VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: Audition (1999) (Japan)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Audition (1999) (Japan)

3/5 stars from Clint, 2/5 stars from Carolyn.
5/10 from both of us.
7.3/10 from IMDB in general.

“Well… That escalated quickly.”

Not quite as hardcore of a movie as I was expecting from all the talk of this being one of the most traumatizing movies in all of cinema.

It was slow for my taste, and I didn’t care for it too much, except for the final “payoff” scene, which even then was not all that.

Saw, Hostel… You’ve been outdone, Audition. You being Japanese just made you more boring, not more profound.

The fake-out was decent, but only enough to redeem you back up to 5/10.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0235198/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Cabin In The Woods (2011)

4/5 stars from both of us.
7.6/10 from Clint (same as IMDB in general!)
8/10 from Carolyn.

Ultimately I was kind of disappointed with this one, given all the hype.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. I just felt that the concept held more promise than the execution gave. This is usually true in many movies with unique concepts, but it hurt this for me… More than usual. There wasn’t nearly enough time spent on all the *other* monsters.

It felt rushed. It was too short. This story would have been better if it was fleshed out more: 2.5 hours instead of 1.5 hours. But oh, horror movies always have to be 1.5 hours!

This could have been a deeper story, with more epicness. Still a good movie. Still worth seeing. But I rank this as not as good as Joss Whedon’s average work.

The controlled environment definitely reminded me of The Hunger Games — but The Hunger Games had a much better societal commentary.

This seemed to start out too slow, then finish up too fast.

Pacing.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1259521/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The New Guy (2002)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The New Guy (2002)

5.5/10 on IMDB, but we give it 4/5 stars,
with 7/10 from Carolyn, and 7.6/10 from Clint.

“It was funny, but not spectacular,” says Carolyn.

I think this is one of the ultimate nerd-fantasy movies. “A high school senior [DJ Qualls] branded uncool in the ninth grade gets himself expelled so he changes his image to cool kid at the town’s other high school [to impress girls like Eliza Dushku].”

We also have Zooey Deschanel, Lyle Lovett, Eddie Griffin, and cameos by Tony Hawk, Kool Moe Dee, Vanilla Ice, Tommy Lee, David Hasselhoff, and Henry Rollins.

This is the only movie directed by its director, and the only non-TV movie written by its writer, who wrote for Growing Pains and currently writes Melissa & Joey, whatever that is. So it’s a movie primarily made by relative nobodies. It shows. It does not have a Hollywood sensibility to it.

They go the ridiculous route whenever possible — which is my preference for things. It’s almost cartoonish in its unrealisticness. This high school is about as realistic as Crowley High from Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil.

And that’s good. This story wouldn’t be nearly as funny or endearing if it was contrained by real-world realism. This is an idealists’ movie, and above all a ridiculous coming-of-age comedy: And that’s what helps make it good, and stand out as a unique movie worth seeing.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0241760/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Hunger Games (2012)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Hunger Games (2012)

Clint: 5/5 stars, 9/10.
Carolyn: 4.6/5 stars, 8.6/10.
Native rating: 7.4/10.

…. That was Elizabeth Banks?!?
The same director as Pleasantville?

Anyway, this movie was pretty awesome. I thought it was just going to be Battale Royale (with cheese), but it was more like the movie Live! (2007) combined with Battle Royale (2000), both of which I rate 8/10.  Combine the two together, and we have a 9/10 movie.

Battle Royale lacked the societal commentary & relevancy, and Live! lacked the awesome technology-driven futuristic deathmatch. This combined both.

Glad to see it’s a trilogy… Not having read the books, it’s cool to wonder what will happen next. It’s not cool to have to wait years, though.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1392170/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: The Three Stooges (2012) [The 3 Stooges remake]

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: The Three Stooges (2012) [The 3 Stooges remake]

5/5 stars, 9/10 from both of us.

Native rating was much lower: 5.3/10, 3.5/5 stars (3.7 Netflix-guess for us).

This is THE surprise of the year for us.

