. [Editors note: Carolyn rated both movies 3/5 stars on Netflix, but rated This Is 40 7/10 on IMDB, vs 6/10 for this film] [Claire rated This Is 40 3.2 & 7.2]

Directed by Dennis Dugan (You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, Problem Child, Just Go With It, Jack And Jill). Written by Adam Sandler & Fred Wolf (Without A Paddle, SNL).

Starring Adam Sandler as Lenny Feder.
Salma Hayek as Roxanne Chase-Feder.
Chris Rock as Kurt McKenzie.
David Spade as Marcus Higgins.
Rob Schneider as Rob Hilliard.
Steve Buscemi as Wiley.
Kevin James (50 First Dates, uncredited in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan) as Eric Lamonsoff.
Maria Bello (Thank You For Smoking, Coyote Ugly, Shattered) as Sally Lamonsoff.
Maya Rudolph (Saturday Night Live, Shrek 3, Idiocracy, 50 First Dates, Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie, Gattaca, 1 ep of The Simpsons) as Deanne McKenzie.
Joyce Van Patten (Unhappily Ever After, 1 ep of The Sopranos, 1 ep of Oz, she’s been around since the ’50s.) as Gloria.
Ebony Jo-Ann (Kate & Leopold) as Mama Ronzoni.
Di Quon (Maid In Manhattan) as Rita, the nanny.
Colin Quinn (Saturday Night Live, 1 ep of The Larry Sanders Show, 3 Men & A Baby) as Dickie Bailey, the enemy rival.
Tim Meadows (Saturday Night Live, Mean Girls 2, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Coneheads, 5 eps of Bob’s Burgers, 2 eps of The Life & Times Of Tim, 1 ep of The Venture Bros. as Malcolm, the rival black guy.
Madison Riley (Fired Up, Miss March, Without A Paddle 2) as Jasmine Hilliard, super fucking hot daughter #1.
Jamie Chung (The Hangover 2-3, Sucker Punch, Dragonball: Evolution) as Amber Hilliard, super fucking hot daughter #2.
Ashley Loren as Bridget Hilliard, not hot daughter?

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1375670/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Red (2010)

4/5 stars, 8/10 from both of us.

This was pretty good. It was more action than comedy, but the comedy was there. Not quite a 100%-serious movie. John Malkovich’s character was the comic relief. Imagine that.

That DC Comics had its name attached to the credits surprised us. We didn’t know this was a comic book movie. That really added to things. And helped explain the feel. Retired CIA operative being forced to go rogue. Respect for your elders. It works, and makes a fun movie. Nothing unique, but fun nonetheless. I’ll watch the sequels.

Directed by Robert Schwentke (The Time Traveler’s Wife).
written by Jon Hoeber (we haven’t seen his other movies) & Erich Hoeber (we haven’t seen his other movies).

Starring Bruce Willis as Frank Moses.
Morgan Freeman as Joe Matheson.
John Malkovich as Marvin Boggs. Originally it was gonna be John C. Reilly!!!
Mary-Louise Parker (Nancy Botwin from Weeds, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Fried Green Tomatoes) as Sarah Ross.
Also Julian McMahon (Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck, Dr. Doom in the Fantastic 4 movies) as vice president Robert Stanton.

Karl Urban (Judge Dredd from Dredd, Bones in the Star Trek reboots, Eomer in the Lord Of The Rings movies, Julius Caesar in Xena: Warrior Princess, 2 eps of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Ghost Ship, The Chronicles Of Riddick, The Bourne Supremacy) as William Cooper, the CIA operative ordered to bring in Frank Moses.
Ernest Borgnine (doorman in The Single Guy, Gattaca, BASEketball, Renegade aka Blueberry, Mermaid Man in Spongebob Squarepants) as Henry, The Records Keeper.
Chris Owens (The Incredible Hulk (2008), 13 eps of The X-Files, additional voices in Saw 6 and Saw 7) as Hanged Man.
Jaqueline Fleming (Harriet Tubman in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) as Marna.
Jefferson Brown (Silent Hill: Revelation 3D) as Fred.
Audrey Wasilewski (3 eps of Sym-Bionic Titan, 3 eps of Family Guy, Rosie O’Donnell in Queer Duck: The Movie) as Businesswoman.
James Remar (Harry Morgan in Dexter, Django Unchained, Narrator in The FP. X-Men: First Class, Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, Pineapple Express, Ratatouille, 4 eps of Justice League, The Girl Next Door) as Gabriel Singer.
Brian Cox (Captain O’Hagan in Super Troopers, The Campaign, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, X-Men 2: X2, Adaptation, Fantastic Mr. Fox, narrator in The Color Of Magic, The Bourne Identity movies, Troy) as Ivan Simonov.
Helen Mirren (Deep Thought in The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy, Georgina Spica in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover, National Treasure: Book Of Secrets, 1 ep of French & Saunders) as Victoria.
Richard Dreyfuss (4 eps of Weeds, Jaws, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, James And The Giant Peach) as Alexander Dunning.
Rebecca Pidgeon (we haven’t seen her stuff) as Cynthia Wilkes, the CIA boss.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245526/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Black Death (2010)

Clio: 2.4/5 stars, 4.6/10.
Carolyn: 2.4/5 stars, 5.6/10.
Jesse: 2.4/5 stars.
Native ratings: 3.4/5 stars Netflix, 6.4/10 IMDB.

This was recommended to me. It held promise, but just wasn’t that special. It was way, way too slow (an hour passed without much happening), relyed too much on mood over substance, and kind of droned on.

Jesse seemed to like it about half-way through, but then by the end he had changed his mind and thought he didn’t like it.

It wasn’t very action-packed, except for a few brief, awesomely visceral fight scenes.

Moreso at the beginning, it reminded me of the Dreamweaver album’s plot, which filled me with naive, inspired promise, but ultimately things didn’t go in the direction I’d hoped.

The movie does have a few neat structural tricks up its sleeve.

But still. I’d rather have my time back. I was (unfortunately) reminded of Valhalla Rising.

Directed by Christopher Smith (who directed and wrote Triangle, which WAS FUCKING AMAZING).
Written by Dario Poloni.

Starring Eddie Redmayne (8 eps of The Pillars Of Earth) as Osmund.
Sean Bean (Game Of Thrones, Boromir in Lord Of The Rings, Zeus in Percy Jackson, Silent Hill, Troy, Mirror Mirror) as Ulrich, the emissary of the bishop.
John Lynch (Shades [the one who dropped acid] from the movie Hardware!!!!!!) as Wolfstan, the older soldier who survived to the end and was also the narrator.
Carice Van Houten (Game Of Thrones, Carol from Repo Men) as Langiva (anagram for vaginal?!), the necromancer.
David Warner (Archmage in Gargoyles, Ra’s Al Ghul in Batman, In The Mouth Of Madness, Lord Downey in Hogfather, Sweeney Todd, Avatar, 9 eps of Men In Black: The Series) as Abbot.
Kimberley Nixon as Averill, the Osmund’s girlfriend.
Emun Elliott (Prometheus) as Swire.
Johnny Harris (Snow White And The Huntsman, Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Dorian Gray) as Mold.
Andy Nyman (1 ep of Holliston, Death At A Funeral) as Dalywag.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1181791/combined

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Miss Nobody (2010)

Clio: 3.4/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 3.6/5 stars, 7/10.
Native ratings: 3.2/5 stars Netflix, 5.3/10 IMDB.

Pretty funny! This is about as black comedy as you can get.

A movie about a kind of humble, shy secretary rising to power by accidentally becoming a serial killer. A series of unfortunate events. Gradual loss of morality. Shit gets insanely out of hand. And then a couple twists.

This is no masterpiece… And I feel like I’ve sort of watched similar plots in other movies before.  But it’s done well, it looks good, it’s fun to watch, and it’s unique, so there’s that.

Main character is Leslie Bibb (Sex & Death 101, Talladega Nights, Wristcutters:A Love Story, Iron Man 1 & 2, and of course one ep of Nip/Tuck), with a weird haircut, playing herself all shy and humble. Her boss, Brandon Routh, was Superman in Superman Returns. Barry Bostwick (Brad from Rocky Horror Picture Show) is in this as a preacher. Adam Goldberg (Dazed And Confused, Saving Private Ryan, A Beautiful Mind) is the cop — kind of an unlikely casting if you ask me. Missi Pyle (Visioneers, Harold & Kumar 2, Pretty Ugly People, Live!, Anchorman, Dodgeball, 50 First Dates, Big Fish, Galaxy Quest) is a prominent character. as a brunette — I had no clue how stunning she is. Usually prefer blondes. No longer sure about Missi. She’s got the mean-hot bitchy-hot look mastered.  Vivica Fox (Kill Bill, Batman & Idle Hands, Robin 1997) is in this movie, but then there’s also a character named Vivica Fox played by someone else. I’m so confused, IMDB. Halp.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129427/

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) [Finland]

 A Finnish film subverting the Christmas legend with a twist.  Entertaining, though somewhat slow in parts.  The execution could have been better, but hey, it’s not a blockbuster-funded endeavor. It’s Finland. Still fun to see Santa Claus depicted as an evil demon. The ending was downright funny.

Written & directed by Jalmari Helander.

Starring a bunch of Finnish actors:
Onni Tommila as Pietari Kontio.
Jorma Tommila as Rauno Kontio, his father.
Tommi Korpela as Aimo.
Rauno Juvonen as Piiparinen.
Per Christian Ellefsen as Riley.
Ilmari Järvenpää as Juuso, Pietari’s naughty friend.
Peeter Jakobi as Pietari’s Elf.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1401143/combined

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: I Saw the Devil (2010) (Korea)

5/5 stars, 8/10 from both of us.

Native rating: 7.8/10, 3.9/5 stars (Netflix guessed 3.7/5 for us–wrong!).

At first this started in 3-star territory: Interesting plot, good cinemtagraphy, nice budget.

But then, only 45 minutes into a 2.5hr movie, what would constitute a standard Hollywood plot was already done and concluded.

At that point, the story veered past what either of us could predict or anticipate. Fuel was thrown onto the fire, and it burned hotter and brighter and hotter and brighter.

Shit just kept on piling on, then piling onto that.

It broke into 4-star territory by the 1 hour mark, 5-star territory by the 2 hour mark…. By the end, it was a case of, “Holy shit”.

I definitely see why Ian recommended this.

Man those Koreans really love their revenge!

Or maybe that’s selection bias on my part, as every Korean movie I’ve ever watched (except for Thirst?) has been about revenge of one sort or another (Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, Sympathy For Lady Vengeance, Memories Of Murder).

We felt that Oldboy was better than this movie, yet when we checked, we rated it the same. It may be that we need to up Oldboy to 9/10. Hmm.

And oh: Min-sik Choi is a GREAT actor! This is the 3rd movie we’ve seen him in.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1588170/