Two conditions helped create this situation:
1) We lack the hate everyone else has for remakes. Remakes are a way to get more, a way to see things through another view point. They’re no more objectionable than cover songs (and I own many tributes albums).
2) We love the Three Stooges. Even Carolyn. Yes. She’s a girl who loves Three Stooges.

It helps that this was by “Made In Georgia” (georgia.org). That explains the level of awesome here.  They also did American Reunion, Archer, Zombieland, The Walking Dead, Ugly Americans, Wanderlust, Footloose (remake), Due Date, Dumb And Dumberer, Road Trip, Ron Ronnie Run, Scream 2, Camilla, The Signal, & Contagion.

But to be fair, they also did X-Men:The Last Stand, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, and Van Wilder 3 (which I think is actually #0, the prequel)..
Our first thought was: LOW expectations, this is going to be awful, especially the actor they picked for Moe.

BUT WAIT! LARRY DAVID as Sister Mary-Mengele, the bitchy nun?

Ridiculously-hot Sophia Vergara as the main female character?

Brian Doyle-Murray (Captain K’Nuckles from Flapjack, also in Motorcity) — finally getting to see his face after hearing all of his voice work.

The Jersey Shore cast? ANOTHER UNEXPECTED! They actually made the movie better!. Seriously — who the fuck could predict this shit in a million years? The main way they make it get better is you get to see Moe slap the shit out of all the annoying Jersey Shore people.

We had thought slapstick was pretty much bottomed out by these guys, sent off to die in a manner similar to the demise of vaudeville & the like. Glad to see it can still be done, and done well.

The backstory of them as babies & as 10 year olds was great!

The orphanage plot that drove the movie may as well have been straight out of the Nintendo game (which I loved, and was one of my favorite Nintendo games as a teen, and it had speech, which was rare for Nintendo).

All in all, it was extremely faithful to the original, and every bit as funny. And it was updated to the modern era without the many sacrifices that often happen when this is done (for example with the 2012ish Smurfs movie).

The only other person we know who saw this also agrees: It’s the funniest movie this year besides Wanderlust. Yes, I laughed way harder than during American Reunion, which was also great.

Go figure. SURPRISE OF THE YEAR.

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383010/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: REVIEW: American Pie 8: American Pie 4: American Reunion (2012)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: American Pie 8: American Pie 4: American Reunion (2012)

5/5 stars, 8/10 from Clint, Carolyn, AND Parthena.

Native rating: 7.1/10, 3.9/5 stars (which was also Netflix’s guess for us, for some reason).

I’m so glad they didn’t decide to call this American Pie 4 like they had originally planned, because it really would have mucked up the numbering system for those who numbered the 4 direct-to-video movies.

Not much to say here — This was as good as the first 3 movies collectively were, and was definitley beter than the 4 direct-to-video movies (even if #7 was probably better than #3).

It’s been over a decade, so it’s really hard to remember the original movies for a valid comparison.

The east coast derecho ALMOST ruined the movie for us, but we only lost power for 5 seconds twice. All my previous complaints to Dominion appear to have paid off.

This movie was a really really good time! (And the first one where the main characters aren’t in high school or college.)

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1605630/

 

VIDEO: MOVIES: CARTOONS: REVIEW: Treasure Planet (2002)

VIDEO: MOVIE: REVIEW: Treasure Planet (2002)

Clint: 3/5 stars, 7/10.
Carolyn: 4/5 stars, 8/10.
Native ratings: 3.6/5 stars (Netflix guess for us=3.1), 6.7/10.

I enjoyed it — though not as much as Carolyn…

…but it was still a Disney KIDS movie, with little adult in it at all.

It was kind of hokey and family and predictable and watered down — no blood during wounds, off-screen deaths only.

Still, I’m glad I finally got around to watching this, and the animation was definitely Disney quality.

Pretty funny that as of 2011, this flim is Disney’s greatest financial loss — still $79M down. Taking 10 years to make it probably didn’t help. And did they really have to censor the fact that the dog (voiced by Niles Crane from Frasier) was the one who gave birth? Too controversial for a male to give birth? C’mon, Disney!

LINK URL: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133240/